posted April 28, 2012 05:50 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hskahn:
my son, after all this time and all these years, told me yesterday that he didn't have any bad memories of me during his childhood. it could mean he doesn't remember me but i was there sometimes very much in the background. this i know. i don't have many memories either but i was afraid i did bad things i didn't remember. i feel like i was on a cross died for my sins--known or unknown to me--and so i start again. i think we have forgiven each other now. it is interesting that he chose this way to do it. i feel like i've met him for the first time. i feel like i've met myself again. it will take some time to make a fresh start don't think as parent and child we ever fell in love

what you say about ballet is on time bec a ballerina i know is forming a group and she invited me to be part of it. it have been v inconsistent in my life bec of my depression. but what you say makes me think i should try to be part of this. that this can be me as my healer.

i think the neptune at the top of my chart has to do with the man i have been with for 7 years for whom i left a 25 year dead marriage with a man i love very much and am still in close contact and we've never divorced but it is over. i have traveled with my neptune man to italy numerous times when neptune was crossing midheaven into the 10th house. he is now 85 (10th house) and is a black and white photographer v well-known in his field and a san francisco icon. he has been a real healer to me, he is my angel. he is can poor with about a million fine negatives that he doesn't want commercialized and pluto in the 8th i think is about the fact that he is going to leave me in charge of his estate (if he thinks i can handle it). It is like ansel adams has been commercialized but some great artist have not been and they are standards of an artistic stream. how i will build a foundation so that his work is not lost is unknown to me now. i have noticed that natal and progressed pluto will conduct my progressed ascendant i i think this is a likely time for their to be some transformation with respect to both my husband and my love.

i think that the grand square that is forming now is a period for possible integration is i can keep my head on straight and make mature and selfless decisions.

I have also applied for a regular job in the school district in which i've been subbing for 5 years now. it is a part-time, short-term position but it would be an start in a more solid direction. i have taken under my wing a child i met in a pre-k classroom a year ago. i saw that she has everything is takes to be a ballet dancer. her mother is single, is chinese immigrant from indonesia-- her father left at the beginning of the pregnancy--i take her to ballet and pay for it and a friend of mine will help pay for her next year if her mother doesn't send her to australia to live with her aunt while she finishes school in the states as it is very hard for her. so i help as no one helped me and i am good to the children i teach in school. so it is a healing circle and i hope i can help heal my son too. he has a strong wife and children he works hard to support and they are very good to the children who thrive happily but i think he will be happier if i can join their circle.

so this is where it is. thanks for taking me to heart and i look forward to your feedback because i know there is more to learn from you about my chart, my Self. my religious path has been Zen Buddhism though i was born jewish and most recently was baptized as a catholic. i feel close to it all but don't really practice anything.

love

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posted April 28, 2012 05:50 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hskahn:
my son, after all this time and all these years, told me yesterday that he didn't have any bad memories of me during his childhood. it could mean he doesn't remember me but i was there sometimes very much in the background. this i know. i don't have many memories either but i was afraid i did bad things i didn't remember. i feel like i was on a cross died for my sins--known or unknown to me--and so i start again. i think we have forgiven each other now. it is interesting that he chose this way to do it. i feel like i've met him for the first time. i feel like i've met myself again. it will take some time to make a fresh start don't think as parent and child we ever fell in love

what you say about ballet is on time bec a ballerina i know is forming a group and she invited me to be part of it. it have been v inconsistent in my life bec of my depression. but what you say makes me think i should try to be part of this. that this can be me as my healer.

i think the neptune at the top of my chart has to do with the man i have been with for 7 years for whom i left a 25 year dead marriage with a man i love very much and am still in close contact and we've never divorced but it is over. i have traveled with my neptune man to italy numerous times when neptune was crossing midheaven into the 10th house. he is now 85 (10th house) and is a black and white photographer v well-known in his field and a san francisco icon. he has been a real healer to me, he is my angel. he is can poor with about a million fine negatives that he doesn't want commercialized and pluto in the 8th i think is about the fact that he is going to leave me in charge of his estate (if he thinks i can handle it). It is like ansel adams has been commercialized but some great artist have not been and they are standards of an artistic stream. how i will build a foundation so that his work is not lost is unknown to me now. i have noticed that natal and progressed pluto will conduct my progressed ascendant i i think this is a likely time for their to be some transformation with respect to both my husband and my love.

i think that the grand square that is forming now is a period for possible integration is i can keep my head on straight and make mature and selfless decisions.

I have also applied for a regular job in the school district in which i've been subbing for 5 years now. it is a part-time, short-term position but it would be an start in a more solid direction. i have taken under my wing a child i met in a pre-k classroom a year ago. i saw that she has everything is takes to be a ballet dancer. her mother is single, is chinese immigrant from indonesia-- her father left at the beginning of the pregnancy--i take her to ballet and pay for it and a friend of mine will help pay for her next year if her mother doesn't send her to australia to live with her aunt while she finishes school in the states as it is very hard for her. so i help as no one helped me and i am good to the children i teach in school. so it is a healing circle and i hope i can help heal my son too. he has a strong wife and children he works hard to support and they are very good to the children who thrive happily but i think he will be happier if i can join their circle.

so this is where it is. thanks for taking me to heart and i look forward to your feedback because i know there is more to learn from you about my chart, my Self. my religious path has been Zen Buddhism though i was born jewish and most recently was baptized as a catholic. i feel close to it all but don't really practice anything.

love

---

posted April 28, 2012 09:00 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lonake:
I'm going to add that I don't see a grand cross as wholly evil and detrimental, the energy is easier to access vs. a tsquare so that is ultimately a good thing.

---

yes, i agree--i think the t-square is harder than the grand square--i think i've done enough of the work so that i have to leave the pieces and put the pieces together and stop taking them apart (my virgo). i'm looking at the glass menagerie and i feel like i'm sort of crazy like amanda wingfield. i have to let go of my son and help myself and i keep tripping and falling. it's like the neptune of my t forms a false floor of moonbeams (hopes and dreams and wishes of the 11th) and then venus in cancer in taurus' house-sextile mercury--i don't know how to keep the pieces from moving around. even when i move ahead i slip back. i feel like it's a mess. the grand square calls for integration and with pluto aspecting the t in the 8th i think there should be some sort of super-glue out there for me. can't find the shelf it's on.

posted April 28, 2012 09:15 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hskahn:
yes, i agree--i think the t-square is harder than the grand square--i think i've done enough of the work so that i have to leave the pieces and put the pieces together and stop taking them apart (my virgo). i'm looking at the glass menagerie and i feel like i'm sort of crazy like amanda wingfield. i have to let go of my son and help myself and i keep tripping and falling. it's like the neptune of my t forms a false floor of moonbeams (hopes and dreams and wishes of the 11th) and then venus in cancer in taurus' house-sextile mercury--i don't know how to keep the pieces from moving around. even when i move ahead i slip back. i feel like it's a mess. the grand square calls for integration and with pluto aspecting the t in the 8th i think there should be some sort of super-glue out there for me. can't find the shelf it's on.

---

sorry i didn't describe all the imagery very well.

i do surgery dates for others and it's always been successful. i can never get the date i want for me but finally i did for an epigastric hernia fix i had on wednesday. things seems to be going well. i'm interested in talking about this with you and another thing i've found in my astro research which is a tie between the mother's moon and the child's planet of oriental appearance. thanks for all your responses.

posted April 29, 2012 06:50 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hskahn:
sorry i didn't describe all the imagery very well.

i do surgery dates for others and it's always been successful. i can never get the date i want for me but finally i did for an epigastric hernia fix i had on wednesday. things seems to be going well. i'm interested in talking about this with you and another thing i've found in my astro research which is a tie between the mother's moon and the child's planet of oriental appearance. thanks for all your responses.

---

curious what you might see in my chart about 1st husband as a batterer and my father abandoning me and my grandmother abusing my mother and destroying my relationship with my father. i suffered from childhood depression and was really suicidal by the time i was 5--i was so sad and upset--can you see these things--are they in my t-square?

thank you for everything, helene

posted April 29, 2012 07:07 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by hskahn:
sorry i didn't describe all the imagery very well.

i do surgery dates for others and it's always been successful. i can never get the date i want for me but finally i did for an epigastric hernia fix i had on wednesday. things seems to be going well. i'm interested in talking about this with you and another thing i've found in my astro research which is a tie between the mother's moon and the child's planet of oriental appearance. thanks for all your responses.

---

curious what you might see in my chart about 1st husband as a batterer and my father abandoning me and my grandmother abusing my mother and destroying my relationship with my father. i suffered from childhood depression and was really suicidal by the time i was 5--i was so sad and upset--can you see these things--are they in my t-square?

thank you for everything, helene

posted April 29, 2012 11:32 PM            

You had Saturn/Neptune traveling over your Mars, giving a sense of possible futility, frustration, imprisonment, weakness. Uranus was conj your sa.Venus sq n.Mars giving a feeling that there were relationships very much up in the air that you could not control. The Mars/Uranus could relate to a sudden temper, explosive situations, a sudden male departure. Late 1954 into 1955 t.Pluto was conj n.Saturn in your 4th, it can give a feeling of poverty on a deep level, of loss. Then it traveled to conj your Sun in the 4th. The conj was exact in October of 1956, this could have also been a time of loss of the father (Pluto/Sun). So during this time there was just a general sense of upheaval it seems, shaking foundations, sense of self worth (Uranus over Venus in the 2nd, sq Mars). The Uranus sq possibly added to a skewing of male/female relationships, what was being modeled to you from your elders. Because Venus sq Mars can be a factor for violence in relationship, and Uranus to Mars makes it all unpredictable. You really had a lot of heavy transits to deal with, and so young. Even an *adult* would have found it difficult to cope. The fact that your situation played out the way it did is neither here nor there since it's in the past. The point is that t.Pluto, among others, is giving you a chance to take charge and re-write the script. Yes the past was a mess, but you had no control over it. Yes it left you shaky, but you have opportunity to build whatever new foundation you want, because you are not that 5 year old any more. And I can imagine how hard it might be to start anew if you didn't have a good model of stability while growing up. So a mentor, maybe an older female or male friend, could help in this way. Maybe someone who had lost a child, or whose child is far away, and is looking to shower affection on someone in that way. These people exist. Many many families are broken apart for one reason or another, so it's not inconceivable to meet an older person and be able to get some kind of guidance from them, not in direct advice, perhaps, not if you feel uncomfortable with that. But in just befriending them, just having a stable elder figure in your life to just call on to talk about your day for a few minutes. You have Mars/Saturn twice like I said right now, so maybe an older male will enter the picture. The only caution I have against the older figure, if you do decide this route, is to avoid a controlling person, that's the only potential drawback with Mars/Saturn. But the energy is right for an older mentor to enter the picture. And you have Sun/Saturn anyway, so I think maybe you might already have one?

There's some good coming for you in another way too, t.Saturn in Scorpio will trine your Venus around Oct 2013. Should help much to stabilize your sense of self worth. Pluto will still be at 9 Cap, so you'll still be working with that. Uranus will still be conj your Moon for freedom to break free. And Jupiter would have just moved off of a conj with your Venus, so it will still be going through your 2nd. Then of course when Sat goes into Sadge it will trine your Moon. Both times you get the trine from Saturn it will be from your 6th. The 6th is a steady routine, a schedule, you attitude to your health. A trine is getting the energy moving in an easy way. Saturn is stability/structure/responsibilities. In Sagittarius it is working on incorporating a religious or philosophical construct as a backing for your actions in this house. So you are going to get 2 solid tries to get your Venus, and then Moon, under control. Saturn is the cure for Neptune so this is v.good for you. But you'll have to work, it will require a stable philosophy to carry you through, and you will have to develop healthy habits. You have a while before this starts, but it's an important window of opportunity that I think you should take advantage of. Saturn rewards planning, so if you can do that before those transits even begin, then you'll be ahead of the game.

Best wishes

posted April 30, 2012 05:24 PM            

i do have that older man in my life who's an amazing person. i'd like to respond within your post and i can copy and paste and do that in an email if i have your address. the phone meeting today was fine but i'm not sure it will support me enough long term as i tend to go to pieces if i don't get my inner child's needs met within a certain period of time. my psychiatrist was impressed with my son (even on the phone) and my son handles things well with sincerity and i did well, too. the firm base i need to form is what eludes me and you make many suggestions about action and preparation which are of great interest to me. you work with me the way i work with my clients so it is comfortable, believable, and real for me. i think it is the best of the field.

with peace and gratitude.
helene

QUOTE]Originally posted by Lonake:
Hi helene,
Believe it or not t.Saturn was at about the same spot it's at now as when you were 5.

You had Saturn/Neptune traveling over your Mars, giving a sense of possible futility, frustration, imprisonment, weakness. Uranus was conj your sa.Venus sq n.Mars giving a feeling that there were relationships very much up in the air that you could not control. The Mars/Uranus could relate to a sudden temper, explosive situations, a sudden male departure. Late 1954 into 1955 t.Pluto was conj n.Saturn in your 4th, it can give a feeling of poverty on a deep level, of loss. Then it traveled to conj your Sun in the 4th. The conj was exact in October of 1956, this could have also been a time of loss of the father (Pluto/Sun). So during this time there was just a general sense of upheaval it seems, shaking foundations, sense of self worth (Uranus over Venus in the 2nd, sq Mars). The Uranus sq possibly added to a skewing of male/female relationships, what was being modeled to you from your elders. Because Venus sq Mars can be a factor for violence in relationship, and Uranus to Mars makes it all unpredictable. You really had a lot of heavy transits to deal with, and so young. Even an *adult* would have found it difficult to cope. The fact that your situation played out the way it did is neither here nor there since it's in the past. The point is that t.Pluto, among others, is giving you a chance to take charge and re-write the script. Yes the past was a mess, but you had no control over it. Yes it left you shaky, but you have opportunity to build whatever new foundation you want, because you are not that 5 year old any more. And I can imagine how hard it might be to start anew if you didn't have a good model of stability while growing up. So a mentor, maybe an older female or male friend, could help in this way. Maybe someone who had lost a child, or whose child is far away, and is looking to shower affection on someone in that way. These people exist. Many many families are broken apart for one reason or another, so it's not inconceivable to meet an older person and be able to get some kind of guidance from them, not in direct advice, perhaps, not if you feel uncomfortable with that. But in just befriending them, just having a stable elder figure in your life to just call on to talk about your day for a few minutes. You have Mars/Saturn twice like I said right now, so maybe an older male will enter the picture. The only caution I have against the older figure, if you do decide this route, is to avoid a controlling person, that's the only potential drawback with Mars/Saturn. But the energy is right for an older mentor to enter the picture. And you have Sun/Saturn anyway, so I think maybe you might already have one?

There's some good coming for you in another way too, t.Saturn in Scorpio will trine your Venus around Oct 2013. Should help much to stabilize your sense of self worth. Pluto will still be at 9 Cap, so you'll still be working with that. Uranus will still be conj your Moon for freedom to break free. And Jupiter would have just moved off of a conj with your Venus, so it will still be going through your 2nd. Then of course when Sat goes into Sadge it will trine your Moon. Both times you get the trine from Saturn it will be from your 6th. The 6th is a steady routine, a schedule, you attitude to your health. A trine is getting the energy moving in an easy way. Saturn is stability/structure/responsibilities. In Sagittarius it is working on incorporating a religious or philosophical construct as a backing for your actions in this house. So you are going to get 2 solid tries to get your Venus, and then Moon, under control. Saturn is the cure for Neptune so this is v.good for you. But you'll have to work, it will require a stable philosophy to carry you through, and you will have to develop healthy habits. You have a while before this starts, but it's an important window of opportunity that I think you should take advantage of. Saturn rewards planning, so if you can do that before those transits even begin, then you'll be ahead of the game.

Best wishes

p.s. Let me know if you want me to email you. I wasn't sure but I did see that you posted your address.[/QUOTE]

posted April 30, 2012 05:25 PM            

i do have that older man in my life who's an amazing person. i'd like to respond within your post and i can copy and paste and do that in an email if i have your address. the phone meeting today was fine but i'm not sure it will support me enough long term as i tend to go to pieces if i don't get my inner child's needs met within a certain period of time. my psychiatrist was impressed with my son (even on the phone) and my son handles things well with sincerity and i did well, too. the firm base i need to form is what eludes me and you make many suggestions about action and preparation which are of great interest to me. you work with me the way i work with my clients so it is comfortable, believable, and real for me. i think it is the best of the field.

with peace and gratitude.
helene

QUOTE]Originally posted by Lonake:
Hi helene,
Believe it or not t.Saturn was at about the same spot it's at now as when you were 5.

You had Saturn/Neptune traveling over your Mars, giving a sense of possible futility, frustration, imprisonment, weakness. Uranus was conj your sa.Venus sq n.Mars giving a feeling that there were relationships very much up in the air that you could not control. The Mars/Uranus could relate to a sudden temper, explosive situations, a sudden male departure. Late 1954 into 1955 t.Pluto was conj n.Saturn in your 4th, it can give a feeling of poverty on a deep level, of loss. Then it traveled to conj your Sun in the 4th. The conj was exact in October of 1956, this could have also been a time of loss of the father (Pluto/Sun). So during this time there was just a general sense of upheaval it seems, shaking foundations, sense of self worth (Uranus over Venus in the 2nd, sq Mars). The Uranus sq possibly added to a skewing of male/female relationships, what was being modeled to you from your elders. Because Venus sq Mars can be a factor for violence in relationship, and Uranus to Mars makes it all unpredictable. You really had a lot of heavy transits to deal with, and so young. Even an *adult* would have found it difficult to cope. The fact that your situation played out the way it did is neither here nor there since it's in the past. The point is that t.Pluto, among others, is giving you a chance to take charge and re-write the script. Yes the past was a mess, but you had no control over it. Yes it left you shaky, but you have opportunity to build whatever new foundation you want, because you are not that 5 year old any more. And I can imagine how hard it might be to start anew if you didn't have a good model of stability while growing up. So a mentor, maybe an older female or male friend, could help in this way. Maybe someone who had lost a child, or whose child is far away, and is looking to shower affection on someone in that way. These people exist. Many many families are broken apart for one reason or another, so it's not inconceivable to meet an older person and be able to get some kind of guidance from them, not in direct advice, perhaps, not if you feel uncomfortable with that. But in just befriending them, just having a stable elder figure in your life to just call on to talk about your day for a few minutes. You have Mars/Saturn twice like I said right now, so maybe an older male will enter the picture. The only caution I have against the older figure, if you do decide this route, is to avoid a controlling person, that's the only potential drawback with Mars/Saturn. But the energy is right for an older mentor to enter the picture. And you have Sun/Saturn anyway, so I think maybe you might already have one?

There's some good coming for you in another way too, t.Saturn in Scorpio will trine your Venus around Oct 2013. Should help much to stabilize your sense of self worth. Pluto will still be at 9 Cap, so you'll still be working with that. Uranus will still be conj your Moon for freedom to break free. And Jupiter would have just moved off of a conj with your Venus, so it will still be going through your 2nd. Then of course when Sat goes into Sadge it will trine your Moon. Both times you get the trine from Saturn it will be from your 6th. The 6th is a steady routine, a schedule, you attitude to your health. A trine is getting the energy moving in an easy way. Saturn is stability/structure/responsibilities. In Sagittarius it is working on incorporating a religious or philosophical construct as a backing for your actions in this house. So you are going to get 2 solid tries to get your Venus, and then Moon, under control. Saturn is the cure for Neptune so this is v.good for you. But you'll have to work, it will require a stable philosophy to carry you through, and you will have to develop healthy habits. You have a while before this starts, but it's an important window of opportunity that I think you should take advantage of. Saturn rewards planning, so if you can do that before those transits even begin, then you'll be ahead of the game.

Best wishes

p.s. Let me know if you want me to email you. I wasn't sure but I did see that you posted your address.[/QUOTE]

posted April 30, 2012 05:26 PM            

i do have that older man in my life who's an amazing person. i'd like to respond within your post and i can copy and paste and do that in an email if i have your address. the phone meeting today was fine but i'm not sure it will support me enough long term as i tend to go to pieces if i don't get my inner child's needs met within a certain period of time. my psychiatrist was impressed with my son (even on the phone) and my son handles things well with sincerity and i did well, too. the firm base i need to form is what eludes me and you make many suggestions about action and preparation which are of great interest to me. you work with me the way i work with my clients so it is comfortable, believable, and real for me. i think it is the best of the field.

with peace and gratitude.
helene

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lonake:
Hi helene,
Believe it or not t.Saturn was at about the same spot it's at now as when you were 5.

You had Saturn/Neptune traveling over your Mars, giving a sense of possible futility, frustration, imprisonment, weakness. Uranus was conj your sa.Venus sq n.Mars giving a feeling that there were relationships very much up in the air that you could not control. The Mars/Uranus could relate to a sudden temper, explosive situations, a sudden male departure. Late 1954 into 1955 t.Pluto was conj n.Saturn in your 4th, it can give a feeling of poverty on a deep level, of loss. Then it traveled to conj your Sun in the 4th. The conj was exact in October of 1956, this could have also been a time of loss of the father (Pluto/Sun). So during this time there was just a general sense of upheaval it seems, shaking foundations, sense of self worth (Uranus over Venus in the 2nd, sq Mars). The Uranus sq possibly added to a skewing of male/female relationships, what was being modeled to you from your elders. Because Venus sq Mars can be a factor for violence in relationship, and Uranus to Mars makes it all unpredictable. You really had a lot of heavy transits to deal with, and so young. Even an *adult* would have found it difficult to cope. The fact that your situation played out the way it did is neither here nor there since it's in the past. The point is that t.Pluto, among others, is giving you a chance to take charge and re-write the script. Yes the past was a mess, but you had no control over it. Yes it left you shaky, but you have opportunity to build whatever new foundation you want, because you are not that 5 year old any more. And I can imagine how hard it might be to start anew if you didn't have a good model of stability while growing up. So a mentor, maybe an older female or male friend, could help in this way. Maybe someone who had lost a child, or whose child is far away, and is looking to shower affection on someone in that way. These people exist. Many many families are broken apart for one reason or another, so it's not inconceivable to meet an older person and be able to get some kind of guidance from them, not in direct advice, perhaps, not if you feel uncomfortable with that. But in just befriending them, just having a stable elder figure in your life to just call on to talk about your day for a few minutes. You have Mars/Saturn twice like I said right now, so maybe an older male will enter the picture. The only caution I have against the older figure, if you do decide this route, is to avoid a controlling person, that's the only potential drawback with Mars/Saturn. But the energy is right for an older mentor to enter the picture. And you have Sun/Saturn anyway, so I think maybe you might already have one?

There's some good coming for you in another way too, t.Saturn in Scorpio will trine your Venus around Oct 2013. Should help much to stabilize your sense of self worth. Pluto will still be at 9 Cap, so you'll still be working with that. Uranus will still be conj your Moon for freedom to break free. And Jupiter would have just moved off of a conj with your Venus, so it will still be going through your 2nd. Then of course when Sat goes into Sadge it will trine your Moon. Both times you get the trine from Saturn it will be from your 6th. The 6th is a steady routine, a schedule, you attitude to your health. A trine is getting the energy moving in an easy way. Saturn is stability/structure/responsibilities. In Sagittarius it is working on incorporating a religious or philosophical construct as a backing for your actions in this house. So you are going to get 2 solid tries to get your Venus, and then Moon, under control. Saturn is the cure for Neptune so this is v.good for you. But you'll have to work, it will require a stable philosophy to carry you through, and you will have to develop healthy habits. You have a while before this starts, but it's an important window of opportunity that I think you should take advantage of. Saturn rewards planning, so if you can do that before those transits even begin, then you'll be ahead of the game.

Best wishes

p.s. Let me know if you want me to email you. I wasn't sure but I did see that you posted your address.

---