posted January 18, 2016 06:45 PM            

I know how easy it can be to blame one's own self for things we couldn't help.

My Grandmother WAS the Scorpio... holding her secret back from me that she was dying. So I lay THAT back onto her. She had the responsibility to tell me, but hadn't. Probably because she didn't want me to have a hard time getting to her (with baby and all). But I DO have good memories, and it was my Beautiful Aunt who made sure to tell me over the phone about her act with going back into the house to leave her prayerbook in front of my photograph.

I know what you're saying when you said 'certain family members who probably assume I didn't care at all, or think I am useless, or that I am a selfless waste of air.' I'm so sorry that you feel that way, and I know the type of thinking *they* can have. Sometimes there's no compassion-- but it sounds to me like you generate it from deep inside. It just doesn't always reach all the way up to the surface in time for them to 'get it'. {healing hug}

So! ~You're 'only' 25??? (said with affection in a loving chiding manner).

You're only getting started**.

There is PLENTY of time for you, Panthera. You say 'I may not have splendid visions but I know that part of the Universe exists even without seeing it.' Panthera? If you can 'say' that?, then your soul already knows it has a cosmic appointment time with something like that or similar. IT will find you. Don't worry or strive too hard. Just 'hold space' that it can happen... (Universe likes to fill-in the 'voids' )

I had an experience with a woman who was dying (and I didn't realize that I would be her last person she saw or heard). I had had some surgery and was healing in a nursing home for 30 days. She had the room next to me. I would go cheer her up, even if she wasn't that responsive, somehow inside I knew it did.

I was with her, then suddenly I had this 'feeling' to go back into my room. I followed this instinct. I just stood there, kinda stunned. Not really doing anything but standing there.

In the 5 minutes I was gone, she had expired herself. The staff was in there... When I found out later, I had the 'opportunity' to feel guilt that I wasn't 'there for her'? But you know what?? Sometimes that soul 'arranges' their departures, and the feeling I got to leave the room, was probably the 'appropriate' move for me. All timing ... has Excellence to it, Panthera. It has an excellency.

It was 'excellent' for you NOT to be present when your Scorpio Grandmother passed. It just has to be! Be Encouraged.

So~ LOL.... Here's another Carpenter song for you. You have Promise, and a Hope for your life. And you've got your Grandma to watch you in that Cloud of Witnesses that surrounds all Loved ones. YOU were a Loved one. Be sure of that!

You are young. I am older. We BOTH have Promise that awaits us in our individual lives.

And We've Got our Cosmic Grandmas partying up there together, and inspiring our thoughts to one another.

The White Lace are the garments of Love... Be of Good cheer. There is Sooo much Love in the Universe towards us who Believe.

posted January 19, 2016 01:58 PM            

My grandmother was also a typical Scorpio.She could be very quiet and wasn't the type to waste her breath saying pointless or hurtful things.She could sting if she wanted to but preferred to try be civil and didn't get a lot of enjoyment out of tearing people down.Although when she did speak people took notice.She really was very loving and selfless and hospitable even if sometimes it wasn't apparent on the surface.
I wished we had talked more although I do feel that even if we didn't get into a lot of deep conversations there was always a lot love which was unspoken.I know that I have a lot of good memories to look back on so I will always have them when I want to feel the love again.

I do I have ideas about how I want to change my life and I am working on a few goals at the moment so it won't be long before I transform into butterfly.I feel like I have been through the worst of things and now it can only get better.I know that I made some bad choices and sometimes did bad things but I feel better because I really feel like the universe and higher powers are trying to help me.There were times were I felt the universe and higher powers were going to crush me underfoot but it does feel different somehow.I still have bad days and negative momments but I do see improvements.

I am sure You and Me will have our to moments in the Sun and It will be so much better after enduring such a cold winter.I hope all your dreams and wishes come true Mirage29.
I love this song and Nina Simone is fabulous http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xr8ol8ufSRg

I had heard of the Carpenters but I never really listened to their music.I am glad you posted their songs because they do seem to appeal to me. I will have to check out more of their songs.I do listen to all different types of music but at the present I do like listening to older music that can be a little nostalgic.I do like some present artists but some of them don't have a captivating quality to them compared to songs that have been around for so long but haven't lost any of their magic.I blame my Venus opposite Neptune I do need a bit of fantasy every now and then.It was a shame that Karin Carpenter wasn't so fortunate and lost her battle with anorexia though.

At least there is always the future to look forward to so
for the Finale Edith Piaf No Regrets http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FKSPOUEuqAE

posted January 20, 2016 06:06 PM            

I went through a time in my life where I had prolific dreams, even serial dreams (like ongoing soap-opera for a month), with a lot of psychic perceptions in and by them.

I'd make sketches of things in the dreams, that later came true. Places I'd see in dreams, that later (in livid shocker-shocker moments) I actually 'saw' before me with my very own naked eyes. ('Nothing' happened though... You'd think something ~creepy might happen when you suddenly found yourself 'there' by accident? But no. I had 'simply' dreamed the-place in advance. No biggie.)

Before delving into interest of astrology, (around the time of your age) I dreamed of an altar and a ~strange little priest clad in brown, with a large candlestick, a tapestry behind him, and that celestial globe item depicted in your graphic of the Wicked Witch of West waving the flying-monkeys. The Sun was pouring through the panes of window to the priest's right, all over the altar.
(That picture was funny-hysterical, by the way! LOL) http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum15/HTML/003883.html
I drew a sketch of that whole scene. Have it somewhere in my papers. ... Incredible, the things we can dream. Crossing into the realms where two worlds inject themselves in each other. Other realms, just as real, in their own way.

All the dreaming I had done and written about during those times eventually faded away. Includes the lucid-dreaming experiences (not too many of those).

Of course, it didn't help me when my sleep got continually shorted, irregular and interrupted for years (due to circumstance beyond my control).

Maybe I'll get to be able to concentrate on dreaming again some day. You have to 'cultivate' a dream life. Be devoted to it.

If you don't write down your dreams and make them a priority, then that Muse will take a back-priority in your life. Takes wooing devotion to bring her back. She has to be Honored as a Gift to you.

I LOVE that you have your memories of your Scorpio Grandmother. ... Mine was similar, and when she spoke the family definitely honored her and listened. She had SUCH pearls of wisdom, and a quick merry wit.

My father {deceased, also Scorpio} told me in much later years how MUCH I am 'like' her... in the way my mind works, how I put my thoughts together and relay a story (often in too much detail, heh heh). That was her. ...

No wonder my mother didn't like me? She probably thought that moving out of state would rid her of her mother-in-law? ... But no, I carried a similar spirit.... (both tee-hee?, and oh-me?!) Great enmity existed between the two.
I have Scorpio on cusp of my H11 & H12. My 'secret relationship' with my Grandmother and Aunt, which was held for at least 10 years without the rest of the estranged family knowing, had both those women's Suns located in my H12! LOL)

She loved me sooo much, but there WAS THIS ONE TIME!!!!, oh no, where I had royally ticked-her off, then 'that was it!' I had willfully gone against her advice to me directly.

She had warned me NOT to go visit the newer parish priest they had. I had an overwhelming unction to go. I obeyed my unction... and it had a marvelous thing FOR that priest that I obeyed my inner instinct.

It opened a door wide-open for him (for his ~career?). He bonded and became accepted in his parish after that.

.... But ewwww. My Scorpio Grandmother had kinda cut-me off inside her soul from that point on.

She was very 'old fashioned' and proper when it came to Rules about single-women visiting -- then driving around the town with -- a catholic priest. (Scandal!!)

I brought him *home* afterwards as a surprise, to eat dinner with my Beautiful Aunt, Uncle, two cousins, and that Grandmother.

Shocked them because they weren't expecting a visit from 'the priest'.... (Whole different set of circumstances and rules to prepare for that kind of visit?)

But it was the BEST thing that ever happened for them. One of my cousins even 'recalled in great detail' that priest's New Year's Day service homily (and this was almost a year before this-- he 'retained' the sermon!!). What a compliment that was to this priest! Quite exciting to witness... especially after that Aunt and Grandma had talked about 'how boring' this new priest was; that he didn't do a good job~~ and here the 'youth' in the family connected sooo well with him. LOL.

Anyways, that changed and boosted things for that priest, and the whole parish later (as I heard in success stories). The priest was finally 'accepted' among them.

That priest had made a remark to my folk (with great gust of affection and enthusiasm) that I was a Hell of a Gal!!! LOL ( hmmmmm. Could almost see the little black singes of soot puffing off my GM's head... o yeah, I was not popular with HER after that~~

Actually, too, that memory (that I had 'disappointed' her) haunted me for all the rest of our relationship days. ----- It was good and Healing to hear the song you posted by Edit Piaf, "No Regrets"... surreal video! It was like you were channeling our grannies' energies, too.

Lots of healing in this thread... Lots of healing. So nice to be sharing....

Gotta say this too----
You mentioned saying that you feel the worse is behind you? There's a saying that when you down all the way at the bottom, it can't get any worse?

errhhhh~ After being alive on this planet for over 60 and a half years now, I MUST let you know that things can ~ALWAYS get worse! LOL ohhhh noooooo!!!

And you'll have good times, within all the bad. Those will be your oasis-pit-stops in a very very long arduous trek across some of the harshest human territories there are. I will NOT sugarcoat that for one second. You already have been through much hardship, and there will be more. BUT, Always!! There is The Hope tucked in the folds. Find it!! Grab onto it, and don't let that Angel go.

Around the time of your 1st Saturn Return, you may feel things start to erode or somehow seem worse for you. EVERYBODY gets that. It's a rite of passage. On the other side of your return, you will be a full-fledged Adult.

That's Saturn's job. You are TESTED. You build your strengths through all those trials and adversities you'll go through.
When you're walking through hell?, don't stop walking!!

Determine IN ADVANCE, that You Win!... You always win.

Think of the comical cartoon-cat that gets run-over by an 18-wheeler truck on the road. FLATTENED~out. Laying there like a sheath ON TOP of the road. Flat!
...... And there's the metaphor for you! You're ALWAYS ON-TOP. Doesn't matter if you just got runned over by ~whatever adversity. You are ON TOP. Flatter than a crepe or a pancake?? But, You're On TOP!!

When things go down, and your mind-rolodex starts in with the trend towards the negatives (like mine does too, it's normal), you stop. Shift.

And like trying to find little gnats in the air? Actively pursue finding what's Positive. The tiniest bit of Positive. The Positivity gnats...

You'll be able to swing and 'change' your experience WITHIN the adversities. And you'll DRAW MORE Positive TOWARDS you, doing that.

One Step At A Time. One Positive-gnat, turns into Beautiful Lightning-bugs (Fireflies).

When I fall asleep...

posted January 21, 2016 05:23 PM            

Did you ever figure out what the dream about the priest was about ?

I tend to remember small things about her although they were very close.I do remeber things about my childhood although some of it seems a bit blurry.There were probably things that really upset me at the times they happened and little while after but the strange thing is I know they happened but can barely remeber them.It's the same with the good memories.I wonder if I got so wrapped up in negativity and was stressed out and just blocked out some of it out.When I was younger I did once bang my head and ended up with concusion and while after that I had encephalitis.I wonder if those things changed my already quirky personality.

I do remember me and grandmother, mother and grandfather getting on a late boat to take us over to Scotland to visit my aunt when she used to live in Scotland.I used to love the boat and driving to my aunts during the night to get to her house.All four of us were together.

I remember that when I was much younger I asked her why she had silver in her hair.
Years later whem I was little older she got me a little plac that I still have that said
"Happy Birthday Grandson
I may have Silver in my hair but you are the gold in my heart".
I do remember when I was younger my hair used to be very fair and she used to call me her wee Steve Mcqueen.

I remember One time all four of us went on holiday to Limerick in Southern Ireland.
We were in this guest house.The woman who owned it had grandchildren who used to put small objects into the lock of the bathroom.My mother told me if I was using the bathroom not to lock the door.I was the bathroom and heard noise of people coming upstairs and me being me I locked the door.I was in there for a little while.Everyone else was in a a real tizzy trying to figure out how to get me out because the lock was stuck.First they thought about going to get a ladder to get up to the bathroom window.Fortunately the lady said it was okay to do something with the lock.I can't remeber if they took the door off or not.

There was I time when me and mother even lived with her and my grandfather for a while.Before that we lived in a not very nice neighbourhood.My grandparents lived in the same neighbourhood.We decided we wanted to live somewhere else and we all ended up moving out into a rented house in a different neighberhood.It was around about this time that I started to crack up a little bit which was unfortunate.I probably gave my mother and grandparents a lot of worry and grief.I wish I had been able to manage things a bit better.Although that she did always love me right to the end.I am sure there were times I tested her patience or made her upset but I know she was always there for me.Even with her demetia I was still on her mind.My grandfather told me that
one of the nights she woke during the night she was going to check on me.I think with her confused mind she thought I was still a young child in cot.

I think she did used to be involved with the church and her community when she lived in Scotland.I have heard my mother and other people talk about her.A lot of people who knew her near the end may not realised she would be involved with things like that.I am glad that although she was religious I that she was very tolerant and accepting and didn't seem to be fixated with it.

I do believe you when you say it can get worse.I know it can but you are right we do have to hold on to hope.

I like that Song Fireflies by Owl City.
Are you sure you aren't even a little bit pyschic ?
Here a few random songs from Nina I love

Nina Simone Feeling Good http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfJRX-8SXOs

Nina Simone Break Down http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0Ntj9mw5z4

Nina Simone I put a spell on you http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ua2k52n_Bvw

This Is a trippy song I've discovered thanks to you

The Carpnters Calling occupants of interplanetary craft http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teBV0EoJJY8