posted October 17, 2010 02:21 AM         

it changed suddenly since 2 years ago. i have ONLY got cunning, manipulative flat mates who took my generosity and laid back attitude for granted, devastated me, and in the end finally when i try to draw a line turn everything around and play the victim. i don't know how it escapes their minds that i had always been welcome, friendly and communicative to them, and they feel completely justified to accuse me of mis-treating and being intolerant with them. it's so absurd, for no one would have had as much patience than me.

so when they sucked everything out of me and finally get kicked out of the flat, they leave with this conviction that they just had the misfortune to get their lives screwed up by a crazy b!tch with "problems".

i feel mortified, and most of all, my life has been sheer hell and i have missed my life's opportunities while i dealt with the stress of trying to communicate civilly with people who had no ability to do so. now i know i should always have been a real b!tch and just kicked them out immediately. my patience and generosity completely backfired.

what is happening, though!? i am terrified of people now, i fear they all invade my life, take things away from me and then humiliate me with their insolence.

posted October 17, 2010 02:41 AM         

i appreciate any insights into this. thank you. it really needs to stop. it's destroying me.

posted October 17, 2010 07:56 AM         

I am not that good but I try to offer what I have learned ,to date.

When I read your question, I thought of 4 things ,Nessus, Dejanaria , Pluto and Mars.

Your Pluto opposes your moon. This could be the problem. Your Pluto feels impaired in it's ability to protect you.
Your emotions and one of your main protectors,Pluto, are at odds.
The moon rules your domestic environment so it is harder for you to assert yourself at home that at work, perhaps.
You were not able to assert your Pluto in your domestic space, your home.
The situation escalated in to a mess. You are distraught and wondering "how" to even "do" life when you were not able to handle THIS situation ,well.
That is what I am picking up. Correct me if I am wrong

posted October 17, 2010 10:56 AM         

there are cases studied that once bullyed,people grow scared of certain type-personality people,the ones similar to the bullyers type,and so,it happens that they attract that same people that they dont want to attract.

could it be that case?

astrologically speaking - tr uranus on your IC shows the sudden changes,in how you appear to others too - your social status,cause it opposes your MC.

as Uranus also rules your 3rd i guess that it can show that through your immediate surroundings,the way you communicate with others,your neightbours and aquaitances...from what you said,seems that the troubles also appear in these areas of life yes?

hmmm saturn the lord of karma and fate is approaching your NN-so it is oposing your SN--this could be something related to a past life event?something to be released now?

saturn rules your 2nd.house of finances but also has to do with your emotional security,your value systems too...this could have started in order for you to become a stronger person,re.evaluate or develop your own emotional security,not something that comes from others,but mostly within yourself 1st?

posted October 17, 2010 10:59 AM         

katatonic, you are actually so right. a friend really opened my eyes today, reminding me that i am putting on pedestal these "useless" people in my life and destroying myself, while i have great friends who love me who are important. it went on for so long that i was losing myself among the shock and humiliation, and the feeling of injustice. i'm extremely naive when it comes to this sort of things (and that's probably why people abuse me...). i have to learn some things. i take my friend and your advice and just look at what's really important. thank you for the eye-opener.

posted October 17, 2010 11:11 AM         

Diandra, it could be, my aunt even said to me that i have something that attracts people like this into my life. but it really obviously started about 2 years ago. and my childhood bullying wasn't horrifying or anything, i see now that boys just liked me, and girls were jealous because all the boys liked me.

posted October 17, 2010 11:31 AM         

i think you are right about my lack of being able to be objective when it comes to myself, while i am quite detached and rational when i look at others' situations (so people come to me for advice). the worst is when these people accuse me with absurd stories, because they accuse me so confidently i start to even wonder if i'm the delusional one and really did all those terrible things to them! of course the thought doesn't last more than a second for it's just impossible, but even the fact i get swayed proves my low self-assertive skill... i make myself really vulnerable often times. so your theory with Mars rings true for me. i need to learn to assert and defend myself...

thank you so much for looking into this everyone. it has not only been a major source of stress, but really puzzling me. i'm curious what the asteroids are telling...

if it's a lesson, i must take it as it is and learn from it. thanks for all the insights, every bit was very helpful!

posted October 17, 2010 12:23 PM         

I'm also going through something similar myself this week at work...suddenly it seemed that everyone ganged up on me and launched an attack out of nowhere, although tension has been building up for a while.

I cried a lot yesterday because it broke my heart, as I don't understand why people have to gang up on others and be soo mean. I too honestly did not do anything to provoke such negativity and hatred on purpose.

After much meditation, I decided that it doesn't change who I am as person inside. I would never hurt someone intentionally or say mean things to injure another's reputation - so I don't really understand either.

I also noticed that we both have Neptune conj Sag Asc/ and Uranus in 11th House of groups. Maybe part of our Sag personalities and optimism puts us out "there."

Neptune on ASC also may cause others to see us not as we truly are, but project their own thoughts and opinions on what they perceive us to be.

Also, with Uranus in the 11th Hs, I've had sudden reversals in groups and work organizations a lot - where people suddenly turn against me. Perhaps with Venus in Scorpio Rx - hidden jealousies from others are coming out- and true colors from others are being revealed? An angular Venus (yours in the 1st, mine in 10th) may also attract attention as well good or bad but attention in some way or another.

In any case, I truly relate to what you're feeling and have only compassion. Now and in the past, I couldn't join cliques at work and gang up on someone, sometimes it turns against me and the group probably thinks I'm fighting against them too when I'm not - I just don't want to hurt people unnecessarily, especially the outsider or the underdog.

Don't forget to honor your true self - I'm guessing you're a good person too and have done nothing to warrant such behavior. I had to remind myself that I am a good person inside and didn't want to hurt anyone, even if others don't like me. In the end it's probably their projections only and not who you truly are inside!

posted October 17, 2010 12:43 PM         

That makes sense.

You are comfortable with the moon energy, as many woman are.
The Pluto energy is scary.

When I read your question, I thought of Pluto

My biggest problem is integrating Pluto( and Mars, too)
I have a Cancer Mars so it is like an 8th house Mars, perhaps.
It is an impotent type of Mars, anyway

Yes, you should come with me on my journey to find Pluto.
I talk about it all the time

posted October 17, 2010 01:38 PM         

Very good post from Simone.

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http://tamsoft.co.in/articles.html

posted October 17, 2010 03:31 PM         

Simone, "Maybe part of our Sag personalities and optimism puts us out "there." sounds about right... i have a certain faith in people that makes me vulnerable to the kinds who have no interest in anything but themselves. i'm always too optimistic that with the right approach, we can all understand each other. it's really not the case... when the other party is not interested in that. it's usually too late when i realise i invested so much time and effort to "rescue" situations.

i've been warned about my Neptune at AC too. since i was a child, people tend to misunderstand me generally. Simone, i hope your situation at work will improve. my heart is with you, it's a very sad experience.

Ami, that really makes sense that i'm comfortable with the moon energy, which is the destructive energy of my mother and how hard it is for me to detach from it. now i understand why i have this innate fear for 10th house things! it still feels like i'm going through my Saturn return, but that's because it's transiting in my 10th house, over the Pluto and NN! it indeed IS scary!I should pay attention to what you're writing about your Pluto.

posted October 17, 2010 05:17 PM         

Oh yeah, I do have transiting Saturn in Libra moving exact to conjunct my natal Pluto in the 10th too, minutes away. Well, I guess that explains alot, lol. Especially about the injustice and unfairness part.

Only thing I can think of is for me to be willing to go deep and really transform and evolve any past old behaviors or reactions or attitudes that need to be let go - Saturn is giving us this time to truly evolve - which is a blessing and I'm not trying to resist it this time. I guess I need to have the courage and strength to stand up against injustice and unfairness, and do so in an authentic and balanced/empowered way and not as a victim.

Also don't lose the Saggie optimism! A little humor and light will get us through. I noticed that whenever I start obsessing about feeling sad about this situation, getting all depressive and bummed out, I tell myself snap out of it.

Yeah, it's time to change, just ouch, change really does not come easy. Maybe one day, I'll be sooo grateful for this...

Thanks again for helping me through this as well.

I have faith in you. Be well and stay strong!

posted October 17, 2010 06:38 PM         

You're tough as nails!! Don't lose sight of that and you'll be alright!

posted October 17, 2010 10:31 PM         

quote:

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it changed suddenly since 2 years ago.

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I say it's t.Pluto. It's been cnj your Sun and is now cnj your Mercury.

quote:

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it really needs to stop. it's destroying me.

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And ^ sounds like Pluto's work.

A little destruction can be a good thing, though.

Mercury's really important for you. It's retro and rules two of your angular houses - 7th & 10th. T.Pluto cnj it is restructuring the way you relate to others one-on-one (7th/1st), which simultaneously restructures the way you present your inner self to the world (10th/4th).

Pluto's telling you to go ahead and be a b1tch. You no longer need to be the "nice and sweet" person everyone loves. That's just one part of you. Pluto's making that one way of being no longer pay off (through these unjust experiences w/ your roommates). It'll keep doing that (in some way) until you expand and let your full self out.

Since natally you have Pluto on your NN, being more of a hardass may feel really uncomfortable. You may feel like being that way makes you sacrifice your Moon (since that's cnj your SN). T.Saturn's proximity to your NN & Pluto has already been mentioned. Saturn's gonna hound your @ss and pressure you to grow into your Pluto-NN. On the plus side, he'll give you the strength and drive to make that transition.

Pluto rules your 12th house. That probably adds to your discomfort with integrating your Pluto. Owning and acting from that place inside you probably arouses confusing fears, fears that have their home deep in your subconscious/past. This could be connected with your upbringing (as you mentioned) or a past life or both. I tend to believe both since I think early life experiences highlight significant issues we carried over into this life, but that's just my opinion and not even all that relevant here.

What does matter is that what's happening to you right now - the growth you're being asked to make - is a huge deal for you. It's not going to be easy, it will feel like you're being destroyed, and you will come out of this at your peak.

quote:

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now i know i should always have been a real b!tch and just kicked them out immediately.

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posted October 18, 2010 12:27 AM         

You 1977 too? My Pluto is at 11.3 Libra, am awaiting the Saturn Transit.