posted December 26, 2011 06:39 AM            

Please someone help me out here. I've been repressing such a twisted habit of mine...I have this need to enjoy psychological games mind fing if you will... I don't know what is my problem really... I detest not having some sort of power in my relationships.. I enjoy having the upper hand. And any opportunity I get (for now at least..... I fantasize about seizing power in some way)

For eg. Last month my boyfriend and I were supposed to spend time together but he got caught up with something and I took it as blowing me off I was hurt but we made up etc. However for some reason I have this desire to blow him off make him feel hurt or whatever. I'm leaving tonight on vacation with my friends so we are supposed to hangout... biggest part of me wants to blow him off have him freak out/get upset and angry because he hates when people blow him off especially me (I used to do this all the time unintentionally in the beginning..) but something has me refraining I think about "karma"

but seriously this is not normal! or healthy? huge power struggle in the relationship I find and most of it seems to be on my part. or maybe he feels it too I don't know. but I have repressed this fun hobby of mine for so long and now i find it's making itself appearent. Why? It's very immature I know but I have absolutely no idea why I get off doing this to someone Im in a relationship with - anything to seize back the power. so far I've been way too vulnerable not my typical tough self. Any ideas?

posted December 26, 2011 06:53 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Astrologically speaking I see 3 major things: Saturn square Moon, Mars conjunct Moon and of course Pluto square Sun/Mercury.
Basically with such synastry it's very difficult to avoid hurting each other. You are both very sensitive to each other and when one of you hurts the other, wheter intentionally or not, you will probably want to fight back, to get things even.

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Yeah I see the hurting each other unintentionally part...

posted December 26, 2011 07:06 AM            

I never related my south node in Gemini to this love for games and manipulation. When I say I love it I really love it infact I would say I kind of thrive on it. It's just fun to me I don't know why it's so horrible I know! But ah... something about screwing with someone is so pleasurable... especially when it makes me back on the "I'm in charge" role it's literally like a power struggle tug of war type of thing....

You know, it's funny you mention that... I mean... For some reason I've been awfully emotionally needy with him for the past few weeks. When I like/love someone I don't want to be free or independent. I don't want to be independent. I only feel that way when I got what I wanted (some type of power thing) I'm only like that with friends...

posted December 26, 2011 07:10 AM            

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
Something else that I notice is that he was born in Russia, and you were born in Canada.

My apologies if you mentioned this elsewhere and I forgot, but did he grow up in Canada? Or did he grow up in Russia? Are his parents from Russia, and did his father (I remember you saying his mother left) raise him with more Russian beliefs/ideas?

I was going to ask if cultural differences/having different cultural values might come into play as well.

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He grew up there for the early childhood of his life and came here as a teenager parents raised him there and a little bit here.

The culture thing never really stuck out to me. minus the dominance thing/seriousness. I sense by his behavior too, he likes to keep this certain "face" I don't know why. he's gotten vulnerable with me and that's nice really nice but sometimes I feel he's really afraid of something I've no idea what it is. for him its all or nothing. no commitment = waste of time in his eyes.

posted December 26, 2011 07:12 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Saturn square Moon basically creates an emotional distance between two people, because one of them, or even both, doesn't express their emotions and therefore the other person is uncomfortable expressing their own emotions, too. This can lead to a gap.
Usually the Moon is the one who feels restricted by Saturn, but apparently it can go both ways.
There are differences between the way you express your feelings and when together you may even feel lonely and misunderstood by the partner.

By itself I don't think it leads to mind games but with other supporting aspects, it can contribute to the feelings of resentment and "hard" feelings toward each other, definitely.

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posted December 26, 2011 07:14 AM            

Hard aspects between Pluto and Saturn, or if they make a hard aspect to personal planets, can lead to a need for "cruelty". And Mars.

*

posted December 26, 2011 07:20 AM            

I think the only way is to talk things out, instead of distancing yourself from him, try to get closer, but not in a big way, just show him you care, and that you are worthy of his feelings, that he can count on you.

posted December 26, 2011 03:42 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Tsk tsk, VenusDiSirius, I have Sun conjunct Mercury, too!

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posted December 26, 2011 03:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by VenusDiSirius:
Oh,you have Sun conj Merc...
That explains...a lot Mine perception of you via forum,that is!

(hate breaking it down to one aspect,though)

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posted December 26, 2011 04:20 PM            

I sometimes forget he is an air sign. Typical Gemini.
Flakey at times but means well one thin I'm learning is to forgive because I tend to idealize people especially ones I'm fond towards, I almost believe they are perfect and once imperfection kicks in I have a difficult time swallowing it most often not, I want to terminate the relationship lmao but I know better not to do this.

He tells me to be patient. All the time. Something I cannot do. it's one of my biggest issues in my life my impatience. I just don't understand why anyone would wait sort of thing. my ego and my needs can get in the way idk I'm going to talk to him about it, Instead of fighting into ways to hurt him cause that's not ok, so far I thankfully haven't given into the desire even if I want to do it so bad just sheer pleasure I know it will ruin the relationship. Currently im very needy and I don't know why. I'm oh-so sensitive to him and things he says I try to stop but I can't. Things he does and says I'm so sensitive toward them. I want things done in a certain way an I know that's not right because everyone has their own way of loving etc and showing that but my impatience gets the best of me. I've no idea what it means to be patience I try to but then I get frustrated.... and annoyed and restless. He tells me to "be patient" especially right now he's "tired" finished work at "7am" see when I read this now I say "wow how can I be so selfish" see? I've no idea what it means to be patient... I don't get how he can be so patient it's really remarkable I admire this in anyone cause it's something I know I'm not but wish to be so desperately.

I'm sure things would be better for me if I knew how to be patient with him - I can be kind of selfish especially when I've been starved for quite some time lmao

posted December 26, 2011 04:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by VenusDiSirius:
Subjective,intelectual confirmation through ego assessment.

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LOL! I can be objective depends on the subject lately I've been a lot more subjective.

posted December 26, 2011 04:23 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by VenusDiSirius:
Subjective,intelectual confirmation through ego assessment.

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LOL! I can be objective depends on the subject lately I've been a lot more subjective.