posted September 08, 2012 06:44 AM            

Would someone please take a look at my progressed chart? To me it seems like this is the right time for those experiences to come up for healing? I don´t know much about the progressed chart but my moon is conjunct my ascendant, my sun is conjunct Dejanira/karma, my Dejanira/karma is conjunct kaali/child and my child/kaalig is conjunct destinn/IC? Does any of you see a pattern here or is i just me?

posted March 26, 2013 03:57 PM            

your question deserves a thread of it's own.
Start a new topic (with Natal) in Personal Readings, when I see it I'll help you with it.

posted April 02, 2014 01:57 PM            

I would look at this asteroid aspecting Mars, Nessus, Lust, Prey, Philomela, Dejanira or house placements to find out if it's sexual abuse or not.

She is exact square my Mars and is 3 degree square my Nessus, I was severely sexually abused as a child and Nessus is 3 degrees away from her.... id hate to know what it would feel like if he was exact aspect!

My child/Dejanira/moon are conjunct in my 12th house and my virgo moon is unaspected....this is another very direct sign of abuse in my chart.

My retrograde Nessus shows abuse coming from the outside into me...not coming from me and going out.

My Nessus is in cancer, shows the abuse would be in my home by family or someone meant to nurture and love me, my father n brother.
Conjunct my rx Mars shows it would be of a sexual and physical nature, but my mars is in gemini which shows also mental abuse, my mother and other brother.

My mars sits on a painful fixed star!
Mars gemini@29.33rx

Polaris *
The Pole Star
† Behenian Star
28° Gem 34
28° Gem 42
Unfortunate
Sickness, trouble, loss, affliction, spiritual powers

Betelgeuse *
28° Gem 45
28° Gem 53
Unfortunate
Great fortune and fame, especially military success, but associated with calamities, danger, and violence

Menkalinan
29° Gem 55
00° Can 03
Unfortunate
Ruin, disgrace, violent death, esp. through pleasure-seeking; self-confidence, honours, fond of country life. Danger of earthquakes if associated with solar eclipse

Nessus cancer@2.44

Propus *
Tejat Prior
3° Can 26
3° Can 34
Unfortunate
Overconfidence, pride, shamelessness, violence, eminence, manifest intelligence

Nyctimene virgo@29.51

Markeb
28° Vir 54
29° Vir 02
Fortunate
Saturn/ Jupiter
Voyages, educational work, broad knowledge, piety, temporary injury

I believe what I learned from all the pain will eventually be what brings me my greatest happiness and ability to give and feel hope as I help others release their own pain.....we have to find the good in this and I really appreciate this star showing the possibilities for their good that comes from a really bad situation.

posted April 02, 2014 03:16 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
Thanks, Gabby! I didn't know about Nyctimene. Mine is in the 3rd, conj POF (I was abused but not raped, as a matter of fact I managed to get away repeatedly even though I found myself in dangerous situations even through adulthood.. I always wondered why.. it was pure luck.. now I know) and exactly square Prey. The other aspects are too wide to count.

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Wow!! Conjunct Part of Fortune, that's awesome!! You are very fortunate and will continue to be...the prey square aspect being so close is creepy...watch out for that for sure, your a target for these creeps!
I can tell you what has changed me from being a victim to a helper is being aware of what I am, I am someone that by nature allows others to hurt me, I learned pain and it was what I was comfortable with because it was all I knew! I grew up to need it because it was where I felt safe, it was also the intensity of pain that made me feel, anything! I had grown so accustomed to only feeling pain that all other emotions I didn't feel, I was numb to them.
Once I allowed myself to really swallow that truth and realize I had become my own abuser because anything normal felt like nothing....WOW....that was hard to see and hard to accept about myself.
But I allowed myself to see it then I watched myself as I allowed others to hurt me, I didn't stop it I wanted to know how I operated so I could eventually see how to break the cycle in me.

I would think you need to do the same...
Astrology is telling you that your natural tendency is to leave yourself open to be prey for others.
Perhaps your to willing to fearless/stubbornly walk down the dark alleys saying nobody can hurt me, I can take care of myself! But your probably just a cute lil girl and really you don't need to be putting yourself out there for others like that.
Or you don't listen to your higher self or inner voice as it says, "Get away....this person will hurt you, run!"
Instead you think "I can take care of myself nobody can hurt me" and head straight on into the danger, leaving yourself open to become a victim or at the very least someone's prey that could end up hurting you.

These are the things we must sit back and watch, to learn our patterns of self abuse so we can stop them.
It's not good or bad, it just is!
I believe ppl are afraid to consciously see that they unconsciously leave themselves out there to be hurt or run to situations that allow others to hurt them, does that mean we are the true problem and maybe we deserve all we've gotten regarding this pain?
No, that's absolutely not true!

When we see these things it's not showing us our heart or our value as a person, its showing us a place in our core foundation that was learned, before we can even remember, and somehow we got trapped in a cycle of fear and pain that stops or overrides our ability to have love for ourselves!

Everyone has these places, but few are strong enough to see, then examine it and respect it enough to see it needs to be shut down. Very few can stop judging or being afraid of what they see in themselves long enough to realize they need to start loving themselves instead of judging themselves. We are not bad for these things, just like a car isn't bad for breaking down. It just needs some TLC!
We tend be afraid if we see it, then everyone else will see it to and then nobody will ever love us, and in the end all we want is to be loved!

I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries or offend you! I just know nobody wants to see you get hurt and that is hardcore placement that needs to be examined so you can learn to protect yourself n not ever allow yourself to get into a situation you become someone's prey!

Today in relationships I'm not the doormat, I'm the one being demanding and hard to deal with....I'm tearing them to see if they are good enough for me, that's very new to me...I've always bent over backwards for men and unintentionally taught them to treat me like crap!

I wondered how come the "b!+ch's" her all the good guys and I'm sickeningly sweet and get treated like dirt?
The answer...I taught them how to treat me from the second they laid eyes on me! My energy said easy victim, so I had to change that! N funny thing is now it's the guys that are sweet n act like I used to act, they bend over backwards for me, these are the guys that like me now. The users and abusers don't see me as an easily target anymore!
We have all the control, if we chose to see ourselves in reality. If we can see ourselves in reality we can strengthen or fix the places that bring us pain because our life taught us to be weak.
I really hope you want to see it and don't judge yourself, your perfect already but perfection is just your starting point, your end point is way beyond that!

posted April 02, 2014 03:41 PM            

I do not know why I get into these situations. I think a part of me did want to repeat the scenario, so I would remember it (I had and probably still have blocked memories). I didn't willingly want to wonder on dark alleys, but it happened and it was close. In my 2nd year of residency, when I was working very, very much (>100h/week) I fell asleep with the door open a few times - and I don't mean just unlocked, but OPEN. I get shivers just remembering it. I was practically a zombie, I thought I closed it but didn't. I only live at 2nd floor, so anyone could've come into my house and who knows what could have happened - again, I was very, very lucky. I agree that the energy I am sending out into the Universe must be something along the lines "Hello!! Abuse material right here!! Come and get it!". I think it's because of the Mars-Pluto-Asc-DC Grand Square, with Lilith-Lucifer-Nessus attached to it. Yup, all those. Lilith, Lucifer and Prey are in my 1st house. Nessus is Rx at 0 Leo in my 7th.

I am not as careless as I used to be. I quadruple-check the door, I don't dress attractive, I don't go out at night except by car and very, very rarely, I gained weight. After I became aware of my contribution to these situations I got really, really low. It was bad enough I was hurt and abused, but now I continue to do their biding by limiting myself and my life options, which is a lot worse. I am trying to grow back into my femininity and attractiveness, except in the back of my mind I don't think it's safe, or that it will ever be. It is what I struggle with right now and it's one step forward, 2 steps back. I've been in therapy for 3 years, it helped but damn it's such a slow process. -_-

posted April 02, 2014 03:57 PM            

This is my chart with all the eloquent stuff. I wanted to add aspect lines to all so you can see the Grand Crosses but it would've been too complicated.

posted April 02, 2014 04:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonfish:
I have Moon sq Dejanria (2) and inconjunct Chiron (2)

I have emotionally suffered from my own sensitivity, but ultimately there were many times I "played" a victim to gain self-worth. It wasn't until I got older did I realize how horrible and selfish that is >.<

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Moonfish, my personal belief is that subconsciously the person "playing" the victim is actually trying to draw attention to something that isn't right but they can't put their finger on it or it's too painful to say it out loud.. I don't think it's selfish at all, I think often times it is a cry for help and IMO should be investigated as one.

posted April 02, 2014 04:44 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonfish:
I have Moon sq Dejanria (2) and inconjunct Chiron (2)

I have emotionally suffered from my own sensitivity, but ultimately there were many times I "played" a victim to gain self-worth. It wasn't until I got older did I realize how horrible and selfish that is >.<

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posted April 02, 2014 05:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
I noticed the same thing regarding men. They definitely respond better if I treat them not so good. For a very short period I got a wee curious about S/M. But to be completely honest, while I think some role play may spice up things now and then, it's not how I want my relationship to be at all times. I don't think my Aries Mars could fully respect a man who only wants to submit, not to mention it gets old and boring. I still hope to have an equal partnership, though it seems like an utopia lately. Everyone either wants to abuse you or wants to be abused.. It's something that I kinda don't want to compromise on. Fortunately right now relationships are not a priority for me, I'm focusing on my personal development, my career and forging a new life path in a foreign country. Love at this point has nothing to offer me except unwanted complications.

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As you work theses things out in your head you will become more balanced and then you will attract more balanced energy to you.

I went through the exact same thing, it's either they are hurting me or I can't respect them because they are so wimpy and I let me rule over everything.

Just keep working at it, I put relationships on hold for a long time while I worked out my imbalances, it's impossible to do with someone next to you who is part of your past.
What do you do as your growing and they aren't? They become part of what's holding you back and they trigger old patterns that you are trying to shed.
You might stick your foot out there again just to gauge the energy that's attracted to you...it tells you so much about where you are!
Ppl that are drawn to us and we to them are because they are a reflection of us and we are reflection of them. They are showing us things about ourselves that we can't, don't or refuse to see, for good or bad!
As you get healthier the ppl that are attracted to you will get healthier to.
Maybe the reason you reject the weak is because you reject the weakness in you...you don't respect the part of you that left the door open and possibly could have allowed someone easy access to hurt you.
Instead of rejecting, as we naturally want to, we need to try to see the weakness for it's beauty and purpose.

I had to learn this, it's only when you softening to your own weaknesses and begin to see their value that you are opened up enough to help these parts of you heal, they are only weak because they are beaten down from taking on our pain and holding it for us when we had to move on and keep going but couldn't move on and keep going while still in so much pain.

The only way to fix something that's weak is to give it special positive attention, try to find the good in your weakness, see how it has benefited you...the part of me that was weak became that way in order to save my life, my step father would have killed me if I even had a look in my eye that I didn't believe what he told me...so I put my drive to believe my own thoughts away. I stopped trusting my own judgment so I should fully trust his and in that I protected myself from his rage.
But after my mom left him, the cycles I used to survive were not aware I didn't need them anymore, I needed my will and ability to protect myself and think for myself back....but it didn't come back!
I'd lived to long in that cycle and I didn't know anything else.
When those parts of me did wake up, omg, out of nowhere I went from doormat to hell on wheels full if anger for what I had allowed my life to become.
The only way I eventually balanced it and became whole again was to see why I had became the person I had, the doormat! I allowed myself to examine why n how I had ended up like I did, I had to see it and respect it for how it had served me at the time i needed it. It was a protection for me one time.
That's what all these pesky lil self-sabotager's are in us, our defense systems that protected us and then went on living after we no longer needed them.
The only way to shut them down and allow them to reintegrate back into you as one is to acknowledge, respect, love and appreciate them by saying thank you, you did your job, it's over and time for you to take a break and have some fun for once.

Eventually, through your kind attention to these places in you, you will give it what it needs to become balanced again and it won't feel like a part of you that's separated and acting on it's own set of rules that work against you. Eventually it will be brought back in balance with your core self.

posted April 02, 2014 05:58 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Moonfish:
@Gabby
Thank you for your kind words and you make a lot of great points. It's just hard to think back on times when I made ppl worry about me when in reality there was nothing to worry about. I'm glad it was a phase, but that being said I have pisces moon in 12H, so there's still a lot of emotional growing I need to do :]

I know this thread is alil old but I'm sorry to hear everything that's happen to you VirgoSun/PiscesMoon I hope life only gets better for you.

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posted April 03, 2014 11:35 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ami Anne:
I would see what happens to your Child Asteroid, Dejanira asteroid and your Moon.
The Child asteroid shows your experience as a child. Dejanira shows the victim part of each of us and what that part of us endured.

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This is very accurate.

I Just checked this out. I know someone sexually abused by her father and her Dejanira squares approaching her Sun. Her Dejanira also trines approaching her Saturn. She has a few more aspects separating.

posted April 03, 2014 01:18 PM            

One of my biggest challenges was to first acknowledge that I was a victim. Because I always got away, including from my father, it felt like nothing bad actually happened (not to mention for 2 decades I didn't remember the abuses AND most of my childhood), so why should I feel this way?! I fought back, I ran, but I wasn't a victim - except I had every symptom in the book (depression, insomnia, PTSD, suicide attempt, social anxiety, repeated pattern of abuse, intimacy issues - I find it funny how people who look at my chart assume I am oversexed.. I used to be frigid! lol I think I still am, despite some experimentation). I am still not accepting it, you are right about that. I am not as angry as 2 years ago but the anger is not fully gone, it comes and goes. I haven't talked to my father in 1,5 years. I know he was abused much worse than I was and the things my mom told me about his childhood made my skin crawl.. but I still have not been able to fully forgive him. The worst part, for me, is the self doubt. The repeating pattern with me and abuse is that people don't believe me when I tell them about it, and in turn it made me question my story - after all I had no actual memory to point to and I was never raped. I must be imagining things, right? Then I remember the little things that stuck with me, that made me suspicious something not right had happened, I look at my chart and my synastry with him - an EXACT, to the minute, Pluto square Venus (I think his Mars or Venus or both sextile my Nyctimene, one of them is exact for sure). And I still have most of the symptoms. Like I said, it's one step forward, two steps back. I go in denial, then I remember and get angry, then I get sad and low, then I get numb again. I can't function on anger and sadness, it's too draining, I can't keep it up for too long. So I have escapist tendencies, and these I probably hate the most.
I think for the most part I am doing better, despite all that. I am more balanced. I am making slow progress every time, however it is going really slow and I feel like life passes me by. I miss out on opportunities because I don't feel ready to take them yet. But will I ever be? I am already 31 years old, or will be tomorrow. I am single, my work contract expires in 8 months, I don't have friends, not really (I alienated all of them with my sullen moods), I really-really want kids (NN in the 5th) but I don't think I am ready yet. It's very frustrating because I can't hurry the process. I tried and the other side of me kicked my heels in the sand like a stubborn brat. In a way I am grateful for this Grand Cross in the sky that is giving me a much deserved kick in my behind and making me work harder. It's all affecting my Sun, partially my Mercury too. So it's personal alright.

My MC/your NN have a really nasty Sabian - "Hunters Shooting Wild Ducks", I think it's very representative of abuse. They're also on the Martian Nodes.. not a happy place in the zodiac.