posted November 03, 2011 02:35 AM            

We've been together about seven months. Two in person, five long distance. He feels I'm the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and proposed last month... I couldn't say yes.

He is much more confident about the relationship than I am. We have VERY compatible, eccentric lifestyles, some unusual interests in common, and he is the most loyal/committed boyfriend I could ever ask for. He loves my family and I love his. Physical compatibility is very good. On paper, we work well together.

But I feel like something's missing. I don't know if it's because of my current situation (up to my eyebrows in work, stressed out, not much time to dedicate to a relationship) or if he just isn't "the one." We'll have periods of getting along wonderfully for a couple weeks, then have a major argument, at which point communication totally melts down and I feel like leaving. I have trouble connecting with him on "deep" subjects, even though we seem to share a lot of the same beliefs and values.

He has so many good qualities, I wonder if I just have "grass is greener" syndrome and am expecting something impossible out of a relationship.

Do our charts look fit for mutual love?

posted November 03, 2011 03:01 AM            

There's a Pluto-Sun trine which is nice in terms of depth and passion (his Sun your Pluto). You will add to his depth (he's fairly "airy" in his chart) but he doesn't seem to object to that. Your arguments could be passionate and he might actually like them.

You mentioned common values in life, similar lifestyles, etc. This is clearly suggested by your Venus-Venus conjunction. Very nice and tight. Your sense of what is worthy and beautiful and important in this life is similar to his.

Close to your Venus conunction, there is also a wonderful Jupiter-Venus conjunction. A lot of fun and tenderness and light-hearted pleasure. This is highly harmonious

Your NN is conjunct his Venus and your SN seems also in conjunction to his Pluto. I can't see the degrees to tell how close a call this is, but it could also indicate a (his) Pluto-(your) Venus opposition which is a bit explosive and less harmonious if you let it go out of control. Passion and strong sexual attraction is part of this picture too. But he has such a Pl-Ven opp in his own natal chart so he's familiar with the energy, so he's fine with it. With your natal Pluto in Scorpio you might actually enjoy this as well. With the nodes involved it looks like this is karmic.

You also have very nice synastry in the angles: your Asc falls in his IC (home, again an indication of him finding you a marriage partner) and your DC falls in his MC.

The feelings of not connecting to him at a deep level could well have to do with the fact that you know him so little. 2 months together is not near enough to know someone at this level. He has a Nept-Moon opposition in his natal chart which makes him prone to idealization in his relationships and as your Mars is so close to his Moon is also opposite to his Nept, which means he has put you on an altar. He adores you but he doesn't see the real you. Not yet. So your feelings of not connecting "deeply" make sense to me! But this could be a matter of time. In that respect it sounds prudent not to rash into marriage quite yet, but if you love him do explain that you need more time to get to know each other well.

Good luck!

posted November 03, 2011 04:08 AM            

Edit: Her mars and his moon

posted November 03, 2011 04:32 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mysticknowflake:
but you just can't reach a level of intimacy of the soul, if that makes sense.

---

posted November 03, 2011 04:46 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mysticknowflake:
anongrl10, You found some wonderful aspects though and at the very least, these two charts truly like each other. That venus/venus contact is wonderful for a shared relationship. And throwing in jupiter to broaden the appeal adds a certain degree of lightheartedness. This is a wonderful chart for best friends, just not quite sure about marriage.

---

posted November 03, 2011 05:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by anongrl10:
His Moon is in tight conjunct with your Mars (and Eros). This usually is a very "hot" combination, but I'm not sure if it's always balanced. Some say that the Mars person (in this case, you) is more in love, or at least has the initiative in the relationship, whereas the Moon assumes the more passive role still loving the love it receives, and other say it's the reverse. As he is a man, his Moon symbolizes the woman he finds ideal and so this conjunct with your Mars makes you his ideal (for marriage, I mean) partner.

---

Yes, hot combination for sure! What I notice is that he seems to be more emotionally involved (moon) whereas I'm more physically involved (Mars)... the chemistry is great until we fight, then all that physical energy gets channeled in abrasive ways -- and I totally lose my attraction to him, and can barely stand to be in the same room as him. The aspect is nice when we're getting along but very painful when we aren't.

quote:

---

There's a Pluto-Sun trine which is nice in terms of depth and passion (his Sun your Pluto). You will add to his depth (he's fairly "airy" in his chart) but he doesn't seem to object to that. Your arguments could be passionate and he might actually like them.

---

Are arguments are definitely passionate! He doesn't like them, though. He has a lot of trouble with "intense" feelings and doesn't like to acknowledge them or talk about them... so when we argue he just bottles everything up and runs away for a while. It takes a lot of work to get him to open up and have a rational, mature discussion about our conflicts.

quote:

---

You mentioned common values in life, similar lifestyles, etc. This is clearly suggested by your Venus-Venus conjunction. Very nice and tight. Your sense of what is worthy and beautiful and important in this life is similar to his.

---

Absolutely. Actually quite a few of my relationships have had the Venus/Venus conjunction, I'm really attracted to that aspect.

quote:

---

Your NN is conjunct his Venus and your SN seems also in conjunction to his Pluto. I can't see the degrees to tell how close a call this is, but it could also indicate a (his) Pluto-(your) Venus opposition which is a bit explosive and less harmonious if you let it go out of control. Passion and strong sexual attraction is part of this picture too. But he has such a Pl-Ven opp in his own natal chart so he's familiar with the energy, so he's fine with it. With your natal Pluto in Scorpio you might actually enjoy this as well. With the nodes involved it looks like this is karmic.

---

His pluto is about 12 degrees away from my south node, so I don't know if it counts as an aspect. But the rest of what you wrote is dead on. I do enjoy intensity.

quote:

---

The feelings of not connecting to him at a deep level could well have to do with the fact that you know him so little. 2 months together is not near enough to know someone at this level. He has a Nept-Moon opposition in his natal chart which makes him prone to idealization in his relationships and as your Mars is so close to his Moon is also opposite to his Nept, which means he has put you on an altar. He adores you but he doesn't see the real you. Not yet. So your feelings of not connecting "deeply" make sense to me! But this could be a matter of time. In that respect it sounds prudent not to rash into marriage quite yet, but if you love him do explain that you need more time to get to know each other well.

---

I hope you're right. I do like him more now than I did when we first met, so my feelings have grown in the right direction, at least. With past relationships, I've usually fallen for people VERY quickly (Venus in Aries) so this one just seems sort of lukewarm in comparison. I'm willing to wait to see if the love will eventually grow.

He definitely does idealize relationships! He sees what he wants to see, too... he was so sure I was going to say "yes" to marrying him that he told everyone in his family and all of his friends about it. I was so shocked when he proposed because I was definitely NOT on that page, and had been giving out strong "let's not rush this" signals for our whole relationship... I felt like he didn't understand me at all. Hopefully our relationship will grow stronger with time as the Neptune goggles fall off.

posted November 03, 2011 05:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Venus:
i noticed ur only 24, maybe you're just not ready for the lifetime commitment yet!

---

If I could do it again I would wait until after 30 to get married...

If you really like him but at the same time are not sure, good for you for saying no. That takes courage.

posted November 03, 2011 05:35 PM            

I am with you on the unaspected Sun and Moon-issue in synastry. You maybe can deal with one longterm (and even that is difficult), but neither aspected?
I really wouldn`t want that. It`s like you say, there is a vital part of one`s personality that just remanis "untouchable", maybe even "unseen".

I have that with my best friend; there are no aspects from her chart to my Sun-Mercury-conjunction. We connect well and deeply on many levels, but this Sag-trait of mine is actually something that she really cannot understand. I doubt she even really sees it.
But for a friendship this is workable.
For a marriage - nope. At least not for me. I can`t imagine it to be a good thing.

I wonder is it the one with the unaspected planet, who feels strangely detached on a deeper level?

posted November 03, 2011 05:39 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lonake:
I'm not too keen on your Sun and Moon being unaspected. If I were to speak on it, which is somewhat difficult, but it would be that there are 2 core parts of yourself that just feel invisible around him. He could like those qualities from a distance, but none of it feels up close and personal, like it's specific to you.
Now otoh, Venus/Jupiter synastry tends to be loving/generous, so there is a feeling of abdundance and romance. And there is what looks to be a Grand Trine, your Merc/Neptune to his Mars/Jupiter. That combo is one of friendship, laughter, sexual fantasy, imagination to the max, being able to tune into each others visions v.well with the Jup trine Neptune, like a do-gooder complex you 2 have together. Your Merc/Neptune trine falls in his 5th/10th in Earth signs, so maybe you give him practical advice on his career/rep and with creative ventures, something like that, he could become easily attached to you as a valuable resource in those matters, and yea you prob really like his Mars/Jupiter energy, it's in Virgo so maybe he already has a good admirable work ethic, etc. That trine could also make him feel that you are a valuable asset to his reputation and further career success, it's Merc/Neptune so maybe he sees you as being a smooth operator w.lots of finesse. But the Sun/Moon unaspected for you just doesn't sit well with me. My opinion. (Edited)

---

OH MY GOD. You NAILED it. Wow. My jaw is seriously on the floor right now... this is 100% spot on.

"there are 2 core parts of yourself that just feel invisible around him. He could like those qualities from a distance, but none of it feels up close and personal, like it's specific to you."

^ This is exactly it. I couldn't have phrased it better myself. I feel as though he likes the *idea* of me, and likes my various qualities, but it doesn't quite reach my core. Even when he talks about why he loves me, it's always related to surface-level or nonspecific features... physical appearance, my hobbies, etc... he does not connect with what's in my heart. He's got a lot of moon action from my planets (Mars, Venus, Jupiter, Saturn), so he probably feels like I DO hit his core. But I still feel emotionally alone when I'm with him.

Funny you mention career, too. Our careers intersect (we're both self-employed in the same field) and we originally met through our work. Now we've kinda joined forces and do a lot of our work conjointly. I definitely do give him career advice, and you're right that I find his work ethic appealing!