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Author Topic:   Why am I such a loner?
Melynna
unregistered
posted December 26, 2008 10:15 AM           Edit/Delete Message
I've been noticing for the last couple of years that I just don't want to deal with people as much, and I've started to become more and more of a loner. I've always been very independant, but had a small circle of friends. Now I only have one girlfriend from childhood, and our relationship seems to be deteriorating very quickly.
I have no problem establishing casual relationships, going out to have lunch with co-wokers that don't work in my deparment and I barely know, get invited to lot of parties (that I never go to), etc..I just can't bother with being nice to everyone, when I feel most of the people are a waist of my time. I HATE feeling like this. I'm spending more time alone at home, I don't want to go out with anyone (exept with my boyfriend). My girlfriend from childhood (which I haven't seen for about 7 months, only because I never want to socialize) nags me all the time because I don't call her, we don't go out, etc which only makes things worse.
I'm also extremely picky both with friends and boyfriends. And to make things worse, I just can't seem to get along well with women.
This is situation just gets worse. I'm spending almost all of my days with the computer, at home, I don't even talk to my family that much. I don't think it's depression because I'm just not sad, my life is pretty good, it's just the social part that I'm worried about. Especially..because I like being alone.
What could make a person like this? Is there anything in my natal chart that could point to this? What about a transit?

I'm thinking my Capricorn Moon is a bit guilty of the loner part...but why wasn't I always like this? I used to be a very social person, loved to go out to parties...etc..
Sorry it's long..I really don't know where to look at...I'm really hoping is just a transit so that it's temporal...
I'd really appreciate any input.
Thanks in advance

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writesomething
unregistered
posted December 26, 2008 10:36 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Moon in capricorn square saturn. 11th house pisces.

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Deliverance
Knowflake

Posts: 20
From: The real world
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 26, 2008 10:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Deliverance     Edit/Delete Message
Melynna.

I totally relate to your situation.
Ive been going through the same thing.

Pluto has been opposite your Mars in the 2nd, this has probably created a change in the things you valuethis could account for the fact you don't value going out & socialising any more....nothing wrong with that!

Neptune/Chiron has been opposite your 3rd house Venus (Socialising) & trine your Mercury (communication).

Neptune & Chiron has been conjunct my 3rd house Venus for the last couple of years & have have stopped socialising. I prefer books to people at the moment. I have heard that Ive hurt some friends by not attending their social gatherings...perhaps that's where Chiron comes in.

IMO Neptune in transit dissolves whatever it touches.....

Just do what you do & don't fret about going out. It could just be a phase or it could last forever. if you're OK with being solitary, that's all that matters.

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Atlenta
unregistered
posted December 26, 2008 03:39 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Why must you socialise when you don't want to? It's okay to have time to yourself.

There's nothing wrong spending time on the computer. It's just a popular social notion favoring extroverts because it is the basis of the media.

I prefer time alone as well, more than being with others. I've come to accept that. Further, I'm also busy. I get grumpy when there are people around when I'm doing my work.

Your perception of what is "socially right" or "acceptable" leads to your anxiety in not living up to what you think a "normal" human being should do. But you are what you are, you need not force yourself to be any different unless you want to.

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Melynna
unregistered
posted December 26, 2008 04:42 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Delivarance, does this situation bother you? See, I also prefer books or solitary activities, but I don't think I enjoy them as much as I used to enjoy the social gatherings.
It's like I feel empty, but getting together with people would be a struggle. I also think that I don't fit in most of the time lol but that doesn't really worries me, although it could be affecting me in some unconscious level I guess. Do you also feel like that?

Atlenta, it's not that I think it's wrong to be by myself. It's the fact that I only have one friend left, and I know that if I keep on being like this, I'll end up losing our friendship.And I don't have the energy to establish new friendshps. That's what bothers me.

Oh! I also go through 'cycles' in which I make a concious effort to socialize, so that people would keep want to hang out with me, calling me, etc...and when they do, I become my usual self and make up excuses and reject all the invitations (LOL I can't help but blame my Capricorn Moon). I guess I just like the feeling of being 'popular' (has to be that Venus in Leo :P..so wrong for my chart ). Then when they get bored of chasing me, they stop calling, I freak out because they're not paying enough attention to me, and I become "social" again (but it's still an effort) .

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PLF
unregistered
posted December 27, 2008 03:33 AM           Edit/Delete Message
I don't know if the main culprit is your capricorn moon....

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Iqhunk
unregistered
posted December 27, 2008 05:09 AM           Edit/Delete Message
I have been through this at your age [My birthday is June 25th.] This is the first step prior to a spiritual awakening. You should try meditating a bit more rather than spend excessive time in the computer.

You must also pay very close attention to your dreams. You may notice repeating number patterns, look out for them too.

------------------
http://www.tamsoft.co.in/articles.html

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Atlenta
unregistered
posted December 27, 2008 10:05 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Melynna, in addition to what IQ said, don't worry about 'losing friends'. They don't just go away (you'll be surprised!); friendship is beyond social gatherings. Making new friends in a low energy period can be hazardous for mental wellbeing, especially since you know that. Don't push yourself 'out there' because you'll be miserable. You just need to centre yourself. When you're ready, you can get out and socialise.

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Happy Dragon
Knowflake

Posts: 48
From:
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 27, 2008 10:41 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Happy Dragon     Edit/Delete Message
~ Melynna ~

.. in addition to the transits ..
these progressions have been in effect ..

progressed Sun .. from 3rd .. square to natal Saturn ( in 6th )
progressed Venus .. from 4th .. square to natal Uranus ( in 7th )

some info re venus-uranus contacts ..
~ http://www.happydragon.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jkbx/s.e.vns.urns.html ~

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Deliverance
Knowflake

Posts: 20
From: The real world
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 28, 2008 04:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Deliverance     Edit/Delete Message
quote:
Delivarance, does this situation bother you? See, I also prefer books or solitary activities, but I don't think I enjoy them as much as I used to enjoy the social gatherings.
It's like I feel empty, but getting together with people would be a struggle. I also think that I don't fit in most of the time lol but that doesn't really worries me, although it could be affecting me in some unconscious level I guess. Do you also feel like that?

No it doesn't bother me because I have changed.
When I used to socialise, I enjoyed going to pubs, clubs & wine bars. I loved all that stuff & was an outgoing person. If I was still that person, being solitary would be difficult, but I'm not the person I used to be.

looking back, I thought I was having a good time because I was probably tipsy at that point. But it eventually got to a point where I would go out & feel awful for the following 2 weeks. Socialising with people made me feel drained & ill. I was forcing myself to go out because it was the "right" thing to do.

I don't feel empty, but I do feel like I dont belong & very different to most people I meet...I don't mind that at all.

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Chryseis
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posted December 29, 2008 07:00 AM           Edit/Delete Message
you know what i reckon Melynna,

I think you are still feeling the effects of transitting Pluto to natal Neptune(Neptune ruling Pisces)on the 11th. I think it has set a necessary mode to tone down your social arena and you are gearing up for a bebe. Somehow it also has to do with Jupiter and its, and Neptune's, aspect to your sun.

Ok i think your bf will only be serious and in committed bebe mode to someone he thinks is behaving like the mother of a child he would have. I think this is important, and maybe that's not a bad way to be. 10 pts to him even though it seems very chauvanistic. I think he is serious and level headed, he knows the kind of future he wants and he thinks you are perfect.

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Dew
unregistered
posted December 29, 2008 08:39 AM           Edit/Delete Message
Hey Melynna,

I have a very similar astrological make-up to you: Cancer Sun, Capricorn Moon & a Saggitarius Ascendant.
I completely identify with what you wrote above. I love being by myself, as I tend to get very stressed out and uneasy with demanding energies. I am social when I go out, but it doesn't mean I want to be fast friends. Most people don't understand this, but I have never needed a lot of people in my life.
I know where it stems from, childhood issues and all that stuff, but it works for me.
I know society seems to label this kind of energy somewhat negatively i.e 'loner', 'hermit', 'unsocial'...but not everybody is the same. I totally enjoy my personality. I know I may not be this way inclined next year...or I may be...but I am just enjoying going with the flow.
My mantra is 'Quality not quantity' and I continuously strive to live my life by it!

I do think it is a natural dominant Capricorn trait, because my experience is all the Cappies I know have this as a dominant aspect of their personalities.
And I know Capricorn moons get a bad wrap, but its about PRACTICALITY!
Its not exactly practical to have a hundred friends all vying for your attention...how can you give them quality time? How will you give yourself quality time?
And if I've changed, and a friend doesn't seem to want to, its only practical that we both move on to other vistas that would bring both of us happiness.
Don't forget that your personal happiness counts too!

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Melynna
unregistered
posted December 29, 2008 01:08 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Chryseis, do you mean that planets setting up so that I'm not as social, is a way of ...the "universe" (sorry..I don't really know the word for that) for me to get used to the idea of having a baby?. If so, that scares me!! LOL. I'm really not sure I'd ever want to haver a baby. Even though I'm a cancer, I don't think I'm really that interested in marriage and babies. (in fact I don't like kids that much)
Also, how can you see all that about my bf? I mean, could you really see all that in my chart? (sorry, I don't know much about astrology)

Happy Dragon, thanks for that link. I read it and found that information very interesting and helpful!

Thanks everyone for all your help, I know you're right, it's just that I love the popularity that the social aspect brings and it's a feeling I'm really missing. Oh well, I guess I'll just stop whining now. :P

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FistOfLegend
unregistered
posted December 29, 2008 01:11 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Moon square Saturn tends to self-inhibit, hide feelings, and not allow anyone to get too close.

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Chryseis
unregistered
posted December 29, 2008 04:39 PM           Edit/Delete Message
Hi Melynna,

I look at things and get an impression. But I get a cosmic slap regularly, and I'm sure I couldn't be right completely.

Take my comments with a grain of salt. I do think tho that this is what is kinda in motion, heehee.

I'm not that great on astrology or anything really, haha, however, I know the basics of a number of concepts and I love symbols.

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Nyah
Knowflake

Posts: 17
From: Europe
Registered: Apr 2009

posted December 29, 2008 05:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Nyah     Edit/Delete Message
hi there,
I don't know if it helps at all, but I'm a Cap Moon also, and I'm always feeling a bit on the side of everything and everyone else. Loner - yes, but if you can find the strength it has in it, you will also feel very independent. Freedom - in good and bad.

------------------
Ascendant: Gemini
Sun: Pisces
Moon: Capricorn
Mercury: Pisces
Venus: Capricorn
Mars: Aquarius

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