posted May 19, 2009 10:34 AM         

i didn't start a thread about me before because it meant exposing myself to others. and it's when i reacted to one of valus thread and he made me the comment that i could start a thread of my own (instead of criticising his) that i realised that i had to do something about my cowardness, regardless of people lack of interest in me, and while writing this i feel it is liberating to confront such a fear.

after all, that this thread has many reactions or just a couple doesn't make a big difference. i would be unable and embarrassed if there was too much interest in me because the comments and question would highlight areas of my unconscious which i might not want to confront. (or is this an excuse to prepare myself to your lack of interest?); it reminds me of the ceremony that you do when you are around 12 and you are catolic, i don't know the name though, well at mine, i was obviously the center of the attention and everything was going alright until the moment i had to open the letter from a cousin who couldn't be here, i did burst into tears like never before. all this attention from people was just to much for me. if i had been able, i would have disappeared.

(so please, keep considering me like pain and avoid me, lol!???)

anyway, i would like to explain why i chose the username pire. this has to do with the fact that it exactly on my MC and conjunct the asteroid bless. (pire meaning worst). i can also tell you that i chose praecipua before because it is a star close to my north node. my true north node is 29'19 leo and the mean north node is 29'54 leo. voila!

i've been here on LL for a couple of years already and i must confess that i really like this place, it is a bit like in real life, with plenty of different people, but the main thing is that people here have some really good intentions toward others. the way it's expressed is drastically different from one to the other but, as in real life, happens what must happen and people get what they must get. but just with more softness than in the real life.

i give you an example of the importance of a place like this for me. when i came here under the nickname of praecipua, my very first thread was an attack against jwhop. i did it with all the pent up anger that a mars semi-square moon like me could let out. there was no chances he didn't understand my comment, as i wanted it to be. and for a while i looked down at him. i created a big noise in GU and my thread reached around 100 post (for my first time, i was proud of myself!). i apologised when some people made me realise that i was wrong, but i must confess that it was not what i truly felt inside. i still looked down at him thinking he was everything i disliked in US culture. anyway, i must say now, 2 years down the line, that i start to see the real goodness in him. and to be totally honest, i must add that this is possible only since i started to accept myself more, as i really am instead of how i would like to be. what annoyed me in him was his stubborness more than his narrow mindedness. this was just an excuse that did hide the reflection of my own stubborness and arrogance. so now i decided to embrace my arrogance and dedication to be an a***hole and transform it inside myself instead of lashing out at stranger. i'm still working on that so i can't promise that it won't ever happen though. me being me! (jwhop, u probably won't read this but if you do, take this as my formal apology)

ok, what else? are you bored yet? shall i talk about the good sides?

i'm glad to take the chance to be on LL to learn from people. i don't say that randomly, I know nothing of really relating to people (in the HOW department). however there are other things that are more accessible to me that i will be glad to share. and this, even if i came across as if i didn't like you before (jwhop included then). as long as i'm certain you're from this community(LL), it's ok, i'll share. you must wonder, what is he talking about?

------------------
Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.
Ethiopia

posted May 20, 2009 10:49 AM         

i have just been seeing that fact myself. whati don't like in others IS a reflection of waht i don't like in myself. certainly puts a different spin on things, doesn't it?

posted May 21, 2009 11:55 AM         

ainsi c'est l'histoire d'un mec pas mauvais mais très sensible

posted May 21, 2009 12:06 PM         

quote:

---

what annoyed me in him was his stubborness more than his narrow mindedness. this was just an excuse that did hide the reflection of my own stubborness and arrogance. so now i decided to embrace my arrogance and dedication to be an a***hole and transform it inside myself instead of lashing out at stranger

---

posted June 21, 2009 03:04 AM         

Nice to see you here, and to read the reflection you shared with us.

Would it be okay for you to post your natal chart? I'd like to see it and read it.

Are you a guy or a gal, Pire?

I'm a big girl

I appreciate your posts, Pire.

D

posted June 24, 2009 09:43 PM         

So Pire...I had never thought of you as a guy...wow.

You're a cool guy.

See you around.

D

posted June 30, 2009 09:23 PM         

Im growing a beard too, and my plan for the future is to become a truck driver. Lol. True!

Well, im not technically fit, but that's because i dont go to the gym. I dont like lifting weight just for the sake of muscles. I've been unemployed for 6 months (1st saturn return now !?) and just didnt do much exercise. But that's the plan.

Im flatered to be taken for a girl. I appreciate women, even though not sexually.

You see, i like to be confusing, cause vulnerability is something that i really find unconfortable. Im glad to be a tall guy so i dont get annoyed.

To be a girl must sometimes be difficult, regarding safety in particular. Not this problem here.

For my chart, i didnt want to at first. Some vulnerability/paranoiac attitude of mine. Who knows if the CIA decided to sell my chart to the french secret services to sell it to the mossad in order to sell it to MI5 to publish it in the SUN or the Daily Mirror? I couldnt stand it.

posted July 01, 2009 09:57 AM         

special to me, no categories

david bowie life on mars, heroes, myst.....erious? or myst....ic?

DJ Chus & David Penn

Keren Ann

Lizz Wright

Mahalia Jackson

Jacques Brel

Terez Montcalm

posted July 03, 2009 12:59 PM         

so, these days, i use my free time helping a friend of mine to arrange an old house that he bought recently. his wife is pregnant and they will hopefully live in it by the winter so the thing has to be done. i've never done this, and im learning with him how to do it. he's got a great job, (not as "qualified" but a specific job in an industry, doing cheese french isn't it?) and he works only half of the year so we do that together right now. i like it. i'd like to restaure (rebuild?) an old house too. plenty of them here. but that will be when i'll have the cash!

yep that's all right now.

from september, i'll have to study. i keep saying that and i keep postponing it. i started a degree in 2003 in london and had a major break in between. i still have two exams to finish it. (politics and african studies)

posted July 12, 2009 03:58 PM         

I deleted the last posts though cause they were offensive.

I've got the chance to improve, so i must take it, for myself.