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Author
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Topic: Battling with Depression
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ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 572
From: the capricious clouds
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 06:31 AM
 
Battling with DepressionI have come to the conclusion that depression, a very misunderstood illness, cannot be explained. It simply IS. I thought that it was born of circumstances or of some kind of inner 'soul-sickness'. Perhaps this is true. But it is not easy to get rid of habits or a nature which has been ingrained in someone over many years....especially those vulnerable years. We don't persecute people with physical illnesses. If a car breaks down, we don't judge it. We help it get fixed. Why should mental illness be any different? If this part of our bodies breaks down or is unwell, how is that any different from any other part of the body becoming unwell? Where does this PREJUDICE come from? Is it fear? health.indiamart.com  I know that we are not alone, that this is an illusion. Then why does it hurt so much? Perhaps because to feel disconnected from the world is to feel incomplete, torn and empty. Because, in a sense, we are all inter-connected; are all soul-mates; and all belong. I have someone who I can connect with on a deep and intimate level. I am a mother. But I still feel incomplete. I feel disconnected from the world around me, except nature. I feel melancholic. Is this just self-pity? I'm off to the doctor's later to get some anti-depressants (I will also ask for some counseling on self-esteem)....this simply cannot carry on. There are no words of wisdom that can help me...this is more than simply soul-sickness....it is deeply ingrained, ingrained over many years which means it has been ingrained too far to cure overnight.
Thank you, knowflakes, for all your 
I appreciate it.
Is there anyone experiencing anything similar?
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sesame
Moderator Posts: 1459
From: Oz
Registered: Nov 2003
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posted June 18, 2007 07:59 AM
To some extent, I believe all people feel this, but it varies from the shades and depth of colours from white to black. The blueness that comes over you for not real reason. Sometimes I think to live is to feel sad for the non-living. No matter which way you look at it, there are always other angels. I think that depression is very much a chemical thing, but this could be a result of mental anguish and experience - if we mind something, it will matter. However, to nomind something is very very difficult. I was thinking about the Secret today, and how it works completely for people who allow it to work completely, but for most humans, the abandonment of all reason is very difficult. It's like a tooth in a glass of coke - it just wears away and can't really fight back, and yet, we are not teeth, we can fight back, but the mountain seems high. I think that we don't spend enough time in nature, and when we do, it seems there are too many other people to contend with. You can't escape. That said, everything comes from within. The feeling of happiness at watching your young walk around is very easy to experience, but as they get older and possibly swear at you or disrespect you can taint this happiness. How do we get it back? Ultimately, all people walk their own paths, so you can't even depend on your children to provide happiness, you have to allow it to surface independently. To rely on anything of a material nature is to experience loss. All matter is temporary. However, to rely on the spirit and soul is to experience everything. Depression comes from depress - to push down. You need to push back. Be angry. Use your anger to fight the oppression. Empower yourself and step out of victimisation. All people can do this. I'm really not meaning to lecture you, but just want to convey what I feel about people who are depressed. I am a 12 so have experienced victimisation, and still allow myself to be sacrificed needlessly, but I tell you what, once I realise what's happening, I don't forgive readily. People who take advantage of others may not stop any time soon. We have to be wary.Heaps of Love,
Dean. ps. best of luck with the doc. Counseling can be useful, but so can crafts  ------------------
I realized it for the first time in my life:
there is nothing but mystery in the world,
how it hides behind the fabric of our poor,
browbeat days, shining brightly, and we don't even know it. Sue Monk Kidd, "The Secret Life of Bees", p79 Logically Magical Logic is Magically Logical Magic! (and vice versa!)
Numerology Program IP: Logged |
Lialei
Knowflake Posts: 1532
From:
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 12:02 PM
Is there anyone experiencing anything similar?yes. I hope you'll continue to receive gentle comfort here, LTT.
Opening is a sign that your hope is stronger than you might realize. It's never for no reason. It can be for many blows that culminate inside over time.
It's just that the reasons for accutely sensitive souls aren't often reasons that are valued as significant to the world and are therefore so difficult to articulate or feel would be understood, which heightens feelings of isolation.
(I sometimes find comfort talking to Rainbow. "I know you understand. I'll keep trying."  ) To go by perceptions or judgements outside of yourself is dangerous. Don't be persuaded by any outside opinion that would say there was something wrong with your response to the ways you receive or experience life.
It's natural of you, and as such, beautiful, as are you. Gentle self-acceptance and healing for now.
Self-criticism for stronger times. Those times will come again.
Nothing remains as it is.
Everything is always in motion, becoming the next.
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Lialei
Knowflake Posts: 1532
From:
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 12:56 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGBNa0L41Zc
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thirteen
Knowflake Posts: 909
From: Rochester Hills, MI USA
Registered: May 2004
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posted June 18, 2007 01:01 PM
I have found tremendous releif from diet changes. Mostly, no milk fat, no white grains and no potatoes. Seems simple but it has really made a difference.IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 572
From: the capricious clouds
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 01:10 PM
Thank you, Lialei. I love you.That video is incredible. I love U2 but hadn't got round to hearing that particular one. I am going to repeat listening to it, again and again! LOL. I posted the same topic over in free-for-all....without the personal bit I put here under the picture in my post here.....however, what someone wrote back got me waffling on about my life story....guess it is a cry for help right now, but I don't know if there really is any solution- I need to get out there in the world and see if I can do anything to help myself...I haven't been to the doctor's yet. LOL. All this may have simply been brought on by PMT. My 'monthly' is due around now! IP: Logged |
fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 7098
From:
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 01:48 PM
Sesame  Another note:
The same people who do judge and persecute the folks with mental illnesses do so to folks with physical ones too. People can be cruel indeed.
The weird thing is that often the ones who condemn the folks with mental and or physical problems, are more often than not, mentally ill themselves, and usually are oddly physical fit and consider themselves beautiful or handsome and make sure they let all know it! ------------------
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
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fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 7098
From:
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 02:01 PM
Lia quote:
To go by perceptions or judgements outside of yourself is dangerous.
Not always true. It can be. It depends on the source of it. Is it a know it all or a professional therapist or counselor? Worse, is it from another depressed person? Often depressed folks cannot see or realize rationally even if they think they are being clear and rational. Depression often does alter a person's personal perspectives.
Sometimes an outside perspective IS needed. When depression lasts longer than a few days, or keeps reoccurring, it is time for a professional outside perspective! quote:
Don't be persuaded by any outside opinion that would say there was something wrong with your response to the ways you receive or experience life.
Again, while this advice may be good for some folks, for all it is not good advice. Depending on the type of depression, and its duration, this advice can be an enabling for the person to not seek help, or to reinforce their refusal to leave their cave of despair.
I have personally been there and the kindness of well meaning others did not help to free me but kept me there.
I am not sure of LTT's degree of depression and would not give advice except to say, to LTT or anyone, "Please see a professional to rule out any real clinical depression and a doctor to check for hormonal and biochemical factors please. There is no shame in seeing a few doctors and admitting one might have a real problem requiring more than kind words which could do more harm than good.
I hope I made sense here.
Oh yes, the depressed should NEVER advise another depressed person in my personal opinion. This can lead to co-dependency and enabling before either party is aware and then it is too late and all are floundering down in the abyss together. A fellow depressed person will rarely advise professional help unless they have gotten it for themselves.  ------------------
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
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ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 572
From: the capricious clouds
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 02:06 PM
Thank you, Fayte, beautiful soul Actually, I think you are right. The person, a family member....well, my partner's mother (a very successful woman career-wise)... who recently accused me of simply self-pitying when I mentioned depression as having been the reason I hadn't set myself up in a career in the past, before being a mother (as well as a few other things she said, which was purely her judgment- she isn't one to listen)....actually she is extremely physically fit for her age and always had physical beauty....she has also displayed signs of mental illness from time to time which I won't go into....
She is a very judgmental person- sometimes she goes off on a racist tangent about people, but I don't say anything because I feel it is part of a mental illness....('To understand all is to forgive all')....However, she has offended me on too much of a personal level now, even though it was sort of 'civil' at the time, no raised voices or anything....but I won't be going over there ever again...my kids can because she adores them; children need all the love they can get (I want them to, I didn't have a close family). IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 572
From: the capricious clouds
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 02:13 PM
We must have been posting at the same time, Fayte! I noticed your second post straight after posting mine.I think there is a degree of truth in what you say about the 'depressed should never advise the depressed', however, lol, to use your words, only to a certain point.
I had a penfriend when I was 13 years old who I discovered had very similar problems to what I was going through at the time. Writing to each other was like a therapeutic process. It is what gave me strength to get through those very difficult times. IP: Logged |
fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 7098
From:
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 02:15 PM
LTT
It is hard to deal with a parent like that.
I totally understand how depression can make one not feel up to going forth with career plans and other things. Everything just seems so unsurmountable and one can worry themselves into a resigned state and just get barely by in life.
I was once clinically depressed. It is a terrible feeling of such utter aloneness. One cannot always believe even kind words or words of love. Especially if one has been hurt already. Seriously, a good counselor or counsellor moderated support group can help! 
I wish you many blessings and luck with this! {{{HUGS}}}------------------
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
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ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 572
From: the capricious clouds
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 02:26 PM
heart: Heart:Hugs felt! Sincere to your suffering. Yes, perhaps counseling is the thing. Usually a long waiting list, but I will try. It helped you, it also helped a friend of mine who had traumatic childhood. Like I was saying (to all the judgmental folks out there)...depression is like any other illness; it needs the right kind of remedy, and often help from others (i.e, those qualified), in order for it to be cured, when it can be. If you get a wound, you put a bandage on it. If you break an arm or leg, you go to the hospital to help get it fixed. "lights will guide you home....and ignite your bones....and I will try
to fix you"- Coldplay
And actually....as far as the blind leading the blind goes....the other day someone who was troubled, here on the internet, came to me, and I did manage to help them with my words
*My depression isn't constant but it is reoccurring
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fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 7098
From:
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 02:32 PM
LTT!
We were posting at the same time again!
Yes I agee with your pen pal type sharing when you were a teenager! I did that too! At the time it really helped! But later as an adult it was not the same. It lasted years. My chemical balances were all messed up from crash diets and thyroid troubles. Adult depression is often of a different caliber than teenager depression.
Like I said, if your depression is crippling, or holds you back, or is of long or reoccurring type, please seek out a support group or a counselor.{{{HUGS}}}
You may be just fine! Like a few folks I know with caregivers syndrome. Taking care of aged parents, I know several such folks. It can leave one exhausted, depressed and feeling helpless and alone. But talking it out can indeed help whether the depression is from inside or aggravated by outside forces, or both.------------------
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
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fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 7098
From:
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 02:38 PM
LTT
The fact that you are talking is great! You do want to improve your way of living!
Thank you for your kind words. My struggle nearly killed me. The first thing I had to do was find ways to accept and love me! The second was to take a long hard look at where I had been and where I wanted to be and start letting go of old baggage.
Again good luck and many happy blessings to you!  ------------------
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
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fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 7098
From:
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 02:47 PM
LTT! quote:
Yes, perhaps counseling is the thing. Usually a long waiting list, but I will try. It helped you, it also helped a friend of mine who had traumatic childhood.Like I was saying (to all the judgmental folks out there)...depression is like any other illness; it needs the right kind of remedy, and often help from others (i.e, those qualified), in order for it to be cured, when it can be. If you get a wound, you put a bandage on it. If you break an arm or leg, you go to the hospital to help get it fixed.
We have free community counseling here. Does your city or community have this too? Lots of folks use it. For some odd reason we get an unusual number of bridge jumpers in this city. Another guy jumped last week from the railroad trestle over the gulf but lived despite being very busted up. I wish Community counseling had a way to find these folks before they jump. ------------------
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
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ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 572
From: the capricious clouds
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 04:21 PM
I haven't heard of community counseling here before, I think counseling, etc is a huge thing in America, whereas here people are much more unwilling to admit to themselves or anyone else that they may need to speak to a professional......In fact, I too have felt ashamed after admitting I have depression sometimes, that's why I went back and edited the details out of some of my old posts.
to love and compassion and people standing together
I have been thinking about what you said about 'caregivers syndrone' because earlier on I had been re-evaluating the saying "all happiness in the world stems from wishing others to be happy" because I feel it doesn't give the complete picture. Perhaps we all need the right balance between loving ourselves as well as others....because often those who give and give forget to nurture themselves, this results in them getting 'burnt out' more quickly, which, in effect doesn't help. Perhaps this is the balance between selfishness and selflessness I had been wondering about another time. So, perhaps we shouldn't feel ashamed to feel self-pity? Doesn't everyone, now and then? Perhaps this is a form of 'self-compassion' another know-flake wrote about. For, if we don't value ourselves to any extent, wouldn't this make it difficult to love others? IP: Logged |
ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 572
From: the capricious clouds
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 04:50 PM
Yes, I agree, I think it is a good sign that I am talking and willing to do something about it. I don't think I am draining anybody because it is up to individuals if they want to share their feelings; if they don't want to then someone else will. I am actually not one to put all my problems on someone else...perhaps I did a little with one person once, but I learned from this....I usually self-medicate through my writing, or talking to my partner, although he doesn't always have all the answers, lol.And I have been thinking that, the fact I still think that there is hope in people is a good sign- many people in my situation would have abandoned hope altogether, becoming misanthropic, blaming/ loathing the human race for everything, turning to nature, groups/ cults of like-minded people who hate society generally, fueling each other's hatred....hatred or loathing isn't the way. Although, developing confidence must be taken in small steps, not giant leaps! I once thought about embarking on a massage course, as I am interested in holistic therapies, until I realized that this was too much of a giant leap for me  Laughter and music are such great forms of medicine. I wonder if they can be classed as meditation? (mediTATION, not medication, lol)  IP: Logged |
Lialei
Knowflake Posts: 1532
From:
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 04:50 PM
LTT, thank you. I love you too. 
I recently discovered that song and it's been so timely. It makes me cry, it's so beautiful. I too listen to it again and again lately. There's such a beautiful appreciation and acceptance in the words and music. It fills my heart with hope. Fayte, I wasn't deterring her in any way from getting professional help. I was glad to hear she was persuing that and admitting she needs help. That's such a brave thing to do. I was only trying to give comfort and remind her of how important it is to be gentle with herself and not be brought further down by any hasty criticisms she may run into for her natural feelings by opening herself here. It's such a vulnerable feeling to put yourself out there and not so easy. Not saying there were any criticisms, but from her post it seemed she, like me, has possibly run into a fair amount of insensitivity and judgements and so may have been feeling especially sensitive to the possibility.
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ListensToTrees
Knowflake Posts: 572
From: the capricious clouds
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 04:53 PM
LOL. Now we are posting simultaneously, Lialei! So, when you said others are experiencing something similar....did you mean....yourself? Just interested. IP: Logged |
Lialei
Knowflake Posts: 1532
From:
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 05:04 PM
yes, I meant me, LTT.
I don't feel as brave or hopeful as you to be openly vulnerable here, I'm sorry. I saw you hurting and it drew me out,
although I'd decided to take a break for a time from posting here. I'm glad you're talking about it.
There's kind, caring people here with good advice. I'm going camping tomorrow for a few days.
Off into nature. 
I feel excited, like a little kid. It's been so long. Love to you. IP: Logged |
Lialei
Knowflake Posts: 1532
From:
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 05:13 PM
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fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 7098
From:
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 05:32 PM
Just popping in a moment!
LTT
LTT you seem to have a healthy attitude!
Will return later!
Lia I know you were not deterring LTT from counseling.
And I am not slamming you.
quote:
once again, I just cared for someone.I'm so weary with being slammed here, for caring for people.
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~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
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Lialei
Knowflake Posts: 1532
From:
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 18, 2007 11:55 PM
I know you weren't, Fayte.It's ok. I'm sorry. IP: Logged |
fayte.m
Knowflake Posts: 7098
From:
Registered: Mar 2005
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posted June 19, 2007 12:14 AM
Ok ------------------
~Judgement Must Be Balanced With Compassion~
~Do Not Seek Wealth From The Suffering, Or The Dire Needs Of Others~
~Assumption Is The Bane Of Understanding~
~ if you keep doing what you did, you'll keep getting what you got.~
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Lialei
Knowflake Posts: 1532
From:
Registered: Jul 2005
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posted June 19, 2007 12:16 AM
I'm so sorry if I've disturbed your thread,
ListensToTrees.I would feel terrible for that. Please continue. IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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