posted June 09, 2005 02:50 PM
I cried today.
I cried so many tears.
I shed my soul.
And my broken heart bled through my eyes.
I feel the brick and ice packs its way.
Hardening me inside and out.
I yelled today.
I yelled so loud.
I released my mind.
And gave into the madness inside.
I feel my brain closing down.
Driving me to a land of la la.
I tore up the picture today.
I tore it to so many pieces.
I ripped out the newly placed parts.
And shred it into something unrecognizable.
I feel myself changing.
Turning me into someone I've never been.
I mourned today.
I mourned the only way I knew how.
I stuffed down practical sensible.
And I gave up the fight for once in my life.
I feel like I'm losing this.
Making that hole so recently filled, open up again.
I wrote today.
I wrote so many words.
I spilled myself onto that page.
And I fell into every word I wrote.
I feel like it's all over for me.
Seeming like I've lost all I've ever wanted to know.
I hated you today.
I hated you so much.
I vented my rage into all of this.
And realized how much I did not hate you.
I feel that I could never hate you.
Fighting to keep from loving you more, I wallow in this mess I made.
I hurt today.
I hurt so badly.
I screamed, and raged, and broke.
And I am left here broken, shattered.
I feel like my heart is in a corner crying too.
Crying to keep me from losing my mind.
I lost it today.
I lost it in a way I never meant to.
I ran from myself and kicked all the time.
And now I'm exhausted from wanting you so much.
I feel like I'm shutting down.
Trying to save what I haven't destroyed.
I stomped my heart today.
I stomped it into the ground.
I hated myself for being weak with you.
And I hated myself for falling in love too.
I feel like I made a mistake in doing so.
Searching for a logical reason to make me believe that it was a mistake.
But I can't find one.
I died today.
I died a horrible death.
I was filled with such pain and despair.
And now I feel no peace, I feel nothing but emptiness and sorrow.
I feel everything and nothing.
Feeling every touch, kiss, caress, breath, word spoken between us, everything.
love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove.