posted February 09, 2011 10:28 AM            

My soon to be ex husband is Cancer rising, he has had a girlfriend continuously straight through from grade 9, on to our 20 year marriage, and we had 3 children.

My SO has cancer rising and he also has never been single since around, age 15.

posted February 09, 2011 02:13 PM            

I'm also 36 and cancer ascendant, in fact I'm just a month younger than you, so all the generational planetary house placments including Jupiter are the same for me. My experience, or let's say my subjective perception has always been very similar to yours. Who I desperately want, doesn't return my feelings, but those I couldnt care less about, are intensely persuing me. I know a number of cancer ascendants, but I can't say they have all had the same experience as me. So I would have to say the real culprit isnt the cancer ascendant/capricorn descendant per se, but to have the descendant ruler saturn in cancer retrograde and conjunct the ascendant, which I do have (on top of that I'm also a triple capricorn, so I'm very saturnian).

Retrograde saturn conjunct the ascendant I've felt all my life and no matter how attractive and self-confident I may feel around everyone else, I'm terribly hard on myself as soon as I truely feel attracted to someone. I just can't help it. I feel not good enough, not attractive enough for them, whatever. Even if I know objectively speaking (in other situations) that I'm an attractive woman and can be quite flirtateous and charming around people I'm not romantically interested in, it all goes out the window as soon as I'm around that special person. Long story short, what I'm trying to say is, from my experience retrograde saturn as descendant ruler conjunct ascendat has really restrict finding happiness in the relationship area.

However the question is, is it really that the people we like reject us actively i.e. we were never their type. Or does it have more to do with 'us', our own behaviour which pushes those away we are most attracted to and they end up rejecting us not so much because of who we are but how we showed or rather didnt show our interest.

Over the years I've come to think that maybe the restrictions on relationships are more self-imposed (saturn in the 1st) than there being an actual rejection from others from the start. I could give a number of examples from my own romantic life, but maybe just one. There used to be a man I was incredibly attracted to. I even first idolized him from afar before we were introduced. He was an extremely attractive man (to everyone), to me he was (and still is) the ideal man. Result, I felt completely inferior to him, something people around us couldnt relate to at all. However, I could never really get that idea out of my mind that I wasn't good enough and in retrospect, I think I was so restricted in my behaviour towards him that it was probably my own reserved, awkward, ambivalent behaviour that at least in part caused the rejection. When he eventually rejected me or let's say I thought he rejected me, I saw this as proof, see, you can't attract who you really want. Of course I can't be sure that he ever was really interested, but people around me have repeatedly told me that I always seemed too cold, business like around him, didnt show my hand, too reserved, the guy doesnt have a clue you like him etc. etc. However, from the start I just couldnt show my interest unless HE showed the full extent of his interest first. And as there was also a lot of competition around, so of course it was twice as important not to show my interest (irony..). I think that's the biggy with saturn conjunct ascendant and the saturnian descendant. It is very self-protective/insecure and will need absolute security before they show any signs of interest. And that's obviously not an ideal situation to start off with and a lot to ask from the other person.

Still I dont think or at least hope we are not destined for lovelessness. I didnt realise what I was doing back then, but I think if I was that attracted again to someone,I would be well aware of my self-defeatist behaviour and stop it in time. To me the real problem now is to be attracted enough to someone in the first place...

posted February 09, 2011 08:12 PM            

to answer your question, i think that it varies from co-dependency to having a stable partner that helps you learn self control, things in that department - security of some sort.. could be feeling trapped, could be feeling secure. could be both, with me it's usually both. i also have a strong independence streak in me, conflicts with it. it really depends on your chart and your own personality and outlook as to how it will play out..