posted June 24, 2012 08:55 PM            

Try to make a long story short, she has spoken bad about me saying i dont have time for her, etc. and I have decided not to tell her anything else about my marriage bc i feel she is using it against me or secretly happy if we have problems, albeit very small. She has also said snide remarks about me to my face in public about me cooperating with my husband, as if it is a bad thing to compromise.

Her daughter is grown now and she is all alone. i dont think she has alot to do. She also is a bitter person, but tries to hide it.

She said we should spend more time together, and i immediately felt guilty and tried to find a way to make time for her which is difficult. I have been stood up by her and sometimes i am not able to get in touch with her. it goes both ways. I feels like a slap in the face, bc i always had her on a pedastal~we have been through alot together and we are constants in eachothers life. Now im wondering if she is my friend at all!

A few other people have tried to make me feel guilty but i cant accommodate everyone. Im tired alot. My son has 5 planets in Aries, HELLO...And they also have my number.

im lonely because i cant trust anyone because i think they want me to be sad, and maybe i just need to find married friends with babies?!
heres my chart:

posted June 24, 2012 09:44 PM            

Just do what I did and stop telling her everything because regardless she's going to have something to talk about because she loves to talk about herself. Lol

posted June 24, 2012 09:50 PM            

About your prob... i agree with milkyshutter!! She said it all.

posted June 24, 2012 09:55 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Gem-Gurl:

About your prob... i agree with milkyshutter!! She said it all.

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posted June 24, 2012 09:59 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Milkyshutter:
OMG gem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's HE not she! You are really screwing up the chance getting to know me.

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GAHHHHHHH!!! IM SORRRY!!!!! Hey, you said so yourself, GEM!! lol *me* <--- earth void... regularly shoves foot in mouth.... sorrrys....

posted June 24, 2012 10:01 PM            

While we're at it - I will get my newspaper... and we can look up what they say about everyone Sun Sign this week!!

posted June 25, 2012 02:14 AM            

A lot of married people and people with kids just drop their non-married/non-kids friends and leave them behind.

She's probably feeling lonely, upset at herself for not meeting her goals, like a failure, and like you no longer want her or need her. I mean, if you were close, and she was there before the man and the kid, she probably is jealous of them. After all, she was there first. She wants to be a part of your life. She wants to know that she matters to you and that she doesn't have to go through life without her best friend. She doesn't want to be relegated to the fringes or be second-string in your life.

I can honestly relate to her. I've been ditched so many times for boyfriends/girlfriends, and I've seen people just stop caring about their friends when they get a ring or a kid. It's an awful feeling, really--it honestly feels like being replaced or else like only being a "starter" person until better ones came along. Honestly, I tend to not talk as much to people who are getting married/having a kid because I know that they will eventually ditch me in most cases; the ones who won't are to be treasured.

posted June 25, 2012 03:04 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
[B]Well, to be fair, from her side, how would you feel if you were ditched and forgotten?

A lot of married people and people with kids just drop their non-married/non-kids friends and leave them behind.

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posted June 25, 2012 03:11 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lonake:
The natal has Mars conj Saturn in Cancer

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posted June 25, 2012 04:20 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hannaramaa:
Uhm, hello! Family will usually take precedence over friends. It's not her job to coddle them (too) just because they're single and she's not... and she's a mom with a husband and multiple friends, whom she stated she's known for 25 years or so. It's not like she 's Kimberly (or whatever her name was) in Saved by The Bell marrying Zach.

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I'm not saying that people should ignore their families, just am pointing out that it's really hard for those who get left behind.

To be fair, I did say that her friend could handle it better. However, I did want to point out her side, and speak from the friend's perspective, since there is another side to it.

I'm not saying that the friend should be "coddled", just that she shouldn't be tossed aside and forgotten just because of a man and a kid. It's understandable that those things take up a lot of time, but the friend shouldn't just be nobody or on the "b-team", especially a close friend. And as for the jealousy, apparently, she is no longer told things about the marriage, but again, people who get married, buy a house, etc. get really excited and talk about it all of the time when it first happens. If she had to hear about it pretty much 24/7, I can understand her being overwhelmed, since marriage is a thorny issue for her. It probably triggered feelings of shame and inadequacy. Her being a Leo moon, that is really rough. That said, she does have to take responsibility for her feelings, but I do think it's fair for people to at least understand what she is feeling and why.

Maybe I am biased because friendship is really important to me/have a packed 11th house, but that's how I roll. And, as I said, I get ditched for boyfriends/girlfriends often enough that I can relate to her. It really does feel like being a "starter" person. Transitions are hard not just for those going through them, but for those around them, too.

I also don't think that the friend's intention to make the married person feel guilty is to be malicious or malevolent. I honestly feel, based on information given, that she simply feels hurt. I think that she feels really rejected or not good enough. That said, again, she does have to deal with it and take charge of it, but she isn't a bad person for having those feelings. I would guess that the same is true of the other friends.

I don't think that the OP is a bad person, either, just to be clear. I honestly just wanted to point out the friends' perspectives. I can't personally relate to being that busy, nor would I want to, but I just wanted to point out that people wanting to spend time with someone are not necessarily trying to make someone feel bad or drive them crazy. They're probably just feeling lonely, neglected, or else are concerned that they're losing a good friend and they don't want that to happen. They aren't trying to be unfair, demanding, or disrespectful. They probably just want to know that they aren't being forgotten, that they still matter to the OP, and that they're still friends--that the friendship will survive life transitions. I'm getting the feeling that they want security and to re-connect.

posted June 25, 2012 08:39 AM            

I have already been there done that 10x over. Try being told by someone who you have known decades "lose my number" becuase you cant pick them up from work. (I, still not over that after 2 years).
Try "i just dont have time for you." and wont even wave to you.
I am a very loyal Taurus, who takes people back over and over, probably due to my pisces venus 7th house.

I have done my best to make her feel included, but it must not be enough. It doesnt give her the right to make rude comments and badmouth me...sorry.

I only had 3 friends. those were 2. she was my "last" and now this.
THe other people i was referring to was my godmother and her sister. they never pick up when i call, but why are they putting the guilt trip on me??

posted June 25, 2012 12:48 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by taurusvirgoleolady1974:

I have done my best to make her feel included, but it must not be enough. It doesnt give her the right to make rude comments and badmouth me...sorry.

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posted June 25, 2012 01:02 PM            

Go out and meet new friends you too. New hobbies. Ive much in house 11 and need many friends. I try to listening on my feelings and when I feel like you about someone I leave for a while and meet other friends.. Maybe I come back later( just maybe,,,sometimes I felt its over).

posted June 26, 2012 06:28 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by taurusvirgoleolady1974:
here is our synastry; she is red/outside

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t.Mars enters Libra on July 3rd, fyi.

posted June 26, 2012 07:28 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by taurusvirgoleolady1974:
RegardesPlatero
"How would you feel?"

I have already been there done that 10x over. Try being told by someone who you have known decades "lose my number" becuase you cant pick them up from work. (I, still not over that after 2 years).
Try "i just dont have time for you." and wont even wave to you.
I am a very loyal Taurus, who takes people back over and over, probably due to my pisces venus 7th house.

I have done my best to make her feel included, but it must not be enough. It doesnt give her the right to make rude comments and badmouth me...sorry.

I only had 3 friends. those were 2. she was my "last" and now this.
THe other people i was referring to was my godmother and her sister. they never pick up when i call, but why are they putting the guilt trip on me??

It is lonely being married! the only one have to talk to is my husband who has an aqua moon; need I say more? I have bonded more with my older kids, ages 19 and 14, but i need girlfriend time.
thank you everyone...i really appreciate the feedback.

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As I said, I honestly wasn't trying to be mean. And, as I also said, I really do think that they need to handle their feelings better. They have the right to have those feelings, but they should be managed better.

Have you guys sat down and had a big talk about all of this? Just really opened up?

I did not mean to imply that you were disloyal. It is fairly normal for people to get wrapped up in things like marriage and kids. I'm not saying that you are a bad person for that. I'm just saying that sometimes other people can feel left behind, and since I've been ditched for boyfriends (whenever a friend gets a new boyfriend, they go missing for weeks and sometimes months at a time, never having time for me at all), I know how that feels. And I have Venus in Scorpio: I can't do a half-hearted friendship. I find it empty and meaningless; it does not satisfy me. It's like being forced to eat bland, flavorless, unsatisfying rice cakes when you'd really just like a small piece of real, satisfying, delicious chocolate.

While you might not be intentionally disloyal, it might feel like that to them, even if you are not meaning it that way. They might feel betrayed or abandoned. I personally often feel a version of that--I don't know what to call it exactly--when I get ditched for a boyfriend. It feels like being discarded or else traded in, like one would trade in a car. It's very frustrating when you've been there for someone for years and some man comes along and then all of a sudden, you almost never see that person. The closeness and connection get lost. I'm lucky if I hear two sentences from some coupled people every few months--some haven't bothered to see me in years. I've experienced that feeling. I myself admit that I can be guilty of getting catty when I feel excluded or tossed aside, which is something that I want to work on. It does upset me a lot when I'm tossed aside and exist only when other people feel like it. At this point, though, I try to use those times to distract myself or start looking for other people who actually do value me and who actively participate in the friendship. I can't be in a friendship by myself; no one can. Both sides have to make the effort to keep things going. I can't feel connected to people if they are unresponsive or never want to do anything/talk to me. I understand that people have their own lives, but if people don't touch base with me now and then, I honestly start feeling like I only matter and exist when they feel like it and like I am being used.

Again, I'm not saying that it's deliberate or anything on your part--I'm just trying to point out what it might seem like from their side. And, again, I'll reiterate: they should handle those feelings in a better way.

I really think that if these friends are close, you guys should at least try to talk it out. Maybe setting some clear boundaries, as well as giving them a chance to say their peace without judgment, might really help out. It will be hard, but an honest, open, very frank and blunt discussion with boundaries set/expectations made clear might really be the only way to resolve this issue, if it can be resolved.

posted June 26, 2012 08:14 PM            

quote:

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If she said she feels a lot of pain from being abandoned you can believe it with this one. Then the opp is sq to Jup which exaggerates the issue, when used negatively likely she's doing this for attn to seem like she's someone to be recognized, that she won't be set aside like trash, add to that Sun conj ASC in the 1st. So we're dealing with power plays here

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her father left and went to another state to find work but never came back. he remarried and raised another daughter(daddys girl), but never established a relationship with her. on top of that, ignored by her dads family, who remained i the same town. but her brother was doted upon by them bc they all thought he was going to be a pro football player.

She also attracts dramatic men, whom will not be with her formally and play games. one got married last year. she had all his personal info and had his lights turned off. this was actually before he got married. he played many mind games with her, and it went over her head Pisces asc)
Another guy who was supposedly avaiable was a lifelong con artist, whom she actually let put in an alarm system right under her bedroom window, whom she knew set the code. go figure. then he stole her credit card info. she had law enforcement take car of it, but she lured him back, and tried to kill him in a very indirect way. (she told me herself.)
THEN, her home was broken into a few months ago by one of her daughter's "friends".
Her outer image is definitely pisces. Everyone looks up to her and thinks she is a great role model. which is partially true, but i am slowly learning her other side, which is scary.

and, she also has a chronic health condition that she has to deal with the rest of her life...she almost died about ten years ago. and has been hospitalized several times, near death. i cant take when she gets sick because i absorb it all and it completely drains me. the pisces in me cant handle it. i get deeply depressed when she gets sick. but i have cleaned up behind her liek a baby a few times when she could not control her functions.

but yes it seems she is really throwing the games on me! she stood me up last weekend, we were supposed to go bowling. she never showed up and never called until we were on the way home. also, she doesnt always pick up her phone. but i always find myself explaining myself to her, but she doesnt do that for me.
i really love this lady!! :}

she is clearly a bitter woman and the thing is you will never see it...master at hiding her emotions, even from me.

RegardesPlatero

quote:

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As I said, I honestly wasn't trying to be mean. And, as I also said, I really do think that they need to handle their feelings better. They have the right to have those feelings, but they should be managed better

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the thing is, i could say the same about her, but life happens. she stood me up the other weekend. etc...but why am i supposed to feel bad?

quote:

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Have you guys sat down and had a big talk about all of this? Just really opened up?

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posted June 27, 2012 07:31 AM            

If people are standing you up or blowing you off, that's really disrespectful of your time and is not OK. If they're doing that to get back at you, it's really petty.

I do think, though, that sitting down and talking about things is the only possible way that a positive resolution can come about. It is not going to be an easy conversation, or a pleasant one. You will have to hear (and say) really difficult things that you don't want to say or hear.

If I can throw a suggestion out there, perhaps going to a relationship counselor or some other kind of mediator with them might help. That way, the mediator/counselor can let everyone speak without being interrupted, can help everyone see each other's sides, and can try to help find a healthy solution. If things get out of hand, that person could help calm things down and bring things back under control.

I really hope that this can be worked out. Keep us posted!

posted June 27, 2012 07:49 AM            

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