posted September 03, 2011 01:01 PM            

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Originally posted by mochai:
Yeah, I wish my soul was never created. Neptune/merc/jupiter/venus in cap, cap ruling my 6th house, direct nnode. Karma conj saturn in a horrible pseudo grand cross that makes me feel like the antichrist when I look at it.

People are always like.. that person has terminal cancer with 2 weeks left to live.. and they feel so bad for him and to myself I think.. lucky.. *goes off on an extremely jealous rant*.

I've had chronic suicidal ideation since August of 2000 (born dec 1984), and pretty severe depression most of my life.

On the plus side my most recent lucid dream told me this was my last incarnation. It doesn't change me wishing my soul didn't exist.

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I think it would make sense that Cap Ascendants would be old souls. From what I understand, the last lives are the hardest. Too much karmic baggage, I suppose. It also strikes me to see many of the people who replied have Nodes direct. I read it is an indication of that too. That we're at the end of a reincarnation cycle or something like that.

posted September 03, 2011 04:57 PM            

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Originally posted by abcd efg:
Hey mochai! This was your second last as i read in one of your earlier posts, if i am not mistaken, and now its come down to one. So great! Do pull me out too as you go. And we are not talking about suicide. (Just in case someone reads this and gets the impression).

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posted September 03, 2011 05:45 PM            

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Originally posted by Hera:
I think it would make sense that Cap Ascendants would be old souls.

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posted September 04, 2011 01:13 AM            

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Originally posted by Hera:
The issue came up during my last therapy session. My therapist asked me how I view my life and I described what she thought was a metaphor for my mother's womb, also the anxiety when being compelled to leave this place, in which I'm neither happy nor sad, just at peace. And it stroke me because I read somewhere, probably in here a few years back, that people with Cap Asc were reluctant to step into this world and reincarnate because they knew a hard life was ahead. I think this is true in my case. I don't think I really wanted to be born, but knew I had to. Judging from 5 retro planets and Nodes direct in motion I had a lot of debts to pay. Currently progressed Mercury also turned retro, so make that 6.
I contemplated suicide many times, but know I'm not gonna do it from the same sense of duty as I am committed to solving my issues and pay my dues.

I don't think I would have been able to keep going if it weren't for my Cap Asc, which is a blessing and a curse at the same time. Probably the most awful Ascendant to be born with.

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posted September 04, 2011 04:54 AM            

After all, it was what I was born with and I'llbe grateful to it

posted September 04, 2011 05:40 AM            

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Originally posted by Lonake:
What an elitist concept. This is bunk. There's no way to discern soul age by your chart. Some astrologers speak in that manner, even those who charge the big bucks, even those who have written best-selling books, but there is no way to tell such a thing from the natal.[/B]

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Really? I don't think there is *no way*, it just hasn't been raised in our collective consciousness. There are countless methods to dig into a natal chart if one is willing to look beyond the surface and the obvious. But you are making a valid point, in that this information is quite useless. Regarding of the age of one's soul, we're all here as human beings, with equal rights and obligations, and it's the only experience that should matter at the present time.

I guess I'm struggling with accepting this and still wish to somehow dodge my responsibilities and play the harp on a pink cloud or something. But it is wrong and this is why I was born with a Cap Asc. To take on responsibility...

posted September 04, 2011 05:51 AM            

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Originally posted by starzy54:
I was under the impression that I was a Cap ascendant for many years,until getting a look at my birth certificate and seeing i was born at 7:45 pm not am,so I am now a Leo asc,But still,and will always be a Capricorn sun.I have always been an "old soul",looking much younger than I actually am,though feeling like i have a soul that is very very old and been through a lot.I've been bombared with a lot of heavy obstacles,even as a young child.Responsibility is my middle name,and everything i do is for "the greater good" never for myself..so,having my asc change,didn't change much about my life.I'm still the same way,and as much as i'd like to break free and frolic in the world,and step away from burdens,I always get pulled back to take care of the blunt of everyones problems,especially in my family.I like to be needed,though sometimes i wish i could step away,at least temporarily.I do sometimes think to myself,am i born to serve others? is that all i am for? and sometimes question if thats all i was born for. Though heres to better days for all of us! cap asc and those who think they are,and those who are not.

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posted September 04, 2011 02:24 PM            

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Originally posted by AriesSun:
I've pisces ASC and i've wished to be dead when i was teenager

There is no saturn aspect to ASC but there's Q to MC and semi-square to Venus - i have wished to be dead because of love-things but the way i look makes me depressed too. Even in these days i think those problems were "made" and i only just doubted my look

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posted September 04, 2011 02:28 PM            

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Originally posted by Hera:
I think it would make sense that Cap Ascendants would be old souls. From what I understand, the last lives are the hardest. Too much karmic baggage, I suppose. It also strikes me to see many of the people who replied have Nodes direct. I read it is an indication of that too. That we're at the end of a reincarnation cycle or something like that.

Don't think I wish that my soul wasn't created, just wish not to be here. I find life unbearably painful at times. It might have to do with my job and seeing ill people every day. I don't know. However, I've always tried to avoid that pain, through detachment, alcohol or too much imagination. Nothing works... The cruel reality can never really be erased from the mind of a Cap Asc.

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posted September 05, 2011 03:26 AM            

thats some Freddie..

posted September 05, 2011 11:17 PM            

Been a .. not easy life at times... Not "hard" persay, except for this past year. But the rewards to be.. reaped (?) are amazing if you stick to it. need something in your chart to allow for persistance.

posted September 06, 2011 03:22 AM            

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Originally posted by Hera:
It's not that I'm unhappy with my job, quite the opposite. It gives me a sense of inner contentment, knowing that I'm making my own contribution on this planet, though small, but I try to give my best with my patients. It's just the logistics behind it and how the health care system works that gets to me. There are things I have to do that I dislike in order to get my job done, things that eventually take their toll on me, at least from time to time.

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Hi Hera,

I completely understand what you are saying as I am case manager and is gratifying but it takes a toll on me because I feel like the system sucks and don't really want to be part of the system but at the same time I like helping others and feeling like I am contributing.

posted September 07, 2011 04:24 AM            

He even appears Goaty looking. I'm going on but seriously a lot of these folks I know look like goats, sound like goats and life is hard for them. Had one at work who whined about how he's forced into responsibility.

posted September 07, 2011 08:24 AM            

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Originally posted by Gluey:
He even appears Goaty looking. I'm going on but seriously a lot of these folks I know look like goats, sound like goats and life is hard for them.

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posted September 08, 2011 05:17 PM            

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Originally posted by Hera:
The issue came up during my last therapy session. My therapist asked me how I view my life and I described what she thought was a metaphor for my mother's womb, also the anxiety when being compelled to leave this place, in which I'm neither happy nor sad, just at peace. And it stroke me because I read somewhere, probably in here a few years back, that people with Cap Asc were reluctant to step into this world and reincarnate because they knew a hard life was ahead. I think this is true in my case. I don't think I really wanted to be born, but knew I had to. Judging from 5 retro planets and Nodes direct in motion I had a lot of debts to pay. Currently progressed Mercury also turned retro, so make that 6.
I contemplated suicide many times, but know I'm not gonna do it from the same sense of duty as I am committed to solving my issues and pay my dues.

I don't think I would have been able to keep going if it weren't for my Cap Asc, which is a blessing and a curse at the same time. Probably the most awful Ascendant to be born with.

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I am 17 years of age and I remember the plane of existence where I was at before I was born into this life. It was a beautiful planet that had flowers and the sun never went down, it was misty in a way also.

I do not know where this place was but I always ran from one end of the field to another all day long and the sun never went down. There were babies there who had wings and a woman who cared for us and we planted flowers; I was very playful and actually hurt the other babies feelings but not on purpose, I just was a free spirit.(Aries Moon)

I got lonely in this place and i longed to be born but as the date for my birth became nearer, I didn't want ot be born because i remembered what life was like because I have been reincarnating for a very long time now. I have bits and pieces of memories from Egypt and other places.

I was born a few days late as well and had I been born on the date I was supposed to be born i'd be a Leo , totally unlike the sun sign I was in my recent past life, I was a Capricorn and died at age 12. The ironic part? I have Cappy Rising w/ Neptune and Uranus conj. too and Aries Moon/8th House Sun.Remembering how I acted in that plane makes me believe that we actually are already our signs long before we even step into our lives.

posted September 08, 2011 06:36 PM            

LOL. =)

Some of us really like being happy. We just want everyone else to see what it's like.

posted September 09, 2011 12:04 PM            

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Originally posted by Airi:
"People jump on your case when you say that. *Hi, Fire sign woman*"

LOL. =)

Some of us really like being happy. We just want everyone else to see what it's like.

I guarantee you'll have a blast.

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