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Author
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Topic: Controlling partners
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hannarama
Knowflake Posts: 399
From: united states
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 04:20 PM
  
What combinations or aspects would give someone controlling behavior/attract controlling behavior? I have Saturn (in Cap) in the 7th (ruled by Sag) which I just now this second put together as maybe attracting partners who restrict (Saturn) my freedom (Sag), but the partners I attract (who I'm not objected to, although their energy does scare me a little bit) have a VERY intense energy and they make me feel like they want to devour me (I've never been intimate with anyone, they don't know this or anything about me really) and they want to contain me, bottle me up, control my happiness. I most often attract Capricorn/Scorpios, or Capricorn/Leos and I wondered if this was a theme with Capricorns or something aspect related.Hope that made sense, The View was on so it was a little hard to concentrate with all their cacophony in the background. IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 5933
From: U.S.
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 17, 2011 04:30 PM
Yea Saturn/Pluto typically relate to control.
Pluto for the power trip aspect of it, Saturn for the related insecurity, rules restriction. That old story of the controlling man not wanting his wife to have any friends is more likely to be Saturn, but it depends on the motivation of it too. Saturn doesn't really want to mess you up. Pluto will do anything it takes to screw you over if it's not getting what it wants in other areas of life. I'd be more wary of Pluto.IP: Logged |
hannarama
Knowflake Posts: 399
From: united states
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 04:44 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Lonake:
Yea Saturn/Pluto typically relate to control.
Pluto for the power trip aspect of it, Saturn for the related insecurity, rules restriction. That old story of the controlling man not wanting his wife to have any friends is more likely to be Saturn, but it depends on the motivation of it too. Saturn doesn't really want to mess you up. Pluto will do anything it takes to screw you over if it's not getting what it wants in other areas of life. I'd be more wary of Pluto.
So they do just screw you over because they're unhappy in general, it doesn't matter if you haven't ever done anything to warrant such behavior? I had an episode with a Saturn type guy. He had Cap rising and the longer I knew him, the more I noticed I had no friends. He became my whole life 'cause I could feel that's what he wanted and didn't know how to protect against it. It made me feel really weak when I'm anything but. I have to say it was really scary. How do I ward those kind of types off and attract an equal? What if that's how I am but it's not something I consciously realize? IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 5933
From: U.S.
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 17, 2011 05:58 PM
Ooh good question (!)
I have Mars conj Saturn conj Pluto and you can bet I attract some guys who are on controlling power trips. Darn it tho I'm sexually attracted to them too. And I can be pretty controlling as well. I'll say also that there are different levels to being controlling, you can be mild to OTT abusive. And never forget that an abusive controlling partner could end up killing you, they could be that mentally off.
It seems that all you can do is recognize what, in the beginning, did they all have in common that could potentially alert you to their controlling behavior? And then if you see it again, just leave em alone if you don't want them.
Are you a controlling person? If you have dominant Saturn and Pluto, likely yes.
You have Moon opp Pluto, that's one marker for it.
Cap Saturn in the 7th is another.
Saturn sq Venus.
Saturn sq Sun.
Moon trine Saturn, maybe, maybe not, depends.
So I will say just own it if you are. And be ready to call someone on their bs if needed.
What you don't want is nasty abusive controlling behavior (at least, I don't think you do). That is the type to be alert to and avoid.
Control can be a good thing, a controlling person could be someone who knows how to get the job done better than anyone. So, there are varying degrees. Typically, if it's not abusive etc, controlling people are v.competent in what they do. So there are good things that can come from that trait."So they do just screw you over because they're unhappy in general, it doesn't matter if you haven't ever done anything to warrant such behavior?"
---No it doesn't matter, cos you're not a real person to them. They could love you, but at that moment in time you don't matter. This has more to do w.neg Pluto not getting their needs met.
Saturn controls too, but imo their intent is not to screw you over. I could be argued with to the contrary  I'm open to hearing diff opinions on this. Regarding the Cap rising guy, it'd be better to see his natal, yours, and then the synastry. IP: Logged |
hannarama
Knowflake Posts: 399
From: united states
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 06:41 PM
Okay I'll post it in a few, although I don't know how accurate it is. He SAYS he was born at 6 pm, but like I've said in other posts referring to him (it was a really intense relationship, learned a lot from it) he lied a lot so after I figured that out I started realizing just how blind my trust was in him - aka I don't know if that's his real birth time. Whatever, moving on!I didn't know Saturn sq. Venus and Sun would indicate controlling behavior, that's interesting! I do find myself controlling in a typical Leo way. I've noticed they only try to control when they care about you and they genuinely want the best for you and think they know the best way to go about doing it (or maybe that's my reality because that's how *I* am). Anyway, so I often times tell my friends what to do the way I would do it because one, I very rarely have an obstacles or problems and two, it's the only way I can think of at the moment. I figured my Moon opp. Pluto would have something to do with it, 'cause I often think my mother is controlling but she'd protest otherwise. IP: Logged |
mintgirl123
Knowflake Posts: 892
From:
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted November 17, 2011 06:41 PM
Somebody heavy in water
plutonian
Scorpio placementsIP: Logged |
hannarama
Knowflake Posts: 399
From: united states
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 06:44 PM
quote:
Originally posted by mintgirl123:
Somebody heavy in water
plutonian
Scorpio placements
I'm definitely not heavy in water, I have Pluto in Scorpio however and all by itself in the 5th which I was told is a singleton planet and therefore 100 Xs stronger. IP: Logged |
hannarama
Knowflake Posts: 399
From: united states
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 06:50 PM
Synastry:
http://i1111.photobucket.com/albums/h466/hannarama/astro_61gw_01_06_anonymous_anonymous_hp8536727850.gif His: http://i1111.photobucket.com/albums/h466/hannarama/astro_2gw_06_anonymous8542528939.gif Mine: http://i1111.photobucket.com/albums/h466/hannarama/astro_2gw_01_anonymous_hp49312453.gif IP: Logged |
amowls**
Knowflake Posts: 825
From:
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 07:22 PM
That's how my ex was (as in wanting to bottle me up), and in synastry we had his Mars opposite my Pluto and his Venus square my Pluto. ANDDDD his Saturn was conjunct my Mars by 1 degree.My current boyfriend's Venus/Mars conjunction also square my Pluto, but we don't have that nasty Saturn/Mars thing so it's not as intensely controlling. IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 5933
From: U.S.
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 17, 2011 07:39 PM
He has
-Sun sq Pluto
-Venus sq Pluto
-Mars trine Saturn
-Sun trine SaturnThis is what I mean, similar energies attract. I call em defacto conjunctions. For instance your Venus sorta vibrates to Venus in Capricorn cos it's in aspect to Saturn, his Mars sorta vibrates to Mars in Caopricorn cos it's trine Saturn. So it's like a Venus/Mars conj in Capricorn, looking at the big picture. This one relates to attraction cos you might admire his work ethic, self control at the outset, he might admire the fact that you don't throw yourself at everyone. You have Moon opp Pluto, sorta like Scorpio Moon, he has Venus sq Pluto, sorta like Scorpio Venus, so he loved your intensity, you felt more emotionally at ease around him, at least when his Venus sq Pluto wasn't acting up in a negative manner. He could have Moon conj Saturn, like a Capricorn Moon, he also has Sun trine Saturn, like a Capricorn Sun, it goes on and on, it's easy to see the attraction there. In synastry there is an aspect that neither of you have natally, Mars opp Saturn. You are Mars, so Saturn can sometimes want to curtail Mars as they see them acting in rash, rebellious, irresponsible manner. Saturn wants their plan to go smoothly, and Mars has their own agenda, so typically in hard aspects Saturn turns controlling in an attempt to get their way. Your Pluto is sq his Mars, and in fixed signs. Hard aspects in fixed signs are the most deeply entrenched negative energy because Fixed doesn't want to change. Mars/Pluto is basically a tug of war, but it doesn't have to be. It's a variation on the theme of Mars/Saturn, each person wants their agenda to be followed, and neither wants to go along with that of the other. Mars trine Saturn otoh, Mars would tend to think that actually Saturn does have some sense and would be open to incorporating some restrictions, seeing that it is in their best interest, likewise Saturn would be motivated by Mars into taking action. You guys didn't have the trine, I'm just giving an example of how this energy doesn't have to always be negative. IP: Logged |
scrappydog
Knowflake Posts: 525
From: Texas
Registered: May 2009
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posted November 17, 2011 07:47 PM
This guy was controling and consuming because he had that pluto squaring his sun and venus, he was prob a little obsessive as well. Jupiter tied into it as well making it even bigger. It was more the pluto influence that made him like that than the cap. Theres plenty of caps without major pluto aspects that arent like that. IP: Logged |
hannarama
Knowflake Posts: 399
From: united states
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 08:15 PM
Yeah, I know he has to have some kind of strong Pluto influence (which I never thought about before) because our relationship was so stressful it gave me panic attacks, like major panic attacks. It could happen at any time and I was freaking out because I never have experienced anything like that before in my life. Needless to say I don't think that's emotionally at ease. I didn't know what was going on, if I was depressed, or if I was picking up on him but I think I must've been because apparently he had really bad anxiety (unbeknownst to me, although he did always seem very rigid and very controlled and like he wouldn't say what's on his mind. I have an inkling his dad and him didn't have the best relationship despite what our mutual friend told me.) I could go on, but I have to stop (Mercury square Saturn, always censoring myself!) Anyway, I bring up the pluto influence 'cause I feel the same way around the Capricorn/Scorpio guy I've been discussing in other threads. Very timid and almost shaking like a leaf. Except this guy is different in the sense he will look me straight in the eye whereas the Leo couldn't/rarely ever did. IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 5933
From: U.S.
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 17, 2011 08:21 PM
Well if you go far enough w.him you'll find out (!)
Teach people boundaries and they will abide by them, that's my 2 pennies.IP: Logged |
hannarama
Knowflake Posts: 399
From: united states
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 08:27 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Lonake:
Well if you go far enough w.him you'll find out (!)
Teach people boundaries and they will abide by them, that's my 2 pennies.
Which that's probably my lesson with Neptune in the 7th, right? I feel like I do have boundaries! Or at least I'm confused 'cause I have Mars conj. ASC which is supposed to make me unapproachable or at least it's supposed to be easy for others to recognize not to trifle with me but apparently Slytherin Scorpios finagle their way in anyway.... I'm very strong-willed, I just don't know where that Will goes when I'm in a romantic relationship. When you looked at they synastry though, I mean were those Saturn and Pluto aspects stronger than any love ones we had? I still think about him every day even though it's been a year since I left him and I haven't contacted him in 6 months. In fact, I changed my number so he couldn't contact me. I always wondered if it even mattered to him that I left 'cause the relationship was SO MUCH about him. IP: Logged |
mintgirl123
Knowflake Posts: 892
From:
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted November 17, 2011 08:29 PM
Yeah you really do teach others how to treat you. =/ And nobody can make you feel inferior either, without your permission.IP: Logged |
malicefey
Knowflake Posts: 201
From: NY
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted November 17, 2011 08:31 PM
My current bf (to which I posted a thread on this just recently about relationship + control) has his Sun Conjunct Saturn + Pluto in his 12th house.His pluto is conjunct my ascendant in a freakishly TIGHT orb. Although he is not very direct and naturally forceful, he DOES play these little mind games where he tries to manipulate me. Now..I'm not always listening to him, and perhaps that's what urges him to wanna control me. My venus/merc/asc falls on his 12th house. My sun opposite his moon at less than 1 deg. We have Sun conjunct Venus Double Whammy (should I be worried??) We also have composite Venus Conjunct Mars, Venus in the first house and Sun in the 12th house. Relationship too overwhelming?? =\ ------------------
Sun Libra
Moon Libra
Mars Libra
Mercury Scorpio
Venus Scorpio
Asc Scorpio IP: Logged |
mintgirl123
Knowflake Posts: 892
From:
Registered: Nov 2009
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posted November 17, 2011 08:32 PM
Sun in 12th house is not great for composite though???IP: Logged |
malicefey
Knowflake Posts: 201
From: NY
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted November 17, 2011 08:33 PM
quote:
Originally posted by mintgirl123:
Sun in 12th house is not great for composite though???
So I've read..it's really depressing =( ------------------
Sun Libra
Moon Libra
Mars Libra
Mercury Scorpio
Venus Scorpio
Asc Scorpio IP: Logged |
hannarama
Knowflake Posts: 399
From: united states
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 08:33 PM
quote:
Originally posted by malicefey:
[B]My current bf (to which I posted a thread on this just recently about relationship + control) has his Sun Conjunct Saturn + Pluto in his 12th house.
Sun conjunct Saturn + Pluto IN THE 12TH. I've had enough already, that sounds so demanding. IP: Logged |
hannarama
Knowflake Posts: 399
From: united states
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 08:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by malicefey:
So I've read..it's really depressing =(
Which ones is in the 12th house? If it's his, it might be good 'cause wouldn't that mean he doesn't have as much of an ego around you? IP: Logged |
malicefey
Knowflake Posts: 201
From: NY
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted November 17, 2011 08:36 PM
quote:
Originally posted by hannarama:
Which ones is in the 12th house? If it's his, it might be good 'cause wouldn't that mean he doesn't have as much of an ego around you?
We both have sun in 12th house natally. We both had to deal with my own demons, actually I still deal with them now, and I've opened up a peak of it to him, to which I've cried, so hard, infront of him. That night happened to be the night of my birthday. We laid in bed and he wiped away my tears as I cried. Perhaps, at that moment, we've connected..because he told me about his father issues first. I've created a thread on here about sun in 12th house and depression. We've both had problems with father figures in our lives. IP: Logged |
malicefey
Knowflake Posts: 201
From: NY
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted November 17, 2011 08:37 PM
quote:
Originally posted by hannarama:
Which ones is in the 12th house? If it's his, it might be good 'cause wouldn't that mean he doesn't have as much of an ego around you?
His Sun in Scorpio is in my 1st..sigh, in my 1st is also my venus, merc, asc, pluto. IP: Logged |
hannarama
Knowflake Posts: 399
From: united states
Registered: Nov 2010
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posted November 17, 2011 08:39 PM
quote:
Originally posted by malicefey:
His Sun in Scorpio is in my 1st..sigh, in my 1st is also my venus, merc, asc, pluto.
So sun making contact with all those personal planets would be a trigger, right? (confirmation, anyone?) He'd trigger a lot of issues for you in some areas but make you feel very beautiful and desired? IP: Logged |
malicefey
Knowflake Posts: 201
From: NY
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted November 17, 2011 08:43 PM
quote:
Originally posted by hannarama:
So sun making contact with all those personal planets would be a trigger, right? (confirmation, anyone?) He'd trigger a lot of issues for you in some areas but make you feel very beautiful and desired?
Yes. We connected because of our afflictions and past (family issues). He has bad dreams constantly, kicks, talks in his sleep (mumbling) and sometimes sweats. I'd get up, aired him out, wiped off his sweat and held him on those nights. ------------------
Sun Libra
Moon Libra
Mars Libra
Mercury Scorpio
Venus Scorpio
Asc Scorpio IP: Logged |
Lonake
Moderator Posts: 5933
From: U.S.
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 17, 2011 08:47 PM
quote:
Originally posted by hannarama:
I still think about him every day even though it's been a year since I left him and I haven't contacted him in 6 months. In fact, I changed my number so he couldn't contact me. I always wondered if it even mattered to him that I left 'cause the relationship was SO MUCH about him.
I just looked at what could be construed as controlling, that's all.
Like I said the Saturn/Pluto stuff that you each had in your natals really spoke to each other, created a lot of attraction.
You know what, natally your Sun/Venus are under tension, but in that synastry they are only involved in a Grand Trine, which could be a factor for easing what you are usually under.
Except that other factors ended up worked against it."cause the relationship was SO MUCH about him"
---He also has a ton of Fire. IP: Logged |
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