posted September 09, 2011 02:54 AM            

"Well, if you don't Give me money for gas to get to work, then I will have to quit and then I will get fired, etc etc etc"
---He has a point of course but there is also the option of watching expenditures and making do minus luxuries, finding more work, etc. Well maybe not in this economy. But you can def use less electricity/water to save money at least. There are programs in some areas that discount or help pay gas/electricity bills.

"I've seen him do outlandish favors for friends"
---H11 ruler Mars, friends bringing out desire to become active? I guess that could also tie in with biker mentality since don't they like to travel in groups?

"how many times you should swipe your armpits with deodorant and how many squares it takes to 'do the job sufficiently' with toilet paper."
---I'm not sure how to respond to this. All I can say is, how does he know? And if he does know then I don't want to know how. Haha.

It's so hard to say, because I think the older a person gets the more ingrained they are with 'how they do what they do' and are more resistant to change. He's def getting secondary gains, so the logical answer to that is to make it so that his needs are met through positive means and not in a manipulative manner. The only thing I see now is he gets extra money from his parents, if he really does need it and he works for it then that seems OK, but if they're getting sick of it then there is the option to say no. I think what he is in is a habit and those take repeated attempts to break, it doesn't happen in one go so I can see resistance ahead. Also if it's the emotionality that you don't like, the moods, then maybe treat him as a child in the way that you only reward positive/respectful behavior. I know it's simple, but I don't know if you've tried that yet. The key with kids is consistency so you have to never ever falter and if you two live with other people then they have to be on board with you, they can't reward it either and they have to be as consistent as you. I'm assuming here that you live together. And I don't think anyone likes being called moody, esp.when they're in the throes of it, it doesn't help anything usually.

"The only attention he ever gets, and lots of it, is bad, or negative b/c his moods are such terrors and affect those around him."
---If you can try, don't give him the power just cos he's in a mood. He's obv seeking attn here. And this is someone who needs attention. If you can just ignore and continue as if he is a storm right outside your window and that it will pass. You mentioned his moods change often within the same day, I think? So all I can say is do not react. He needs to learn to associate his negative outbursts with zero gains so that they will subside, I don't think they'll go away completely but they can diminish to a degree with positive reinforcement, but you cannot think he will be OK with zero compliments or positive attention. If you see him doing something positive call him on it, and don't be vague, like 'You're such a great father' be specific 'I appreciate that you were there to talk with (daughter/son name) last night during a difficult time, I know it meant a lot to (name) to have your support' or if he doesn't do that, whatever he does. And obviously you're not in a place where you have to make up things since you stated,

"I am painting a bad pic, he does have lots
of wonderful qualities, like being able to mingle in with ANY diverse group and people adore him.
He is also the rock which many, many rely upon, and that in an emotional sense.
This person is THERE for you.
If he EVER cared for you, he STILL does, and always will.
He is also funny, smart, inventive... etc."

Or if he goes to help his friends, don't sit in resentment. Say 'you are a really thoughtful friend to be helping him out with feeding his pets, that was v.kind and considerate. I don't think he appreciates your consideration but I appreciate the selfless way you help out.' He's hearing 'selfless way you help out' and it's implanted in his brain. The same way lawyers implant little assertions of character in cross examination and then say 'withdrawn' except you're not gonna say withdrawn you're gonna let it sit there, the same way the juries can never completely erase the character assassination from their memory. If the goal is to have him help around the house a bit more praise him on any dumb thing he does to help out, if he picks up a towel, say 'Thank you, I was going to pick it up but I'm glad you did since my back is hurting right now.' I mean, I don't know if that sort of thing is an issue. I'm just talking about back to basics things, kid type reinforcement.

posted September 09, 2011 03:42 AM            

I will surely mark this and refer to it often, and it's nice to have a completely unbiased opinion.

We are only born 22 days apart, so every thing from Mars down to the nodes are the same in our charts (planet wise) sometimes this is a help and sometimes it's a hindrance.. hard to explain!