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Author Topic:   My marriage is falling apart
kindredcayce
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From: usa
Registered: Jun 2009

posted April 20, 2010 05:01 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kindredcayce     Edit/Delete Message
Okay, I know that some people here are probaly sick of seeing posts about synastry charts... But I'm at a loss here. We've been married for six years, there's been a complete breakdown in communication, and some serious issues have came out of seemingly nowhere. If this is a particularly sticky transit we're going through, I can weather the storm. But I'm beginning to fear that many of these "issues" are stemming from the possibility that we may just not be right for each other. My DH has became a brooding, jealous, unhappy, and generally negative & toxic person over the last 6 months or so. I used to be able to get him out of these moods, but I'm tired of being his constant cheerleader, his psychiatrist. I'm mentally & physically exhausted from this. I've tried every approach I can think of, and his attitude in the end is that he can't help but be an a**hole. Anyone, ANYONE, who is not sick of studying synastry/composite charts, please take a look & be honest... What do you see?


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Lara
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posted April 20, 2010 05:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lara     Edit/Delete Message
I'm so sorry

I hope DD or IQ come along to offer some help in reading it - venus in 12th looks quite hidden - wish i knew what it meant though.

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Ami Ann
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posted April 20, 2010 05:26 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Ann     Edit/Delete Message
I am new so anyone can dispute what I say and please do if needed
You mention communication. It seems like his mars is conjunct your mercury which would make communication hard, perhaps.
Does he explode rather than talk things through?
It is in Libra which is the sign of weighing out things so maybe that helps.
He has Pluto conjunct Mars and Saturn and they are ALL on your Mercury.
Your moon is in Pisces. His is in Taurus.Is this hard for communication?
Does he have a hard time understanding your sensitive nature?
I want to add how hard it is on a relationship to have a sick child, as you mentioned on another thread.
This,in itself, is very wearing on a couple.
I am sorry you are hurting ((((Kindredcayce)))
I have been in the same place and it hurts so badly!

Ami


PS Were you ever able to communicate well?Was it a problem that you overlooked in hopes it would get better?

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angel100
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posted April 20, 2010 05:28 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for angel100     Edit/Delete Message
I'm sorry for what your going through at the moment Maybe a progressed chart for your husband might be good to post...just to see what's happening to him at the moment?

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MyVirgoMask
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From: Bay Area, CA
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posted April 20, 2010 05:31 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message
Mars conj Mercury gets a bad rep, but it's great for seeing things in a new way.

Sory you have to go thru this
Would you put up his transits please? And yours too? I don't think the problem is with the synastry (although I am sure people will always be like, Ahhhhh see, it's not working out because xyz lol). You've been together for a while so I don't think it's synastry - look at the transits, and please post them if possible (and progressions too)

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kindredcayce
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posted April 20, 2010 05:44 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kindredcayce     Edit/Delete Message
Lara~ Thank you...

Ami Ann~ YES, it seems that anymore, ALL he does is explode.
Looking back, our communication has never been stellar, but our love for each other always helped us find a way to get through to each other. I have never EVER felt for anyone what I feel for him, and it was love at first sight for us both. Time has marched on, and after being together for eight years (dated two, married six) the passion has died down, and it could be that now our lack of communication is becoming more focused in our relationship. I don't know, I just feel beaten down, because he doesn't seem to want to even try to work on these issues in our marriage. He creates problems (in his own mind) out of literally nothing. What should be a nice, happy day together turns into a fiasco because everything upsets him.

Angel100 & MVM~ Thank you, I will post those charts for us in a few minutes.

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kindredcayce
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posted April 20, 2010 05:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kindredcayce     Edit/Delete Message
Okay, the only option I found on astro was a combo of natals,progessed & transits, so here goes:

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Ami Ann
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posted April 20, 2010 06:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Ann     Edit/Delete Message
Dear Kindredcayce
I was afraid to be too honest but since you are like I am and seem to want to face deep things, I will share some other thoughts.
You both have Venus in the 12th house so do you find that neither will be the one to reach out and both want the OTHER to do it?
This could be hard cuz sometimes in a couple one is the "softie" and will reach out to the "harder" one to mend fences.
I am usually the softie lol.
I am Cancer moon and mars so I will reach out until he is such a jerk and then my Venus in Gemini will walk away LOL.
Perhaps you ,with your Pisces moon are the one who reaches out more but His Taurus is stubborn.
I had the feeling to look at Chiron cuz you seem to be in deep pain of the kind that seems insurmountable.
Your Chiron is 27 Aries. His Pluto 26 Libra and his Venus 29 Cap squares it.
You both have Sun in first house so have a confident presence.
You have sun oppose moon so may have a hard time knowing your own emotions which makes
communication harder ,too.
Your Mercury in Libra may make you want to communicate very badly and in a fair way cuz you need fair and just communication for your very being to be at peace.
Please reject anything that does not fit!

x o x Ami

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kindredcayce
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posted April 20, 2010 06:17 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kindredcayce     Edit/Delete Message
Ami Ann~ Yep, I'm the "softie" in the relationship. But it wasn't always so. It took being married for a few years before I finally realized that I needed to lay down my ego and open up. When you said Taurus, did you mean Gemini, his moon? He's became much more detached emotionally. He won't open up. I don't pressure him, I've learned that just doesn't work with him. The best word I can think of to describe him at this moment is "Troubled", but by what I don't know.

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Ami Ann
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posted April 20, 2010 06:29 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Ann     Edit/Delete Message
I read it wrong. He has Gem moon. I think this is a very hard moon for internal peace.
I have Gem Sun, Merc and Venus. The restlessness is much harder with the moon so I could see that he may struggle with simple quiet inside himself.
Did the Chiron ring true?

Ami

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kindredcayce
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posted April 20, 2010 06:30 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kindredcayce     Edit/Delete Message
Ami Ann~ I just saw you added to you post~ He used to understand my emotional nature, and now he just admits he's being a jerk, and says he doesn't know why. He thinks that saying "I don't mean to hurt you" is enough, and I should be okay with that, even though he repeats the same behavior over & over. And yes, having sick children (and having health problems myself) has been hard, but to be honest, he's avoided having to deal with much of it(the treatments, appointments, the insurance matters, etc.) and I've shouldered most of it alone. Granted, he works a hard job to provide fantastic health insurance for us. But, I've even went as far as pretending that everything is "fine" and sheltering him from the everyday stress of things, for the sake of our marriage. The misery in our household has reached fever pitch in the past six months. It really sucks.

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Ami Ann
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posted April 20, 2010 06:34 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Ann     Edit/Delete Message
Yes, I can hear that. I thought of Chiron cuz I could hear the kind of pain I felt as a child--trapped pain :being in a room with no windows or doors and having to stand and endure,endlessly.
I understand that pain as a child AND in a relationship! x o x Ami

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angel100
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posted April 20, 2010 06:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for angel100     Edit/Delete Message
Im seeing pluto is on 5 degrees 22 cap at the moment and your husbands moon is 5 degrees 23 gemini...thats an extremely tight quincux there. A male having a hard aspect between pluto and the moon, natally, transitting or progressed...will usually project the energy onto the women in his life, or have this energy directed from them to him. In this case, your husband is releasing the frustration of this transit onto you...the female closest to him. He's going through a time of deep psychological transformation that has to happen. The orb is so exact right now and that's why he and you are both feeling it so intensely and things have come to a head. Pluto is at the moment retrograding back to just under 3 degrees cap until oct this year and you should see a bit of a cooling off on your husbands bad mood. Then from oct on pluto goes direct again and he could have another while of this.....issues from his past/childhood will be examined by him and he will undergo change...this change is nessecary and I hope you have the strength and courage to face it with him.....it will be worth it He isn't out to hurt you, he's just going through an emotionally fragile time.

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kindredcayce
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posted April 20, 2010 06:42 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kindredcayce     Edit/Delete Message
Angel100~ Thank you. I desperately want to understand him. If this is something he must go through transit-wise, that gives me some hope, which in turn gives me strength. God knows, I need it!

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angel100
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posted April 20, 2010 06:51 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for angel100     Edit/Delete Message
Your husband dosen't have any major negative aspects between pluto and and his moon natally so my thoughts are that this transit will in the end be positive for him. And just another ray of positivity for you..your natal pluto at 8 deg libra is nicely trining your husbands natal moon....see? you DO understand him. You'll be with him all the way and you'll both come out the other side of this transit stronger together

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MyVirgoMask
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posted April 20, 2010 06:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message
Interesting, hes got a mutable T-square with Virgo as the missing leg. And you're a Virgo, so in a way, you complete him. I also think Virgo Saturn has been making an impact.
You've got a triple mutable and very feminine stuff going on with your moon, sun, and rising. You're highly sensitive. His behavior makes an extra impact on you because you're borderline empathic if not completely so

The Saturn/Uranus opposition seems to be doing something to him as well, pulling him this way and that internally. It's moving through his 2nd and 8th houses, making him feel nutso at times, like he can't contain himself. He needs a change in his life, a major one, that's why he's being so difficult.
He has a Moon/Uranus opposition , which is part of the T-square. That's a very tough aspect too (I know, I have it lol). When life gets hard, there's this sort of pressure which becomes built up and comes out in really bitchy ways, and there's a desire to start over in life and rebel from whatever is familiar (Uranus battling with the familiarity of the Moon). This is why he's being such a pain - he's creating distance so he can see clearly.
I don't know how much space you two give each other, but I would advise you to take a step back from him, and refrain from asking questions (or cut back) about how he's doing just because he seems like he would get very prickly and the Moon/Uranus stuff makes for excessive moodiness when life change is happening.


Methinks his career is also in for a major rethink - it feels like he's itching to change it. Can you confirm any of that?

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MyVirgoMask
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posted April 20, 2010 06:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MyVirgoMask     Edit/Delete Message
I know that feeling of acting like everything is fine in a marriage - it sucks. You take all you can take and then SNAP.
There's no need to shelter him from responsibility about this though.

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Ami Ann
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posted April 21, 2010 08:39 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Ann     Edit/Delete Message
Thinking of you (((Kindredcayce)))
You got some great answers about the transits and the Virgo leg of the grand cross.
This should help you hang on till it passes.


Ami

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lalalinda
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posted April 21, 2010 10:49 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for lalalinda     Edit/Delete Message

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kindredcayce
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posted April 21, 2010 08:04 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for kindredcayce     Edit/Delete Message
Angel100~ I hope we do make it through this... This pluto transit makes sense with what little feedback I'm able to get from him. What you wrote is giving me a new perspective to see things through.

MVM~ I am very empathic, especially when it comes to the ones I love. I've learned over the years to compartmentalize the vibes I'm always picking up all around me, as a means of not absorbing EVERTHING. But with my DH, I FEEL everything he is feeling. I soak up whatever vibe he is giving off like a sponge. And it's mostly been negative for a good while now. I know before he gets home from work if he's had a bad day; because I'll start feeling that energy. That might sound hokey, but it's true. Very draining.
He works ALOT, and he says he thinks we need MORE time together, but I'm beginning to feel like he needs more time to HIMSELF. Away from work, away from family, just to recharge. It's as if he wants me around all the time to lash out at me.

"Methinks his career is also in for a major rethink - it feels like he's itching to change it. Can you confirm any of that?"

Wow. I certainly can confirm that. He feels trapped in his job, because it's good money & good insurance. A month ago, I had a brainstorm, and came up with the idea of us buying a very small house, which we could afford to buy outright, rather than get a mortgage on a larger home. This would allow him to cut back on his hours, keep our health insurance, and go to school. This is a big downsize for us, a VERY small fixer-upper, with tiny bedrooms, I'll no longer have an art studio, tiny bathrooms, you get the picture. The thought of not having to maintain a large house is really appealing to me. Our family thinks it's crazy, but I don't care. I wanted to do this to help him pursue his dreams, and to help our marriage. With the long hours he works, it's been up to me to handle the entire purchase, getting permits, getting stuff moved. He initially loved the idea. I thought, "there's the light at the end of this dark tunnel!", but it was short lived. When he is home, and wants to know what's going on with our move, he nitpicks every decision I've made, and complains about every little detail. I hope once we've made the transition to a simpler lifestyle, he may find some peace. I hope he does cool down soon, because I AM about to snap.

Ami Ann & Lalalinda~ Thank you for your positive energy guys!

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Happy Dragon
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posted April 21, 2010 08:33 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Happy Dragon     Edit/Delete Message
quick addition ..
both charts have major chiron transits ..
apart from other things already noted.

hubby :
has been squaring ic between natal chiron and natal moon
t.neptune obviously present as well
( chiron square merc in natal )

myself has :
t.chiron - neptune opposing n.venus
n.chiron is opposite n.uranus
reverse t.pluto makes a trine to n.chiron and n.venus
( t.sat to n.sun-moon as well ) ..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
over and out :-)

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Ami Ann
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posted April 23, 2010 08:05 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ami Ann     Edit/Delete Message
How are you doing Kindred?
Thinking of you.
Ami

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Unmoved
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posted April 23, 2010 11:32 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for Unmoved     Edit/Delete Message
{{{hug}}}

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