posted April 27, 2009 02:44 PM              

i also think that if your heart tells you not to go through with it...then it is your best choice.

but when telling this to him,be sensitive enough too - for him to have crossed the country to move in with you,that is cause he thougt you were The One to marry.

posted September 03, 2012 09:42 PM            

I'll chime in for the student and lurkers..

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We had such a fairy tale beginning.

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Neptune.

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...There was never a lot of passion and the physical chemistry wasn't exactly hot...

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Neptune

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Things fell apart in December and we've been "on again, off again" ever since.

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I feel like something is missing. He is a wonderful man ... yet I cannot get myself to think of him as more than a friend ... I love him tremendously but it is platonic.

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posted September 03, 2012 10:01 PM            

If you're not going to be honest with yourself, at least do it for him and don't drag this out any longer.

posted September 04, 2012 07:01 AM            

I think that women are unfairly sold this idea of crazy, wildfire romance that is always exciting, dramatic, intense, and enchanting, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, without end. We are sold this idea that we'll just meet the right person and everything will automatically be worked out and fall into place, with no problems. None of that is realistic.

While I don't believe that you should marry someone that you can't stand, I also don't believe that you should marry someone that you're "crazy about"--to use a good French expression, "à la folie". To love someone to the point of madness, to the point of being consumed by emotions and physical desires, is not a sound and sturdy base for a lifelong commitment.

I will also say that many of the men who inspire those "à la folie" types of romances are not the types who will be faithful, stable, loyal, or committed. Sure, they may be exciting, but where are they going to be when things go sour and you need people to be there for you? As far away as they can get, that's where.

Using one's head in love is important, and not just one's heart. Love isn't just about feelings. There are more practical things, too, that come into play. Dishes have to be done. Checkbooks have to be balanced. Bills have to be paid. Sometimes, your Prince or Princess Charming will yell or fart or belch or otherwise be disagreeable or unpleasant. These are the realities of a long-term relationship: seeing the mask come off and really having to work together as a team with someone who is actually real and human, and not someone who's an always-delightful, two-dimensional character out of a storybook.

posted September 04, 2012 01:13 PM            

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Just to point out the other side, though, passion and lust aren't everything in relationships. You can't build a solid relationship on sex or "passion". Love grows slowly, over time, after trust has been built, storms have been weathered, and emotional/spiritual intimacy is achieved. Only lust and infatuation are immediate.

I think that women are unfairly sold this idea of crazy, wildfire romance that is always exciting, dramatic, intense, and enchanting, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, without end. We are sold this idea that we'll just meet the right person and everything will automatically be worked out and fall into place, with no problems. None of that is realistic.

While I don't believe that you should marry someone that you can't stand, I also don't believe that you should marry someone that you're "crazy about"--to use a good French expression, "à la folie". To love someone to the point of madness, to the point of being consumed by emotions and physical desires, is not a sound and sturdy base for a lifelong commitment.

I will also say that many of the men who inspire those "à la folie" types of romances are not the types who will be faithful, stable, loyal, or committed. Sure, they may be exciting, but where are they going to be when things go sour and you need people to be there for you? As far away as they can get, that's where.

Using one's head in love is important, and not just one's heart. Love isn't just about feelings. There are more practical things, too, that come into play. Dishes have to be done. Checkbooks have to be balanced. Bills have to be paid. Sometimes, your Prince or Princess Charming will yell or fart or belch or otherwise be disagreeable or unpleasant. These are the realities of a long-term relationship: seeing the mask come off and really having to work together as a team with someone who is actually real and human, and not someone who's an always-delightful, two-dimensional character out of a storybook.

Ultimately, I would say that finding a balance between the ideal and the real is what will help a person choose a suitable partner. Being too real and having no sense of magic in love will be dull and unsatisfying. Being too idealistic and having no capacity to cope with the more challenging parts of a relationship will lead one to being constantly on the lookout for the next best thing, and always disappointed. Balancing romance with reality and having both of those things in the right places in the right doses won't make for a problem-free relationship, but, in my opinion, it will give it the best chance of being, albeit imperfectly, a couple's "happily ever after".

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posted September 04, 2012 01:42 PM            

But on the other hand even if these things are compatible and you could live with each other, it doesn`t mean that you will ever grow to love each other (though usually there might be a certain fondness, based on the similarity and compatibility).
It wouldn`t be enough for me. Just like a fiery whirlwind romance without foundation in the real world wouldn`t be enough for me.
But people are different.
My best friend married a friend of ours, and it has never been the grand passion for her (though he was very much in love with her and still is), but she has a lot of affection for him and they are a good team and love their children with all their heart, and they seem to be very happy.
Well, I surely would have missed the "romantic vibe", but she has a different view on this, as she hasn´t had too good experiences with guys she fell in love with romantically.

Having said that, I do think though that she is in love with her husband; the romance is just not her priority. Having afamily with him is.

(but come one, they have DW Venus-Jupiter-opposition; his Sun and ASC conjunct her DESC; his Pluto conjunct her Mercury-Venus-Mars-Pluto-conjunction; etc.).

posted September 04, 2012 01:51 PM            

There is no passion, it's not "hot". As someone with an Aries venus and Leo moon, how could you possibly love something you're not passionate about?

My last relationship was like this...we were sooo compatible, like best friends who have known each other forever, but I felt no passion. I ended it because I just couldn't love someone I didn't feel hot for. I, too, have a Mars-ruled Venus sign (Scorpio) and a fire moon (Sag) so in a way I can tell that what you need is passion or it's going to fizzle out and you will never be happy. Don't sell yourself short.

posted September 04, 2012 02:05 PM            

It's short-lived by physiological design.

posted September 04, 2012 02:18 PM            

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Originally posted by Aquacheeka:
I am quite wary of passion.

It's short-lived by physiological design.

I just want someone compatible and stable.

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