posted July 07, 2012 04:12 AM            

I've also heard the best pagan jokes from pagans. Here, the pagan field guide on a pagan site:
http://www.witchvox.com/va/dt_va.html?a=usfl&c=wars&id=2099

posted September 08, 2012 07:05 PM            

A preacher comes upon a girl playing with a box holding a litter of new-born kittens inside and asked, “What kind of kittens are those?”

She replied, "They're Christian kittens." He left pleased she had Jesus in her thoughts.

Days later he saw her again and asked how her Christian kittens were doing.

She replied, “Oh, they aren’t Christian kittens, they're atheists."

“I thought they were Christian kittens.”

“Oh, they were. But now their eyes are open!”

posted September 08, 2012 07:12 PM            

The preacher turns and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, hereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk shouts, "Aye, I am."

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks, "Brother have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, Ah hav'nae found Jesus."

The preacher is shocked and dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, "Have you found Jesus me brother?"

The drunk again answers, "No, Ah hav'nae found Jesus."

By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again, this time for about 30 seconds until the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs he pulls him up.

The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?"

posted September 08, 2012 07:20 PM            

John was promptly given to St. Mary's school. On the first day after school John went through the door and straight to his room without even giving his mother a kiss. He started studying furiously, books and papers were spread throughout the room. Immediately after dinner he ran upstairs without mentioning the television and buried himself even more in the books.

His parents were amazed.

This behavior went on for weeks until report cards were handed out. John quietly laid the card on the table and went to his room in terror. His mother apprehensively went to see the card but saw John had received an A in math!

She ran upstairs to his room, threw her arms around him and said, "John, how did this happen? Did the nuns inspire you?"

posted September 10, 2012 11:45 PM            

Took me a second to get that.

posted September 11, 2012 03:18 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Alma Sun:
Never thought religion and humor went too well together, but this thread is hilarious.

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You should read the Principia Discordia (the book is best, IMO, as it includes far more drawings and hand written notes in it than any of the online versions I've seen, and I was able to read the entire book in a single day with no problem, laughing from time to time), which some mistake for a joke disguised as a religion but I see as a religion disguised as a joke. Gods, my time with a Discordian cabal (we spelled it in different ways, such as "DysKordyan Kabal") was SO MUCH fun! We'd named our cabal the CFR, named for the Council of Foreign Relations which is a bogeyman of both the far left & right conspiracy theorists and we ourselves were suspicious of it, but our CFR stood for "Conspiracies For Rent" and those conspiracies included some wild pranks that sometimes doubled as surreal performance art.

posted January 20, 2013 05:23 PM            

I guess it's some weird LL glitch I hadn't been aware of until now.

posted March 04, 2013 03:39 PM            

"As you know, baseball is talked about a great deal in the Bible.

In the beginning..Eve stole first, Adam stole second, Gideon rattled the pitchers, David struck out Goliath, and the prodigal son made a home run."

posted March 05, 2013 11:13 AM            

When he graduates from medical school

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted March 12, 2013 11:56 PM            

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me everyday. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."

And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will know I love you, even when you cannot see me.

Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said, "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names are taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, "No problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him. And Adam was comforted. And God was pleased. And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."

And the Lord said, "No problem! I will create for him a companion who will be with him forever and who will see him as he is. The companion will remind him of his limitations, so he will know that he is not worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam. And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And Adam learned humility.

And God was pleased. And Adam was greatly improved.