posted February 06, 2011 10:09 PM            

there is no way to happiness
happiness is the way

posted February 06, 2011 10:24 PM            

Because this thread could easily turn into a) a long account of what's challenging in our various natals, transits, progressions, synastry OR b) a bunch of non-astrological self-help platitudes.....

And I keep coming back to astrology, over and over again, so some part of me thinks there's a constructive way to use it to shape events or figure out changes to make. But I haven't found it in my own life!

posted February 07, 2011 02:13 AM            

i HATE the idea of sex without being in love too, on almost all levels except that in the last few years my horniness level has gone way yup beyond the level of available, good, healthy, kind guys i'm attracted to and the ratio there is way off kilter so i started for the first time in my entire life experimenting with sex for its own sake, more or less, in a monogomous, one at a time and carefully chosen manner. however i discovered every time that someone always gets attached, and both tend to in different ways, and then pain is ineviable.. AT LEAST i never surrendered completely in any of these liasons (whereas i used to completely) and guarded my heart somewhat. still, though, it sucks to have 'empty' sex and/or to not really surrender with the feelings and flow of a relationship in a mutual sense. it makes sex very confusing as i like to go as deep as i can into it, though am simultaneously sort of shy of doing so (saturn/NN in 8th).

i DO think everything happens for a reason and that what happens in relationships mirrors, to a great extent, what is unconsciously desired and/or in need of resolution and i've carefully noted the evolution throughout my relationships of my patterns in the guys i've chosen and who've chosen me and this has been reflected back pretty clearly to me. the guy you warned me about a few months back is going through so much in his life and is unable to handle the emotions our sex/relationship brings out in him and though there is TREMENDOUS empathy and it is by far the best sex i have ever had, i decided tonight to end it because he is behaving very inconsistently (and lying- a HUGE turn off for me and pretty much a dealbreaker; though i do see how it's rooted in his inability to deal honestly with his own feelings) and it is annoying me a great deal. also in the last few days i have developed a new interest but i am going to be VERY careful about how i approach this situation if i even allow myself to let it happen (as of now i'm 50/50 on whether i would or should). he and i have major square action happening but we both have major natal squares (especially to our moons) and, like this most recent guy, had a psycho mother like i did (more evolution: dealing more with that reality WITH other people, perhaps to move on once and for all from that pain and/or to help heal with others) and i have this SENSE of that grand square configuration as the energy splays out around us when we are together into this matrix of challenge-yet-balance and it is the oddest thing. he is very empathic as am i and we both came so close to crying when we had our first conversation, almost with relief, and just, connection.

posted February 07, 2011 07:18 AM            

This isn't astrology related, but perhaps you's have some luck if you maybe forgot about love for a little while and focus more on you. Be your own lover

I had lots of problems with finding a man that was balanced. Either too weak and needy and let me step all over him (ugh) or a dictator type with lack of respect for women period. Where was my happy medium??
It was at the point when I said to myself "guys suck and I will never find a man that will completely love and understand me for me anyway. If I never get married, I'll be cool, I have many things to be grateful for in this lifetime anyway" that I found my perfect match.
I'm sorry I can't help with astrology aspects as I am not even at novice level as of yet, but I hope I helped anyway

posted February 07, 2011 01:17 PM            

Because I keep coming around to this idea that astrology (at least any of the astrological practices I've encountered) is NOT helpful or contructive...that ALL the best advice will always be along the lines of "stop trying to use astrology for this"....that most astrological practices are just obsessive rituals used to nurse a belief in fatalism, without actually offering insights to make life better. But I don't know. I keep coming back to it, and I wonder why I continue to be drawn to it.

Ami, yes, I'm a Leo, and I LOVE all Leo things and all 8th house things (astrology included, my Leo Sun is in the 8th)...I am happiest when acting out my Sun. I've been wondering if my Sun progressing into to Virgo, out of fiery, romantic Leo, is connected to my sucky love life.

EES/CCM, hello! Your post made me realize howe much this is JUST a problem about sex. The whole "be your own lover" thing is fine except in that area, because there are all sorts of other kinds of intimacy I can get with friends. But the kinds of sex that are important to me all necessarily involve another person, and not just anyone, but someone I love and am in love with (otherwise it doesn't feel good and doesn't work.)

Woah, I'm not sure I'm that much of a fatalist. Like, "Oh, if you get a tumor, you're Meant to Learn that Lesson right now," or "Love will come from God when you're ready" and all that crap. I DO believe that a conscientious and curious person can learn a lot from anything that's happening, and also that our lives are shaped by our readiness for things (because that affects how we act, how we open ourselves, how we make choices, etc.) I don't know that I agree that "everything happens for a reason," although I think we can get relatively constructive with whatever does happen, or not. If I believed in some master plan that was meting out unwanted celibacy for me so I could learn special lessons, I might be feeling better about things. But messing up my last relationship and/or him not wanting me just feels like heartbreak. The best I can do is not enough. Where does the "everything happens for a reason" idea come from for you? Astrology? Belief in a monotheistic religion with a deity who has a master plan? Because I am not quite there. I wrestle with questions about chance and fate. I see how fatalism is reassuring to people, but it might not quite be true.

Which is another reason I like AG's advice so very much--if it hasn't been feeling good, switch things up, do something new, let go of old rules or traps.

I think maybe my approach to astrology is just very obsessive. Like I'm hoping it'll rescue me. I do find it weirdly accurate (like Woah, for example--what I saw in the chart of that guy you were getting involved with...issues with Neptune and self-honesty)...but somehow not really helpful in any of the ways I apply it.

posted February 08, 2011 12:40 AM            

The broader question--does astrology help with life at all? If so, exactly how? Can it be used CONSTRUCTIVELY, or is it just a fatalistic ritual?

Isn't it so interesting that when I pose this question, on an astrology forum and there because it's an astrology question, most of the answers are brilliant but totally ASTROLOGICALLY empty? (Except for the Gemini's, of course, I heart you Ami Anne.) Why is that?

I don't have a problem meeting guys. I just can't get things to work with anyone. And I do think a way better pool of guys are still actually single/unembittered when you're teens/early twenties. Guys my own age (mid-thirties) are either in happy relationships, or they're trainwrecks who have been through terrible hurt. I don't feel like I'm like that. The last two guys who I was really into were 9 years younger, and one just sent mixed messages for months and we never hooked up. (He is texting me some mixed messages right now, as I type! This has been going on for three years now. But now I ignore him.) The other, we were together for five months, and when we broke up it broke my heart, and he doesn't even care about me enough to be in touch at all. And I just wish he did. But when we were together I wasn't very good at it.

posted February 08, 2011 12:55 AM            

Yet doesn't so bodly read like "The Idiot's Guide to Dating and Relationships" because it has a touch of spirituality and age-old wisdom to it, which makes it for me more comfortable to turn to personally lol.

Does it help in my everyday life? Sorta, but it's more like a crutch than anything else lately.

And what I mean by crutch in the romance front is that you never read a happy synastry, hell I never posted a happy synastry lol, so I feel like synastry(astrology) is just a crutch for the bad times(a broken heart), if I have to confess.T_T

What does make me feel better and lovey dovey, is doing cheesy old timey things like going to the soda fountain shop on a school nite(small college town) or taking a nice walk and chat with a guy friend, getting to know him better slowly.

You know, the things I replaced once with my obsessive compulsiveness over synastry charts lol.

Now I've just thrown it all away and went back to my cheesy methods, well I did, but now I'm taken.

Maybe thats why I've been tuned out of it for awhile..cause I no longer need the crutch, yes I am bit pathetic I know lol.

Anyways thats just my rambling of the matters.

I wish you all the luck in your love life, live big lioness<3

posted February 08, 2011 01:27 AM            

quote:

---

What does make me feel better and lovey dovey, is doing cheesy old timey things like going to the soda fountain shop on a school nite(small college town) or taking a nice walk and chat with a guy friend, getting to know him better slowly.

---

posted February 08, 2011 03:06 AM            

I NEED a man to be my spiritual and soul partner before sex ever figures in to it.
Knowing this hones down the type of man I want.
It ,also,defines my own needs and hence my own behaviour,to me

Unaspected Venus
I am aloof in love unless someone aspects my Venus.Then,I become a nut

If you want to share aspect by aspect,Lucia,that would be fun and educational for you and others,I think
I will join in with more cuz I have more lol