posted September 07, 2011 02:40 PM            

And yeah: half the men I dated were from another country (most of them Ireland, not that I'm picky, but I do have the asteroid previously known by astro.com as Ireland, conjunct my Sun) and some of them were locals (had the Belgian nationality and were raised here) but one born in Scotland, the other in Hong Kong! I really must check if there's nothing signifying the British Isles or the Commonwealth aspecting my Venus or something!

I've had trouble sticking to local really, because they just didn't seem to entice me in any way. Even only a few countries away was already more exotic and more interesting. That being said, the last two guys I got interested in, were Belgian after all... And both interesting.

posted September 07, 2011 03:20 PM            

i'm also a cancer, but have sag rising and venus in the 9th and i love foreign guys and cultures.

posted September 07, 2011 04:34 PM            

It's also the evironment I am in. The university I work for is very international and my job involves recruiting international staff/students so it is part of my daily life. I have also seen lots of international couples remain together and get married who have met in the environment I am in.

posted September 08, 2011 01:15 AM            

BTW I don't believe there is such as a thing as "an american guy" look. That's like saying anyone who isn't Aryan (blonde hair, blue eyes, white skin) isn't american looking.

Look I love a foreign accent as much as any other lady here but here's the facts: her friend who knows her irl is worried for her. she says "again" meaning a pattern has been established and she takes a less than enthusiastic approach to this. if this is someone who you truely see as a friend, wouldn't it at least make sense to hear her out? why did she say this? she is only looking out for your interest; maybe she can see something you don't?

it doesn't mean she is closed minded or afraid of foreigners.

posted September 08, 2011 04:07 AM            

So yeah, I see your point. I was interested in the Saggie aspect and other people's experiences.

posted September 08, 2011 06:28 PM            

Are you using "foreign" as a crutch. I would say yes but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. Personally, I cannot fall for men with long hair. Can't happen. You could show me the hottest guy on the planet, slap a wig on him and my love juices will dry up like an arizona river in july. it's not happening; i can't change it. Is it shallow? You betcha.

I mean that's just the way it is. What we like and don't like - it is what it is. But my posts just wanted to point out something that if this is is in fact your friend, it would behoove you to at least see where she is coming from. You don't have to like it but out of respect at least hear her out.

Then again your latest post really seems to me like you don't value her friendship much. Which begs the question of why you would trust her with hooking you up for a blind date...

Look if any of this came off harsh, I really don't mean it too. Sometimes I say things and people take offense when I'm just trying to explain something - not put them down. I have Sag rising with Saturn in Sag conjunct my asc so I can come off a little more than blunt.

posted September 08, 2011 06:41 PM            

We know what we want. Period.
And we know what we don't want. Period.

Advice is seldom solicited... When it is - it's usually just to see different perspectives, not because we actually *intend* to do what someone else suggests - with *our* personal lives.

posted September 08, 2011 06:42 PM            

quote:

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There are beautiful people everywhere
agree.

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I've always said that...because I've been attracted to/liked guys from all different races and what not. Not that I like every single person or something like that, just that I'm not necessarily limited to one group of people. Personally I can't see myself with someone who is of the same 'group' as me - it just feels like a family member or something. I want someone of a different background - its just more interesting. Of course they shouldn't be completely ignorant, I want them to be 'down' with some aspects of my 'culture' so to speak. I've gotten 2 astro reports before (not about love or relationships) but both randomly mention that I will probably marry a foreigner, or someone of a different background.

I have Sun and Mars in my 9th house and Jupiter conjunct Uranus in my 1st, plus Venus square Uranus - think that might add to it as well.

posted September 08, 2011 06:45 PM            

quote:

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she has often said she is envious of my travelling lifestyle and willingless to try anything.

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Well you're a very patient and nice person Sparkling... because frankly - people who say things along these lines are very likely to never hear from me again.

A friend should be supportive.. Not a wet blanket.

posted September 08, 2011 06:54 PM            

Thing is did she want opinions or did she just want someone else to validate her own thinking?

If she likes foreign guys then she doesn't need any other excuse to get them. Not her friends, mine, yours or anyone else in this forum. End of story.

BUT, since she brought this up because of her friend, that makes me think, well she must value her friend and her friend's opinion if it's making her rethink the situation.

So my advice was "why dont you see what your friend has to say?" Not "you have to listen to her," or "You need to follow everything your friend says down to a tee because she knows better than you." All I said was see where she is coming from, no more no less.

If she doesn't value this person as friend or does but doesn't care for her opinion, why bring it up? And why go through the trouble of putting her down or making her "friend" look like a bad person?

posted September 08, 2011 07:13 PM            

quote:

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a friend can be supportive and not always agree with you.

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I think the problems start when they NEVER agree with you and they always have an 'interesting' comment to make that is actually *negative* in tone.

I would expect a friend to agree with me at least some of the time, on those matters that are really important to me.. (human rights is very important to me, so if she was discriminating, I wouldn't be able to continue the friendship - it is a *no no* in my book).
If we did not agree on anything - then why would we be friends in the first place?

If we are SUCH different people and have nothing in common - I am personally not interested in such a friendship.
My friends and I usually -have some core values, beliefs and views in common. The things that are close to my heart are things that I would want my friends to share - not question.

posted September 08, 2011 07:54 PM            

Fact of the matter is we *think" this person is Sparkling's friend. That being said she should considered her friend's advice. Not follow through, just listen.

Now Sparkling is saying she isn't much of a friend and doesn't have a lot of positive things to say about this person. Fair enough, maybe the girl isn't worth it. Now *if* this is the case, my point I am trying to make is why even bring up this whole thing at all? It looks REALLY petty if you ask for someone else's opinion and then talk smack about them because you don't happen to like it.

I've notice that not once has Sparkling actually said something positive about this girl.

posted September 08, 2011 09:03 PM            

quote:

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she should considered her friend's advice

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Unless she doesn't want to, in which case she doesn't have to listen to anyone's advice.
It's up to her.
I only listen to advice I find helpful.

One may not be interested in what someone else (friend/acquaintance or family member) has to say at all., regarding their personal life.

I think that's fair enough - This is a private matter. It is her love life, not the friend's life.
This really shouldn't be the friends business at all.
I mean the friend can comment - no one can stop her.. But I disagree about the fact that Sparkling "should" listen...
She needn't listen, unless she wants to.
If her mind is made up - if she knows what she is looking for and isn't interested in the friend's opinion... it is perfectly ok not to listen at all. Just my perspective!

quote:

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If there is nothing respectable about this "friend" move on as Sags are inclined to do

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I'm with you on that!

quote:

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Even if she is wrong, she is worried for you and is just trying to look out for the best interest of her friend.

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posted September 09, 2011 12:51 AM            

But if she was considering it, shouldn't she at least hear her out?

She is more than willing to hear out perfect strangers on the internet, but not someone who she knew for 7 years?

The heart of the matter is this: is this person *really* her friend or not?

If she is, she should stop trash talking her and see why her friend is saying what she is. She should value someone she has known irl for 7 years more than people on the internet. She doesn't need to follow through, but this girl a friend for a reason, right?

Now, if this girl is not her friend, she should still stop trash talking her behind her back because it's petty and completely beneath a sag to do something behind their back. Don't worry about what this girl says, do what you want and move on with your life. You shouldn't need other people to tell you this though.

posted September 09, 2011 01:36 AM            

quote:

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stop trash talking her behind her back because it's petty

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I didn't think she was trash-talking, as much as describing her experience and the problems she's had with the friend.
And I'm not sure why you are convinced that she has never spoken to the friend directly about these issues.

quote:

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You shouldn't need other people to tell you this though.

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posted September 09, 2011 04:12 AM            

"Exasperating" at her, "being horrified" because the guy is a foreigner is simply ridiculous, this is for me being shallow. She must give me a reason that makes sense and I will accept it then.

Just because she has been eating the same chocolate for 7 years, it doesn't mean chocolates from other places aren't tasty as well.

Now, yes I can understand completely that she cares for Sparkling and she has good intentions, however she must respect Sparkling decision and support her even if she doesn't agree, instead of being judgmental or critic.

posted September 09, 2011 04:52 AM            

Thank you Betty Boop and others for understanding what I have been trying to express. I agree with Betty Boop thoughts below.

"If you don't like this sort of thread - where someone asks for advice regarding their life, and talks about different people in their life (generally behind their back - since the people are not around)... the astrology section on LL might not be your thing overall.
Because a high percentage of threads are like this.
And usually the comments are negative - because so often people turn to astrology and to analyzing synastry etc... when a problem has come up - when they are having issues with their bf, or their gf, or their boss, or their friend, or their mother or whoever else.
There is a lot of back-stabbing going on, if you want to call it that --- because people generally feel like the anonymity factor gives them more freedom of speech online."

I was in no way "trash talking" my friend and yes perhap embedded amongst the dilemma I initially raised was the question "is she a friend at all? I was thinking about the friends and people in my life and how over the years you change as a person. Perhaps I reacted sensitively to my friend's comments because I feel she doesn't really know who I am any more, she knew the person I was 4 years ago very well but as time passed we drifted apart. This is ok too, but also sad. I felt frustrated not because I wished to have a "sugar coated" reaction from her but sometimes you realise that some people in your life, may not be who you need anymore. I am not afraid of truth or reality (I am saggie after all!)

I also think LL is a place in which we should be able to express our thoughts, problems, issues. It’s no different from perhaps talking with someone who is objective and I was interested in other people’s experiences, not only my own. I think people should post with a certain level of respect and care.I also would like to say LL is a wonderful forum where people do feel they are able to come and express their issues and on the whole it is a positive, supportive place.

posted September 09, 2011 12:13 PM            

@Sunia - Really? And no one else here is being closed minded about her friend? Alright I'll say it, because no one else will. Sparkling is over reacting to the situation. It seems like a lot of people are making it out that this friend is "out to get her" and I just don't see that. To use your own metaphor, this friend is saying "hey, you've lived here for how long and haven't even tried the local specialty chocolate? Give it a whirl and see how it goes."

@Sparkling- I know what you've been trying to express, I've just been trying to get you to say it in a more forward manner. This is actually what I saw all along:

"perhap embedded amongst the dilemma I initially raised was the question is she a friend at all?"

In which case you should have just said that in the beginning. I saw it before you were even willing to admit it. Let's be honest, the heart of the situation wasn't your attraction to foreign guys it was her feelings on the subject, right?

posted September 09, 2011 04:06 PM            

Dear Airi

A"lright I'll say it, because no one else will. Sparkling is over reacting to the situation. "

I think this discussion is getting out of hand to be honest. There is no need to push people to "realise" something but this environment is supposed to be a place where there is respect with words and ideas. I take no offence to exchanging of thoughts but I DO take offence to the bluntness and at times rude nature of yours posts. This is not a forum for people to intimidate or judge with words. I have never felt this before on LL and do not intend to be involved with this further. I began this thread and it was a cheerful exchanging of experiences but has turned into what feels like a debate with thinly veiled insults. Telling people they overact or just dont get it, is not constructive or positive.

posted September 09, 2011 05:16 PM            

I do see your side of the picture but I can see her side as well. That second post you made to me - if you told her those things how do you think she would feel?

There's always two sides to every situation.

I did acknowledge my bluntness ahead of time a few times - i don't purposely go out of my way to make people feel uncomfortable but sometimes it happens. That's why I said that.

posted September 10, 2011 12:07 AM            

But yes to foreign men - my last three boyfriends are all foreign-born and came to the U.S. in their late teens to go to college.