posted January 08, 2008 03:56 PM
A few months ago, the Weekly World News stopped its presses. A sad, sad day, IMO. I found it strange that many cheered this, thinking that people had become less gullible (meanwhile, they gullibly swallow about anything CNN throws at them).. But I loved WWN, it was what an informative paper SHOULD be (at least if it were run by Discordians). To me, it was a mocking hyperbole of the media (and right wing talk radio through their Ed Anger column), which it soundly deserves, and was also just plain fun. (My favorite section was the short lived Children’s section, that revealed that yes, boys WERE made of puppy dog tails and such.)Today, while cleaning a closet, I came across an old issue of WWN (April 19, 2004) and flipped through it, remembering why I loved this paper. Here’s just one brief article from it:
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR U.S. CONGRESSMAN IS A SPACE ALIEN
EXTRATERRESTRIALS are good at hiding their identities, but a leading expert says there are warning signs that can help you decide whether your congressmen are space aliens.
“Extraterrestrials look human and act human but there’s always something a little peculiar about them,” says Los Angeles-based Ronald Maren, author of the UFO classic, The Extraterrestrials in Your Life.
Here, from Maren, are five warning signs that suggest a congressman might be a space alien. The more warning signs that match up, the better the chance the suspect is not a native of Earth.
1. Space aliens can be high-handed and act superior because they come from advanced cultures and are far more intelligent than you are. If you feel a congressman talks down to his constituents or patronizes them shamelessly, he might be from another world.
2. Space aliens never quite assimilate the meanings of words in English and use words in ways that are wildly nebulous and abstract. If you notice that your eyes are glazing over and you’re getting sleepy while listening to a congressman try to answer a simple question or give a speech, chances are he’s got alien blood flowing through his veins.
3. Space aliens are very good at seeing shades and levels of reality that humans are too primitive to recognize or understand. If a congressman “speaks out of both sides of his mouth” or even seems to lie through his teeth, he may be a space alien who hasn’t yet learned that you aren’t evolved enough to understand that “black” and “white” and “up” and “down” are the same thing.
4. Space alien females tend to be homely or even look like men in wigs and women’s clothes. If a congressman purports to be female, but doesn’t quite look it, you’ll want to keep an eye on her.
5. Space aliens don’t always show up on camera. If you seldom see a particular congressman on national television—or watch legislative action on C-Span and notice some empty chairs—don’t take it lightly.
Lindaland
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posted January 08, 2008 03:56 PM
posted January 09, 2008 08:02 AM
posted January 09, 2008 07:13 PM
yah, this was funny.