posted May 15, 2012 10:19 PM            

It's simply not appropriate to date a friend's ex. It's a line that should never be crossed unless the person does not mind losing the friend.

Ask yourself this: is he the type that would be willing to risk his friendship for a woman? If he's willing to toss his friend aside because he's attracted to you, what makes you think he would be loyal to you?

posted May 16, 2012 08:46 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Astra:
I have no idea what this man's feelings are towards you, but it is highly unlikely he would pursue a relationship with you since he probably feels compelled to be loyal to his friend.

It's simply not appropriate to date a friend's ex. It's a line that should never be crossed unless the person does not mind losing the friend.

Ask yourself this: is he the type that would be willing to risk his friendship for a woman? If he's willing to toss his friend aside because he's attracted to you, what makes you think he would be loyal to you?

It's up to you to do what you want, but I suggest you not pursue him no matter how wonderful he may seem. Go find a man who is not friends with your ex husband. Good luck.

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Dating ones exes isn't uncommon in this circle of friends, most of the long time married couples had went out with one of the others before hand. Loyalty only goes as far as asking the friend if it's alright before pursuing.

If loyalty were a factor, would he dump a friend for the prospect of a life partner?

Well... he's about to turn 30 and has one girlfriend in his life time, which ended very badly. He's so lonely... so lonely. He cries every night and calls out to the world for love, and no one seems to hear because no one can seem to see past his ego. He looks so self confident, like he has women hanging on his every word... but none of them are interested in him when he tries to approach.

I've told him time and time again, women aren't turned on by his desperate side. They want to feel special, they want to be the one to make him happy... something that not just anyone can do (which is the stance that he previously took "he just wanted to be with someone".

Would he break a friendship to pursue a life mate? Yes. But a friendship would not be sacrificed in this case. My ex honestly wants him and I to get together. The tension has been unbearable for him as a spectator over the years, he loves me and he loves his friend... he thinks we would be a good match. (Like I said, I've never hid anything from my ex about this situation).

So... the loyalty issue -shouldn't- be a factor.

Anyway, I thank everyone for their responses. I think I just really needed to talk about it and see if anyone else had any last minute ideas.

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