posted March 26, 2011 07:27 PM            

We get on amazingly well, and I was drawn to him from the day I saw him, but being Taurus with Pisces moon, pisces ascendant and pisces Mars,I am, at times, struggling to understand why he feels the need to point out certain things, and also struggling to keep my own esteem afloat when such things are pointed out.

For example, he quite happily cooks me things, and has me trying all the foods in his kitchen, and telling me things to see and do, we spend a lot of time together, but he will then casually say something like 'Clothes don't suit you' or the other day, comment that I have muscular shoulders, then proceeding to say 'like a bricklayer's', which is incredibly hurtful. I simply pretend to not care, but it does tend to affect me.

Why does a Virgo, on the one hand, spoil you rotten with their food, and spend hours in your company, then feel the need to say things that obviously will impact someone's self esteem? He told me once, that he doesn't think about peoples feelings when he talks to them.

I know it is suggested that Virgos wouldn't bother if they didn't care, but well, the clothes comment has sort of left me feeling quite deflated really. I don't place much importance on my appearance, but it is hard not to take such a comment as an insult.

posted March 26, 2011 08:34 PM            

However, I find it hard not to dwell on the criticisms which can feel like a ripping apart of my own person. Difficult for me as I tend to view myself as what is inside, not what is outside. I told him, I am as I am. Like it or lump it. Fortunately, I am pretty good at not reacting too much directly to things that upset me, but they do chew me up a bit when I am alone after the event.

posted March 26, 2011 08:43 PM            

I don't see his comments as classic Virgo criticism (not even classic for Virgo Mercury). The comments are nasty -- and he is aware of that.

He might be doing it intentionally to tease, if he is under the impression that it is playful (rather than cruel) - and that it will simply "get you going" so to speak (sexually). Some guys do this sort of thing to attract female fiesty-ness! He has enough fire to desire an angry response from you.. and perhaps incite one.

If that is the case (he is a bit immature) ^ and you need to let him know it is having a negative impact on you... and depressing you - rather than turning you on! He really needs to understand that. If he cannot understand - then he is not at a dateable maturity level.

posted March 26, 2011 09:10 PM            

Planet Aspect Planet Orb/Value

posted March 26, 2011 11:33 PM            

I find what works to to agree to disagree and remove your ego from it all and view him objectively. Just stand back and be the witness and go from there.

posted March 26, 2011 11:58 PM            

Now, you have Pisces and Taurus placements and, he has Virgo and Leo placements.
Isn't it possible that the reason behind this is that you are bringing the worst out of each other because of the oppositions and squares involved?

This is my best theory, because I have noticed that Virgos and Pisces, Taurus and Leo usually bring out uncomfortable dynamics that would not take place had they had more compatible and smooth placements.

posted March 27, 2011 12:30 AM            

quote:

---

when he picks up something, such as my broad shoulders, or my clothing not suiting me, he simply says it, without thinking first, it seems.
I have not really known any other virgos quite as well

---

I have many Virgo people in my family so I know them well (since I was born). Female Virgos say this kind of thing. It is a female thing to say -- to comment about clothes and things not looking quite *right* or not flattering and so on...

I have two Virgo grandparents - one male and one female.. (maternal and paternal respectively) --- My grandmother criticises me sometimes. I get what Cynnared is saying.

BUT you are in a romantic relationship with this man.
It is an entirely different context!
I am very skeptical of the fact that a man could be mindless enough to make such rude comments to a romantic interest (by sheer mistake or "without thinking"). I don't really believe it was unintentional.

As a man who is sexually interested in a woman and who is in a brand new, month old relationship - you DO NOT normally make such comments. (Not just out of politeness, but also out of common sense.)

Usually Virgo men do have common sense... so when they use their Mercurial abilities to wound you through nasty words --- it is intentional.
As I was saying - some men pre-plan to lower a girl's self-esteem... or to play games -- and build her up to knock her down and keep going.

They think this is the only way to hold on to a woman ^
It is possible that is his mind set. I am really not sure.
It just doesn't sound like a comment he made with no forethought - simply because he happens to be very straightforward.

Because, being blunt here, even very straightforward heterosexual men -- would be more focused on the shape of your breasts - your butt - your legs, your lips and your eyes ---- than they would be on the jacket you decided to wear and whether or not it makes your shoulders look broad.

So for him to purposely POINT this out, he has done it intentionally imo... He had a plan, he was looking for something to pick on and he picked the "broad shoulders" thing... Either that -- or -- he is gay.
I mean honestly - when was the last time a hetero man made such comments to you on a date?

posted March 27, 2011 01:44 AM            

quote:

---

Be A Challenge - Women love challenges. This is typically why most women date “jerks” as opposed to nice guys. This isn’t because Jerk’s are more attractive than nice guys, it’s just that they are more of a challenge. You don’t need to be a jerk to get women if you know how to be a challenge. Jokingly point out something, “those are nice shoes, my 5 year old niece has a pair” and smile. Every woman, everywhere, gets compliments thrown at her nonstop by guys who want to hook up with her. Change the game, challenge her. You can even create a small amount of drama if you really want to get her attracted do you.

---

from: http://www.theplayersociety.com/articles/how-to-get-girls.html

This kind of thing is all over the net.

quote:

---

Yea they do the crappy comments to knock you down so that they can get the upper hand. This is taught via Player style, the ones that research how to be alpha males and all that. Very strange types. They're mechanical in how they treat women, and A LOT of men are being programmed.

---

Exactly!

posted March 27, 2011 10:16 AM            

I retorted with "Funny, that's how I would describe your penis."

That shut him up. He was very polite to me from that moment on until I eventually dumped him.

posted March 27, 2011 10:59 AM            

quote:

---

and I am the first person to go into his home in 15/20 years

---

posted March 27, 2011 11:56 AM            

Summon the Taurean matter-of-factness and the classic Piscean sarcasm inside yourself and dish it out when you get a chance.

I was briefly involved with a Virgo girl with a good Leo influence. She was extremely critical (virgo) and proud of it (leo), but I found a well-calculated insult during her periods of arrogance left her feeling speechless and neurotic. Piece of cake.

Funny, it almost seemed that she desired me more for it. Virgos can often be masochistic in matters of criticism.

posted March 27, 2011 12:18 PM            

I've noticed there's no filter for the criticisms when the Virgoan has prominent fire. My best friend is also a Virgo Moon and she is just like your boyfriend. She has a Sag Sun, Mercury, and Aries Mars. That fire mercury in particular seems to not filter anything she says. Sometimes the truth is neccesary, like if you don't want someone to end up embarrasing themselves, but that's different from totally deflating someone's self-esteem (like over their physical appearance).

posted March 27, 2011 04:11 PM            

In my experience, men who have no tact (such as this man with his broad shoulders comment) do not improve with time. The comments continue and sometimes even get worse.

I personally am too sensitive to stay with someone like this. I would constantly imagine that he doesn't consider me feminine enough if he's looking at me as though my top part is bricklayer material.

And if he's doing it on purpose b/c he's read to in some dumb manual, then he's definitely not what I'm looking for in a man.

posted March 28, 2011 03:25 AM            

I dislike virgo mercuries. They really irk me. So critical and lacking in tact lol.

Like I met this guy with libra sun and moon and mars, virgo mercury and scorp venus (yeah we supposedly had brilliant synastry -_-) and seriously... the things that he says made me want to literally punch him in the face.

posted April 10, 2011 04:13 PM            

If he told you not to worry about the scars on your arms I personally cannot see how that comes across as a bad thing. To me that suggests that he 'accepts' you as you are.

Have you ever been out with some of your girlfriends and one of them has pointed something out such as; "your lipstick is a tad smudged, you've got a little something in your teeth, your label is hanging out" etc. Does this have the same effect as him saying, "those clothes don't suit you"?

You seem to have automatically assumed he is insulting you. I see it as him trying to help you to look your best. If you wore a dress that made your ass look huge wouldn't you want someone to tell you about it?

I also feel the majority of posts in this thread are selling men short. Comments such as, "even straightforward heterosexual men would be more interested in; your breasts, butt shape of your legs etc."

These sort of misogenistic traits have been applied unjustly to seemingly any heterosexual man. Whats worse is that they've been applied by women, the gender that should be trying to eliminate misogeny but instead seem to be expecting such behaviour and actively applying it perhaps unjustly.

Furthered with the comments about men reading these 'player' guides which suggest a push pull, compliment insult style of flirting, feels to me like overtly, predisposed, suspicious judgements. You have unfairly judged someone you have never met and assumed things about them.

The view that in a relationship if a guy says something like this it is, intentional is another snap judgement. One of the key things about a relationship is the intimacy, both physically, mentally and emotionally. If you cannot speak unfiltered to the person you are in a relationship with, how are you ever going to continue the relationship? You're essentially lieing to each other because you cannot be honest with each other.

I was with one of my friends and he tried on a pair of sweats and asked me how they looked, I replied, "they make your ass look a little big". I could read a little hurt on his face and he chose another pair. Different scenario as he asked my opinion but I am honest, if you ask me something, expect to get exactly what I'm thinking.

Apart from my personal passions in life, my primary modus operandi is helping people. I am not self centred like the vast majority of people, probably because I'm relatively comfortable with myself.

I expect no less from others, experience has taught me though that the majority of people just can't handle honesty in this pure form so I either don't say anything at all or I say it tactfully. Some times this 'tip-toeing' around annoys me, its pointless.

I like Lewis Caroll's thinking; "Say what you mean, and mean what you say... Always speak the truth..." and Dr. Seuss, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

As a Male and a Virgo Sun I don't see all of his comments as hurtful, more helpful, excepting the "brick layer's shoulders", I honestly don't know his train of thought for that comment.