posted April 08, 2013 10:07 AM            

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Originally posted by sharon_1977:
Hi All

I have 11th house sun and Mercury in Virgo, cusp is in Leo. I have had no problems in the past making friends at all, it's getting good friends that's the problem for me. When I join a group/club, travel or get a job, I always make friends. The people always warm to me very fast (I'm very easy going) and want to hang out. I have not been working nor hanging out in over 3 years, I've been very asocial and I love it that way. I can only hang out with my family members now. I really don't trust most people anymore now. When you're young you hang with all sorts but when you get older you get more choosy with the people and your time; I've zero patience now for drama and ******** from people and cut them from my life very fast. I like being alone now. I've been betrayed by so called friends in the past and I'm done with that. But, if someone came along and was genuine I'd be friends with them no problem. I've had a few genuine friends but they moved out of the country and after a while I lost touch with them. The friends that I've had have ether tried to use me, lied, talked behind my back, back stabbed me or were very selfish people. I don't really trust guys anymore (I used to have a lot of guy friends) because in the past they only wanted to hang with me because they were sexually/romantically attracted to me (I'm a lesbian)and when they ether got the hint that nether was going to happen or they got a girlfriend/lover, they left my life, poof. I didn't believe at first that they were attracted to me and that's why they were my friends, but when other guys told me that's why guys hang with girls, I asked them "my friends" and they said it's true on a level I don't want friends that only want to hang with me for some ulterior motive; I want them as friends for friends sake. I don't ask anything from them only their friendship and they would get mine. Well a lot of people aren't happy with just that This is just my 2 cents/pence.

Sharon

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posted April 08, 2013 05:27 PM            

I don't know what it is, I can make acquaintances quite easily, but friends? It doesn't really happen. Whenever I join a club or group or some sort, I'm that person who can be around them for over a year and people still kind of ignore me. Even my closest friends, who are very shy and most of them through the internet, are really busy with their own lives. I always have to make the first move, do all the inviting to hang out or keep in touch, nobody will just come to me about something, unless there's something they need from me. If I disappear for about a week or two (often because of depression or because I'm busy), nobody will check in or anything. Hell, they don't even notice I've been away! Not even a comment like, "Ah, were you busy?". I'm that girl who can break down in front of people and they will just awkwardly step over me and pretend that never happened.

I don't draw anyone in. The minute I start doing my own thing and don't focus on others, it's like I don't even exist to them anymore. Or I befriend people and we have an amazing time together for as long as we're doing the same hobbies together, but the minute that disappears it's like we were never friends. I always try to keep in touch, but it's a little hard doing that when nobody replies to your texts or e-mails. It's obvious, people never care as much about me as I do for them. And the worst part is that every time I walk off, hurt, deciding not to put any energy into people like that anymore or get my hopes up, and it happens again in the next bunch of friends I make. I've been told, "Then decide who YOU want to be friends with." I have. They just don't want to be friends with me. I don't know if they even like me. If they do, they have a funny way of showing it. >_>

The only way I seem to get along with people is when they're my acquaintances or casual friends. But the minute I open up to them or try to get closer - because I like them and I want to get to know them better - they start backing off. There are some really nice people in my class at university and we get along well, lots of jokes and they've already told me a couple of very personal things about themselves. I was also there for one of them when they had a breakdown because of personal problems. But I'm holding things off. They haven't asked me for my number or anything else to chat outside of the school, so I guess they're not interested. I don't want to ruin things between us, so I haven't asked either.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. It just... doesn't happen. Nobody seems to really want to get to know me aside from in internet communities. I don't look or act different, I'm friendly enough and I don't bother people when they're busy, I don't do anything to hog attention or have super strong, controversial opinions that push people away. But I guess it's not enough. There are so many great places I want to take people to and hang out at, but again, nobody wants to. It's gotten to the point where I can barely bear seeing groups of friends on the streets or in bars, knowing I'll never have that. If I could, I'd never leave the house, it's not like anyone misses me. And my creative work always gets ignored too like for clubs I join specifically for that - I put myself out there and I keep being an outsider looking in. Unless I talk to them and especially give compliments and ask them about their work, I'm always alone. I never know what they think of me or my work, it's not like they let me in unless it's out of self-interest.

posted April 08, 2013 06:49 PM            

meissieri, we can all relate. Find the Mr. someone special, and you will find him, and he will be the best friend you'll ever need.

posted April 08, 2013 07:12 PM            

I was thinking what you wrote Barbee about the 11th house sun not being the best placement, but I think it's one of the best places for the sun to be in. With the sun in the 11th house, I feel it makes us see what REAL friendships should be and we're not willing to tolerate all the bulls**t from people that others seem to tolerate. I see lots of people having false friendships all the time; They just stick with the person or they can't see what the person that they call "friend" is really like or they just ignore the problems so they can have friends. One group of people that call themselves close are awful to each other i.e. hateful, back stabbing et cetera, and then kiss each others ***** when they meet. I could never have "friends" like that and I don't think most 11th house suns would ether. So I think that we just want the real deal and know when we have it

posted April 08, 2013 11:00 PM            

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Originally posted by sharon_1977:
Hi again

I was thinking what you wrote Barbee about the 11th house sun not being the best placement, but I think it's one of the best places for the sun to be in. With the sun in the 11th house, I feel it makes us see what REAL friendships should be and we're not willing to tolerate all the bulls**t from people that others seem to tolerate. I see lots of people having false friendships all the time; They just stick with the person or they can't see what the person that they call "friend" is really like or they just ignore the problems so they can have friends. One group of people that call themselves close are awful to each other i.e. hateful, back stabbing et cetera, and then kiss each others ***** when they meet. I could never have "friends" like that and I don't think most 11th house suns would ether. So I think that we just want the real deal and know when we have it

2 cents,
Sharon

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posted April 08, 2013 11:01 PM            

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Originally posted by Dreamweaver:
Interesting - I am a Pisces sun/moon/venus all in 11th house. I also have Merc in Pisces but in 12th house. I'm also often mistaken for an Aquarius. I have never had difficulties having friendships or maintaining them, but I will say that I am unable to fit into one particular group. What this has meant in practice is that I have lots and lots of different groups of friends with vastly different interests & I need to find time to fit them all in. It can be a pain, like having five different 'birthday' parties so that I can accommodate everyone. I also tend to stay away from any 'in' crowd in any environment. Even though I may have one or two close friends in a group, I rarely get close to everyone. I like to keep my social circle friendly but at a distance. I like people to be able to rely on me, BUT not only me- if that makes sense?!

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posted April 10, 2013 04:37 PM            

Good point Sharon about not putting up with anything your friends pull you. Hmm. Maybe this placement makes you very serious about friendship? You go through a lot of trouble with bad friends because deep down, you know what you're looking for in a friend and those people aren't. And with the link to Aquarius, I bet a lot of us also find it important to get respect and for the friendship to be equal.

posted April 10, 2013 07:18 PM            

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Originally posted by meissieri:
Just wanted to say thank you. This is probably going to give an 11th sun much pain and trouble, unless they naturally like being by themselves. I stumble upon this a lot with the few I do see as genuine friends. They all go all, "... but, like, isn't it nice to be independent?". Yeah, sometimes, but I get depressed not having anyone to talk to for months. It's great for you that you can be happy even when you're alone, though. I hope I'll get the husband who is also my best friend. That'd be perfect for me.

Good point Sharon about not putting up with anything your friends pull you. Hmm. Maybe this placement makes you very serious about friendship? You go through a lot of trouble with bad friends because deep down, you know what you're looking for in a friend and those people aren't. And with the link to Aquarius, I bet a lot of us also find it important to get respect and for the friendship to be equal.

About the astrology interest... maybe because of the internet? Maybe us 11th suns can really feel welcome when there's less pressure, it's not face-to-face and demands immediate replies. The whole "wanting to be part of a community", which this definitely is and you'd join for that. Plus interest in more quirky hobbies.

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posted April 14, 2013 06:03 PM            

But thanks. I really appreciate your support. I know, everyone here has been very helpful and supportive. I love the atmosphere here. My 7th is Aries and it has no planets sitting in it (same for the other romance houses, which still frustrates me on a bad day) but it does have my Vertex, which is loosely conjunct my Descendant. It makes a tight conjunction to Pallas Athene (problem solving when relating to others?).

posted June 13, 2013 12:26 AM            

so essentially 11th house is associated with saturn
when the sun there, it is like trying to shine in a pitch black room

posted June 13, 2013 12:27 AM            

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Originally posted by magicspells:
I think what might explain it is that saturn used to be the ruler of aquarius

so essentially 11th house is associated with saturn
when the sun there, it is like trying to shine in a pitch black room

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posted June 13, 2013 02:55 PM            

I don't dwell on the friendship part of house 11 too much so I don't really think about it from that angle.

posted June 13, 2013 04:51 PM            

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
Maybe with Saturn aspecting the sun in 11 it means expecting a lot from friendships or being really picky? I am like that. I tend to expect a lot from them. Could Saturn be about high standards? I know Neptune is about high expectations.

I don't dwell on the friendship part of house 11 too much so I don't really think about it from that angle.

I guess Saturn is about conditional acceptance only. My attitude is, "give me what I expect, or it's no deal."

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posted June 13, 2013 05:58 PM            

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Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
Well there's always escape into scifi fantasy. That's 11th house as well. And hopes and wishes! It's actually a fun place to have oodles of planets!

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I have Saturn in 11H along with my Cancer Stellium and I have changed quite a bit. My friends used to be EVERYTHING to me!! Couldn't go one day without txting/talking/dinners/drinks etc

posted June 13, 2013 06:03 PM            

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Originally posted by charlie:
I have Saturn in 11H along with my Cancer Stellium and I have changed quite a bit. My friends used to be EVERYTHING to me!! Couldn't go one day without txting/talking/dinners/drinks etc

Then it changed last year for some reason. It just didn't mean as much anymore and I have also gotten rid of many friends that no longer made me happy for whatever reason. Now I just want peace and quiet and I live in my head more and more. Latter might be because my pSun is entering a Virgo stellium in 12H though. I think I went through a period of "finding myself" through my friends and now that the mission is accomplished I can move on. That sounds horrible..

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