posted July 11, 2009 06:52 PM         

Well aren't you a lucky duck!

posted July 11, 2009 07:35 PM         

an amateur like me really dont have anymore to say but i wanted to second cheshire kat's comment on the importance of sun/moon in the first house. I'm in a relationship now where his sun is in my first house and i really feel the effect. It's life changing.

I was reading your description of love for you and it reminded me eerily of my best friend of 10 years. She also has venus in the 8th (in aries) and her love is intense, all or nothing, passionate etc. though i have seen a lot of its negatives too: jealous, fickle, controlling, attention craving, even selfish. As a venus scorpio myself, I can really related to this dark side of plutonian power and I too have struggled with it.

posted July 11, 2009 10:31 PM         

Apparently, the trip didn't go too well. He got back this afternoon, so he was only gone for a day! She lives several hours away (it's an all day drive) and when I got back from the hospital early this evening he was already back. That's not even a whole day together. He wasn't supposed to return until late tomorrow night or Monday morning. WOW!

I am dying to talk to him but have been having complications from my asthma so have been focusing on my own health the last 24 hrs. Besides, part of me doesn't want to initiate the discussion. Is that his place? Am I being prideful?

Lotion:

Yes, I share your friends negative traits with my Venus in Scorpio in the 8th, as well as that darn Pluto. It's quite challenging. Which in this case I wonder if I'm shooting myself in the foot by not running over to be supportive or waiting for him to come to me. If he had trusted what he was feeling with me and didn't need to test out what they had one last time he wouldn't be hurting right now! Perhaps the sense of pridefulness could be attributed to the Leo Mars though, who knows.

posted July 12, 2009 12:40 AM         

When I changed my mind a few hours later and texted him to let him know I was feeling better and could stop by, he had gone out with his friends. Probably to drown his sorrows. The typical pattern on going on nights is that he will come back in a drunken stupor around 3 AM and want to "cuddle" (this is no different than any other cuddle night except that he is usually more...affectionate and has a hard time concentrating on "just" cuddling).

I'm not sure how to play this. I definitely want to know what happened with him and the girlfriend, but it's also important to me HOW it happened. If she rejected him, that's a dealbreaker. That makes me rebound girl, despite all of the closeness we've shared these last few weeks. If he went there and had some big revelation about us and couldn't take it anymore, that's different. But it would sound a lot more authentic to me if he would have had said revelation before he went and had the intention of expressing it to her in person, you know? He claims he is such a big communicator but I have found that getting him to talk about his feelings, at least the way I like to talk about mine, is like pulling teeth.

I'm leaning towards rebound girl. My gut is telling me he was excited about the trip. I have learned to trust my instincts about these things. I can see deeper than most. The Facebook posting implies a deep sense of disappointment about his reception upon his arrival. His early arrival home is indicative that he left after a major argument or a snit, or because he didn't get his way about something. I know that Aries is prone to impulsive rages.

Although I thought conflict on the trip was a good sign for "us", this kind of conflict isn't leading in the right direction. He will have a lot of unresolved feelings about it all, don't you think?

posted July 12, 2009 02:14 PM         

At the moment Starr is feeling:

a) Wounded because she feels jerked around and can't believe he has the audacity to still feel conflicted about this situation when she is OBVIOUSLY the better choice

b) Sad because she falls for people entirely too quickly and thought that the level of closeness she felt that she had never experienced with anyone else thought this might mean he was "the one"

c) Rage, a desire for revenge, and is imagining ways to inflict as much
emotional and psychological pain on him as possible to punish him for making her feel A & B

d) Compassion because she knows he is feeling confused and she feels sympathetic that he is struggling but wishes she hadn't gotten caught up in his drama

e) All of the above

To make a long story short, I was right, the trip did not go well, and they broke up. She broke up with him. He is devastated though and admits he isn't ready to let go. I was a very good friend during the talk (this killed me inside) and pointed out all the reasons on his end that he had told me that he wanted to let go too. He told me that if she hadn't done it, he would have, but that doesn't change the fact that he still loves her.

What am I supposed to do with this information? I feel like I never want to see him again. Already I feel a wall of ice building inside of me to separate myself from him (if you have any Pluto in you, you know exactly what I mean). I can never let him get inside me that way again. Nor can I be rebound girl. I can't even be a good friend. I alternate between crying and feeling a rage so deep I could scream.

He knows none of this of course. I was very supportive and cordial during this conversation. Amazing my ability to maintain a facade on the outside while a tempest is raging within. We did not discuss our feelings for each other. I got the feeling he wanted to say something about that, but I cut him off...that topic is forever off limits now.
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Natal Tidbits

posted July 12, 2009 02:21 PM         

Leave it to him. Let him text YOU, call YOU, comes over to YOUR apartment. Note how long it takes him to contact you, what he says, etc. Don't allow him to determine everything about your relationship. You need to be a powerful, strong female who wono't settle for less than she's worth.

posted July 12, 2009 02:27 PM         

There was no cuddling--this was a phone conversation followed up in person after I had to pick up something I left over at his place before he left for the weekend. I could barely make eye contact with him. He could feel the difference I'm sure.

posted July 15, 2009 10:02 AM         

I've been gone for a few days. Been dealing this situation. Well, it's gotten as ugly as it could be expected to get. Pretty textbook between a Venus in Scorpio & a Venus in Aries, I think, even without all the other elements in place.

To summarize, he kept lurking around on Monday night, clearly wanting to talk but not initiating the discussion (thought all that Aries was supposed to be bold?) so I did it for us. I drank some to build up my courage then went over to his place.

We then had a very confusing and conflicted conversation where he told me that a) she broke up with him b) if she hadn't broken up with him he would have broken up with her anyway because of everything that was going on c) he was feeling conflicted about the breakup and wasn't sure he was ready to let go yet and d) he needed me to be patient...

I listened, then was very honest with him about my feelings, how much I liked him, but that this was all a bit much for me, and that I was not going to be able to stay friends with him while he was working it all out, but that the kids could stay friends. But that of course we could be friendly, that I wasn't mad.

Internally, I was feeling very betrayed that after EVERYTHING between us, he was still so emotionally attached to this woman. I don't see how that is possible. But that's just me. So I left, very gracefully, telling him that I needed to go home & think. I broke down crying when I got home (5 feet away). My sadness was quickly followed by rage at the situation which of course is when he decided to call me to try to finish our talk and he wouldn't leave me alone (big mistake on his part as I needed some space).

As I had been drinking, I don't recall much of the conversation that happened on the phone but I think told me he felt pressured to make some kind of choice and I felt very offended by this because of course he needed to make a choice! I don't think the conversation ended badly, but who knows? When I woke up the next morning the phone was in the bathtub so god only knows what was said LOL.

The next day, yesterday, I had a status message on my Facebook about the worst kind of hypocrisy being when you don't even know when you are being deceitful and he immediately texted me and said "So I'm a hypocrite now?" That's when it got ugly.

We had a very tense text messsage exchange where I put it all out there and told him that I thought he was a very confused man, needed to get his feelings figured out, that I didn't understand how he could say he wanted to hold onto something on the one hand (long distance relationship) but be rampantly cheating on the other, etc. Then it's like he shut down on me and became this entirely different person and became cold and distant and started treating me like one of "those" girls...you know the kind. The kind that had "too many expectations." WHAT? So what are you asking me to be patient with you for? Why are you chasing me? I called him out on his mixed signals and ended the conversation on the same vein as the night before but much harsher--your child can play with mine but other than that stay the hell away from me. He echoed the sentiment, so it was very ugly. I've been in so much pain ever since, and I can tell he has been too.

I know the accusation of being a "player" really hurt him, but I am calling it as I see it. I am not in it to spare his feelings. If he can't handle the truth, so be it, but at this point I see it as him wanting his cake and eating it too. If he is not being fulfilled in his current relationship, he needs to grow some balls and make a clean break. I'm not expecting those feelings to disappear overnight and I wouldn't want to be rebound girl anyway, but I mean come on! Grow up! And if he does love her and he wants to hold on to it then for God's sake stop being a cheating dog! Sheesh!

I guess I am very confused. What does this man want from me? I feel like he has 2 personalities. Does he want me or not? At this point I am so fed up with him that I could throw him over a cliff. I'm not even sure I give a damn anymore. Yesterday I felt some feelings towards him very close to hatred. We're not even speaking at this point. For the first time ever the kids didn't even play together yesterday.

Interestingly enough, he is still being...weird. Yesterday he balcony stalked me several times last night but wouldn't make eye contact or speak to me. I sat outside and played with my dog and talked on the phone to a guy I might be going out on a date with this weekend (and yes I did this knowing that he keeps his door open and could hear what I was saying) and he came out to listen a few times. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. It is his balcony and he does have a right to be out there. Maybe I'm the stalker. But we still aren't speaking. It's just awkward. Neither of us have deleted each other off Facebook either yet.

I really do feel a deep sense of anger and betrayal towards him and I will never trust him the way that I did before. It will never be the same.

I guess I just want to know what his deal is.

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