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Author
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Topic: How to get out of a pluto relationship
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KYM31
Knowflake Posts: 21
From:
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 11:24 AM
 
Does anyone know of a healthy way to leave a pluto filled relationship? The power struggles are too much for me and I can't take it anymore. Some aspects we share are Moon trine Pluto, Venus square Pluto, Sun conjunct Pluto, Pluto conjunct North Node, and Mars square Pluto. Also we share a composite Sun conjunct Moon in Scorpio!!! It's now over but the obssession is still there on both of our parts! Thank goodness we stopped having sex as I think that was one of the major problems. HELP!IP: Logged |
Glaucus
Knowflake Posts: 1555
From: Sacramento,California
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 11:31 AM
cut the person off totally and act like the person is deadelimination is also one of the keywords of Pluto. Raymond ------------------
"Nothing matters absolutely;
the truth is it only matters relatively" - Eckhart Tolle IP: Logged |
KYM31
Knowflake Posts: 21
From:
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 11:47 AM
Glaucus--I tried doing that than I felt extremely bad like it was my fault that our relationship was over! After we broke up and I saw him I ignored him but felt this overwhelming grief and than I contacted him probably shouldn't have done that. His pluto aspects my sun, moon, and mars could that be why? Also we share sun conjunct neptune and moon sextile neptune as well.
IP: Logged |
Peri
Moderator Posts: 822
From: 49N35 34E34
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 11:51 AM
from my experience I can say it is over when it is over not when you want it no matter what you do IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 1667
From: aspideronmars
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 11:52 AM
Do IQ's violet meditationIP: Logged |
aka Kat
Knowflake Posts: 136
From: Cleveland, Ohio
Registered: Jun 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 12:28 PM
When relationships are ending, we send clues. You are no longer having sex, my guess is that soon this relationship will end when communication dwindles away.IP: Logged |
Taurean_Scorpion
Knowflake Posts: 83
From: Santa Monica, CA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 03:17 PM
The person courageous enough to leave the relationship first, wins.
With all seriousness, I think it will be easier to get over him once you find someone more mellow. IP: Logged |
Plutonian Persona
Knowflake Posts: 115
From: Denver, CO, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 03:24 PM
Don't worry about the guilt that's Pluto at his worst: fight through the guilt. Another suggestion: read Donna Cunningham's Pluto Problems book, it is an excellent read not only for those of us with strong Pluto, but also for those in Plutonian relationships.Good Luck and Lots of Inner Strength! IP: Logged |
KYM31
Knowflake Posts: 21
From:
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 03:30 PM
lara- where can find the violet meditation?
aka-kat - sex ended over 3 weeks ago
Pluto - where can i find donna cunningsham book?
IP: Logged |
Lucia23
Knowflake Posts: 1277
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 04:14 PM
Honestly, I had a Pluto relationship, and it took me YEARS to get out of it.Not that it was all bad. But I have to agree that Pluto is very hook-y. The intense, almost magnetic lure back into all the Pluto sturm und drang is PART of Pluto's special lesson. In order to leave a Pluto relatonship, you have to be willing to really let go of anything you're trying to hold onto...including guilt, obligation, what you think "everyone" thinks you should want...when you do that you will see that you are stronger than you thought. IP: Logged |
blue moon
Knowflake Posts: 852
From: U.K
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 04:18 PM
Physical distance. Someone else interceding and banning them from your door. Will-power. IP: Logged |
Diana
Knowflake Posts: 720
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 04:32 PM
A restraining order, haha. IP: Logged |
katatonic
Knowflake Posts: 2049
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 04:38 PM
i agree with peri, it'll be over when it's over. or as byron katie would put it - the proof that you don't NEED it to be over, is that it isn't. when you DO need it to be over, it will be...so i guess i would say you still have something to learn from this one..sigh! of course instead of trying to end it you could look for something plutonic to take its place, maybe get a job as a gravedigger...(kidding)...do some depth psych or hypnotic regression...
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MyVirgoMask
Knowflake Posts: 1555
From: Bay Area, CA
Registered: May 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 04:56 PM
I ended up leaving the country and filing for divorce while there. It was the only way I could do it.
I'd recommend doing the same 
IP: Logged |
Lara
Knowflake Posts: 1667
From: aspideronmars
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 05:39 PM
Here you go. Good luck!
http://www.tamsoft.co.in/violet.html IP: Logged |
staborgi
Knowflake Posts: 72
From:
Registered: Aug 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 06:12 PM
I have to agree with Glaucus. Also I found that after my break up, entertaining the idea that things would get better in the future, that we could pick up the good stuff and move forward with that, that we might get back together, that we were actually meant for one another, etc were met by actually tragic reality check type circumstances. It felt like I was actually setting myself up to be knocked out (hard) by Pluto. No amount of logic could have convinced me to not indulge in the kind of obsessiveness that I was but at the same time, I could have probably gotten the hint a little earlier than I did. I would try to focus on the great things about Pluto and keep those in perspective for your long term well being-- in my experience, I came out of the relationship (once I was OVER it) completely different- it really felt like I had been born again but with a more humble, down to earth perspective about relationships. The truth is though, no amount of logical thinking could have convinced me to just let things go when I was in my Pluto hole, so give it time, let yourself go through the natural motions of it all (post break up obsessiveness, etc) but just try to remember it wont always be like this and there are great things for you ahead. I feel like all my relationships are colored Pluto since I have it in the 7th and sometimes the only thing that will get me through is keeping in mind that whether it be in a few weeks, months, or years there will come a time when I am over it and will look back with a sense of distance to what I am going through at the moment. IP: Logged |
Plutonian Persona
Knowflake Posts: 115
From: Denver, CO, USA
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 06:36 PM
You can find Donna's book "Healing Pluto Problems" on amazon.com, abebooks, etc. It will truly give you a different perspective on the things that you have been experiencing.One other, quick thing, try to see the good in this transformative relationship What are the things that have changed for the better? ------------------
"The only way out is through" ---Robert Frost Pluto conjunct Sun & ASC
Pluto sextile Mars
Pluto square MC
1st house Scorpio Stellium: Moon, Venus, Uranus and Mercury. IP: Logged |
Lonake
Knowflake Posts: 433
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 09:37 PM
who's pluto and who's NN? the NN person might want to take a hard look at what was learned/gained make proper use of that knowledge to break away.you can cut someone else off. completely. but with pluto there has to enough strong emotion behind it to put the will into it to call it quits. its the intensity that is pluto's driving force. hopefully you're NN person  IP: Logged |
Cynnared
Knowflake Posts: 288
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 27, 2009 10:39 PM
KYM31I have discovered in my life that some relationships don't work out for some reason. The lesson has been learned and it's time to move on. I don't think anybody should feel bad for having a relationship end........an ending is the start of a great new beginning filled with new adventures and horizons to see and experience (I don't know if that is my Aries or Saggy influences talking here). I agree with what Glaucus put "cut the person off totally and act like the person is dead"......and this is what I practice in with my exloves....I break up and the person is 100% gone from my life and I have never looked back! The only lingering Pluto relationship I had was in the 90s. He had Venus square Pluto and My pluto squared his Venus. Yet I think my saturn squared both his Sun and Moon....I met him in 93 and I fell quite hard. I wanted a commitment and he didn't. Sexually it was on again, off again and once considered children with him. When he found out that he fathered a child....my dark ugly Pluto side came out with jealously and the like. He had enough and decided to go his own way. I was left shattered and deeply heart broken and grieved him a long time. I did a whole lot of soul searching and came to understand the psychology of it all with him and myself. For the longest time his memory lingered in my heart....I am not sure what exactly got me obsessed with him but after a while the memory just faded with time. I figure with a Pluto influenced relationship, even though the letting go can hurt very deeply and very much, it is what one must do is to let go and let life. What lesson I learn from this relationship, I have no clue really.....maybe it's just letting go - but back then on a personal level it shook me to my soul and just revealed how insecure I was with myself and what dysfunctional patterns from my childhood was taking rule over my life.... You story may be yet to be uncovered or the other person's..... IP: Logged |
KYM31
Knowflake Posts: 21
From:
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted September 28, 2009 09:40 AM
Hey all! I appreciate all this good advice. We spoke last night over the phone and I did not get to say all of what I wanted. It was mainly him talking saying "we are no more" ( actually had confrontation over the weekend - which is sure to be the last straw) and he said that we will move on. And I've started doing that by getting rid of things that reminded me of him and asking God to help me through this. I've been looking for a new apartment -not because of him, but I just needed to move out of my place and that will cause physical distancee as he lives around the corner from me...so I always see him. That's part of the problem too.Kata- what do you mean by the proof that I don't need it be over? For me its still not over. Why? Must be the obsession. I told him it was over weeks ago, but we still kept in contact with each other. So it doesn't feel to be over. As staborgi put we're having post-break up obsessiveness.
Lonake- I'm the North Node person. And what I've learned is that he cannot make a commitment but wanted to continue the relationship with leaving our options open (which meant to me he wanted to be able to sleep with me when he wanted while he dated other girls!!!) NOT!!! Cynnared -- wow I feel just like you did in 93. My Pluto is square his Venus and I feel really hard too. He has Venus-square Pluto natally. I have Venus conjunct Pluto natally and am currently undergoing a Pluto square Venus transit!! So I sort of knew in the beginning this was going to be a tough one. His Saturn is conjunct my Venus separating and my Saturn is conjunct his Moon separting both wide degrees (dont know if that counts). In the beginning we were just fooling around I felt and I was having fun. Secretly I started falling for him but I didn't tell him. One day he just said to me that he felt it was something more between us and I said the same. About a week and a half later he decided he didn't want a commitment and changed his mind! That's when I cut the sex off completely because I knew that if we did that again I'd be more stuck I think. We even talked about children together too. So for the past few weeks I was trying to move on and whenever we saw each other he wanted to hug and be affectionate and you know because people we're around I didn't want to make a scene so I hugged him back but inside I was fuming. I thought what gives him the right. Than he develops his own nickname for me...which ****** me off because before we broke up he didn't have one. Now he does. It sounds stupid I know but...I'm not sure what my lesson is just yet...sigh IP: Logged |
Alvarella777
Knowflake Posts: 93
From: Europe
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 28, 2009 03:48 PM
I was in a "Pluto-relationship" once, my Pluto almost exactly conjunct his Venus. After almost 2 years (difficult years AND long distance, but passionate on the border to obsession, from both sides) - well it ended very hurtful. (After all I guess: For both sides, again.) It took about a whole year after the break-up (I had initiated it) till I REALLY started to feel more lighthearted, feeling some kind of relief, as if a burden would just ... lose weight ... and finally vanish ... by and by.Some of your descriptions are so "right-on-target", it really moved me to read this. (Especially the parts where it all comes down to: "Don't know yet what this was good for ... but it MUST be someting..." - that's exactly how I felt for a looong time - and still feel.) THE PERFECT ANSWERS TO THIS THREAD'S TOPIC ARE: LUCIA23:
quote:
In order to leave a Pluto relatonship, you have to be willing to really let go of anything you're trying to hold onto...including guilt, obligation, what you think "everyone" thinks you should want...when you do that you will see that you are stronger than you thought.
STABORGI:
quote:
Also I found that after my break up, entertaining the idea that things would get better in the future, that we could pick up the good stuff and move forward with that, that we might get back together, that we were actually meant for one another, etc were met by actually tragic reality check type circumstances. It felt like I was actually setting myself up to be knocked out (hard) by Pluto. No amount of logic could have convinced me to not indulge in the kind of obsessiveness that I was but at the same time, I could have probably gotten the hint a little earlier than I did. (...)The truth is though, no amount of logical thinking could have convinced me to just let things go when I was in my Pluto hole, so give it time, let yourself go through the natural motions of it all (post break up obsessiveness, etc) (...)there will come a time when I am over it and will look back with a sense of distance to what I am going through at the moment.
CYNNARED:
quote:
I figure with a Pluto influenced relationship, even though the letting go can hurt very deeply and very much, it is what one must do is to let go and let life. What lesson I learn from this relationship, I have no clue really.....maybe it's just letting go - but back then on a personal level it shook me to my soul and just revealed how insecure I was with myself and what dysfunctional patterns from my childhood was taking rule over my life....
IP: Logged |
Cynnared
Knowflake Posts: 288
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted September 28, 2009 04:39 PM
!IP: Logged |
AscTaurus
Knowflake Posts: 52
From: Pretoria, Gauteng,South Africa
Registered: May 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 09:35 AM
All the best !IP: Logged |
Nine
Knowflake Posts: 197
From:
Registered: May 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 02:16 PM
quote:
Than he develops his own nickname for me...which ****** me off because before we broke up he didn't have one. Now he does. It sounds stupid I know but...I'm not sure what my lesson is just yet...sigh
It's not stupid I hate nicknames. Look at the transits for around the time you met him. This should give a clue as to what the relationship may be about. Another thing, your thoughts. Maybe a while back you desired a Plutonian relationship, forgot about it, and now, suddenly you're in one. IP: Logged |
KYM31
Knowflake Posts: 21
From:
Registered: Jul 2009
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posted October 02, 2009 02:44 PM
Ni -- I will check his transits I do know he's having his Saturn return now and transiting Saturn is conjunct is Moon, Mars, and Jupiter I believe.IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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