posted August 08, 2013 07:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
Is their sacrament fried peanut butter banana sandwiches?

---

There is no sacrament. However, there is a divine ordinance requiring Presleyterians to keep 31 foods stocked in their homes every day, in the event that Elvis should arrive, either from the earthly or celestial plane. The Church History provides some edifying instruction:

quote:

---

The founders spent five years developing church doctrine and sacred rituals before going public with the new religion. Presleyterians are required to face Las Vegas daily and make a pilgrimage to Graceland at least once during their lives. Most importantly, Rev. Farndu said, all church members are required to overindulge in worldly pleasures. Presleyterians also believe that children should be forced to praise Elvis daily. "Back in the 50s, everyone in public school worshipped Elvis. There's been a steady decline in our educational values and morals since we've taken the King out of the classroom," Rev. Farndu intoned.

Church dietary laws are strict, Dr. Edwards said. Every Preseleyterian home must always be stocked with the 31 Holy Items, which Elvis kept religiously at Graceland at all times. Included among the sacraments are ground round meat, and banana pudding (to be made fresh each night). Any home missing even a single item on the holy list is courting disaster, Dr. Edwards warned the new Minister Anna. When Elvis is sighted in an area, He could drop by your house. "Imagine if Elvis was on your very street and He passed over your house because you didn't have that banana pudding," Dr. Edwards said. "Or if you had it -- but it wasn't fresh."

---

The 31 Holy Items

posted August 09, 2013 05:09 PM            

I know Colonel Parker's compulsive gambling put him in debt to the mafia who ran the Vegas casinos. Parker was afraid to travel to certain parts of the country where he knew the mafia would be looking for him. Parker in turn worked Elvis into the ground trying to come up with money to stave off the mafia; at one point in the late 70's Elvis continually had to be revived from an almost comatose state and then loaded with drugs just so he could make it onstage. This was at the insistence of Parker and, in turn, the mafia. By then, fifty percent of Elvis's earnings went to Parker.

As early as the 1950's the mafia tried to blackmail Elvis to funnel off his income; apparently they did this to many celebrities. At one time in the 1960's Elvis was the US's highest paying citizen. It's easy to see why the mafia made him a target.

Everyone knows Elvis was a narc. His fans all know that. It was the second half to the story of when Elvis met Nixon (their suns are conjunct, btw.)

As for his involvement in the criminal underworld...

Priscilla mentioned that Elvis had called her on the phone towards the end of his life and asked whether or not she needed anyone killed. I've been looking for elaboration on that point but haven't found it. It's well documented that Elvis wanted to have Priscilla's lover Mike Stone murdered. He was also maniacally opposed to drug dealers and there's been some speculation that he had some of them killed.

He had this black streak, going along with the dual nature of the Elvis anagram:

ELVIS
LIVES
EVILS

I don't doubt that Gail's story has some validity and well-documented facts. But I also have seen her interviews, I know how she flakes out, and don't take her word as the final say, especially not when I've come to trust certain members of the Memphis Mafia who never flake out, such as Jerry Schilling and Joe Esposito. And those friends give detailed accounts of Elvis's death, which I believe are true. Especially since my husband's uncle knows the pathologist who did the autopsy...oh, I guess I mentioned that before?

Anyway, it's not a matter of believability, it's a matter of, "Is this true or false?" I've dealt hands-on with one of the biggest frauds of Elvis fandom; she runs a forum where she sells all kinds of lies about her imaginary life with Elvis. It took me a long time to realize she was lying; many people, including well-known Presidents of fanclubs, still believe this woman is being truthful. They believe that because they failed to scrutinize her evidence, which is plainly bogus, but you need to be suspicious before you will scrutinize. And she's friendly enough to diffuse suspicion. Thus she sells her books.

The experience taught me to be extra careful about filtering information from questionable sources, especially when it comes to Elvis, for whom there is still a strong market force driving the production of books and personal stories.

To me, anyone alleging that they have special, previously undocumented knowledge of Elvis is automatically suspicious; he was surrounded by his friends non-stop towards the end. Still, I'd be willing to examine their case if it were offered for free...not because I have the slightest suspicion that Elvis's death was faked (I don't) but because, like I said, some parts of his involvement in the criminal underworld remain foggy, and I'm open to the idea that some people have the inside scoop on that and could present it credibly. For now I think those details remain foggy because of his friends' loyalty and their unwillingness to make him look worse than he was; they might also be covering for themselves.

posted August 15, 2013 04:43 PM            

Well, getting back into the topic of the spiritual Elvis...I've always liked this little poem that the King recited before singing Walk A Mile In My Shoes:

quote:

---

There was a guy who said one time, he said,

"You never stood in that man's shoes,
or saw things from his eyes,
or stood and watched with helpless hands, while the heart inside you dies.
So help your brother along the way
No matter where he starts
For the same God that made you
Made him, too.
These men with broken hearts."

---

posted August 16, 2013 06:25 PM            

Well I'm going to take a moment of silence anyway, and acknowledge the anniversary of Elvis's death.

posted August 16, 2013 06:27 PM            

9 pm CT

posted August 21, 2013 07:40 AM            

Anyone else love Paul Simon's Song Graceland?

The Mississippi Delta
Was shining like a National guitar
I am following the river
Down the highway
Through the cradle of the Civil War

I’m going to Graceland
Graceland
In Memphis,Tennessee
I’m going to Graceland
Poorboys and pilgrims with families
And we are going to Graceland
My traveling companion is nine years old
He is the child of my first marriage
But I’ve reason to believe
We both will be received
In Graceland

....

In Graceland, in Graceland
I’m going to Graceland
For reasons I cannot explain
There’s some part of me wants to see Graceland
And I may be obliged to defend
Every love, every ending
Or maybe there’s no obligations now
Maybe I’ve a reason to believe
We all will be received
In Graceland

posted August 21, 2013 07:49 AM            

There's a spiritual message in that song, that's why I have no shame about posting it here in DD. It's totally relevant.

posted August 21, 2013 10:17 PM            

I saw him open for Bob Dylan. Then they played together too. Yes, it was amazing, a once in a lifetime experience.

posted September 25, 2013 11:22 AM            

Sorry if I am wearing out anyone's patience by promoting Elvis as an improbable but possible deity or demigod. Sorry. But who's even reading it??

posted May 03, 2014 09:01 AM            

Prince William, Prince Harry Visit Graceland to Pay Tribute to Elvis

Awesome.

posted August 07, 2014 10:11 PM            

I haven't checked this forum enough lately. GREAT comic but sad, sad joke!

Btw have I posted the lyrics to "Elvis is Everywhere" on this thread yet? *checking*

Nope, just the link. Anyway, they kinda match that comic...just a little excerpt here:

Man, there's a lot of unexplained phenomenon
out there in the world.
Lot of things people say
What the heck's going on?

Let me tell ya!

Who built the pyramids?
ELVIS!
Who built Stonehenge?
ELVIS!

Yeah, man you see guys
walking down the street
pushing shopping carts
and you think they're talking to allah,
they're talking to themself.
Man, no they're talking to ELVIS!
ELVIS! ELVIS!

...

Yeah man, you know people from outer space,
people from outer space they come up to me.
They don't look like like Doctor Spock.
They don't look like Klingons,
all that Star Trek jive.

They look like Elvis.
ELVIS!
Everybody in outer space looks like Elvis.
Cause Elvis is a perfect being.
We are all moving in perfect peace and harmony towards Elvisness.

posted August 08, 2014 10:49 AM            

Does everyone have a copy of this?

Sample pages, for edification

-

-

-