posted June 29, 2010 10:33 PM         

I was fine just being friends before everything turned into more back in Feb. I just loved being "us"... but he kept pushing about how I was his "ideal" woman and he doesn't understand how he didn't see it after all these years. He was trying to talk me into running to Vegas to get married and all this "talk" about how grateful he was to have an amazing woman in his life and blah blah blah... in my head I kept asking myself, why talk the talk if you aren't going to walk the walk? I took everything he said as face value b/c he has always been straight with me in the past. Then he would make plans with me and then disappear without a word- I can't even tell you how many times he did this. Then he would say something and then totally dismiss it. When I would call him out on it he would just ignore the situation and disappear again. How can two people have any kind of relationship with this type of interaction? I felt totally disrespected and disempowered.

I'm not sure if he sees me as being selfish but I was bending over backwards for him during this whole time. I completely saw him as being selfish and superficial the more we got into the situation.

I'm the one that did call it quits or I had the last say, when I asked him how can we have any kind of relationship if there isn't any integrity in his word/if he isn't going to treat me with any respect or work thru the issue that pop up. He didn't even respond or even take a stand for our relationship- he just disappeared again. I could of completely lived without it going to the romantic level but I took a chance b/c he talked me into it. Plus, it just felt right for the first time in my life. And from my point of view it seems once he got want he wanted he didn't want it anymore.

The situation hurt me so much I deleted him from facebook (I'm a true Sag- that's just not something I do), I don't want to see him or talk to him. When other people bring him up to me I walk away from the conversation or asked them to not talk about it. (like he is dead to me) I never had a situation hit me like this. I did completely shut down, I'm still kind of, but I'm trying to force myself out of it.

I thought the friendship would be worth rescuing but I don't want a friend that isn't going to respect me and has no issue just playing with my emotions, especially when he knows me as well as he does, he knows what I stand for it. I just get so ****** off just thinking about how he handled this and he is 33 yrs old!

I was serious about the changes... but how is having integrity in your word bad to ask for? That's just something I can't live without. I just want to smack the crap out of him and I haven't felt that way about anybody before!

I'm disappointed in this whole thing. He was in Europe for 8 yrs and his last yr there we were both so excited that he was only going to be 4 hours away from me starting in Jan 2010 and now we aren't even talking... GRRR.

posted June 30, 2010 12:38 AM         

A lot of these things about him making promises that he did not deliver and drifting away or being elusive - wanting to get married one day - and elusive the next..
That all sounds pretty Piscean. I've known many Pisces people. It's often not intentional or malevolent. They just have no clue what they want and it changes pretty often. I understand why you felt disrespected.
Considering all of this really - You need to LOVE yourself --MORE-- than what you FEEL towards him and this situation (whether that is anger or hate, affection or a mix).

You need to come first in order to heal and get better. Your thoughts should be on you and as many happy things as possible.. things that you want to do in life, that uplift you and give you the drive to feel great & healthy!

I know it's not easy to avoid negativity, but it's just a matter of loving YOU.
If you love YOU - then you don't harm yourself.
Thinking about this man, replaying it and reliving the feelings harms you.

posted June 30, 2010 12:48 AM         

It's a matter of ultimate truth and justice vs. dissolution of reality into something more fluid and relative.

I think it's a common pattern in Fire 2 Water Suns.. and their relationships. It's a common area of dispute. Reality vs. Fiction. What is what? lol

But in particular with Sagittarius (a sign connected to morals and the law) and Pisces (a sign connected to delusions and distortions of what we think of as "real").. I can see this turning ugly.

The reason you are hurt - is that your morals were trampled on.
You see him as an immoral person who does not have the dignity and strength of character to keep his word.

But for Pisces, everything is dissolved. He would probably happily admit that he has no dignity.. and just as happily confirm that he *does* have dignity - if he was around a different circle of people, later the same day. Pisceans see most things as relative and changeable, not definite and they don't believe in rules or laws of conduct. They simply don't care. It's an apathetic attitude towards this. I am not judging this as right or wrong.

posted June 30, 2010 07:26 AM         

it was the 1st time ive read your thread.

im glad that you´re feeling better,health wise.

did IQ ever saw your chart?he is pretty good on seeing something that could show why these things are happening.

i remembered something: how is the eclipse hitting you in the chart?and the configuration of planets?

i dont know if you looked at the eclipse thread about its influences but one thing is sure:this eclipse is all about endings and new begginings. like nothing will be the same ...

perhaps the eclipse is helping you in the way that you lost that person and the jobs that suddently in order for you to re-aligne with your Higher Self? To become stronger and find your strengh not through others,but only in yourself?

and maybe also for you to start thinking more about you,and less on others?you always been a generous person,but...think if you ever kind of forgot of yourself everytime you did that? if so,your needs were there still..and it is not a selfish thing to think about you,and reserve time only for you.

Times have been so crazy lately....and i learned something too:that unless we start to look more within,and working from ourselves and to our own happiness.we wont find it outside ourselves.

posted June 30, 2010 08:05 PM         

Thanks!

posted July 03, 2010 09:49 AM         

I almost didn't respond... I'm in a place of why would anybody want to help me? I'm usually the one helping everybody else and usually when I get to a place of finally asking for help there is no one there.

Anyway, IQ hasn't ever looked at my chart... I don't know him well enough to ask, plus over the years I have had about 7 people look at my chart (which none of them have known each other) and 5 of them told me that I would never be in a long term/marriage again, which after repeatedly hearing you start loosing heart. (where the hell are they seeing this?) The last relationship I have been in ended in 2003....

Anyway, I did want to push myself to respond and see if I can work myself out of this space.

posted July 03, 2010 09:59 AM         

in June it was conj my Progr Merc (ruler of my chart) and conj to my DSC/Mars (so, it's in my 7th house)

the one in July is going to be conj my Prog Sun and Mars and conj to my 8th house cusp.

posted July 03, 2010 10:01 AM         

I completely have been relating to your post the last couple months. I have been so close to deleting my post...grrr