posted February 04, 2010 06:59 PM         

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Venus can say, "Hey, you're not paying attention to me and not giving me what i deserve," but it's Mars who chooses how to respond to that.

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Yes that's exactly how I see it.

But if you put it that way, in the same vein - I could say "when Mars demands something or asks for something (e.g. sex).. and tries to drive the relationship in a particular direction.. It is Venus who chooses how to respond to *that*". Each and every one of us has free will and power over our own mind & body.. and we can respond as we choose to any input.

Venus might respond by being flattered or they might respond by ignoring the Martian advances.
Do you see this as dissimilar to your own experience?

I'm not saying any of this to discount your experiences with this aspect. I just think a feeling of "powerlessness" comes from a disconnect with our own body and mind. Ultimately everyone is their own power-supply.. and one can't blame or praise another person for their own choices. "He/She made me do it!" is not *real* from my perspective.

Things don't always follow the same pattern. After I broke up with the Mars guy, I met another guy who I dated briefly.. He was born 5 days before the 1st guy and his Mars was even closer to my Venus. He also chased - I wanted to be nice to him so as to not hurt his ego.. but I wasn't attracted. He wasn't my type physically.. so the Venus-Mars thing didn't play out. This was my *choice* not to go there. So you could say my Venus made that choice.

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Think about it: Aries vs. Libra, Scorpio vs. Taurus?

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posted February 04, 2010 07:18 PM         

as to the divorce, very complex. there WAS no divorce for 16 yrs!!however. it was his decision to leave. which i resisted for child's sake but when he left a great big weight on my shoulders went with him! THEN he came back, and left, and came back, etc..

posted February 04, 2010 07:29 PM         

I don't see any of what you described as you being controlled by him or being at his mercy.. (are you agreeing with this part of Meta's post? If so.. what do you mean? Nothing you have said this far makes you appear "weaker").
In general I do hold people accountable for their own decisions, so I don't really see anyone as being controlled by anyone but themselves and their higher-self.

I also don't see it as him being controlled by you - although the neurotic behaviour of leaving and coming back.. sounds like addiction or obsession. Venus is a more mature planet and more patient, more able to see different perspectives and compromise.. which is a sign of strength rather than a weakness. I'm not surprised you ended it. I got sick of the same thing. He was still calling me and I changed my number.

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but my heart was happier being free...

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posted February 04, 2010 10:08 PM         

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So yeah - back to your point. The Venusian power lies in her beauty- her sex-appeal and in her ability to manipulate the Martian sex drive. Whether or not Venus has power depends on how MUCH she gives Mars.. If you give him TOO much (too much attention and TOO much love) - He will (as surely as day is day and night is night) take IT for granted.

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posted February 04, 2010 11:25 PM         

Venus initiates by putting themselves out there, being the first one to hint at or say, "Hey, i like you!" But Mars decides whether to take the bait, or prolong the "game," etc.

posted February 05, 2010 12:08 AM         

Seems every guy I've ever been attracted to, my Mars always seems to be conj/square/opp the guy's Venus exact. This being about 5 cases for me.

I have never in my life pursued a guy before & I'm quite restricted with flirting cuz it tends to bring more issues than not for me. So whoever likes me, HAS to make the first move. I find the guy-Venus, is always the one initiating, flirting, complimenting, trying hard to impress me. When I finally do respond back, it usually surprises them for better or worse. I end up being in the driver's seat calling the shots. Maybe my Mars in Leo freaks them out...or maybe the guy initially thought he was in control of the whole thing and suddenly finds out otherwise....

posted February 05, 2010 07:39 AM         

I'm not sure if my manipulation technique is actually manipulation at all

I just put no pressure on him, and 90% of the time, I don't call, I don't send msgs so he has to do that if he really wants to see me.

He did complain about this one day, and I said I would call but then he had to call again..

I do feel appreciated, but I'm also doing some subtle things so that he realizes that I am special ! lol

posted February 05, 2010 11:04 AM         

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When I finally do respond back, it usually surprises them for better or worse. I end up being in the driver's seat calling the shots. Maybe my Mars in Leo freaks them out...or maybe the guy initially thought he was in control of the whole thing and suddenly finds out otherwise....

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posted February 05, 2010 04:14 PM         

Are you saying that for you Mars/Venus placements simply manifest themselves in creating sexual tension?

posted February 05, 2010 04:40 PM         

SwirlKit - as long as you do feel appreciated, you'll both be quite happy (hopefully this lasts - sometimes it *does* last). I think the manipulation I mentioned would only come in.. if he scorned you in some way.

Meta - I think I get what you're saying now. I took it slightly the wrong way.

I do agree with the gist of what you're saying.. in the sense that - that's what actually *happens*: Mars does control the course of the relationship.

But this is not because Venus could not control the course or because they are at the "mercy" of Mars, but more so because they have no desire to control the course (in the positive-fun stages), out of "laziness" as Benedict put it or comfort - or because they like simply *like* where Mars is taking things, and they trust the Mars person.

Later in the relationship if Mars bails out - Venus won't do much to get them back. He/She might put some energy into it once of twice, but they get tired of it. They can't be bothered.

Actually I believe this makes sense for everyone in the thread now, including myself.. I just whizzed through again.

So personally - I think it's a very good idea Meta and almost accurate.. if you alter the Venus-Mars psychology behind the external picture of things.

One of the things I disagree with in the Venusian psychology is that he/she wonders whether Mars is into them (the whole he/she loves me, he/she loves me not). That wasn't the case for me.
When this aspect is a close one Mars is fairly blunt about it and Venus feels wanted from the word go.

I bolded this ^ because I'm curious if others agree or disagree in their experience..

My 2nd question is.. would you agree in saying that in as much as Venus wonders whether she/he is "loved" by Mars -- Mars wonders whether he/she is "sexually appealing" enough for Venus?
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The Venusian style of "handing over" control out of comfort.. is also interesting because it goes along with what you said about Aries-Libra and Taurus-Scorpio.

While I did not interpret my Libra ex to be in any way less strong or "at my mercy".. He was definitely less energetic and couldn't keep up with me - energy wise. He was just more laid-back. It wasn't a psychological-power struggle.. just an energy one. So you could say I controlled the course. And you're right he did put himself out there and he said "hey I like you".

posted February 08, 2010 05:15 PM         

So when our Venus is activated in synastry, it's not that we're being controlled by the Mars person. We're being controlled by our own desire to connect and love. Which I think is what you're saying, meta.

Venus is the one who relates because that's what Venus does. Venus is the relator. Mars thinks Venus is really good at that, and hot when she does it. Venus may be saying, "I want you," but Mars is saying, "I want you to want me."

We each feel our own planet that's being touched, in a way that's modified by the other person's planet touching us.

Mars kicks up our inner Venus. He energizes us. Venus is less likely to be passive when being touched by Mars because his energy animates us. Mars makes Venus want to love, to pour herself out, and do her relationship-making thing.

posted February 08, 2010 05:20 PM         

I've seen exceptions, but usually the DSC shows our ideal. So if someone's Venus is cnj our DSC, we'll see their Venusian qualities as ideal: they're so beautiful, social, seductive, artistic, and so on.

posted February 08, 2010 05:33 PM         

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Mars kicks up our inner Venus. He energizes us. Venus is less likely to be passive when being touched by Mars because his energy animates us. Mars makes Venus want to love, to pour herself out, and do her relationship-making thing.

Likewise, Mars is less likely to be self-absorbed when Venus touches him. Venus energy focuses his own drive on "the other." His energy wants a relationship, wants to be wanted.

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posted February 15, 2010 04:45 PM         

If your Venus - is at 12' Libra..
and their Mars - is at 12' Aquarius..

Then *your* Venus aspects their Mars.. and you're the Venus.
Yes they *are* both connected by an aspect, in this case the trine, but these planets are very different.. and each person brings to the aspect their own planet.