posted January 09, 2013 01:55 PM            

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Originally posted by sweet-scorpion:
Yes, these aspects more indicate difficulty in communication vs. being a mean person. The way you speak might seem mean but it doesn't indicate you have mean tendencies within. Often people with these aspects will have flawed communicative abilities but be very kind otherwise.

I'm sorry you're dealing with all these problems. I have Mercury square Mars too. I have my Mars in the 8th and it's almost in Leo. Mercury is in Scorpio. Mine manifests more like thinking about death as an escape, or writing horror stories... I also suffer from intense aggression issues and have a horrible mouth. My Mars trines Pluto too which adds to this.

I am curious, does Neptune also touch your Mars and/or Mercury in some way? Since you become aggressive when losing consciousness which Neptune rules. Neptune aspects could probably explain why you are expressing it when not as conscious.

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posted January 09, 2013 02:14 PM            

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Originally posted by stellar_moon:

Well the good thing about the problem NOW is that I actually know whats going on. The bruxism caused tempromandibular joint disorder, that is the specialist I am going to see. Jupiter is conjunct Chiron right now, so when that happened, I figured out wtf was wrong with me! lol...since I have the knowledge, I can take steps to healing which is a relief because I've been dealing with it for so long. Neptune semi squares my mars and conjuncts my moon, so maybe the moon conjunction?

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posted January 09, 2013 09:33 PM            

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Originally posted by sweet-scorpion:
It is definitely the Mars-Neptune square more so than the Moon conjunct Neptune. Mars represents our action nature and how we go about things... a harsh Neptune aspect can make our ability to act cloudy, hazy and unclear. It just so happened to manifest with you as literally being in a subconscious haze. I actually have a Mars-Neptune opposition but no issues with consciousness have come up for me. It's more just idealism and escapism issues.

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Okay, that makes sense. I just realized I have Mercury square pluto too lol. Ugh. Poor mercury. Doesn't get too much of a break in my natal chart.

posted January 09, 2013 10:53 PM            

iv been accused by my best friend and also my ex of not having empathy.

to my knowledge i wasn't sexually abused and i wasn't physically abused.

i suppose sharing this is going to get a lash-back of sorts, but here we go

for one reason in my childhood or another, i did grow up and deviate in my behaviour. behaviour lacking in empathy, and doing callous and cruel things to Animals.

i used to put hamsters together at times because i wanted to see them fight, im not sure it was really about enjoying them hurt or suffer, but i was so interested and fascinated by watching them fight, how violent they would behave. its only after i saw one get torn a bit that i would stop the fight. other times i simply 'punished' them for reasons i can't remember, probably pathological made up ones.

seemed to be to do with control, and again, curious interest. another time i was watching the hamster's behaviour in a bath, to see how afraid it would be, how much it would express its desire to survive. i would also pull it under the water level. i would try other things and sadly, i went went a bit too far.

i really didn't get pleasure or feeling out of doing it to him, to my memory it really gratified an intellectual 'curiosity' in hindsight, it seemed i was so interested in their behaviour, and watching it. i think i wanted to arouse behaviours or responses in them.

i know when he was gone i felt bad, iv never admitted this to my parent.

iv done some other things, but the worse things i did were to do with the hamsters. though, i'v done things in the opposite direction, in that era of my life as a child, i found a suffering and dying hedgehog once, it won me over immediately, i took him inside and i wanted him to get better, we took him to the right place to get him saved.

so for me my behaviour is never really consistent. iv done ideal things and callous cruel things.

to this day, my 'cruel' behaviour sometimes still persists, with bullying easy targets. i don't really know why i do it, its a nature, a subconscious, not a conscious activity.

i think i have elements of some personality disorder, iv read many kinds for a few years now but i really couldn't diagnose myself.

in the end, i'v become a very insecure, cynical and mistrusting individual. im emotionally distant. i have an unhealthy and sad lust for control in my nature, in a single sentence, im just another difficult pain in the ass type of person. i think i missed out on important things and thats the result.

childhood? well, its not bad, its not a straight line. but there is way worse out there. my child hood had circumstances of distance from my mother, relationships with aunts, grandma, uncles that i lived with but not for more than a year, several times through out my childhood i would have to leave my mother and live with my relatives. maybe this "lit" the fuse on natal aspects that were susceptible to this negative interpretation of events. none of my relationships with people seem to last forever.. especially this year, i cut out my long term friend whom i'v been friends with for years.

like another person here mentioned, my bad side is really provoked if its to be taken out on another person. i dont seek out to harm others. there are times where empathy or reasoning with another should be my response but sometimes i can find it amusing inside, in an odd way.. i feel have learned a way to control someone when i see them vulnerable, other times its not when they are expressing any thing but are simply opening themselves up to me.

i have these hard aspects in my chart.

5h Saturn square 9H Moon
11h Jupiter square 9H Moon
5/6H Neptune square 9H Moon
3H Venus opposite 9H Moon
?wide? 5H uranus square 9H Moon

4H Pluto square ASC

3H Venus sq 5h Saturn/11h Jupiter/5H Uranus.

i have no hard aspects to my mars, i suspect thats why i don't really seek out the negative energies in general.

2H Mars trine 5H Saturn
2H Mars sextile 4H Pluto
2H Mars trine 5/6H Neptune.