posted November 08, 2011 09:29 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:
"I could be sex, unless you want to hold hands"

If you enjoy it, then I would enjoy it too. Watch a movie or even just look out a window and talk.

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posted November 08, 2011 09:30 PM            

...now i just wanna have sex.

posted November 08, 2011 09:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tuxedoMask:
i could comb your hair and hold you tenderly.

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I love people playing with my hair...

quote:

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Originally posted by tuxedoMask:
:/

...now i just wanna have sex.

mars in aries;
what can ya do?

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posted November 09, 2011 08:40 PM            

think they fly out tomorrow.

thought about them for a little bit but i keep talking myself into knowing that i don't care and going over the reasons as to why it's no-good and how i gotta maintain some sort of footing and not let myself get involved into that to avoid becoming an emotional mess especially when they're just being so flighty about the whole thing.

i'm a little nervous that they'll step to the plate wanting to be a bit more serious and that i'll have to turn em away and hold my own because me? in relationships? a completely different person!

i love myself and the last thing i want to do is feel as if i betrayed myself and i usually feel that way at the end of a relationship for not sticking my guns.

the ending is always not good..

i have a saturn transit coming up that will square my venus and moon before it enters my descendant, so i mean, is a year's time worth of being with someone worth the sh!tty mess that comes afterward? i don't think so.

everyone on LL has commented on their going through those transits and none of em ended up with their relationship surviving the thing, so, i'm being honest with myself.. and realistic.

posted November 09, 2011 10:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by OpiumBreast:
rough sex is overrated now. sex in general is overrated. simple beings can't control their little organs. I seek to rise above men or was I born that way?

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baby, u were born that way!

posted November 09, 2011 11:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tuxedoMask:

if i ever did know a Mercury in Scorpio! --they're playing games!
[/B]

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posted November 09, 2011 11:53 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireWire:
This doesn't describe Mercury in Scorpio. Sometimes, I feel we hope astrology explains the unexplainable to us. Maybe this is just someone you shouldn't really invest too much into, because this person is not right for you. Not because of their placements, but because you don't seem happy.

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i try to come to terms with that.. for some time now i've felt almost obligated to date people for some reason.. don't know how that works out, but i have to really do intermittent dating because after i meet someone, it's almost as if i have some part of them with me and they have some part of me; it's really weird.. i remember once after i met someone i could feel them holding on to my wrist almost ALL the time!!!! i met one person who had their mars square my mercury and i was supposed to meet them while they were performing in town.. i did and the day after, they wanted me to go out with them.. i wasn't able to make it but i had the worst headaches for about 2-3 days!!!!!!

the headache person was a scorpio with venus in scorpio... i've even felt physical pain all over my body sometimes when i've thought about someone else.. it was that same person i felt wouldn't let go of my hand..

my dating life is a little hard for me to explain but there are just these unexplainable situations that happen and so i have to hide away for a very long time til the connection withers off.

in the meantime, there's a pull there that i'm aware of almost, always!

takes a lot of effort to still go on doing normal things and not be influenced or swallowed by it.

posted November 10, 2011 12:08 AM            

where is that 'better'? i think about that all the time... where the hell is that other better person at and why haven't the two people met one another, yet?

and then i take the time to think about where the people shouting those things are in life and where their 'better' person is..

what is better?

can someone explain that to me?

because it's all relative.. what would better be if better weren't being compared to something else or to something not already a part of said person's life? are we pretty much just caught in this egging on of one going around trying out different flavors so that at the end they can come up with a conclusion as to which one they liked best and to then try to give that a go?

i've been mentally beating myself up for it because yeah, they said the sex thing and that kind of bothered me but this person is actually making the effort, or at least, they're telling me that they'd like to get to know me... that's a BIG change from everything that i've experienced til now because every person that i've met before, has seriously not waited longer than a few minutes to try to sleep with me much less even hear me out when i decide to go on about astrology and things...

this person was actually interested and they found what i knew to be interesting.. so then i started questioning whether i was being a spoiled jerk, used to always getting whatever i wanted and getting a certain feedback from someone based on how they act towards me and my powers of attraction.

don't know how many people mentally have a process like that but that's been mine...

i then also think about how i feel about the whole thing.. i felt bad and sh!tty when they said those things and how quickly they'd be to go on to the next one but, honestly, don't know if i can say that anyone else has really been all that different.

granted, i can assume that they're just saying that out of insecurity and to some extent, they're being a little manipulative and i can see through that but i don't know if i find the manipulation more insulting and undermining or if the intention behind it which is to test me...

other people? they could tell me whatever they'd like,... a few have lied, some have been completely obsessive and whether they were going to move on to the next one or not, their telling me about it or not wouldn't really affect their decision i don't think....

it's just that this one person, said it, it hurt my feelings and of course i'm going to react to it.

i don't know where i stand.. i saw how this happened and if i would've reciprocated and continued with them as if nothing happened, i would be silently encouraging it to happen again and for them to go on as they have and to hurt my feelings again so i feel that i have to assert some kind of self boundary otherwise no one would ever fulfill my needs that i'd seek from another; not to make me feel complete, because i'm happy and complete onto my own but i'm saying as far as the type of interaction that makes me feel engaged and alive and happy to be with them or to have them around.

i don't know how evolved i should expect people to be.. i've put in the work to really make myself better from the inside, out.. sometimes, yes, i've really gone overtime but how many people are like that?

how many people have chosen to live that way?

i don't want to say 'settle' but what if as of now, wal-mart may not carry cartier, ykno? they have no panthers...

but they've got mary kay..

posted November 10, 2011 12:24 AM            

That's a big issue you're thinking about there. Now I'm not very far in life, but I think it would...kinda hard to find "the one you deserve", the one who is "better".

posted November 10, 2011 12:41 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:
Oh Tuxy-baby, I'd hold you right now if I could.

That's a big issue you're thinking about there. Now I'm not very far in life, but I think it would...kinda hard to find "the one you deserve", the one who is "better".

Are you still interested in them...? It seems like they're making an effort and they're trying to be nice. Do you want to give them another chance?

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& then i'm torn again, lol! i don't knooooooow!!! i haven't heard from them.. & i don't know how i feel about saying anything to them because i'm looking at things from a different view and though saturn falls in their fifth and i'm assuming they probably look at it in a similar way too, really putting yourself out there is something i've been all too comfortable doing in the past and i've found i've done lots of work to try to relate to other people to the point that i don't let them step out of their comfort zone or to go through their own growth because i end up doing all the work for them... then, at the end, i've felt used or drained or disillusioned by the whole thing because of all the effort i put in only to get minimal return.

i walk away being a bigger person and so much wiser and more assured of where i stand but i'm trying to keep in mind that my emotional health is at stake here.. and i'm responsible for that as i am for my physical and spiritual health and putting myself in a position that might lead to feelings i'd rather not feel; hurt, pain, etc.. i can't say that i'd be all that ready to go through that again... it took me about 3 years to get over some months of an affair.. 3 years!

i posted that thread the other day about 'friends' and while i went through those 3 years, i found that there was really no one for me to share any of what i was going through with.. not really lots of anyone to share that 'understanding' with or someone to show compassion, even... what i found were some that took advantage of it and used it to their benefit and i don't know if it was stupid of me because at the time, it really did feel as if even if i wanted to, i couldn't really do anything to protect, myself...

so, if no one else is going to do it, i have to.. that's my responsibility as a human and i've gotta have a good footing because it just takes one twelfth house transit, man.. and just like that; in the snap of a finger it can all come undone.. it's a reminder to yourself that ego isn't everything and that everyone is fallible and i accept that wholeheartedly!

doesn't mean that i don't find the sh*t scary.

i don't think i'm much older than u, scorpy.. i'm 23.. i kind of just turned 23, actually.. i just have forced myself to really do the work that i felt mattered to me the most because of what i see going on around the world..

there's a relative that has a husband she lives with and she can't stand his living guts.. she has a son with him and had a son before him with a man she loved.. that man, left her high and dry with her kid, alone.. she isn't so easy to take down with her sun conjunct uranus and venus opposing her saturn but in the end, she's ended up with a man who has provided for her and her kids and takes care of the house and though she can't stand him, i think that sometimes she just reacts that way automatically but if asked, she would probably say that she loves him.

because at the end of the day, her electricity is turned on.. she has someone there that she can count on.. no one knows what goes on behind closed doors with them and their relationship, but had she been out there still looking for something 'better'.. where would she and her children be?

would there be something better or would she aimlessly be selling herself short?

posted November 10, 2011 12:56 AM            

Well, Tuxy-baby, I find if all else fails, be honest. If you really want to, I dunno, make something out of this, out of them, then talk to them about it.

You seem so...guarded. You almost remind of someone. They had a similar outlook, but deep down it was like...

posted November 10, 2011 01:34 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:
Talk to them about it! You're screwing yourself over here by being cynical and jaded. Honesty is grand! And what have you got to lose? If they're so interested in you, then they'll listen, right? Come on, I'll even cheer for you if you decide to do it. I'll do a dance! I learned a Lady Gaga dance or two; I'll do those for you!

EDIT! Or maybe you just need some sleep. I know I do.

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will u do the one from bad romance?

i take it they're asleep by this time.. they fly out i'm guessing in the am.. they'll be out of the country and i'm not sure if their phone would work.. i did put a lot of myself out there, i think.. it's just 'rewarding' that conversation would not be giving what i think to be appropriate feedback.

i should be in bed, too, as i've got to be up tomorrow and handle some things but as far as this topic and that person goes; haven't heard from them today.. even if i did, they have mercury in scorpio.. i know how that is. if their not hearing back from me bothered them, i doubt they'll easily forget or want to even bother doing so.

maybe i'll hear from them once they return or maybe the full moon tomorrow might prove to have an impact on this somehow, i dunno..

either way, i think it's gotten as far as it'll go for today and i can only hope that maybe they think about what the f*ck it is they say because i don't want to have to be on guard every single time around them thinking i'll feel hurt by something and then lash out in defense; it could get ugly.

whatevz.

thank u for chatting w me scorpy!
i wished u a happy birthday with lots of fireworks today!

posted November 10, 2011 11:13 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bethcarliseh:
haha. I love it!

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posted November 10, 2011 12:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tuxedoMask:
will u do the one from bad romance?

...

thank u for chatting w me scorpy!
i wished u a happy birthday with lots of fireworks today!

dunno if u saw it buuuuut, i sign off for the day by saying: i 143 you!

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posted November 10, 2011 06:26 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tuxedoMask:
http://youtu.be/Pm9Utgf-cEg

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posted November 10, 2011 09:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RedScorp:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by tuxedoMask:
[b] http://youtu.be/Pm9Utgf-cEg

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I listen to fruity music, I know... :c[/B][/QUOTE]

posted November 11, 2011 10:31 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by bethcarliseh:
red scorp and tuxedo mask, the same person?

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Noooooooooooooooo! I am not my Tuxy-baby. :c