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Author
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Topic: How do you deal with differences in your relationships?
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athenegoddess
Knowflake Posts: 833
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 02:23 PM
  
If you are in a relationship, and you start having problems, how would you handle it? I mean that when things start getting too comfortable and the couple start to have fights which start to turn physical, what would you do if you really loved the person? I know that all relationships deal with issues. I am going through this right now and I can't believe the stuff that has been happening between us. He doesn't hurt me hurt me, but it's still being done. I think when something is very strong like love, especially in the beginning, towards the end the pendulum swing starts giving the couple problems to the same degree of the strong love. This is my experience and I just don't know how to handle it because I do really care about him. I don't know if I should hold on or put it to rest.  His Sun, Mercury, Saturn, and Uranus are all SQUARE my Mars very very close in orb. Also, I thought he was my twin flame, but he isn't on the same wavelength as me when it comes to the spiritual world. This causes major issues between us. We have different interests. I don't like going to bars because it's useless and usually the people are as well. But he is 24 and acting like thats all he wants to do is go out drinking and party! I absolutley do not like doing that because I got that out of my system at a young age. I also don't understand the appeal if he is in a relationship with me. And he drinks everyday! I don't understand why. Is he that unhappy?? Alchohol is so gross and it's purpose is to destroy life. Sometimes I think I'm blinded by love and need to wake up and find someone that I deserve. IP: Logged |
anongrl10
Knowflake Posts: 4272
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:07 PM
This is so tricky to answer.
You know what the logical answer it is to this but you also know your feelings.
You sound a lot more mature than him (spiritually/intellectually I mean, don't know your age though you wrote his).
I think in the end, all things have a beginning and an end. He could still be your Twin and you may have met before one of you (he -by the sound of it) is ready.
You know better than me that Twins do not have to be a couple forever especially if they have met before they are ready (spiritually) for the meeting.
I hope this helps a bit.
You are stronger than any emotions. And you have the advantage of seeing things spiritually. Use these two elements to do what's best for you. I know that at least rationally you wouldn't stay in a relationship where arguments turn physical.
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ariesdragon
Knowflake Posts: 272
From: starcity,saskatchewan,canada
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted February 14, 2012 04:20 PM
He's very young. If you stay you'll have to be very patient. If you leave you'll have to very strong to stay away and start a new life. Happy valentines day... cheer up and know you're a strong woman and deserve the best  IP: Logged |
Libreo
Knowflake Posts: 647
From: Australia
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:22 PM
Maybe he needs a good scare. IP: Logged |
ariesdragon
Knowflake Posts: 272
From: starcity,saskatchewan,canada
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted February 14, 2012 04:24 PM
My ex almost stabbed me, she is an alcoholic. I left her and never turned back. IP: Logged |
anongrl10
Knowflake Posts: 4272
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:26 PM
ariedragon, im really glad you left her!IP: Logged |
ariesdragon
Knowflake Posts: 272
From: starcity,saskatchewan,canada
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted February 14, 2012 04:29 PM
quote:
Originally posted by anongrl10:
ariedragon, im really glad you left her!
Thanks anon, I'm happier without that kind of volatile relationship. We have 2 kids together but she's not allowed around them cos she's drunk all the time and goes crazy. She begs all the time to come back but I always know she's drunk so I just hang up the phone. IP: Logged |
anongrl10
Knowflake Posts: 4272
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:30 PM
Athene, in practical terms, I would pick a time when you both feel calm and OK with the relationship and sit him down for a heart-to-heart. Then see what happens. If this doesn't work, all bets are off. IP: Logged |
anongrl10
Knowflake Posts: 4272
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by ariesdragon:
Thanks anon, I'm happier without that kind of volatile relationship. We have 2 kids together but she's not allowed around them cos she's drunk all the time and goes crazy. She begs all the time to come back but I always know she's drunk so I just hang up the phone.
I'm sorry for the kids because they have no mother (for as long as she's drunk she's not the mother they need anyway). You are doing the right thing by keeping her away. The last thing you want is to have her live with your kids who would then learn by her example... IP: Logged |
ariesdragon
Knowflake Posts: 272
From: starcity,saskatchewan,canada
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted February 14, 2012 04:37 PM
Yes anon that is exactly my thoughts... My children have been without a mother because she chose the drunk life. Blacking out, getting into fights, getting in trouble from the police and lots of disgusting behaviors. My kids are sooo much safer and are wayyy healthier without her. They have me, grandma, grandpa and great grandma, as well as big sister and cousin IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 2276
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted February 14, 2012 04:38 PM
There is a guy i've liked since i was in first grade. I love him so much. But he's a party animal, and a borderline alcoholic. Maybe you should let him know that you will always be there for him, but that u cant let him drag u down with him, so for now u are separated. You should watch this movie called crazy/beautiful. It's on youtube. The girl was having major depression and turning to alcohol but bc the guy saw the good in her despite everything, she turned herself around. It's a common movie theme lol but i'd like to think that if u let him know he IS loved but that u will not tolerate ohysical abuse, then he can feel a need to change himself. If you accept all his behavior i think ur kind of being an "enabler"IP: Logged |
RunAroundScreaming
Knowflake Posts: 2276
From: USA
Registered: Oct 2010
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posted February 14, 2012 04:39 PM
There is a guy i've liked since i was in first grade. I love him so much. But he's a party animal, and a borderline alcoholic. Maybe you should let him know that you will always be there for him, but that u cant let him drag u down with him, so for now u are separated. You should watch this movie called crazy/beautiful. It's on youtube. The girl was having major depression and turning to alcohol but bc the guy saw the good in her despite everything, she turned herself around. It's a common movie theme lol but i'd like to think that if u let him know he IS loved but that u will not tolerate ohysical abuse, then he can feel a need to change himself. If you accept all his behavior i think ur kind of being an "enabler"IP: Logged |
ariesdragon
Knowflake Posts: 272
From: starcity,saskatchewan,canada
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted February 14, 2012 04:40 PM
quote:
Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
There is a guy i've liked since i was in first grade. I love him so much. But he's a party animal, and a borderline alcoholic. Maybe you should let him know that you will always be there for him, but that u cant let him drag u down with him, so for now u are separated. You should watch this movie called crazy/beautiful. It's on youtube. The girl was having major depression and turning to alcohol but bc the guy saw the good in her despite everything, she turned herself around. It's a
common movie theme lol but i'd like to think that if u let him know he IS loved but that u will not tolerate physical abuse, then he can feel a need to change himself. If you accept all his behavior i think ur kind of being an "enabler"
Yup this is true IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 1615
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:50 PM
If there is love, try not to allow things to get physical. getting physical has no place in love relationships. We all learn to deal with our differences and resolve them though loving discussions and compromise.IP: Logged |
athenegoddess
Knowflake Posts: 833
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:51 PM
Well, we actually did separate right after mars went retrograde because we got into a huge fight. And at this point im pondering when is the right time you give up on a relationship. Anongirl, I have tried to have a heart to heart with him. Especially to express my spiritual side and how much I desire for him to investigate it. But he's turned off it seems. Too caught into the third dimension. I know deep inside he has a knowledge of it somewhere, but at this point I guess he's just not ready. IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero
Knowflake Posts: 1724
From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:52 PM
The minute things get physical/violent is the minute to walk out the door. Easier said than done, but it will only get worse, and harder to escape, if one stays. IP: Logged |
Starry~*
Knowflake Posts: 287
From: New York, USA
Registered: Nov 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:54 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
If there is love, try not to allow things to get physical. getting physical has no place in love relationships. We all learn to deal with our differences and resolve them though loving discussions and compromise.
Very well said IP: Logged |
athenegoddess
Knowflake Posts: 833
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:55 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
If there is love, try not to allow things to get physical. getting physical has no place in love relationships. We all learn to deal with our differences and resolve them though loving discussions and compromise.
sad thing about it. there is very deep, special love. IP: Logged |
anongrl10
Knowflake Posts: 4272
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 04:56 PM
Ian, can you advise how? How do you avoid things from getting physical? I imagine it's hard when one person is not "getting" it (in a couple I mean). Not everyone is cut for a heart to heart. But then again he may be too young and that could be a lesson for him. Losing her would teach him to treat loved ones with respect. Just thinking out loud here.
IP: Logged |
ariesdragon
Knowflake Posts: 272
From: starcity,saskatchewan,canada
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted February 14, 2012 04:59 PM
quote:
Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
The minute things get physical/violent is the minute to walk out the door. Easier said than done, but it will only get worse, and harder to escape, if one stays.
This is an old saying but it's very true... Been there done that and it's not cool IP: Logged |
athenegoddess
Knowflake Posts: 833
From:
Registered: Aug 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 05:25 PM
Pluto has alot to do with this. It's exactly conjunct my moon/neptune right now and his ascendant/neptune. IP: Logged |
anongrl10
Knowflake Posts: 4272
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 06:56 PM
Urgh, Pluto on Moon/Neptune, ouch.
I have (been having) Neptune sq Sun and I'm telling ya: I miss my illusions! It's like someone is serving reality as a poison drink on small daily doses. When Nept was sq my Moon, oy! Pain was the word.
When Pluto is involved it's like that bull in a china shop. Nobody wants him anywhere near feelings for good reason. I don't remember your composite but anything going on there in terms of transits? IP: Logged |
anongrl10
Knowflake Posts: 4272
From:
Registered: Sep 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 07:00 PM
quote:
Originally posted by athenegoddess:
Well, we actually did separate right after mars went retrograde because we got into a huge fight. And at this point im pondering when is the right time you give up on a relationship. Anongirl, I have tried to have a heart to heart with him. Especially to express my spiritual side and how much I desire for him to investigate it. But he's turned off it seems. Too caught into the third dimension. I know deep inside he has a knowledge of it somewhere, but at this point I guess he's just not ready.
Makes sense.
And I'm sorry to hear about the big fight.
He is very young, and you are young too, but you are so intelligent, you will figure it out. I think it's worth taking a break from him (long separation or something) to figure things out?
I agree though that when the feelings are strong the pendulum can swing the other way. You put it very nicely.
If you don't like it though at some point self-sacrificing is not wise. Perhaps losing you is the lesson he needs to learn from you. You know what I mean? IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 1615
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 10:32 PM
quote:
Originally posted by anongrl10:
Ian, can you advise how? How do you avoid things from getting physical? I imagine it's hard when one person is not "getting" it (in a couple I mean). Not everyone is cut for a heart to heart. But then again he may be too young and that could be a lesson for him. Losing her would teach him to treat loved ones with respect. Just thinking out loud here.
I can try, but I cannot provide universally applicable advise. We are all different, so we all handle things differently. I can tell you what I do myself, or what my wife does, but its not necessarily applicable. Yes, the young ones sometimes need a smack at the back of their heads before they wake up, but we've all been down that road before. You never realize how dear someone is to you until you lose their trust, lose them emotionally, or they are physically gone. In general, it involves some momentary waling away to cool down the jets and look at things rationally and lovingly. Going at it just makes things worse. But nothing works unless its a two way street. It does not work with a woman trying hard to reconcile and a stubborn inconsolable man. That's just a recipe for disaster. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 1615
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted February 14, 2012 10:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by athenegoddess:
sad thing about it. there is very deep, special love.
The depth and specialness of the love goes out the door the moment an insult is hurled, or even worse, a hand is swung. Love means nothing when physical action is factored in. IP: Logged |
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