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Author Topic:   Life at the Bottom
virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 677
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted December 26, 2004 09:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Sorry if this sounds redundant with some other posts as of late on the site, but I couldn't sit back and keep feeling like I'm dying. It's nice to have astrology around to explain why things suck for me right now, but it doesn't change it either. I finally feel like I've hit rock bottom. Can't really think of anything that's good right now, except maybe not having to live out on the street, and having good music to listen to and books to read. But essentially I feel horrible inside. Life is at a standstill. A lot of my friends have told me I am just at a point where I will have new beginnings soon, but it's hard to see. Especially since my life is exactly how it was half a year ago, and it stayed boring miserableness for about 4 months.

I've come full circle. I left college because it was absolutely pointless and unbearable. I already have a 2 year degree which seems pretty meaningless since it was such a narrow major and I have no interest in that anymore (radio/tv). I left my boyfriend a few months ago which was a good thing, but hurts. I live in a completely dysfunctional house with my parents, I can't find a job, and it's the middle of winter. I totally feel at the bottom, stuck in a rut, every day is pretty much the same of nothingness and anxiety/depression. I feel tons of loss too, what with having to come back home, and losing that bf, and a lot of my very close friends have been moving away/too busy with their own lives. I feel like the world is leaving me behind.

It's just really tough to find somewhere to begin again, to dig myself out of this rut. I know some other people who visit this site feel the same, but has anyone actually gotten yourself out of the rut/hole you were in? How'd you do it? Maybe I just need inspiration or something. *sigh*

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iAmThat
Knowflake

Posts: 499
From: Edison, NJ, USA
Registered: Sep 2004

posted December 26, 2004 10:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for iAmThat     Edit/Delete Message
Dear VirgoTaurus,
I enjoyed your post in the past. I can't speak for all , but yes most feel being in the rut. One thing that struck me about you was that you still have good health. You may not have the wealth, but a good health is what one needs to produce more. Wealth lost nothing lost, health lost everything lost. I have no clue, what your higher self is calling you to do. In deep silence everyone can hear the answer. I am so far fortunate to have a stable and reasonably well paid job. And to be honest, I feel thats what God is calling me to do i.e share the earnings. I have other talents too, such as preaching. So far, I have only tested it at Linda Land There was a time for the Oracle (Remember Delphi, how people would collect together in a temple at Greece and the Oracle would speak). That time is gone. Now, each of us is a priest and prophet of God.
Ask and ye shall have it. Knock and the door will be opened.

The harvest is abundant laborers are few. You have no clue how a simple act of kindness, changes the whole fabric of existence. You must take the initiative and God would raise you and complete what you started.

Even in USA theres so much poverty and people in need. I know of 2 americans who stayed at my home in India for 1 month and help build a school in the poor area. It just moved my heart. She even donated blood, twice in a week, due to shortage of blood.

Like I said, the first thing to do is, realize what talents you have. If its weak develop it, and bring it forth. You are young, and I am glad you are asking these questions. Its a good sign.

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noreenz
Knowflake

Posts: 436
From:
Registered: Feb 2004

posted December 27, 2004 09:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for noreenz     Edit/Delete Message
VTT-

Sorry you are feeling so blue.

From a fellow Virgo- A depressed Virgo with alot of nervous energy-not a good thing, j/k.

From a mother with a 22 yr old daughter- You quit college?!!!! Please think about going back and make the best of it. I know its hard, my daughter totally hates it. And complains every chance she gets, and I can only imagine moving back home is depressing, as I have recently told my daughter she is always welcome back, at which time she just gives me a certain look, hahaha

From a friend- iAmThat mentioned giving blood. I started last year donating blood and soon started donating platelets at least once a month. My daughter donates whenever she can too, there is something very rewarding in doing so, knowing you are helping others, and Virgos need to be needed. I found it very fulfilling as I was a stay at home mom and could easiy get into a rut. Its not much, but its a start?
Would get you out of the house, and meet other people.....

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26taurus
Moderator

Posts: 3888
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004

posted December 28, 2004 04:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
Hey VTT,

I truly know how you feel. I've been there too many times in my life. It has been a constant struggle, a bad rollercoaster ride. And I know how hard of a rut it can be to get out of - to see any kind of hope. I just finished a book that has already made a HUGE change in me. I really think it would help you. It's not just another book about changing the way you think - power of positive thinking. Well in a way that IS what it's all about, but this one is different than any other that I've read before. I truly believe your life is what you think it is and you can have anything you want and I've researched this and proven it in my own life many times. But for some reason, I couldnt do it consitantly. Why did my life continue to take these wild dips. Things would be okay for awhile but sure enough, I'd sink back into another depression or I'd watch my whole life crumble before my eyes. Why werent these things I knew to be true in my life working to make it better??! I'm trying to think positive!! Why isnt it working!! I used to think I'd just been dealt a bad deck and that's how it was and that's how it would stay. I'd just have to learn to deal with the struggling and hope someday my luck would change. But I'm finding that this is not so. This ISNT how it has to be. It's taken me years to get where I am now, which wouldnt be considered much to most from the outside. But inside, where it really matters and starts from, I have come a long way. Without changing on the inside, nothing in your physical world will change.

Okay! I'm quite the windbag today! My point is, things CAN get better. They really can. Not that reading a book will completely change your life - you still have to apply and live what you learn - but I must say, this has helped me change my outlook on things drastically, and once that happens, your whole world can change. It really can. I'm living proof. And I'm far from done yet! We never are really. If your up for an exciting and potentially life changing read - get this book. It's called "Ask and it is Given, by Esther and Jerry Hicks." It goes into how our thoughs and EMOTIONS need to change for things to change. And this book actually tells you how to go about that and what you are doing wrong when you think you are doing everything right. If you do decide to get it, I hope it has the same affect on you as it did on me. But in any case, I hope things start turning around for you. Your a beautiful, smart and funny individual and I think you've wasted too much time being sad. I hope it all turns around somehow. You can make it happen if you just learn how. If you learn what you are doing to sabotage yourself, without even realizing you are doing it.....

Anywaaaay......
Much love to you,
26

------------------
"We don't see things as they are...we see things as we are".
-Anais Nin

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26taurus
Moderator

Posts: 3888
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004

posted December 28, 2004 08:06 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for 26taurus     Edit/Delete Message
VTT,

I just wrote a thread about this book (and put a link up) in Free for All. Just an FYI.

If you are ready for it, you will know. Lately I've noticed, 'when the student is ready, the book appears'. hehe I've been reading alot of good ones lately.
Take care.


26

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sesame
Moderator

Posts: 609
From: Brisbane, QLD, Oz
Registered: Nov 2003

posted December 29, 2004 12:28 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for sesame     Edit/Delete Message
Well, you know what they say about rock bottom - the only way is up, beyond the sky and stars. I think the biggest problem here is imagination. If you don't have aspirations ro dreams, then you will not know which actions to take to change anything. A self-perpetuating circle. The real question you need to ask is "Who do I want to BE?" then go ahead and be it. If you don't know, then keep searching, or ask as you have done. The more you ask, the more answers you will have which will lead to more questions. Without asking, answers may still appear as your soul is most likely asking, but then your soul might receive the answer without you being consciously aware of this process, so you have to be aware too. I know this sounds like lecturing, but at hte end of the day, if you want change, then be that change. Know that change. Otherwise, don't stress, kick back and continue to learn. Stress is very dangerous. Don't feel like you have to do anything, only do things when you feel you truly want to. That said, if you want to do something that you can't, pretend you can and it will manifest.

Anyhow, just some more thoughts to add to all the other insights from all the Lindaland elfs.

Heaps of Love,
Dean.

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 677
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted December 30, 2004 12:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
Oh wow! Thanks for all the replies !

iAmThat: i've actually been well off in the $$$ department, always haha. I like what you said about health though! It's so true, I've seen what you said with my own two eyes, without health everything is lost. Honestly, sometimes when I just sit and listen to myself think, writing comes to mind. It's always a vague thought, but it always comes back. It even made me defensive in career counseling to be told it's a hard field to get into, I shocked myself that I got defensive.

Actually I do know how a simple act of kindness changes the whole fabric of existence hahaha!! I've seen someone do this...oh my god did he not only send ripples, but waves through people. I should look up to him more.

I'm definitely going to have to make a list of talents I have and work on those

Noreenz: . Yep I quit college hahaha. I am thinking of going back, maybe not too soon, but I definitely think I have to. I need to be more prepared the next time around, that was my first mistake.

Volunteering is another thing that keeps calling to me. It'd almost definitely fill in the empty social hole that is driving me deeper. I can't seem to handle normal social relationships in general, besides a few very good friends, but helping people always sounds like a good idea to me. I'm definitely going to have to jump into that

26t!!! Haha I knew you could probably understand my post as we discussed Saturn before and you understood that very well too. I actually did go to FFA and read your post about that book, I'm going to have to hunt it down (or sit in Barnes & Noble and read it and cry right there in the middle of the store hahahahaha)! The wild dips my life takes, that you mentioned, is exactly what is tearing me apart. I also feel like I've been dealt a bad deck! Oh yeah, after reading the 2nd paragraph of what you wrote, I'm definitely checking out this book!!! xoxo Haha! When the student is ready, the book appears, that is so true

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virgotaurustaurus
Knowflake

Posts: 677
From: NY
Registered: Oct 2004

posted December 30, 2004 12:33 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for virgotaurustaurus     Edit/Delete Message
sesame: I actually just ran across lyrics to a song from a band I used to be into so much about being at the bottom. Definitely the only way to go is up! What you said about dreams is true....I've never really had any goals, never knew really what I wanted...I have a lot of questions to ask myself. And you're definitely right when you said stress is dangerous.

Oh man...so yeah I have a lot to think about, questions to ask myself, decisions to make...and a book to get ! I'm seriously so glad I posted that though, I was holding it in for awhile, and getting more and more discouraged. Everyone's replies seriously help! *runs off as brain wants to use it's functioning for once hahaha*

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