posted November 10, 2010 03:42 PM         

But Benedict, I disagree that she should neccessarily move on just yet. They could have it both ways--she could prove her love and devotion, without him hurting her by dating other people or making her wait 8 years till he dates her exclusively again. She just has to set that boundary with him.

posted November 10, 2010 04:01 PM         

There's a tricky balance between getting a wounded crab back into your life, and becoming a doormat/victim of his moods. There's got to be a way for them to rebuild trust without adding on new hurts. I wish they weren't enduring this during the Venus Rx.

posted November 10, 2010 04:03 PM         

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अस्तो मा सद् गमय |
तमसो मा ज्योतिर्गमय |
मृत्योन् मा अमृतं गमय् ||
ॐ शांति शांति शांति

posted November 10, 2010 04:16 PM         

quote:

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There's a tricky balance between getting a wounded crab back into your life, and becoming a doormat/victim of his moods. There's got to be a way for them to rebuild trust without adding on new hurts. I wish they weren't enduring this during the Venus Rx.

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My relationships with other Cancers have been pretty straightfoward so I'll admit I wouldn't know what to do in these back-and-forth situations because I've never experienced them with Cancer men. But I dunno, just from my own perspective as a Cancerian, it will be a long time before they get back to the gf and bf stage. Especially since his moon ( his sun's dispositor) is in Taurus...a very fixed sign. His trust and his heart was broken so he just digging his heels in like a stubborn bull.

posted November 10, 2010 04:44 PM         

I'm not saying she should grovel, quite the opposite. She should let him know she can't be in limbo forever, and it's time for him to choose whether he wants to give her another chance, or they should just end things.

I wish it was so simple that an apology would make up for something like being dumped after 1.5 years of living together. For people with lots of Cancer, it REALLY isn't...a lot of us have trouble trusting someone even when things are good and easy.

For her to reject him, whether "for his sake" or not, after he'd made a home with her and introduced her to his mom....this just is very, very hard to "get over" for a Cancer. If he'd cheated when they were a couple, that would be different.

It can be very challenging for Cancer-influenced people to not subject our partners to games or tests. She needs to put a stop to his games or tests, but...I don't get the whole thing of not seeing him when he's the one person she wants to be with. I do think he needs to choose now between trying to give her another chance, or losing her altogether.

posted November 10, 2010 04:55 PM         

quote:

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I wish it was so simple that an apology would make up for something like being dumped after 1.5 years of living together. For people with lots of Cancer, it REALLY isn't...a lot of us have trouble trusting someone even when things are good and easy.

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That's pretty much the gist of what I've been saying. It takes ALOT to trust someone for me, and it seems that this guy really trusted her in their relationship. So for her to dump him, especially during a period that they were homeless, is one of the best ways to shatter our trust. He probably doesn't see her the same way that he once did.

And other women? I'm sorry, but she dumped him and he's single so he can do whatever the hell he wants. He's not on her leash anymore.

His Leo Venus makes me think its about his pride too.

Bottom line: if she wants him back, she has to regain his trust and that could take years....especially if his Cancer sun disposits itself in a fixed sign (Taurus Moon). I'm not saying he's not in the wrong for his behavior here, but if she wants to end this destructive cycle, there's an exit sign and no one is stopping her.

posted November 10, 2010 05:01 PM         

And, MVM, are you saying she ONLY has a choice between leaving him and moving on and...leaving him and moving on?

posted November 10, 2010 05:06 PM         

quote:

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But, Benedict, are you saying she ONLY has a choice between leaving him, or hanging around halfway in his life for years?

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Well I don't believe anything is definite, and I'm not omniscient....but it really looks that way to me judging from the situation. I didn't leave my Scorpio Ex in limbo forever, but he was there for a loooong period of time.

posted November 10, 2010 05:10 PM         

quote:

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I just don't like seeing someone hurt like that tho.

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He's a Cancer, Taurus Moon, Leo Venus--and she dumped him after a year and a half living together and meeting his mom? While they were homeless?

If HE posted on here, would you advise him to move on and be less available, too...?

They're both getting hurt and have gotten hurt...but he got dumped by his live-in partner of 1.5 years. She is getting mixed messages from the guy she dumped, who still loves her and wants to spend a lot of time with her without making a full commitment and putting his heart fully on the line again. I think the hurt doled out to him is worse.

If he'd been a crappier partner for that year and a half, I'd think differently.

posted November 10, 2010 05:15 PM         

And Benedict...years to regain trust? Are you kidding me? Seriously, who the hell is going to wait years to mend a mistake like that. It's not like she cheated on him opr abused him. She freaked out about the way he was acting rude toward her and jumped ship, and abandoned (yes), but also had the AWARENESS to recognize exactly what she did. If he doesn't have the mindfulness to recognize it, then the hell with him. But she does not need 'years' - I don't care if his chart has fixed stuff, if you want someone, you make exceptions.
I'm not saying I agree with her abandonment, I think it's terrible. I just think jeeez, she knows she screwed up. If the guy were posting this about what she did I would say dump her ass. But if he were to say she did what she did and came back with awareness, I would say forgive and vow to be open with each other. It goes both ways.

Also, he may have the 'right' to see whoever he wants to and date, but it's not so cut and dry since he's obviously also not completely separating himself from her either. So no, you don't screw around with your ex-girlfriend and stay the night with her while you're 'dating' and say it's ok, it's not ok. And then say. She might be 'The One'. No, no, hell to the No! That makes me mad just thinking about, that someone can toy with another person's vulnerabilities that way

posted November 10, 2010 05:28 PM         

quote:

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And Benedict...years to regain trust? Are you kidding me? Seriously, who the hell is going to wait years to mend a mistake like that. It's not like she cheated on him opr abused him. She freaked out about the way he was acting rude toward her and jumped ship, and abandoned (yes), but also had the AWARENESS to recognize exactly what she did. If he doesn't have the mindfulness to recognize it, then the hell with him. But she does not need 'years' - I don't care if his chart has fixed stuff, if you want someone, you make exceptions

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Trust is NEVER an easy thing for a Cancerian (with a fixed moon, mind you) to build. Its just not a light thing for us. So to shatter it is just asking to be left out in the rain or on the couch for a long time. And I guarantee you he will be like this for a very long time because this is a classic case of the Cancerian with no trust and who is not feeling secure. So if she doesn't want to wait that long then on to the next one. There's just no point.

I don't always cut someone out when they betray me (and yes, he probably does see this that way) but I don't regard them the same way almost about 99.9% of the time. I make no exceptions because if you were who you were, you wouldn't have shattered my trust in the first place. I guess my main gripe is that people are so effing inconsistent in these serious matters. To me, you don't dump someone and then come crawling back saying you want them back....its mad schizoid.

posted November 10, 2010 05:34 PM         

quote:

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I don't always cut someone out when they betray me (and yes, he probably does see this that way) but I don't regard them the same way almost about 99.9% of the time. I make no exceptions because if you were who you were, you wouldn't have shattered my trust in the first place. I guess my main gripe is that people are so effing inconsistent in these serious matters.

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posted November 11, 2010 02:14 AM         

the last thing I read was Lucia's post about kissing him. I saw him last night, and I will share with you all what happened, and maybe we can move from there.

But first, to clarify... yes, he tried seriously dating ONE girl.. but after spending time together 3 times, he knew it wasn't working out. I was still on his mind. And after that girl, he told me he was done dating around, and that he knew what he wanted. "I want to work on us being together again, but it isn't going to happen over night."

So last night...
He promised during the day that he'd call me around the time I usually clock out of work (11pm.) By the time I received a phone call, it was 1:30am. I stayed calm.. though, I wanted so badly to nag at him (I was once told by someone who knew a good bit about astrology that I should watch my "sharp tongue," and be aware of being too critical.) However, by the tone of his voice, I could tell that he was very sorry. He didn't realize that the concert would last so long. After idle chitchat (about 10 minutes) he asked me what was wrong. I told him I was just disappointed that we didn't get a chance to spend some time together, but I understood (this is not the usual tone I use when I'm upset with him... so he was probably very relieved.) He then asked if I wanted to stay the night with him and he added that he'd make us a late-night dinner. I said yes. We met up at a friend's house at around 2:30am and went to his house at 4am. We were so tired, we went straight to bed.

While we were dating, I always picked on him for wanting ME to spoon him in the bed... because I really wanted him to hold me sometimes. But last night, instead of turning away from me, he held me. He then asked me why I was 'breathing funny'... told him it was congestion. He started to kiss me on the cheek.. and then breathe close to my neck. Finally, I took Lucia's advice and asked him to kiss me. And he did

We did "the deed," but before going there, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you. I promise I still love you." I said it back. After making love, he whispered, "I'm sorry for the last five months." I told him that I was, too.

This morning, we layed in bed for an hour... just holding each other.. he was being flirtacious and poking my nose (he loves my nose...) and I scratched his back (which he loved while we were together.. and still today, apparently.) He then said, "you know, I meant what I said last night." I said, "I know." He eventually walked me to the door and kissed me probably a dozen times before I walked out.

Now to me, this was a real thing.. a good thing. But I don't know what you all would thing, because I sense that some of you feel as if he is playing games...

But the thing of it is, while broken up, we've messed around twice, and neither time did he kiss me.

Also, it is definitely fair to say that we both handled the break up poorly. And I know now that I should have NEVER left him... he explained to me on Sunday, "when you wrote that letter and read it to me, it was like getting kicked in the nuts. And I didn't really fight for you, because it's like that pain that came with you kicking me never went away. I couldn't shake it off. I would have never thought of leaving you... even when I was livid at something that you did. And the fact that the thought of walking away even crossed your mind really hurt. I still get upset thinking about it."

So.. that's where we're at now... and my gut tells me to hang on. But if you think otherwise, please don't hesitate to share. I'm obviously caught up in this, while the rest of you are from the outside looking in..

posted November 11, 2010 02:25 AM         

quote:

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Finally, I took Lucia's advice and asked him to kiss me. And he did

We did "the deed," but before going there, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I love you. I promise I still love you." I said it back. After making love, he whispered, "I'm sorry for the last five months." I told him that I was, too.

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Yay, I'm glad you left off reading at THAT part of my advice!!

I agree that you should hang on. My advice now would be to let him know that you understand how he still feels hurt, but that it hurts you too much to not be exclusive. You can assure him with that concession that you will try to show him how devoted you are and earn back his trust.

I personally think this sounds like a good thing. Anyway I wish you both great happiness.