posted December 12, 2011 08:54 AM            

I have mars in cancer. I wouldnt describe myself as being angry... or an angry person.. I'm more passive aggressive or I used to be. Now I'm more passive but I can be very aggressive thing is I'm more of a planner I like to take in all that I can, observe and strategize that's how I am. my aggression comes out more with work and acquiring material things, and when I want to obtain information/knowledge. But I'm not aggressive with people.

Which brings me to my question, Why do am I so to erupt with anger when someone forces me to do something against my will? especially when I voice that I am not not willing to do what that want?

Long story short, I erupted in anger it surprised me more than it did her, I called my new therapist a b*tch told her to f*ck right off, "don't push me mind your own business I'm not ready so cut it out." I normally don't speak like this but her behavior and pushing me really ticked me off. She was pushing/and probing me to talk about something I stated I was not willing to do. Secondly, she basically told me my way of discussing feelings/emotions was not sufficient - when asked a question about something painful anything the provokes discomfort I won't respond, I'll think and think and think intellectualize the emotion and than present it. That's how I grew up and what I'm comfortable with.. She told me it was not "healthy emotions are supposed to be messy, not neatly wrapped up in a gift and bow." I disregarded that entirely, it's my way of talking about how I feel/my needs. I can't just talk about it on the spot, I need to go home, need a day or two to reflect and strategize how I feel and how it will be presented. So she kept pushing and pushing and that's when I snapped. Actually I do this to anyone that does what she does.

posted December 12, 2011 10:04 AM            

A couple of things I'd like to say as a counselling specialist (one of my skills is in counselling therapy):

1) For a therapist to "push" you is inappropriate; I feel she crossed some boundaries right there and as a trained therapist she ought to have caught your resistance early and stopped before you reached a point of "explosion" and
2) For you to "explode" like this at "pushing", to me it indicates that you have not learned to express your boundaries in a calm manner and have those around you respect them. That's common in verbal/emotional abusive family environments. A family can be loving but still not respectful of its members' boundaries. It's a fine line and I wouldn't "diagnose" you from afar but that's how your reaction, as I read it in the above, comes across to me.

posted December 12, 2011 11:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
I have the moon in Cancer, and, while it's not Mars, I can relate to the quick eruptions. I'm trying really, really hard not to get back into that. Feel like I'm failing, but I'm trying. That happened this morning, actually.

If it makes you feel better, I have issues with my therapist too. I do trust her, but she is a Virgo with a Leo moon. I feel pressure not to **** her off or disobey her at times. I'm dreading my session with her this week due to some recent email "verbal diarrhea" (to borrow a great term from Fondue Knight) on my side. I KNOW that I screwed up BIG TIME and feel like I'm waiting to go to the guillotine in thinking about my upcoming session. She's intelligent and bright, and I do like her overall, but I also can't help but be frustrated at times. Also feel embarrassed occasionally. I think that even good therapists can be like that/cause those feelings now and then. She's going to be ****** with me this week, but to be fair, she really scared the **** out of me with something, and I freaked out (anxiety). So, we'll have to talk about it. I don't feel like she has faith in me or sees progress, or else feels like I'm lapsing.

I feel really stupid for screwing up and getting anxious, but, again, she said something that really frightened me and I got really emotional about it.

I tend to get "eruptional" when my security is threatened or else when I have an idea about something and someone just goes and rips me apart/tears me down. I know that sometimes it's for my own good or necessary, but, at the same time, it still tends to provoke me, so I need to get better about how I react to it.

I also get eruptional when I feel like people don't see the good in me, don't see progress that I've made, or when people don't have faith in me. I HATE having my self-confidence and competence tested.

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verbal vomit, did you say something offense to/about her? I prefer this therapist right now than my former. my former was awful... she was go-lucky optimistic it was annoying. this one i have now seems more serious.

posted December 12, 2011 12:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by lindisfarne:
I did express my boundaries I told her I wasn't going to do what she wanted that I was not comfortable.

When I set boundaries and someone continues to push me, and etc. that's when I erupt.

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I don't know if you read my response above.
I stated (and I repeat) that you might have to CHANGE your therapist if you calmly expressed your boundaries and she ignored you! I also stated (and I repeat) that you need to learn to CALMLY yet FIRMLY express your needs and be heard. Your therapist ought to help you do this by acknowledging such calm but firm requests.
Please discuss this with her. She sounds helpful to me. When she said that "healthy emotions are messy", she gave you license to express your needs in a "messy" way with her, which means she is trying to make you trust her. So. Bottom line: TALK to her about this incident.

posted December 12, 2011 03:17 PM            

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Originally posted by Fondue Knight:
Mars opposite Uranus would be my guess. Uranus is unpredictable, which might be the energy involved that catches you off guard.

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posted December 12, 2011 03:25 PM            

quote:

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I also get eruptional when I feel like people don't see the good in me, don't see progress that I've made, or when people don't have faith in me. I HATE having my self-confidence and competence tested.

[/B]

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posted December 12, 2011 06:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:

I am going to cancel my trip because she does not approve.

I feel so embarrassed, humiliated, and stupid.

I reached out to people in my life for help and emotional support--I cannot refund this trip and it's a huge loss--and no one cares! Not my pastor, not my therapist, not my other therapist, NO ONE CARES enough to respond to me and talk to me when I'm feeling SO STRESSED ugh I hate it!

I'm so fed up with not mattering to people and getting NOTHING back from them. I'm invisible. I'm fed up with the ingratitude. I care about other people, but they never care back.

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Ok, DONT CANCEL YOUR TRIP PLEASE. You dont need the approval of your therapist for something like this. I don't like this therapist at all. She doesn't seem to come from a place of empowerment and comes from a place of fear.

posted December 12, 2011 06:53 PM            

quote:

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not learned to express your boundaries in a calm manner and have those around you respect them

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I do associate this with Cancer Mars. I've seen other Cancer Mars people having the same problem.

lindis - I know you did express yourself calmly initially. But when someone does not seem to understand... You can keep repeating the same thing just as calmly - and eventually they do shut up.

Try to take it with a grain of salt and mentally make fun of her... rather than react in anger.

You could say "No comment" for instance... and whenever she asks that question again - you can keep saying that calmly.

posted December 12, 2011 06:54 PM            

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YOUR RELIGION AND THERAPIST AND FAMILY ARE MAKING YOU FEEL ASHAMED AND HUMILIATED AND ARE NOT THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU ARE LOW. YOU NEED TO RETHINK YOUR LIFE AND THE DIRECTION YOU ARE GOING IN AND WHO YOU ARE FOLLOWING.

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posted December 12, 2011 07:54 PM            

maybe then they do appreciate it you and you just think you are been a bother but you are not.

Maybe is your perception of been a bother that is the problem. Maybe you have this perception bc you need to work on your self worth. Maybe you don't value yourself enough even though you intuitively know you are valuable, perhaps part of you is not convinced and doesn't believe it. What is your identity outside of church and family? Who are you if these structures didn't exist?

You are more than your religious beliefs and affiliations and you are valuable regardless of these things. I imagine you participate in church bc you want to do good and like to feel close to god but this is just part of who you are. Who are you outside of this?

I am rambling. This was just an attempt to help but really dont know you or your situation well enough to know if this is what you needed so just followed my instincts on this one.