posted December 04, 2010 01:53 PM            

Maybe it's the holidays, that makes me sad and want to discuss it..

Anyways I always get abandoned.. I'm always just left to figure it out for myself.. Why is my life destined to do everything alone...

I never met my father.. I am an only child. It was basically just me and my mom..I was born in the Ky, when I was 6 my mom packed us up and moved to Cali. Leaving behind all family G.parents.cousins. aunts.. etc... everyone..
My mom struggled and did what she had to do to raise me.. I grew up with little, but she some how managed to get me what I needed.. Even if it was late.. At some point I eventually got it.. I spent most of my child hood, alone in my room..

I got pregnant at the age of 19 by a dead beat father, we tried to work through things, but he has his own issue's.. He was abusive so I left in the middle of the night.. With really no place to go.. My mom just moved back to Ky... never to return.. Leaving me alone...
I struggled and raised my daughter alone.. With no help from anyone..
When my daughter was 7 I got married, he helped me, we helped each other.. It wasnt perfect, but I wasnt alone.. I had another child when my daughter was 10..

When my son turned 6, my husband was arrested and then deported.. Again leaving me alone to raise my kids alone with zero help.. ( I wont move to another country) His family lives here, but they are "busy" and dont help me at all.. Not even visiting even though they only live 5 mins away. My husband wouldnt have ever left me, but fate stepped in and made sure it happen.. Once he was gone, I felt I couldnt do the long distance thing, and I had no choice but to call it quits with him.. I cant live like that..

I get depressed on the holidays, I have no where to go.. I have no family (expect for my kids) Yes we spend the time together,but everyone else is with big families and having a good time.. Im here alone making the best of it for the kids.. the kids ask why dont we go to families house for the holidays.. It breaks my heart.. How do I tell them, bc its just us.. We have no family... Its just the 3 of us... I havent seen my mom in over 10 years.. I asked her if she can come and visit, and she said no I have no reason to go to calf.. Its really expensive to fly the 3 of us back to Ky.. Verse just her flying here..

Why am I also left behind.. Im so tired of doing everything on my own.. I dont know how much more I can take..

This is why I dont get close to people, they are just going to leave anyways... Why even get close to anyone...

posted December 04, 2010 02:12 PM            

This is why I dont get close to people, they are just going to leave anyways... Why even get close to anyone...

Lioness - THIS IS WHY you keep going for those "uranus" relationships! This is WHAT you need to learn, now.

But, hold on tight. Those Saturn transits are hard, cold, and sometimes really depressing... but, it's ok... let those fears of abandonment come out!

I'm listening. And, I'm here for ya!

------------------
The good is the beautiful.

posted December 04, 2010 02:22 PM            

I understand what it's like to come from a broken home, and to have strange and lonely holidays... AND, I'm a mom of 2 kids...

You just remember that your small family is GOOD ENOUGH. That's not just looking on the bright side. They have a wonderful mom! And they have each other...

So many people in this country are poor and struggling, every day I listen to the radio and hear stories about single moms having to make it all alone...

It breaks my heart. And, I just want you to know that although you feel alone - YOU'RE NOT! We're all struggling with you

And, you know you can email me anytime! But, remember that love comes from the inside out, and you do have what it takes to get through this - and to have a happy life with or WITHOUT others to enable you to do that... it's about redifining our principles and values and appreciating our smallest blessings.

posted December 04, 2010 02:26 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
LIONESS!!! Hurray for you, babe! You're finally understanding the Saturn conjunct Uranus in 7th transit...

This is why I dont get close to people, they are just going to leave anyways... Why even get close to anyone...

Lioness - THIS IS WHY you keep going for those "uranus" relationships! This is WHAT you need to learn, now.

But, hold on tight. Those Saturn transits are hard, cold, and sometimes really depressing... but, it's ok... let those fears of abandonment come out!

I'm listening. And, I'm here for ya!

---

I do know this, and I do understand, but I didnt have the Uranus relationship with the husband and he was still taken away.. He would have never left me.. He would do anything to come back.. But I feel its too late... He's been gone for over 2 years... Fate stepped in and made sure he would not be around... I ended the relationship over a year ago.. saying I just be married like this... The deportation caused the marriage to end.

posted December 04, 2010 02:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
God bless you and those kids. I think about your situation, trying to find helpful things to say, but it's not like you can just "make family" appear...

I understand what it's like to come from a broken home, and to have strange and lonely holidays... AND, I'm a mom of 2 kids...

You just remember that your small family is GOOD ENOUGH. That's not just looking on the bright side. They have a wonderful mom! And they have each other...

So many people in this country are poor and struggling, every day I listen to the radio and hear stories about single moms having to make it all alone...

It breaks my heart. And, I just want you to know that although you feel alone - YOU'RE NOT! We're all struggling with you

And, you know you can email me anytime! But, remember that love comes from the inside out, and you do have what it takes to get through this - and to have a happy life with or WITHOUT others to enable you to do that... it's about redifining our principles and values and appreciating our smallest blessings.

XOXO

---

posted December 04, 2010 02:32 PM            

A safe way for us to like, send each other cards, pictures and other things!

posted December 04, 2010 03:07 PM            

I have read that if you have a natal venus square pluto it takes away the spouse. Is that why the husband was taken away?

posted December 04, 2010 03:58 PM            

Sun conjunct Moon (and mercury) in Leo in the 6th house. You have a very strong sense of self that is diffused by your sense of duty and compassion to be of service to the world and everyone you encounter. You tend to attract people who are very self absorbed and you tend to become subservient to their needs, their self expression and how they live their lives on a daily basis. This the universe showing you the ways in which you need to grow. You need to put yourself first and take care of yourself on a day to day basis. It is very important for you to let go of the the guilt and victim mentality that keeps you attracting people who feed off of it.

Moon in Leo in the 6th: You feel safe and secure when you are authentically self expressive in your daily routine. You need to have some type of order in how you take care of yourself, or how you deal on a daily basis. This brings a need/craving for some type of stability and security in your daily life. However, you may have a tendency to seek this out in a partner.

Venus in Cancer in the fourth house. You desire safety and security in your home, or at the deepest intimate part of yourself. You truly desire this sense of security in your emotional self.

Saturn is where we find ourselves compulsively seeking to express the qualities presented by its sign placement in the area of life of its house placement. Saturn in Gemini in the 3rd house, Conjunct the IC says: "I MUST be clever and have new experiences as a part of my immediate environment as well as in my home life or roots." Practically, this would express itself as difficulty settling down and consciously self-sabotaging your need for security and stability by compulsively seeking out new emotional experiences.

Pluto in the 7th house. Uranus in the 7th house. Any planets in the 7th house are qualities that we bring to partnership, however we tend to perceive these qualities as coming from the other person. With Pluto and Uranus in the 7th house, its seems as if other people are always upsetting your life and bringing in this radical and unexpected change. It seems as if your relationships with others are the impetus for deep, transformational change, constant deaths and rebirths. But it is really you. You are the agent of change, you are the transformational figure. The universe is waiting for you to own your POWER. You are quite powerful yet, because you don't protect yourself, you allow other people to run you and where you are going in life.

NN in Capricorn in the 11th house. You have a very important legacy to leave, yet the security issues present elsewhere in your chart are an issue once again in following your destiny. Your NN in Capricorn is asking you to think more long term in your security needs, not just the immediate of home and emotionally. You have a gift to bring to the world yet isolation could leave you withholding it (SN in Cancer in the 5th house).

With your Midheaven in Sagittarius and Jupiter in the 10th house, its seems like your story, your vast life experiences would make a great book. As well as with Saturn in Gemini in the 3rd, you must tell your story. It is for the world . It is a gift to you AND the world.

posted December 04, 2010 04:39 PM            

I do need the emotional security, Ive never had it.. Idk what I would even do with it.. Probably freak me out and Ill take off..

I self sabotage? Do I... I guess in way, assuming eveything will go wrong.. I need more time on this one... Wow... that one hit hard...

Pluto:
How do I own my power? Im confused with moon conjunct sun u said i have to stop attracting these people, but Im an agent of transformation... These people come to me.. Im suppose to help????? Should I let go and stop attracting these people? Or help...
I dont think I let people run me... Maybe when i was younger.. I know I cant rely on anyone.. I have to do it all alone.. No one will be there for me..

I did start to write a book several years ago, about my experience's only it got very emotional for me,and I had to stop.. When I went and read it, it ended up being gibberish.
PLUS omg! IDK if I can say everything... It would devastate me for people to know everything about me. I dont know if I could show my face in public, if everyone knew things...
Why do I need to tell my story?? I dont know if I can...
Do you know how hard it was for me, just to type this little piece about me... idk... I dont know if I can... Why me? Why would my story be a gift... I cant... I dont know how..

posted December 04, 2010 05:19 PM            

The question that I would suggest you meditate on is this...
"Why do I keep abandoning myself?"

I know that you are taking care of your physical self and your life, but what about your emotional self? Are you taking care of that part too? How about your spiritual self? Are you acknowledging that you are a spiritual being first and that your spiritual growth and evolution is primary?

quote:

---

Pluto:
How do I own my power? Im confused with moon conjunct sun u said i have to stop attracting these people, but Im an agent of transformation... These people come to me.. Im suppose to help????? Should I let go and stop attracting these people? Or help...
I dont think I let people run me... Maybe when i was younger.. I know I cant rely on anyone.. I have to do it all alone.. No one will be there for me..

---

You said a lot here.
Firstly, the people that you attract only come to illuminate you for yourself. To show you who you are and how you deal with yourself. People only treat you the way that you treat yourself. They are your reflection. Every single one of them.

With that in mind, imagine that everyone that comes to you for help is saying to you "Lioness, see how you need to help yourself mentally? See how you need to use your power to transform YOUR life and to rid yourself of this pattern of abandonment?"

I hear you saying a lot that you can't rely on anyone and you have to do it all alone. The vulnerablity and intimacy that happens when you do rely on another person is a reflection of your ability to trust yourself...the universe. It sounds like with these abandonment issues, trust is an issue for you.

"I have to do it all alone.. No one will be there" This is very heavy to me and I hear in it an aching for true connection with another. But this won't happen until you start to acknowledge your own emotional needs and start fulfilling them yourself.

All in all, WHEN you finally gather courage to tell your story and face your darkness, you will finally be healed. Don't be afraid. The universe supports you. ALL OF US AT LINDALAND LOVE AND SUPPORT YOU TOO!

You are not alone.

posted December 04, 2010 05:56 PM            

Sometimes the life is real humour. About a half year ago I meet a man. Wow he was so handsome. I feel very early it was something wrong but couldnt find out immediately the problem. Suddenly I ask him. What kind of pills does you take? Only one thyroid pills he said. I said, you lie. He was schizophrenic and use many pills. He was ok when he took the pills. Maybee dangerous without them. I dont know. This was completely wrong man to me. This man now togheter with an girlfriend who have the same problem as him. They help each other.

I've contact to a man in long long time. He visit my home about 8-9 years ago. Now I visit this intelligent man and be completely surprised. He have an pig in his flat and 4 big kakadua . I only feel this is so wrong, wrong, wrong. That's not me. This man follow me now. I say stop. I cant be near him.

Sometime it doesnt matter what we makes to do. The life want something else.. I've sometimes make all my power, capacity to anything I want, but the life put me on another way. Weird.

(((PLUS omg! IDK if I can say everything... It would devastate me for people to know everything about me. I dont know if I could show my face in public, if everyone knew things)))

Ha ha I got the same feeling Maybee a leothing or what?

posted December 04, 2010 06:01 PM            

Thank you... Excuse me if I sound naive I'm just trying to work it out in my head..

I do get/understand that with me thinking that everyone will leave I will meet people that WILL leave.. I do believe thats true.. I know we meet people that are our fears. That show us.. I know we continue to meet them until we learn.. I get that part...

Here's my confusion and what has caused me thinking that everyone will leave..

1. never met father
2. taken away from family, never having a family
3. mom moved away as soon as soon as I turned into an adult.
4. Left to raise 1st child alone
5. husband deported
6. left to raise 2nd child alone.
7. When I got married I only had 3 people on my side.. my mom wouldnt fly in for the wedding.
8. When I had both of my kids, no one was available. I was alone .

Even in events Im am alone..

My husband who would have NEVER left me, was taken away.. I dont understand why.. This cant be bc I feel people or going to leave me anyways... This only reconfirmed this.. I knew he would not leave me.. If they wont leave the universe will just take them away anyways... Which is why I just have to accept it..

posted December 04, 2010 06:08 PM            

I just want to say again that I'm going to work out a LindaLand Christmas Card thing, and in your honor.

Also, I just want you to know that I appreciate your honesty. Thank you for being so bold to come here and just really open up about a lot of really hard things.

I can honestly say, that it's incredibly difficult for me to identify what's bothering me on some days, and also, to let it out enough to sort through it. I really admire your clarity here... it's very great of you to be so brave.

Anyways. Even though I can't wave a magic wand and remove this loss from your life, I can assure you that there are many, many, many people who would benefit from knowing your heart. So, please don't keep it all to yourself. And, remember, that ALL of us will eventually lose the ones we love. Morbid, I know. But, it's the darn truth.

This life is short. Don't be afraid to share yourself with others, you'll miss out on so much, and so will we!

posted December 04, 2010 06:12 PM            

quote:

---

The question that I would suggest you meditate on is this...
"Why do I keep abandoning myself?"

I know that you are taking care of your physical self and your life, but what about your emotional self? Are you taking care of that part too? How about your spiritual self? Are you acknowledging that you are a spiritual being first and that your spiritual growth and evolution is primary?

---

as long as you continue to harp on the fact that you have been abandoned, your healing and power will be in the hands of the ones who left you. you'll be waiting for them to make it right or for someone else to come along and prove the previous people and yourself wrong. but its not going to happen.

quiet the story that keeps running in your mind that say that you are alone, that everyone leaves you or is taken away... quiet the inner victim that wants to be proven right in her rants that everyone leaves. think about the ways in which you have abandoned yourself.

i have a feeling that at the core this is about self worth, value and really truly loving yourself. knowing that you are worth staying around, that your life is worth being in. and this is shown by you loving you, by NOT identifying yourself with all of time and people who have left you. that is not you. you are pure LOVE. you are not what you did nor what anyone did to you.

posted December 04, 2010 06:15 PM            

@ Electric mind.. Thank you for your bluntness.. (seriously)