Posts: 5081
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005

posted September 09, 2005 11:26 AM         

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Oh my.

I know this hurts...
You are not accountable for others feelings.
He is feeling guilt, and sad as it is to admit, i think you know the reason.
This does not reflect upon you, as he said, you are a good person. He knows that. You're probably right.. he is messed up with his priorities right now. That is not to say he will always be.. and if he lost you ( which he might have) he will be only worse... But I firmly believe people go through things to learn.. some take a while longer, and the lessons are harder. For you, at least he has the decency to admit you are too good for him, and from how you speak, he is probably right.. He knows he cannot offer you what you need, and deserve, I might add.
Extricate yourself.
If you want it to work, get out of the situation. If you cling, it will not do you any good. Keep kind thoughts of him in the forefront.. and try to understand that this is not YOU.. This is him. He might need a friend, but he cannot offer you the stability you need.. and no, that isn't fair.. but if you look at the grand picture..... it fits.
I know that you are feeling..~ If you did something dramatic to say "Look at me! Look at what you are doing! I am not to be treated so flippantly, I am important"... You want him to see that, and to acknowledge you and to snap him out of it and for him to love you as you deserve again.
I understand that. I really do. Heartache is the hardest thing.. it is physical.. It is unfair, it is damaging to your self esteem and way of life.. Your very heart.. I know, honey, I know.
But.
Listen to him right now.. he is telling the truth, and although you think he is wrong, it is how it has to be. You can't make someone not learn their life lessons.. they have to do it themselves. He will regret, but he needs to go through things in order to feel that.
I am going with instinct here...
You need to poreserve yourself, your sense of self.
There are other ways to stand at attention and get attention. Hurting yourself will only make more hurt. The best thing to do is to grieve. Make it real, make it hard, mourn the loss of something that was once good.. and acknowledge the bad that has slowly taken over.
You were you before he opened you up to love, weren't you?
You are still you, only better now.. you know the depth of your heart.. and the breadth, and such a thing means that the highs are just as deep as the lows. The highs will come again, I promise you.
You need to mourn, and love yourself as he can't.
Not to say won't ever.... but not now.
After you feel darness for a while, you will want to come out into the light to explore how things look with a mended heart.
They look better. More full.. deeper. It is one of those things that hurt beyond anything, but are more healed afterwards.. reinforced.
Please keep talking to me.

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Posts: 1005
From: Tri-State, USA
Registered: Jul 2004

posted September 09, 2005 11:54 AM         

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please check out free will astrology whenever you get the chance, the weekly horoscopes and newsletters are a GREAT source of inspiration and intended focus for me.

the website is: http://www.freewillastrology.com/

please let me know how that works out.

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Posts: 292
From: Dhaka, Bangladesh
Registered: Oct 2001

posted September 10, 2005 01:45 PM         

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pixie...u know,u'r a very nice human being to listen to my problems n sympathise n give me comfort when u don even know me..
i guess u'r one of those ppl who never stop feelin the vibes of the universe which connects us all n which enables us to feel some1 else's pain..
n i can c the sense in wat u'r sayin....n i'm tryin,i'm tryin really to get out of the situation...in fact i'm thinkin i wanna get out of this country!ppl whisper way too much abt a divorce,which i don plan to get,much which according to the gossip flying abt town i'm already gettin.the only reason i changed my plans for doin my higher studies abroad is cuz i got married.but now i'm thinkin of gettin a transfer....
i'm tryin to get as far away from him as possible.cuz i know tht if i stay here,then i won't be able to resist myself...itz so freakin hard to not call him up and scream at him 'DO YOU REALISE WHAT THE F$%& YOU'RE DOING WITH YOUR LIFE AND MINE?????' altho i know itz no use.in spite of all thtz happened,last time i spoke to him,which was abt 2 weeks ago,i told him tht i'm givin him time..say abt a year to c whether he can really really think this thru n c whether this is the life he wants....maybe if i'm not there anymore he'll c watz missin,tht is of course if he still has any feelings left for me...
no matter watz happened i really can't imagine it ending between us cuz i love him so damn much.n itz jus hard to keep myself 2gether...i can't let my family c just how devastated i am,so i put up a brave front with them.like i cudn't care less n itz not a big deal,n they shud mind their own business,etc..inside i'm dying a little bit each day.but i'm happy to say tht therez a part of me which is whispering very softly 'expect a miracle'...of course a much bigger part of me says 'don be a fool anymore this is a world for only b****hes n b*****ds, u don belong here so why waste ur time?'
but i think i'm gettin myself 2gether slowly..very slowly...i'm doin the best i can.
thanks for listening pixie

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Posts: 366
From:
Registered: Dec 2004

posted September 12, 2005 02:39 AM         

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Message Deleted.

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