posted December 10, 2006 01:21 PM         

As the blood dripped down the well, I somehow (as in some form of clairvoyance) witnessed several ghostly green eyes opened on the walls of the web, and I felt them drinking in the blood greedily. As the body crashed into the bottom of the well (which was very wet), they drank in his soul, and a new pair of ghostly green eyes filled with eternal hunger opened upon the wall.

Feeling very stupid, I wondered how the ghostly eyes would like a cigarette. So I lit up a brown one, or maybe it was a mini-cigar (btw, I don't smoke). Then I dropped it into the well. But I didn't hover to watch the reaction.

But a villager did. And a tendril came out and severed his head. Again, the eyes appreciated the blood, though I didn't have any visual awareness of it this time, it was just a "knowing." But I was still sure that a new pair of ghostly eyes opened on the walls.

"Into the black, into the drowning. The fallen will speak in whispers. Spiders weave a truth that we will not hear. For we all fear that life ends. Life is the dream of a dead soul. There is no way to escape what lies beyond."

posted December 13, 2006 01:05 PM         

You feel familiar.

Interesting dream. I will get to it just as soon as I can.

posted December 16, 2006 06:06 PM         

I'm thinking of putting a couple up that I would like ideas on. They're kinda complicated, so I'm not sure yet. But this one I was just sharing for the sake of sharing. You're welcome to comment if you want, natch.

posted December 17, 2006 03:41 PM         

Some aspect of this area of your yourself, an aspect which lies dormant (coffin) within your unconscious (well) with the potential of "draining" your emotional energy (vampire), is being "pulled up" out of your unconscious, where it will be destroyed by a new awareness (first rays of the sun) in a most sudden way (explosion). It is as if sudden enlightenment is shining upon "darker" parts of self.

I'm not sure, but it could be suggested that energies released by this activity (blood) may "feed" other unconscious, awakening issues (eyes in well wall) which also await exposure/acknowledgement. In other words, the first unconscious issue to face your new awareness may lead to others doing the same.

What do you think about this?

posted December 27, 2006 03:14 PM         

Your interpretation reminds me of other dreams I've had. Being very short and sweet, such dreams include the theme of:

1. Being studied by enigmatic and unknowable forces that like to put me in different situations (often extreme ones) and see how I react. They'll sometimes just do plain weird stuff, like grant wishes just to see what I'd wish. In the case of the wishes, they also did the same with my dad at the same time, and all I'll say on that right now was it was pretty intense, and weird.

2. I've also had recurring, and distressful, dreams of being a brainwashed assassin, or "Manchurian candidate" of a sort. I often work for people or organizations I don't trust and sometimes that I actively dislike (even in the dream). Sometimes I also experience memory loss of who I am during these times. This can get unexpected, too, like how I was supposed to assassinate this guy (I don't know why--and I liked him, too,a nd felt sad that I would kill him) but I ended up saving his life instead.

In both types of these dreams, I often have a "dark sister" that combats me. Her goal typically seems to be my destruction, though we always seem evenly matched and unable to do each other in. Though even this gets particularly weird sometimes.

Like in one, she ambushed me and while I was unconscious I was her instead of me and I carried my body elsewhere--and if "I" woke up in "my" arms, I'd have killed her (that is, me). But I didn't come to until it was okay...and so I came to (back as who I really am instead of her) facing her (my dark sister) and there were a bunch of bottles in front of me. She told me that I had been poisoned and I had 4 minutes (4 was the theme of that dream...) to guess which of the many vials in front of me was the cure. I asked for her cell phone and hit redial and it was to some "Mistress" somebody. Her name was the same as one of the vials and I had my cure. So in this case she was more testing me, though there was a deadly earnestness about her.

Another one that was disturbing to me was how I was ambushed by a twin of mine. My dark sister takes many forms, but in this case she looked EXACTLY like me except her hair was beautiful, very long and curly. But I shot her instead (before she could shoot me), but then I helped her afterwards because I didn't want her to die. And then I went home, leaving her, and then saw my reflection...and I had her long, curly hair. I couldn't help but admire my reflection, but even in the dream I was disturbed by the implications.

posted December 29, 2006 05:01 AM         

I'll get back to you with some thoughts as soon as I can.

posted December 30, 2006 03:58 PM         

The dark sister is you, the "dark"/unrecognized/unacknowledged side of yourself, your shadow. She represents the battle between opposite aspects of your mind/psyche, a necessary battle for completion/wholeness. Interestingly, the shadow is related to the number 4. The appearance of her, and indeed the battles with her, indicate the emergence of unconscious material, material which brings one nearer to a greater conscious self-awareness. So she is all about growth.

What do you think about this?

It is evident that this "dark sister" issue is related to the two types of dreams you mentioned, and I feel that those two types of dreams themselves are also related, even without the "sister" symbology.

Before I make any speculations, do you have any ideas about what the dreams may mean? What do you feel about them? In what way do you feel connected to them? Childhood? ... Parents? ... Relationship? ... Past lives? Do you feel a tug in any particular direction?

posted January 01, 2007 11:09 PM         

I'll explain, as it's at least tangentally related to my dreams of mind control, if nothing else:

In one dream where I was being mind controlled, I was working for the US military. I also endured severe memory loss and didn't trust my handlers in the slightest, but I didn't know what else to do at the time. They had taken me to Iraq, but it looked more like what I imagine the jungles of Viet Nam look like, and Baghdad looked more like what I imagine Bangkok, Thailand to look like.

Of possible interest is that one guy I knew, whom I'll call Jim, spoke a lot about his experiences in both the Viet Nam war and on leave in Bangkok. In another dream, HE was the one who had me mind controlled and "activated" as part of his plan to destabilize the US Government for a takeover. While I'm fairly neutral towards him in real life, I hated him in that dream for having "done something" to me that allowed him to violate my free will that way.

*****
And now, all I can see to do, is give a history lesson of myself...

In 1999 I was in a special class (ABC: Adaptive Behavior Class) after returning from a 6-month stint as a runaway. Like many in my class, I got into the gothic lifestyle. (Btw, I think the goth lifestyle is mostly positive in a darkly romantic way, though in that high school we were fairly cynical if not outright antisocial.) We even played Vampire: The Masquerade.

Then Columbine went down, and the geek hunts--especially after goths--began. There was downright hysteria in society that goths were Hitler-obsessed anarchists that were into guns, white supremacy, and worshipped Satan. I was also in a lot of trouble for a story I contributed to a 'zine, which is a long story. But in the end, it looked as if I was quickly going to be sent to a place that I'd been traumatized in before and would be there until I was 18 (over a year later).

So I ran. I went from Texas to the California coast, changing my name and appearance (as much as a teen can do such things anyway). A few months after leaving, I was brutally attacked and traumatized (I still have a physical scar from it, over 7 years later). Being a runaway, I couldn't go to a hospital like I really needed to, and I certainly didn't dare report what happened to me to the cops. And I was sure I was going to die, but while the person who injured me so badly was away, I manage to slip out of my bonds and escape.

I was about 100 miles south of the Oregon border and I was determined to make it to Oregon before I rested. I made real good time but I was still 10-20 miles when the sun was setting and I was getting back into civilization. I didn't want to be noticed by the cops, so I went to the beach hoping for a beach party where I could hook up with someone who could take me to Oregon later or at least gave me a place to crash.

That didn't happen. But, long story short, I ended up moving in with a woman in her 50s who was a wiccan and a witch, with strong interests in feminism, ecology, anarchism, and libertarianism. She's more into the "old school" Wicca and other Wiccans and Goddess worshippers she was with were more in the Reclaiming/Starhawk type and/or Dianic-types (short and sweet, Dianic tends to be Goddess-only, and strongly "womyncentric"). She was also something of a holdover hippie. She was connected with several people, some like her, and some who were a bit different but held similar interests. It was explained that I was her neice that was "temporarily staying" with her. (And btw, she was asexual--though positive about sexuality in general--and wasn't sexually exploiting me.)

How she came to hold her positions is a long, even epic, tale in ofitself. But the one important part is that the "butterfly" (referencing chaos theory) that got her into anarchism was from when she was very brutally raped and how the law treated her and the serial rapist that attacked her and others. She lost all faith in the system to protect her and got into various forms of self-defense, including martial arts and guns. And she figured rapists would be dealt with a lot better in an anarchistic society, especially one based on her eco-anarchafeminist-wiccan ideals than it currently is.

And that's important because she was connected with others who had also moved to that area in order to get off the grid and disliked and distrusted the government. While some were holdover hippies, others were survivalists.

She took me to meet some of her survivalist friends for various reasons, but mostly to get experienced with handling a wide range of guns and learning martial arts from a man-point of view (she and others taught me a more woman-centered form of self-defense, though krav maga was especially popular among both types, but she thought it useful if I learned how men tend to approach such situations, and I might run into a dangerous guy who is also trained and so this would help).

And for those who don't recall, the year 2000 was rapidly approaching, and some survivalists were preparing in case a "Y2K" thing happened in which a possible computer glitch involving dates caused a social collapse followed by a military crackdown on the nation.

At first I was very leery of the survivalists, as I had absorbed that they were gun-obsessed anarchists (the bad kind) and white supremicists into Hitler, but I came to realize that this simply was not true. And then it hit me: the very same lies told about goths were told about these survivalists, except they were said to be into Christianity while we were said to be into Satan. At that point, I simply dismissed most of what I heard about them by the media.

And in the coming preparations, I met Jim who took a liking to me. While somewhat patronizing toward females, he had to admit he loved how I "scored a hawkeye" with an AR-15 and showed a good aptitude for the other survival skills. He picked up I was a survivor myself and somehow--I don't know how, and he wouldn't tell me beyond he had a sense for these things--figured out that I was a runaway.

And because I tended to be very individualistic and it was understood that I just wasn't the type to obey orders, but I hated bullies with a passion (which I'd become convinced that the US Gov't was THE biggest bully of all), he thought I might come in handy as an unexpected spy, saboteur, and other things. That is, should the SHTF (ie, everything get intense) and there was a crackdown, then I should be able to move around a lot more freely than they...and with the skills I'd learn, be able to accomplish all sorts of goals and work as a free agent and troubleshooter. He not only intensified my training with guns and martial arts, but taught me how to make weapons out of everyday stuff (it's very easy), stealth & disguise, booby traps (making and disarming), and all kinds of nifty stuff that I hope I never find myself in need of.

He also taught me meditation and self-hypnosis techniques for many reasons, but mostly to deal with my emotions in survival situations. Having faced death and violence before, I told him that when I faced such situations, my muscles sometimes got really weak and shaky. He was very understanding, sharing a couple of stories where he froze or panicked, and then taught me these methods to turn fear into strength instead of weakness. Fear was to be my ally, he said. And the self-hypnosis would help in my disguises and stealth ("and who would ever suspect the little girl," he liked to laugh).

I remember it all well enough. And I don't think he had the time or other necessities for attempting to brainwash me.

I also learned other techniques with what I'll call "the matriarchs." That is, the goddess-oriented groups that included my mentor who claimed I was her niece. They didn't fully trust the survivalists (heck, some were downright hostile to them) and wanted me as their eyes and ears (and possibly more) among the survivalists. That is, if Y2K or other disaster hit and should such factions as the Patriots ever ascend, then I'd be one of their agents among the new powers. Kinda complex there.

Since I liked both (though I clashed enough with members of both just by being somewhat a smart-mouthed teen--with a Mercury in Scorpio, Moon and Mars in Sag, and Leo ascendant to go with my Libran sun), I agreed, thinking it wasn't a big deal. At the time I didn't realize how strong the homophobic and misogynist elements, particularly from the "Christian Patriots," were, and I thought that the goddess-worshippers who accused the survivalists of it were hit with the same hysteria that made people think goths were satanic nihilists...or that wiccans were baby-killing satanists as some fundies claimed. That is, I didn't take their concerns very seriously, but I figured it was harmless to agree to it...and on the "offchance" that should strong homophobic and/or misogynist and/or theocratic (or racist, for that matter) elements truly take over, then yeah I'd do what I could to help them.

And that's important, IMO, because they didn't fully trust people like Jim and they also helped me with the self-hypnosis and meditative techniques (especially when they learned Jim was teaching me his own stuff on that, which startled them to say the very least). I don't think Jim would get away with brainwashing me because they watched the sitch very closely with their own knowledge and experience on altered states of consciousness. (The one who took me in was also made nervous by the fact that he figured out I was a runaway and began looking into HIM.)

And then something came up (which included my quickly reducing a would-be rapist to being on the ground in helpless tears using the krav I learned, btw, which I'm really proud of!) that caused me to need to leave the area in the summer of 2001 in order to avoid exposing those groups (both the wiccans, a few who were militant when it came to dealing with would-be rapists, and the survivalists who were somewhat protective of "their women" in a patronizing way, and a few did seem to be genuinely fond of me) to scrutiny for housing me and/or helping me against someone who had threatened to kill me.

Then 9/11 hit. Then Bush and Congress passed the USAPATRIOT Act, which seemed to nullify much of the Constitution to me, and thus cross a line that plenty of survivalists--especially the patriotic kind--said would be their line in the sand. Because of that, I quickly got in contact with the survivalists and the "matriarchs" and asked them both what to do. The survivalists were like "new plan, wait until everything collapses and then restore order with other survivalists around the nation." I'm like "Yeah, you and 20 other factions." The others were "wait and see, ready to adapt as the situation warrants." Oversimplifying, they were neutral about what I should do, if anything, with the other group.

As time went on, I had my own life and most of them, including Jim, faded into memory as I made new friends and developed new interests. I also became fully enstranged from the Patriot movement, excepting a very few survivalist friends as individuals, because I came to realize that the goddess-worshippers were right: it was much more infected with militant theocrats, homophobes (some that believed gays should be put to death), and misogynists (some who think women shouldn't have the right to vote, among other things) than I realized and seperated myself from them in disgust. It's true that they're not ALL that way, but the ones who aren't are too likely to work with those who are, and that's just unacceptable to me.

I also disliked that some of the names that had influence among "Christian Patriots" (and thus the greater survivalist movement) also had influence in the Bush administration. To me, there really couldn't be a greater conflict of interests! And I realized that the reason there wasn't a push by Patriots was because the strong Christian-theocrat elements were hoping that a theocracy might come about by Bush's changes. That is, if GORE had been president when the USAPATRIOT Act passed, they WOULD have stood up against him. And, to my horror, I realize I would've helped them. And had we succeeded and I survived, I'd have found that the revolution or whatever would've left America in hands even more evil, in all likelihood.

How can I abide by that? I didn't, and simply refused to have anything to do with them. Note, I'm not a supporter of the US Gov't, either. If the two forces ever come into conflict, I'd hope they'd destroy each other. I have no love, and a lot of distrust, for BOTH sides of that particular conflict.

Which means that the dream where I'm a brainwashed soldier/assassin for the US Army is just as ridiculous as being the same for Jim. End of personal history tangent.

*****

Anyway, back to my "dark sister." I think perhaps that this is a conflict between the human need to control the environment, including by violence, versus my growing inclination that power over others won't change anything, but inspiring power from within just might.

In my life I have dealt with violence afflicted against me, and promoted as a means to accomplish things. Especially self-defense violence...but sometimes there's a very indistinct line between self-defense (which I'm all for) and imposing your will on others, especially in the political arena.

I do believe our global society is going to hades in a handbasket. I believe that the old order will eventually collapse, especially here in the US. I do not believe that the "center can hold" with the kinds of things going on now. And I think it will probably be worse than Russia's collapse when it happens.

When that infrastructure breaks, I realize that there are already many types of people that are working on alternatives and it's possible--my only hope for society really--that these new models will become the new nucleuses of new societies that are more stable and, dare I say it, sane. I hope to be apart of that.

For example, I want to move to an area where I can get some land and build cob homes on it. I want to get alternative power on it, hopefully able to sell surplus energy to the power companies. The very short and sweet (as this has gone on long enough as it is) is that I want to show that people don't need to slave at a job they hate for 20 years to have a home of their own (they don't even need power tools! Though it helps...), they don't have to settle living in a McHouse and having to conform to excruciating standards, that huge power companies aren't needed to have the niceties of life and that consumerism is wholly unecessary, at least if we change our dependencies. Also, that the economy and environment don't have to be at odds, nor does humanity and the ecosphere have to be in conflict.

I know it sounds idealistic, but I have plans and I think it might work. I'm given hope by other things that I just don't want to veer off on because I've already made this long enough.

But the final thing I want to say on that is that I read this Taoist story, "It might be good or it might be bad" a couple of years ago. And it inspired a dream where Earth had destroyed itself because humanity couldn't stop fighting, trying to impose their will on their fellows. (I'll share that dream later, as I've shared it in detail on the net before. EDIT: it's now posted below.)

I don't think violence is legitamite, no matter how "noble" it may sound. I fear that should I use violence to impose my own ideals, as fine as I think they are, then I'm not really any different from the Communist and the Christian Theocrat or the Taliban or the current US Government and all the others that want to also impose their own fine ideals on everyone else with violence.

There has GOT to be a better way. I'm not saying that we should all turn the other cheek whenever we're actually attacked, but that using violence to achieve greater goals beyond survival is, at least, counterproductive and misguided. And I'm working on changing myself and hoping to inspire others to change. I think after society suffers traumaticall enough, that society WILL seek to change, and I hope that my examples, and the plenty of other nonviolent inspirations already out there and will be out there soon enough, will finally create the positive changes that society longs for but never seems to quite pull off.

And perhaps that is why me and my "dark sister" fight. It's two paradigms within me, the part of me that experienced violence growing up and was taught to see violence as a legitamite political tool, and the paradigm that violence (beyond immediate survival--I'm not saying practice pacifism should cops or criminals ever come to rape, rob, or murder you) is counterproductive and misguided at best. I'm trying to transform my own "cop within" to a more inspirational rather than confrontational matter. Even though I fear that ultimately, violence will most likely win out the day, and the evil (or those so righteous that they might as well be evil) will always rule the world by default because of that.

As for the "enigmatic powers," I'm not sure what to think. Perhaps my "daimonic" (supernatural, and in this case I mean like how the Greeks said everyone has a daimon that overlooks their life) is just as curious as I am and so tests me just out of curiousity.

And perhaps its just my subconscious trying to figure things out, seeking growth, etc.

But it might also be related, because it's common for the "enigmatic powers" to put me in extreme situations. For example, in one I was living in an America ruled by commies and the UN and I was escaping from the collective farm I'd been assigned to. And then the EP ("enigmatic powers") came and said they wanted to change it around and suddenly I was in an America ruled by Christian extremists and was awaiting federal agents to come give me a test to make sure I hadn't had any abortions to explain why I wasn't pregnant yet (and to tax me for not having more Christian babies). In both cases, I was forced into violence as I fled seeking my own liberty.

A similar thing was in one I managed to kill a fairy-tale witch that was evil and had tried to transform me into an animal. And then I absorbed her powers and became a fairy-tale witch myself. I was also a bit wild, though I at least tried to focus my wickedness upon those that I felt deserved it. And then the EP came and changed it so that I had become the ruler of the world--the UN even conducted worship services to me. As an all-powerful witch, I worked to spread goodness and light and yet upon waking realized I was one of the most horrible tyrants the Earth had ever known. In the words of Galadriel from LotR: Fellowship of the Ring:

"In the place of a Dark Lord you would have a Queen! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the Morn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and despair!"

That was me all right, after the EP put me as the witch-queen ruler of the world. Seems to fit, doesn't it?

Dang, I'm giving myself goosebumps thinking on all of this. And it's kinda amazing thinking back on back when I was actually in training to be a guerilla or insurgent or whatever. Was it really just a little over 5 years ago? How much I've changed since then...

Anyway, as for mind control...I've read very little about it. Most of what I've picked up on it, other than fiction (typically science fiction--like in the movie Serenity, for example), comes from a guy I knew years ago that claimed he'd been made to endure it. He also talked a bit about MK-ULTRA and all that. But it's been years since I've thought that much about it. I remember thinking that it didn't sound all that efficient, though certainly traumatizing to the victim in the attempt.

posted January 02, 2007 01:35 AM         

As of November 9, 2004, I had recently read this Tao story:

*********************

There was a farmer who found out his horse had gotten away and run off. His neighbor commiserated only to be told, "Who knows what's good or bad?"

It was true. The next day the horse returned, bringing with it a drove of wild horses it had befriended in its wanderings. The neighbor came over again, this time to congratulate the farmer on his windfall. He was met with the same observation: "Who knows what is good or bad?"

True this time too; the next day the farmer's son tried to mount one of the wild horses and fell off breaking his leg. Back came the neighbor, this time with more commiserations, only to encounter for the third time the same response, "Who knows what is good or bad?"

And once again the farmer's point was well taken, for the following day soldiers came by commandeering for the army and because of his injury, the son was not drafted.

Who knows what's good or bad?

***************************

And apparently, I thought about this on a cosmic scale. In my dream I recorded on November 10, 2004, I was a member of an alien species. We were all pretty human in a way, only we weren’t (dream thing I guess). Our planet had colonized our system, but we stood to destroy each other with incredibly powerful weapons. We didn’t know if we’d ever make it beyond the star system, and now people were fighting to rule it all.

Then a craft came in. It revolutionized us. It was one of the two Voyagers that had been launched from Earth as a greeting to any who might it in the deep reaches of space. It was a godsend. It was made public before any agency could cover it up. It fueled the imaginations of many. There was life out there, and they had sent us an alien artifact!

Within 20 years, our entire system and species, inspired by this achievement, put aside differences and instead contested on who could make the best inventions, the best crafts that could visit this system.

Orators of all kind said that if a species could put aside its differences that it could send out messages into the void, we could do the same. Indeed, they must’ve known about us to have sent us this message. We heard bits of their bizarre lanuage, and their hauntingly beautiful music (once some of the damage had been cleaned up).

The technology was primitive, but it was but a subtle message: That we were squandering what technology we had.

Our species, revolutionized, the threat of war nearly gone, and we wanted to visit these Earthlings and thank them for helping us. We imagined they were benevolant and wise. And within a century, or two, it happened. We launched a craft that could travel using artificial warps.

Making it to the Sol system, we weren’t sure what to expect. We were a bit disconcerted when we saw little sign of any activity. Finally, making it to Earth, it finally became clear what had happened. Several doomsday devices had been employed. There was little left than a radioactive slag, and they had only reached a little ways into colonizing their system.

While we explored, this sad but beautiful darkwave song by Bella Morte (Funeral Night) played for me to hear, something I guess our sensors picked up somehow (but I'm not sure) that was like a requim for our [humanity] species:

with night fading fast
Warmth is but a memory of youth
As our day grows old
I can't bear to part
With so many things I hold so dear
But all things must fall
How well I know the grave

We must stand strong
And face our fears until the end
'Til the day when truth is found,
When at last we can rest

With night fading fast
Let us walk to keep the time away
My heart is so cold
I know what is right
What to do when all has passed away
Will you still stay strong?
Steadfast when will has gone?

As here we stand hand in hand
In this funeral night
Can't I see that we both will fall
Can't you see my dry tears
On this skin so cold
Even now the Reaper comes
Though you are here I am afraid
I am afraid, my love...

The news of the annihilation of the species that had saved ours caused us to collectively mourn them. Perhaps, it was theorized, that craft had been sent to us before the final, self-destroying wars were truly began, so that we would remember them.

And since they saved us from a similar fate, we always did. The Earthlings never knew of us, but we mourn them, and their bad example and last desperate act saved us from making the same mistake. We used our new crafts to find other worlds, to save them from the same fate. We had been transformed from a militant warrior race into an intergalactic mission of mercy, attempting to inspire other worlds to turn away from the path of self-destruction.

Many worlds came to owe Earth a debt of gratitude, and Venus and Mars were cleaned up and colonized by various species, and became a world for enemies to come and make their peace (as did multiple space stations). All these meetings included a tour of what Earth had become, a sight that would haunt many species and inspire them to turn away from relentless warfare.

The destruction of Earth's native sentients and life was incredibly tragic to look upon, especially given the irony of how they saved us from doing the same thing.

*****

As the person I am, I sometimes wonder if I didn't touch something in the far future and that I downloaded this dream as a result. But, if so, I can take comfort in being remembered and that many other worlds were saved as a result. This dream has made me more sensitive to the destruction of our species and our relentless warfare, but there is a bit of peace that comes contemplating this, too.

posted January 04, 2007 02:01 PM         

You are quite an incredible person, and with so much powerful potential.

As soon as I get a chance, I'll come back to this string.