posted October 11, 2010 06:51 AM         

The reality turned out to be though that he's a total ******* ! He says the must f***ed up stuff he can think of to me. He's nice to everyone BUT me. Now, if he were any other guy, there is no WAYYYYY I would throw a fancy at the idea of holding a torch for him! I would write him off IMMEDIATELY as the total douche bag that he is! The very idea of being interested in someone so cold and childish and nit picky and bullying would just be ridiculous and unthinkable. He even deleted me on facebook when I sent him a polite message asking after his well-being. I mean, seriously! Could you be any more of a childish jerk?

And yet! Here I find myself embroiled in emotion, pining away - for this big jerk! And I KNOW he's a jerk! He's let me know on a number of occasions that he's an "******* ", in his own opinion. I know, warning sign, right!

Among all the favorable aspects we share, here are the aspects that have me most irritated because of the strong implications for marriage:

My Venus and Mars are in his 5th house.
My Venus conjuncts his south node. (I am almost entirely convinced we were in love in a past life... or two.... or three.)
My Juno conjuncts his north node.
His Venus falls in my 7th house.
My moon conjuncts his Ascendant.
Our Venus and Mars are all sextile and trine each other.
His Venus is in Gemini, my Juno is in Libra, his Juno is in Aquarius (I'm an Aquarius, btw, if that means anything.), his Juno falls in both our third house (Gemini), my 7th house (marriage and partnerships) is ruled by Gemini.
My Chiron is in Gemini conjuncting his Venus.
Our Chirons conjunct in house (7th house).
We both have Uranus conjuncting our Ascendants.

etc, etc.

Basically... I guess I'm just asking how I get over this ******* f*** jerk douche bag who I unfortunately have amazing synastry with. Gawd. Why can't I have that kind of synastry with someone who isn't a self-centered ass, and who cares about my feelings and well-being?

posted October 11, 2010 06:57 AM         

Looking at that, one would think that we'd be all lovey dovey toward each other, right?

posted October 11, 2010 09:13 AM         

What a beautiful response. Thank you. I'll remember what you wrote, especially the part about staying within my heart and observing my emotional process in order to avoid anger and resentment.

posted October 11, 2010 09:17 AM         

His Pluto also opposes my Venus (and mars)... I know, which makes me obsessive about the whole thing.

My Pluto and Saturn conjunct his Ascendant and oppose his sun. :-(

That blows.

posted October 11, 2010 03:40 PM         

Exact Sun-NN conjunction and several other favourable synastry aspects in a relationship that wasn't exactly the stuff of dreams.

I'd prefer you to do your composite chart and add certain indicator asteroids
Ceres
Pallas
Juno
Vesta
Nessus
Dejanira
Chiron
Anubis
Lucifer
Kaali

Nessus-Dejanira are particularly important as far as his behaviour towards you is concerned so I'd go with Ami on this one.

The thing with asteroids is that they reveal the finer workings between two people and are indispensable when analysing synastry and composite.

posted October 11, 2010 03:44 PM         

Okay here are both of our charts. This isn't really conducive to me forgetting about the whole ugly issue, but perhaps this will give me an answer or two so I can let it go. Thank you, folks.

This is his chart.... http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j85/mystical_symphony/carte.png

And this is my chart..... http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j85/mystical_symphony/carte2.png

Just as a side note, I acted like a really silly (exceptionally silly) spoiled child around him.... I have never behaved that way in my life! It was so surreal!!! Can anyone see what aspects in our charts would inspire me to behave in such a way???

This all began and transpired during the Saturn transit in to Libra.

It started in July at this gathering thing. We just clicked so deeply, and we spent like a full 24 hours happily telling each other all our secrets, and discovered we had the same childhood issues and that we're super similar. The energy between us was phenomenal. It was like meeting my twin soul. I could even tell everything he was thinking. I knew he was falling for me and I for him, really fast and hard. Then the next day.. or so... I freaked out. I knew if I saw him again and talked to him again, the energy between us would be way too honest and I couldn't deal. So he would roll around, and I would strait up just leave the scene. He even had a bad LSD trip a day or two after that cus I was ignoring him, and he thought he did something horrible (I found out later from a "friend"). He spent a couple of weeks trying to befriend me again, and I spent that time gingerly avoiding him, and one night at this show, he stared at me really intensely as he walked over to me and I just about **** a brick... and he sat down next to me and put his third eye against my third eye and started sweetly asking me what was going on between us and telling me i smell good and saying these lovely things. I froze, as I always do around him. I could see him staring at me in my peripheral so I grabbed a pillow and stuck against my face against him. Sooooo awkward. I'm usually cool as a cucumber around guys and always have the upper hand, even if I have a mad crush on them, but THIS guy, man! This guy sets off a roller coaster inside me. So eventually he started being really snippy toward me, and saying little mean things and sending me this sorta cold vibe. What hurt the most was him and these two immature little ******** we were hanging around with were always excluding me from everything and that little ***** Zoe was constantly threatening to hit me whenever we got drunk.
For the entire month, the group of us were drinking like pirates and getting shamelessly trashed on the regular. Or at least I was. I have memory of being super drunk and him being sober, repeatedly, even though we seemingly drank the same amount of alcohol (????). On August 16, a few days before Mercury went retrograde, I was so hurt and frustrated and angry and stupid drunk, and I freaking DECKED HIM and smashed his head in to the sidewalk, which lead to a series of attacks on both our parts for what seemed like perhaps 15 minutes to half an hour... in the middle of the night on the sidewalk. It was so weird. It was exactly something I would do, though. Note the Pluto in my 12th house and the Uranus in my rising sign. The next day the wound on his head was so big and gnarly that it looked like he was wearing a purple hat. Anyways, that was the last time I talked to him. Which is freaking GREAT. We've had a few awkward and forced facebook interactions and the other day, I had a few drinks (I've been drinking a lot lately.... I guess it's my new "thing") and I sent him about 5... yes, five... emails... drunk... SPILLING LE BEANS! I don't even want to go in to what I wrote. At this point I'm just strait up harassing him via email. So bad!!!!! After gaining sobriety, I deleted my myspace account in hopes that that would render the messages blank. Fingers crossed. I am never going to email him again and i do not forsee him ever contacting me, so that's a kaput scenario.

posted October 11, 2010 03:58 PM         

Anyway, those charts aren't the type I read, because they're very foreign to me. But I noticed you have pluto squaring your mars in the 5th, which fits with your violent behavior.

posted October 11, 2010 04:08 PM         

I basically did stop drinking, I just have a couple now and then to help with the creative process (I like to write).

posted October 11, 2010 04:26 PM         

In my defense, my father was abusive when I was growing, SO, this guy offered to kill him for me... about 4 different times! On this particular occasion, he was going in to great detail on exactly what gruesome techniques he wanted to use to kill him, which was when I became horrified and decked him. It was a combination of factors, you see. Plus, he's cool with the violence to a certain degree. He was telling me stories of people in his family who have lost it and gone all crazy and violent, and he's very sympathetic and understanding.

posted October 11, 2010 04:35 PM         

I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life or pass judgment. I am just telling you that you will be more violent and attract more violence while you have this transit (which will be for some time) so you should bear it in mind.

posted October 11, 2010 04:41 PM         

quote:

---

I was so hurt and frustrated and angry and stupid drunk, and I freaking DECKED HIM and smashed his head in to the sidewalk, which lead to a series of attacks on both our parts for what seemed like perhaps 15 minutes to half an hour... in the middle of the night on the sidewalk. It was so weird

---

This really sounds like Mars/Pluto.

I have a Mars/Pluto sextile and an ex has a Mars/Pluto opposition - He often tried to be violent (unsuccessfully) and also - to arouse me to violence towards him.
AND - interesting fact - his father was also abusive towards him when he was young. It's not uncommon with a harsh Mars/Pluto aspect in your natal chart - that an authority figure would breach your trust, attempt to control you or physically harm you.

posted October 11, 2010 04:44 PM         

After I got him, he got me back, and it ended up with us chilling on the sidewalk casually burning each other with a cigarette. He referred to the whole incident later as fun.

His Pluto is in his 12th house as well, which makes for the "hidden rage".