posted August 24, 2010 06:58 PM            

But, When I feel (him) so to speak, I can just say that it's not a superficial feeling, but its a feeling that reaches deep within every aspect of my being.

posted August 24, 2010 07:21 PM            

Leo on the 8th house cusp.
ruler of the 8th house is my sun in aquarius (16'46) in the second house. sun is conjunct pallas (16'49)
sun/pallas conjunction is square saturn in scorpio (16'09) the 10th house.
sun is square mars in scorpio (12'41) in the 10th house.
sun is also trine my NN in gemini (13'29) in the 5th/6th house
sun is sextile uranus in sagittarius (12'50) in the 11th house.

posted August 24, 2010 07:38 PM            

Intimacy is.. hmm I guess that I've had an dreamy idealized version of it before having a relationship/someone lol~ Now I'm still trying to understand it, but I'd say that intimacy for me is when I can be my Aries side (when I can be myself) when being with the other person. It's also about the memories/moments, as well as how much of our lives we share with each other.

posted August 24, 2010 07:56 PM            

How would my 8th house situation be interpreted?

Would it be appropriate to say that my ability to get intimate and my understanding of my intimate needs are hidden in my subconscious?

posted August 24, 2010 08:01 PM            

My thinking is that *I* am not intimate with myself and I need to do that first.

Only when I have dealt with my own 8th house will I be able to bond with someone in a truly intimate way.

I think it is coming. I know it is.
I feel that it will happen for me ,at the right time.

That will be about the best that life has to offer, I think.

Ami
PS The 8th house is called the House of repression so by the nature of repression, it is buried until it is dug up.
That is what a person who has planets there MUST do.
It is the task of the 8th house

PPS I think the 8th house is what is hidden beneath the surface--to say it in simple terms.
There is always the surface layer and the underlying layer.

The underlying layer is what is the meat of any matter and you can't navigate life without it.
Pluto rules the 8th house.Pluto is the id.
For me, that is what *I* need to connect with, make peace with and honor, perhaps most of all.

posted August 24, 2010 08:01 PM            

and yet i'm a person who needs to have a connection with another person, loves intimacy and wants to share that "spark" with someone i care for...

posted August 24, 2010 08:09 PM            

I have the same "problem" i.e. nothing in the 8th. Worse of all, my Mercury (ruler of my 8th) is in the 12th house (house of the hidden and subconscious)...

Ami, I am with you on getting intimate with yourself in order to be able to get intimate with others. I have only recently learned how to look at my naked body in the mirror. Before that I couldn't. I couldn't get intimate with the image of my own body. smh

posted August 24, 2010 08:13 PM            

Ami

posted August 24, 2010 10:15 PM            

I'm usually *very* uncomfortable with people who try to become intimate with me too quickly, whether platonically or otherwise. To me its a natural process, can't be something that seems forced or out of whack. I'm also very territorial and private so to me its like prying.

posted August 24, 2010 11:14 PM            

quote:

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Intimacy, to me these days is not as glamorous or interesting as everyone else's view. It involves comfort, familiarity, loyalty, emotional/psychic bond, and shared everyday experiences.

---

posted August 25, 2010 12:20 AM            

quote:

---

As I asked, I thought your Sco Asc alone could explain that imbalance. I'm glad I asked though bc I think your answer gives a deeper explanation.

Pluto is cnj Saturn, so Saturn could restrict the love you allow yourself to receive from others. (Pluto is in the 11th & one of that house's functions is love received.) So why is Saturn restricting Pluto? Since Saturn's in the 12th & rules your 3rd (?), I'd say it's from a pessimistic judgment that the other person wouldn't understand you. This judgment is probably usually correct (Saturn's smart ), but I think with Saturn we can resign ourselves to limitations that aren't always there.

Have people ever surprised you, understanding you more than you would've expected them to after you've opened up to them?

---

I was hoping someone would reopen this thread without all the ridiculous so I could answer Jane's question...

By the way Jane, I find your questions very insightful. I usually have to actually think about them for a bit before I can fully answer them.

My Saturn does rule the 3rd and I KNOW that you are right that I sometimes take a pessimistic viewpoint with regards to other people. However, when you have been ridiculed by others enough, you tend to take the pessimistic viewpoint automatically. It took me years to get over feeling completely judged by other people (long story).

Ultimately though, YES... People have surprised me more and more as I have gotten older and I've come to terms with the fact that I'm really much safer to open up to others than I think that I am. I still get a lot of the: "You're so UNIQUE. You're so DIFFERENT," shtick (thank you 1st house Uranus), but these days it's usually positive.

posted August 25, 2010 05:19 AM            

Venus is also my chart ruler (Libra rising) and it is conjunct Neptune in the 3rd house.

Talking, sharing, communicating, with nothing held back, is definitely how I feel close to someone. I need to share, and for them to share with me. No judgments, just acceptance and openness both ways... very idealistic, I know. I need to know I can ask anything and share anything and everything.

Intimacy for me is also just being able to be with the person... long, languid comfortable silences in each others arms. Eye contact that feels like you can see into each others souls. Ease of being physically close. That is so important to me, while I obviously love communicating, I also need to just be able to BE with them and love it.

I don't think that kind of comfort can be developed if it isn't innately there between you. Even if you feel OK just being together after a while and it isn't awkward, actually ENJOYING being with someone and reveling in it, feeling drunk in it, is another thing and is very, very special and comforting.

posted August 25, 2010 07:40 AM            

B.

posted August 25, 2010 07:57 AM            

Has anyone ever read the book The Five Languages of Love?
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Heartfelt-Commitment/dp/1881273156

I LOVE THIS BOOK!!! It opened my eyes SO MUCH!!! I tell everyone about it, lol. I think it should be mandatory reading for anyone who is married or thinking about marriage or a committed long term relationship. It is a fantastic and illuminating book about how we all express love and affection in different ways and experience problems in long term relationships when each partner "speaks" a different love language and desires to be appreciated in a different way than their partner.

I believe the five languages are as follows:

1. Quality Time/Quality Conversation
2. Physical Touch
3. Acts of Service
4. Words of Affirmation
5. Receiving Gifts

We usually have a primary and secondary language. My primary language was, surprise surprise, quality time/conversation followed by physical touch. I like all the other things too, but for me to really FEEL loved, I need those two expressions.

The book was so illuminating! It explained so many frustrating experiences in my marriage where my ex-husband would be constantly trying to get me to do the most ridiculous things FOR HIM. Hello?!! He's an acts of service person. Having me do things for him made him feel loved. I was always feeling oppressed and like he was an @sshole on a power trip trying to boss me around. On the other hand, he's work all the time and buy me gifts and we had a beautiful house and i drove a nice car and could buy whatever I wanted. We never had sex. All I really wanted was to spend time with him and be close to him mentally and physically. I remember looking around at my perfect house and beautiful things and feeling so hollow and utterly depressed. The "nice stuff" intensified my misery!!!

It just occurred to me to look at his chart and see the condition of his 8th house -- haha!!! The 8th house cusp is friggin' VIRGO... Mercury is debilitated in the 1st house.

It's also of note that he has the Sun, Mars and Venus in Pisces that fall in my 6th house and we have planets in the 6th house in the composite too. None of my planets fall in his 6th.

posted August 25, 2010 02:58 PM            

I think intimacy strips us. We shed what we've been as we find a deeper layer of what we are. We can do this alone. This is what it means to be intimate with ourselves.

Someone else can directly trigger that discovery in us. Thanks to them, we fall into a *new* private place inside us. We're not the same afterward. We're more experienced and rich.

So to me, intimacy is a process. It's living in that state where we're constantly being born anew. When I'm intimately connected with someone , I feel like they trigger me to discover myself, and they hold me while I'm doing it. They live with me inside that private & mysterious space where creation occurs. And I do the same for them.

I have Gem on the 8th.
Vertex in the 8th opp my Sun-Neptune.
8th house ruler cnj 4th house ruler.
8th house ruler in Sco in the 1st house.

posted August 25, 2010 03:03 PM            

I can relate. Like you, I have a Sco Asc, Uranus in the 1st, Cap on the 3rd, and Saturn in the 4th quad.

posted August 25, 2010 10:02 PM            

quote:

---

I was inquiring about what makes us believe we have a personal connection with someone. Basically, I wanted to know what makes us consider another person as someone worth knowing.

---

OH OK. For some reason it didn't click that you were asking that.

Well apart from eye contact - there are other important things for me to feel this way.
The biggest one is a shared history, time.. It happens very very slowly for me. I begin to think I have a close personal connection with someone when I have a feeling that I can trust and count on the person over time.
When I say 'trust' - I mean trust them to be themselves and to follow a rational pattern; trust them to be there when I need them practically. Words are never helpful in this. This is why it takes years. For instance, I've known my best friend for over a decade now.. If she had told me when we met "I am trustworthy! You can count on me." I would say ummm ?
lol
Because I have to see how things unfold, as we go through certain things in life..

The closest people to me became close over the years based on actions that built a certain image in my mind. The image is always "You can count on me." And I reciprocate.

In the very early stages - I feel most at home and comfortable with people who have a passion for something, whatever that may be - painting, drawing, climbing mountains, mathematics, architecture - whatever.. The area is irrelevant - But if they have a passion for something and they work for their passion and pursue their passion with tenacity -- For some reason this gives me a feeling of: "This is a level headed person I can trust." and "This is a person who inspires me and further - a person who can teach me something interesting."

So I guess I would like to be inspired as well (usually through work).. and also inspire my friends (through my own work).

I gravitate towards people's works.. often art works (but it does not have to be art).
When I see a person working on a pavement drawing for instance.. they are JUST the kind of person I'd like to say HI to.

Anyway I can't think of much else.

I have a feeling some of these things are more related to my 7th house. My DC is Capricorn and Mars/Neptune conj on DC.