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Author
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Topic: Mother Love ?
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sue g
Knowflake Posts: 7162
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted March 19, 2006 12:48 PM
 
Both my husband AND my father admit they do/didnt love their mothers....I said to my husband today "are you gonna send yer mother a card for mothers's day and he replies "oh if I have to". Later on I spoke to my Dad and said "I worry that hubbie doesnt love his mother,,,,I dont really understand this" and he replies "I do, I didnt love mine either"..... One was mentally abused and neglected and the other was treated with coolness and indifference. Two men who I love dearly dont love their mothers....how very intriguing.....wonder what the message is there ? Oh God, now I am a mother myself, I would be very aware of not creating this feeling between my son and myself. I can understand people disliking their mothers, but not loving them.....wouldnt it make one very bitter and cold.....or not?  Anyone?  IP: Logged |
LibraSparkle
Moderator Posts: 6011
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted March 19, 2006 01:01 PM
I don't love my mother.I have no respect for her. I haven't seen or spoken with her for 6 or 7 years. There was a period of hate and disgust when I was in my late teens that lasted into my early 20s... when there was still the possibility for love to be there. Now, in my (early!)30s, I am indifferent. Indifference is definitely the opposite of love. I don't really feel concerned that my children will not love me. I know I am doing right by them, and when they are grown we will be close. When adults abuse children, I think they forget that the child will one day be an adult too and KNOW the wrong the adult did. There is no hiding from that. If you have any questions, I'd be glad to answer them. I suppose it can be hard to understand how someone could not love their mother.
IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 7162
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted March 19, 2006 02:17 PM
Aaaaah LSYou really moved me with this.....no questions at the moment.....just a big hug to you girl......  xxx IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 10621
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted March 19, 2006 02:39 PM
I'm not too fond of my mother...when I let myself slip into memories of the past. I've ended that dysfunctional relationship for good now. But I truly do wish her the best on her path.  
I can see why I chose her as a parent in this incarnation. I've learned alot from it. Wouldnt be who I am today without her. Some relationships arent meant to be kept up for the long haul. They just dont work and bring you alot of pain. There are some that just wont be fixed, no matter how hard you try. Whether that person is related to you by blood or not. You learn what you can from it and release it in Love. Or choose to stay stuck in it's negative hold on you. Yes, she gave birth to me, we had a soul agreement prior to this lifetime, yet she is just another soul on her own journey, like we all are, I wish her all the best. IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 10621
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted March 19, 2006 02:41 PM
LS ~ IP: Logged |
LibraSparkle
Moderator Posts: 6011
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted March 19, 2006 02:41 PM
"Some relationships arent meant to be kept up for the long haul. They just dont work and bring you alot of pain."Well said! IP: Logged |
LibraSparkle
Moderator Posts: 6011
From: Vancouver USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted March 19, 2006 02:41 PM
26 ~ IP: Logged |
26taurus
Knowflake Posts: 10621
From: the stars
Registered: Jun 2004
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posted March 19, 2006 02:42 PM
hehe. IP: Logged |
Solane Star
Knowflake Posts: 1651
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted March 19, 2006 08:19 PM
LibraSparkle and 26Taurus Well felt Lady's!!!! I haven't talked to mine in 9yrs. Feel alot of the same things you girls do about your mother. When I figured out that I had lessons in love and finding it amongst the negativity, chaos, confusin and pain. I seen began to realize that these painful lessons can be turned into a different birth lesson, one that I so needed. I feel that, from all her negative, dysfunctional behaviour, that God through me a crave ball and then I was off to find different, to open up to the gift of birthing the real me and also a better way to feel about life.
She really did give me a gift of life, as painful as it may of seemed sometimes, not the way I thought she should, but a gift like no other. I do love her because of this and she only did the best she could with what she knew and had. Which wasn't much!!!! I come to know that I love her,
but I didn't like her. I forgive her and set her free,
so I can just be me!!!! IP: Logged |
Solane Star
Knowflake Posts: 1651
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted March 19, 2006 08:22 PM
Thanks SueG for bringing this back to light for me. Great topic!!!!IP: Logged |
fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 5816
From: ~out looking for Schrodinger's cat~
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted March 19, 2006 08:34 PM
  Love a person who is chaotic and refuses to see that she has a serious drinking problem?
And has for decades?
I realize it is mostly her Alcoholism that is very much at the root of her violent chaotic persona of love one moment then paranoid hatred the next.
God Bless you! Followed by God damn you! And worse. She claims she does not remember ever being unkind.
Folks go on about drugs but an alcoholic who refuses help and denies having a drinking problem is nearly impossible to work with.
I have know several very nice folks who would become monsters and pathological liars when drunk. Then claim to not remember doing so.
I know it is the booze talking, but how to try to reach such a mind? I have not been able to do with her.
Worse are the closet drinkers(like she was/is) who come across as all loving and ultra friendly. They seem like models of caring and love. Like my mother.
But behind the scenes they are entirely a different person. Not all alcoholics are like this but my mother is. Sweetest lady you can imagine...until she starts drinking.
Then hateful, paranoid, vengeful, abusive to the max.
Maybe her being an October Scorpio is a factor. I do not know.
Understand why she is so cruel and hateful in between loving?
Yes I understand.
But to love her? Love the woman who whipped me bloody in the name of Jesus etcetera?
The woman who threatens to kill me and has threatened for at least 46 years??
Threatens my husband and previous ones?
My friends?
Continues to act this way..
Unless I become a Christian?
Give up my black friends...gay friends and others?
The woman who terrified and terrorized me as a child?
Like other alcoholic mothers of folks I have known, she does not remember the beatings or abuses. Nor does she remember so she claims, her cheating on my dad. I saw it, and I found her letters.
But she claimed to not remember.
Love her?
That excuse for a human being?
At over 70 years old she should be sober by now. Enough doctors have told her she is a drunk.
Her choice to stay this way.
So love and forgive her?
HELL NO!
Pity her?
YES!
Understand why she is so screwed up?
YES!
But love her?
After decades of her selfish booze induced abuses?
I can only pity her.
EDIT/Add:
If she would get help and face up to her being an Alcoholic, and get sober for good, AND apologize for the hell she has put me and others through......
Then and only then can the healing begin.
Yes...
I could forgive her and maybe even come in time to love her.
But it will take a miracle for her to change now that she is in her seventh decade of life.
It would be nice but I do not count on it happening.
All I can do is let go of an ideal loving mom concept/dream of a mom I never really had. IP: Logged |
Solane Star
Knowflake Posts: 1651
From: Ontario, Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted March 19, 2006 09:03 PM
This was for me to heal, Not her.There is no negative feelings or indifference in the word love. Forgiving her has set me free, I don't really care want goes on in her life anymore. I got my
-self love and forgiveness because of it. I didn't forgive her to make her life better, just mine and the people I care to be around.
I'm not angry or bitter any more because of this understanding, it was a lesson for me to feel and understand s-elf love, so I could be set free from her pain. She give me new meaning to untying the apron strings!!! IP: Logged |
BlueTopaz124
Knowflake Posts: 1082
From: Portland, OR
Registered: Jan 2004
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posted March 19, 2006 11:23 PM
The only reason any of us are here, and here on earth is to learn how to love, others, and ourselves. Simply that. Not everyone has loving relationships with the ones who brought us into this world. The reality is that not everyone has a home life idealized through television shows and movies to portray the perfect loving family. Love to all of you whom have transcended that pain and learned to love yourselves in spite of that Laura IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 4551
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted March 20, 2006 02:46 AM
Love to you all.
I have healed wounds and opened them and healed and opened so many times with my mother....
Right now we are healing.. and I genuinely respect her, and her path. I am resentful for a lot of things, and I know, with my fourth house sun I have my own mothering issues to work through... but I think I will always try. My kids are amazing and we journey together. I know some of the things I went through with my mother I would never ever do with my kids, and so for that I thank her....for having problems she worked through repeatedly, making it redundant to do it myself, having learned through her experiences.
But even still..... My mom will tell me minute details of her day, little things ( she is a Cappy) that she might tell anyone.... and does, I might add.... but she will forget to mention my beloved uncle was in a car accident, or that my great grandmother died. Or that my grandmothers best friend died, whom I have known since childhood...(She phoned me after she attended the service, saying.. Oh, I guess I should've told you.. oops.) Countless things that prove I don't make her radar. It baffles me. She didn't tell me she was in the hospital with a burn emergency ( she electrocuted herself accidentally)until she was almost released. Yet we will go out almost weekly to reconnect ( or disconnect from life) and has ample opportunity to mention things.....
I wonder how I am to know what is important.. is it the tedium of daily life, or is it the life changing events that I should know about.*shakes her head* sorry.. obviously the wounds there are still raw. IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 7162
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted March 20, 2006 03:40 AM
I agree with you ladies about the love thing......So important to forgive and find love in your heart... ....even when we have been very hurt... I feel if not, sometimes we carry this forward and it can affect other relationships....and even love for ourselves. I felt at one time I hated my Dad,,,,I was frightened of his vile outbursts and he scared me so...always lashing out verbally and putting me down, comparing me to my sister, belittlingme.... And now.....I love him very much....and tell him so every time we speak. My mother tells me he always had a very special love in his heart for me, but couldnt show it. And now I have helped him thro this. He says to me "Sue you are the one that brought love into this family"...... Thanks be to God for forgiveness........
xxx
IP: Logged |
WaterNymph
Knowflake Posts: 2276
From: London, UK
Registered: May 2005
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posted March 20, 2006 07:14 AM
For me, can I forgive her? - I choose not to think about it. For me to forgive means opening each and every old wound and examining it from all angles…I rationalise emotions. I can’t open up those wounds again. At least not now, in the future maybe…once I’m older and stronger. I don’t want to complicate things now. Also I can’t blindly forgive - unless I’m planning not to see her gain. Forgiving anyone who caused me harm is difficult, perhaps that’s my life lesson, and why I was born under this sign…though I‘m definitely no pessimist! Our Chiron’s are almost exactly square, I’m assuming that’s not good. Her Saturn also squares my Mars…almost exactly  karma? *sigh* yes. guessing her Cappy Saturn doesn’t like my Aries Mars :/ She most definitely repressed my energy ( during my childhood ), and was overly controlling. Like a drill sergeant at one point! For a woman with a Pisces Moon, she was very indifferent and uncompassionate - or at least she didn’t know how to show it. Though her Moon is at the very late degrees, almost Aries - but even an Aries moon is emotional, in a loud way  all I picked up as a child was resentment and disconnection - I don’t think she realised how easily I absorbed her negativity. I never knew what maternal love was - there was no love. Just coldness and emptiness. No light, no warmth. Just empty. A death sentence to a baby fish Trying really hard to learn my lesson. IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 772
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted March 20, 2006 08:49 AM
Fayte IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 7162
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted March 20, 2006 08:57 AM
My 78 year old father still hates his mother.....he hasnt forgiven her....He is going to take that to his grave.....hating..... I tried to explain to him that she did her best and that she too was in pain (she probably never wanted children). She was the only survivor of 14....that in itself must have had severe effects upon her own mother. He says he cant forgive her cos she didnt care for him..... He hates himself because of this, always has, always will.....God bless him. But he has taught me a HUGE lesson in life......we have to try and forgive, for if we dont we shall never find peace and self love...... I am sorry for all ye guys who have suffered, and I hope that even just a little of what I and others write will maybe help the slow and very painful healing process. God bless you friends...... IP: Logged |
fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 5816
From: ~out looking for Schrodinger's cat~
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted March 20, 2006 09:43 AM
I do not love mine.
Bu I do understand.
And it is hard to forgive someone who is still leaving up to 19 death threats on one's answering machine after about 46 years of this bullcrap of hers.
I HAVE tried EVERYTHING to reach her.
But to her I am evil and she screams I love you to me in between the death threats.Sorry....
I just do my best to avoid her.
She is hopelessly insane.
I understand HOW she got to be this way.
She was and is an Alcoholic.
And I pity her.
But I would be a fool to care a whit beyond that.
The woman is dangerous. 
IP: Logged |
sue g
Knowflake Posts: 7162
From: former land of the leprechaun
Registered: Sep 2004
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posted March 20, 2006 11:38 AM
Oh FayteWhat else could you do other than stay away from her...... She sounds crazeeeeeee !!! Bless you Fayte..... xxx IP: Logged |
fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 5816
From: ~out looking for Schrodinger's cat~
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted March 20, 2006 01:43 PM
Thanks Sue
Booze and prescription meds.
Bad combination on an already unbalanced mind.
But the meds do work fine until she starts in on her daily binge.I do feel sorry for her.
But I do not think I should ever trust her.
How can I when her drinking runs her mind?
At 72 she will most likely just get worse. Signs of Alziemer and Dementia already.
Add that to her other stuff...
YIKES! 
IP: Logged |
hippichick
Knowflake Posts: 772
From: The Ether
Registered: Jan 2006
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posted March 21, 2006 07:13 PM
FayteGod bless you and yours.
A product of society...We all bear our crosses some much more larger than others! Terri IP: Logged |
jkxx
Knowflake Posts: 376
From: Denver, CO, US
Registered: Nov 2005
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posted March 23, 2006 02:45 PM
Can't say I like mine much either. Between essentially telling me my birth was a mistake and how I'm not good enough for anything, I still can't understand why she even allowed me to live. Never been close to her in any way and we've never had anything in common to talk about. I can understand fayte and WN's position perfectly here.IP: Logged |
fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 5816
From: ~out looking for Schrodinger's cat~
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted March 23, 2006 02:51 PM
Terri jkxx
IP: Logged |
pixelpixie
Moderator Posts: 4551
From: Ontario Canada
Registered: Jun 2005
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posted March 23, 2006 03:43 PM
Noone is a mistake.
What hurtful words with no meaning. IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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