posted June 09, 2011 07:01 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
OK Jo Jo
Play it cool. He is feeling the push/pull of a relationship.
We ALL go back and forth in relationships .There is always the push/pull between intimacy and isolation as Erickson says lol

Basically, pull back and do things independent of him.
Let him chase you is what I am saying in plain English lol

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posted June 11, 2011 08:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by JoJo:
I don't get men at all. I'm sorry but I'm apparently a disaster at relationships. LOL

Why do men come on like freight trains, then back off, contact you every day and then not ask you out? What the heck does that mean and what is the purpose of touching base everyday if you aren't interested in someone? And if you're not interested, then why text them everyday? Goodness... it's a wonder I managed to be married for 16 years because I don't understand men at all... LOL

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What happened?

posted June 12, 2011 03:46 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
What happened?

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posted June 12, 2011 03:48 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by VioletFlyer:
I recently met my first Venus in Aries man as well... it's the most intense sexual attraction I've ever had. Seriously, it's like a crack addiction on both sides of the party here.
I do wonder though, if like other posters have said - if it is ultimately a dead end. He's a lot of work and I can get bored with that over time. But then...I can be a lot of work too... :-)
Still. Sexual attraction = wowza!!

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posted June 12, 2011 04:01 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by JoJo:
Why do men come on like freight trains, then back off, contact you every day and then not ask you out? What the heck does that mean and what is the purpose of touching base everyday if you aren't interested in someone?

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posted June 12, 2011 06:16 AM            

After the 3rd round of this I realized what was going on (insecurities on both sides) and just warmly, and non-dramatically laid my cards on the table about my feelings. He LOVED that, we both agreed not to play games about our feelings anymore, to be totally honest in a 'non pressuring' kind of way - just let it flow, but be totally open about our feelings and it was smooth sailing from then on.

So...I don't know, but maybe just be honest and try not to worry? The more I have been the dominant one, the leader on the emotional and sexual front, the more he has been over-the-top turned on by that and willing to meet me halfway.

posted June 25, 2011 12:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by VioletFlyer:
I don't know if this will help at all, but in the beginning, this Venus in Aries guy and I had this major tendency to "game play". "he's backing off, so i'll back off" etc. It resulted in almost instant drama every time...

After the 3rd round of this I realized what was going on (insecurities on both sides) and just warmly, and non-dramatically laid my cards on the table about my feelings. He LOVED that, we both agreed not to play games about our feelings anymore, to be totally honest in a 'non pressuring' kind of way - just let it flow, but be totally open about our feelings and it was smooth sailing from then on.

So...I don't know, but maybe just be honest and try not to worry? The more I have been the dominant one, the leader on the emotional and sexual front, the more he has been over-the-top turned on by that and willing to meet me halfway.

Yep...we're like crack to one another... :-)

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posted June 26, 2011 11:35 PM            

It seems a little out of left field, but who knows...

posted August 13, 2011 11:38 PM            

We've talked about this so many times - that we're impossible, it's not going to happen, etc, etc. But it always does despite our best efforts to the contrary.

When we see each other in public, after saying hello, we consciously ignore each other. But my friends have made comments about how obvious our pull to one another is and how obvious it is that even though we may be "ignoring" each other, our vibes are completely zeroed in on one another. It just feels so right being near him and in his arms. We tell each other that it's nothing but fun and games and doesn't mean anything, so why can't we untangle ourselves from each other? I date other men, but the thought of letting them kiss me or getting close to them turns my stomach.

posted August 14, 2011 05:32 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
Dear Jo Jo
Just "normal" advice---I would be scared stiff ,too.
Intimacy is sooooo scary.
The more shame you have,the scarier it is.
The more one feels worthless and like garbage inside, the scarier it is to let someone in.

I think there is an Erikson stage--Shame vs Isolation.I am not sure but that just hit me.

I think it is about that

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i'm still reading through the thread but had to comment on this... she said 'shame' and i've heard that term used far too often in a previous situation i was in and the person admitted to having been sexually abused and loads of other things to go with it and well, the 'shame' was something i learned from them because they'd talk to me about when they'd go to their SAA meetings.

i can tell you that off the bat, ami, that word in itself, i dunno if it just hit home for that experience or if you'd been in something similar, but i have to get it out and say that their shame, can't and shouldn't influence you! it sounds weird and i know some people won't get it, but there are those who just don't consider or see themselves as loveable people and no matter hooooooow much u try to give them, it will never be enough and it'll never take away that shameful feeling they have and on the contrary, they may turn against you if they feel you are the person through which they learn how to let go of a lot of that pain.. it becomes this fix; they EXPECT to feel a certain way and when they don't, they're so used to it that they then begin to feel that something's wrong.. i'm not sure how many have see that movie 'what the bleep do we know!?' but it's something along those lines.. it's a little weird how the conditioned human brain can work against some people but it's worth looking into...

i wasn't involved with that person but we were living in the same place so i had to look into some things and even now, i think i should've looked into a looooot more!

because it could turn into a very sticky situation if the person's issues take on more importance in the relationship than the relationship itself! it then becomes a dance of addict and enabler and then it turns into the abused becomes the abuser..

something i learned out of that experienced and no, i wasn't abused by them in the way that they were abused themselves.

i did read something online though, "hurt people hurt people"...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMqayQ-U74s

anyway, i'm going to read the rest of these but i just felt that ami is sometimes being so cautious of the things she says that she hints at one or two things and perhaps it goes by unseen to a lot of people and i picked up something from that use of the word 'shame'.. i've never heard it used in that sense in other sentences that didn't have the person in some way, related to one or other who had been through their share of stuff... or maybe they went through it themselves, who knows.

posted August 14, 2011 05:49 AM            

took me a while to get over that.. 3 years, to be exact and not a moment too soon!

i learned a hell of a lot, i'm stronger now because of it, i'm wiser, i'm an adult, know what i can and cannot submit myself to when it comes to relationships because of it, so although i think that it's great to enjoy some things and take it for what it's worth, i'm darn sure that from that experience, just 'enjoying' the ride is sometimes not acceptable unless something is being mutually agreed upon.. i'm sounding a lot like my taurus rising and maybe capricorn because of saturn's transit through libra, but yesh, it's something i've truly learned and i won't shy away from putting THOSE cards on the table and if the person doesn't like my hand, very simple, you grab em, and walk away....

because if they choose to play and then last minute it doesn't work out, if the mutual agreement to be there for one another hasn't been made, the person could just as easily leave the other to play by themselves and that's when it is no longer fun..

that's when you start kicking yourself in the foot and that's when the chiron north node experience kicks up a notch.

posted August 14, 2011 05:52 AM            

they served as the catalyst, things spun out of control and i was the one to grab the reigns myself, not them.. so what i owe, i owe to myself but the chiron person?