posted August 15, 2009 11:13 PM            

quote:

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And it also gives a person the feeling of always wanting to go home....

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posted August 16, 2009 04:57 AM            

I read the article and most of it hit home for me.

I have abandonment issues. My father was hardly around because he works so much. I don't remember my parents telling me they loved me. Though mum and I had a few wines a couple of nights ago and all this came out! She said that she told me she loved me all the time - yet the only feeling I remember was that of being a burden, and always getting into trouble, that nobody loved me, aloneness. I always felt uncomfortable with affection from my parents, especially my mother.

I am afraid of being alone.

I live on my own and I really don't think it's for me. This last year is the first time I have lived alone - no partner, no roommates, no parents. I dislike watching movies on my own. I really like to share my experiences with someone, be it a friend or a partner. I thought this was due to my Libra moon too (which doesn't seem to help this placement from what I've read!)

When I was younger, all my best friends in primary school were 'taken away' from me due to parents relocating... it seems if I was to be BFFs with someone they would inevitably move. I think this relates to my abandonment issues too.

I was more of a tomboy when I was younger, played with the boys, hated dolls, dresses. I thought this was also due to the fact that I was brought up with a brother and lots of boy cousins/boy family friends. As I moved into high school I got over that and was more girly, but I have never been the girly high-pitched laugh let's go out shopppping (tho I do like to sometimes.. and in fact this is one of the only things I enjoy doing alone!).

My good friend said to me recently - you've been in one constant relationship since you were 16. Now this is interesting, because I never really saw it like it was my choice, it just turned out that way. I haven't had a lot of 'single' time at all. But I really don't enjoy being single either. However I will not have a fling and I always seem to get into LTRs! I have been known to at least keep up the physical aspect of a relationship once the relationship has gone past its Use By date until I meet someone else. I don't really think about this, and I am coming to realise that it's probably not healthy!

Which leads me onto my next point, I don't have a huge self-esteem. In fact it's downright crappy.

I have been known to stay in relationships that are not good for my self-esteem, I will withstand a lot of abuse (I don't know why, and I am getting better as I get older thinking 'I don't deserve this' which is a totally foreign concept to me). I don't have sexual/emotional inhibitions like the article suggests but I can get VERY defensive when I am hurt. I always thought this was more of a Cancer influence, yet I have no cancer in my chart (except Vesta, Juno).

This part of the article gave me some hope
"In fine balance to the great unhappiness and isolation which often accompany Venus-Saturn aspects, there is also as great potential for a deep and meaningful and permanent relationship based on complete understanding and on free choice rather than mutual need. The mysteries of union are within the grasp of the person with this contact for although he stands to lose much - and usualy must spend a good portion of his life without a companion or without true companionship - he also holds the key to a relationship which is lasting and real."

I can relate to this to:

"Martyrdom of a self-imposed kind is a common Venus-Saturn manifestation; and the familiar cry, "I've given so much to him, and all he does is abuse me" must have first been given by a woman with Venus in aspect to Saturn."

lol you don't know how many times I have said that!!!

This would have to be one of the most challenging aspects in my chart.

ETA: sorry this is so long.

woah city I am not sure about the semisquare but it probably wouldn't have as big an impact as the conjunction, square or opposition ???

posted August 16, 2009 11:30 AM            

Sorry for your struggle. Hope it does get better.

posted August 16, 2009 12:14 PM            

Thank you. I totally agree with the libra moon thing! It is getting easier as I get older, and am starting to think that if I learn to love myself, and not put up with being treated badly that I may be able to have a relationship that is long-lasting. I just really hate putting my foot down in relationships for some reason and will put up with a large amount of crap (until it's too late of course). It could stem from being afraid of being alone... and that's really not a healthy place to come from. I need to remind myself that there are plenty of fish in the sea.. and I have never been out of a r/ship for too long, so why be scared of leaving someone when they are treating you badly? Funnily enough, I did this when I first started dating.. but the Venus/Saturn manifestation of this didn't start until I was about 18/19 ... so I'm aiming to go back to what I used to do (i.e. if you treat me like crap I will kick u to da curb! lol) though I did take the other extreme and any hurt I felt, I would end it. I dated a Libra sun (he was a real sweetheart!) who told me that if I ever had an issue, to make sure that I brought it up instead of keep it internalised. So, I did that, and have done so since (and have also stayed in unhealthy relationships since then too..) so its trying to find that balance I think. I really don't want to end up alone, and would love someone to love me unconditionally, and doesn't get crappy when I tell them they are hurting me (or if they do get crappy when I say that, then be strong enough to say buh-bye).

I hope things get better for you too!

posted August 16, 2009 07:44 PM            

"Venus -Saturn combinations imply a certain amount of emotional pain and rejection in the early home life."

yes. this is spot on... EXTREMELY painful childhood. (or lack thereof)

"She may be driven to achievment not only because she has a genuine love of work, responsibility, and creative self-expression but also because she may feel that she cannot properly function in any feminine capacity."

Completely untrue. I'm a very feminine woman. Almost too feminine sometimes.

This on the other hand is very very accurate:
"It is also common to find Venus-Saturn women in the performing arts, as models, and even as the modern equivalent of the hetaira, with perhaps less glamour. For these woman it is terribly important to be loved, admired, and thought beautiful."

This is me in a nutshell. I have done and been all the above.

"It is no wonder that Venus-Saturn aspects have the reputation of making a woman unpopular with her own sex. As she despises and fears this sex within herself, she attracts resentment and fear from other woman."

yes women HATE me!! very accurate...

"Martyrdom of a self-imposed kind is a common Venus-Saturn manifestation; and the familiar cry, "I've given so much to him, and all he does is abuse me" must have first been given by a woman with Venus in aspect to Saturn."

posted August 17, 2009 04:13 AM            

I also relate to the women hating me part lol .. I do have a few close female friends and quite a few female aquaintences, and it seems to be older women that don't like me. In general I find it easier to get along with men, of any age. Do you find this too?
I have studied acting before, and really enjoy it, but never believed I would get anywhere with it because I don't have the perfect body or whatever.. lol .. there's that low self-esteem again!