posted May 29, 2009 07:09 PM            

So Neptune has been direct until last night

therefore, Neptune wasn't retrograde last weekend.

posted May 29, 2009 07:12 PM            

quote:

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Delusional hits: May 21-July 10 2009 – Jupiter and Neptune make a long term alignment. Highly delusional and unreasonably optimistic.

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posted December 05, 2021 12:43 AM            

Neptune representing our dreams. This can be sleeping dreams, our fantasies, our goals. I truly felt like I was going backwards in relations to my dreams coming true. And I did not cope with it very well, you might say.

This Neptune rx on June 25th 2021 started with a bang. My wedding! It was perfect, it rained pretty much the whole day...flooding to the point where it was a state emergency!
Driving home the next day took over an hour so many roads were closed off. Lots of flooded roads over the summer.

Then in July I start to see cockroaches in Condo...it takes for ever to get a spray. Lots of deception relating to this issue and why it was not taken care of right away.

I got this condo in May but was able to start sleeping there in April. It's not my ultimate goal, but it made me happy to have an upgrade. I'm done with college so I can clean and sanitize so much now...the kitchen sink is always empty, you get the picture...so to see this in my condo...when the last place I would go days with out doing dishes.

My landlord also gave me this dome defense spray that didn't work. I would spend hours after work cleaning and spraying just to see no results and the problem getting worse. The whole thing has really messed me up.

I started chain smoking and drinking more. I have cried at work multiple times. My arms have shook from my life being such a nightmare.

Seeing first hand that the first year of marriage is the hardest....

(sorry I'm kind of jumping around here)

A week after being married I took my husband on a very nice date and I paid. He had a bad attitude the entire time, on the way, during, the drive home and getting home. It was when we got home and was like "move out of my way"...where I totally SNAPPED. I was shrieking at him, and crying, and cussing him out.

I cried for days after, I cried in the bathtub, and took a nap.

THAT was the last straw...there is never an excuse to have that bad of an attitude on a date...things happen that can make it hard for people to be them best selves. But have some self awareness and say you can't go on a date at this time is that is how you are going to treat someone paying on a date for you.

THESE GUYS...who are all like "wow, I've never had a lady pay on a date before..." would friggin appreciate it and not be a ******* !
This is not the first time husband had a bad tude on a date....he gets it when he has to go back to work soon and not be home for a long time...but it's like helloo that's why I am taking you on a date and paying....you can't take that out on somebody who is choosing to do something very nice for you. I let him know in the past that this is unacceptable.
So when he did this again at the historic fancy restaurant, I said that's it. I said lets just go back to the 50's and you pay for all the dates then. He agreed to this knew he deserved from effing up really bad...and understood why I was done taking him on dates the rest of the year. I was sooooo fed up to the point where I forced him to read about a blogger who is a divorced man who took his wife for granted and regretted it...and pepped talked guys into not making the same mistakes.
I then told my husband no BJ's until he typed 6 pages. I brought it down to 5 when he stood up for me to his sister.

I still took him out for Birthday dinner though...I gave him the pep talk on how he better not eff this up and he is lucky I am willing to do that. If he is upset about something, I ask if it is going to let it affect his mood. I told him to be upfront to reschedule the date if he thinks he will get a tude like that again, and how I would respect that more.

posted December 05, 2021 01:49 AM            

I decided I am not sleeping another night in that condo another night once it got to a certain point. Mostly staying at parent's place. But adjusting to the lack of privacy...I have NEEDS, okay? I went a long time not using my. (I won't say) Very sexually frustrated!

Other factors play in as well...Venus about to enter my 8th house...I had to tell my husband I'm bored with our sex life...and distance is not an excuse. He is more conservative than me I guess. I have to hurt his feelings so he gets where I am coming from and how he has done and said things to not make me not initiate.

Anything I was not getting in my relationships with husband...I was getting with my fantasies using my.....

And when I felt like I didn't have the privacy to do so anymore, while physically unable to get any from him...I realized I had a huge problem in this marriage. Lot's of long uncomfortable painful talks like every 3 days.

My job has been very rough this year...I feel like my job is so demanding that I can't get anything done in my personal life.

So then took off, me having the hots for co-worker. There has always been some kind of something there...but I really have had to face the music with this attraction....before it went rx, we have really locked eyes with each other a few times. I feel an emotional and physical attraction to this person.

I did fantasize about him one day in the summer, I was fighting and trying to change the subject in my mind. But nothing else was working...so I went for it. Afterwards I told my self that I can't do that again because I will make things at work get too weird. I was able to for quite some time...when I came back to work I tried to keep my cool, while feeling guilty. I said hi or hey to him one day...I don't think anyone else was around, but he said it back in a low tone that really surprised me.

I would start to me more embarrassed around him. Plus we barely get to talk since the director feels compelled to interrupt since we talked so much to each other last year. After a while we would start to break the ice with each other more.
Freaky thing is...I started to have dreams about him. One where he spooned me...another where I had most of my naked body presented to him.

The combo of being so sexually deprived, and him making me feel things more than my husband was at the time... I started to not not give a **** and put music on in my room and fantasize about him.

While this was going on...I also felt compelled to work on my own marriage more.

I do get these stalkhome syndrome crushes/lustfulness with men who are a lot older than me when I am so overworked, underappreciated and under effed and they are in an environment where I see them a lot.

Both of these men have Neptune exactly conjunct my moon sign....this attraction is super hard for me to shake when I see them at least once a week.

But now that Neptune is direct I think I can tone down my thirst for this man. Hopefully, who knows, I could be full of crap...time will tell. Plus our synastry says the attraction get bigger over time. Since my Pluto conjuncts Mars.

Anyways having the hots for a co-worker like that and not giving a **** is true downward spiraling to me.

Also two weeks after being married husband asks me to quit my job to go on the road with him. I said I needed two years. This is where I feel like "Jonah and the Whale" because the universe pushed me to my limit of going I can't wait that long...why does everything keep going wrong when I've worked so hard!? "Oh you don't want to go with your husband yet? Here is some BS from your job you insist you stay at for two more years!" "Oh that didn't push you to your breaking point of being with your husband sooner...here are some cockroaches" "Oh these things happen? it will get taken care of if I do the right thing and tell the landlord you say?....hahahahaaa WRONG. Still want to wait to be with your husband?" That why I feel like Jonah.

Also if I ever have kids...I don't think I want to teach them that if they do the right thing and follow the rules that they will be rewarded for it. It will not always be the case...you can do everything right and have everything go wrong. Because my husband will not appreciate me because I did something really awesome for him. People will not be nice to you if you are nice to them. People will not do their jobs when you ask for help. You can have your last apartment be a dump and not have bugs...then you can clean your new condo every day somewhere else and have cockroaches. I shed this belief that good things happen to good people more each year.
But you can eventually make life your 8!tch back if you life and that feels pretty awesome.

posted December 10, 2021 09:43 PM            

I am starting to see progress with my husband since Venus has passed my Saturn.

I have been making my self eat fruit at lunch. I still smoke more, but not as bad as when I was staying at the condo. It's rare for me to have a day where I don't have a drink.

I did slightly get back into meditating and some relaxation techniques.

I have great co-workers to talk to, a best friend, and sister.

I feel like I can take care of myself on the weekends and if I have days off. I really feel like quitting my job will be self care. I am freaking out less about being with my husband now.

I know we planned on that...but it's finally clicking with him to have the self awareness that wife needs to feel supported now and always.

I have been keeping up with nails being professionally done.

I also started shaving my pubes until I'm almost Barbie as a confidence boost.

posted December 11, 2021 08:13 AM            

I've saved a lot of money staying at my parents.

posted December 29, 2021 11:52 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoWasHere:
Thank you, Stawr! I really needed to take a bit of distance from it all. It was just 5 days but it made a big difference. A mud spa sounds like a wonderful relaxing experience. Must be all that Taurus in my chart. I hope you will enjoy your spa experience soon!

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haha I think anything Venus ruled loves baths!
My Libra dad likes baths more than my Leo Mom.

My Leo husband comments that baths are disgusting. LOL Though he will go in a fancy jet tub with me if we stay in a nice room.

God self care is so hard sometimes. It's like sometimes you gotta bang your chest and say I matter and if that makes me selfish so be it!

One of my friends told me yesterday that his goal is to practice self care every single day. I don't even think I can do that everyday. Maybe a few times a week, in whatever the definition is. Maybe every day is realistic sometimes.

posted December 29, 2021 12:21 PM            

I can use a planner well for a period of time. But then my life gets too chaotic and I completely stop using it for a while. Or I just straight up loose it. I noticed this happened to me during Neptune rx...I think during stationary direct or shortly after I got back into using it.

It kind of makes sense since Neptune can be dreams, goals, plans. And when it's backwards it's like "Nope"