posted May 07, 2013 01:55 PM            

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Originally posted by Chirp:
Honestly? Your reaction is weird to me, yeah.

I don't understand why people get so worked up over whether or not someone [i}says[/i] they love them. Especially their family members. I'm like, "You shouldn't have to be told that this person loves you when they wiped your poop off your butt before you could even do it yourself, kept you fed, and protected you. They shouldn't have to state the obvious."

I grew up in an emotionally undemonstrative family; my mother never told me she loved me until I was 19 and had gone away to college, and hugs were a rare phenomenon in my household. Did I care? No, because I already knew it. When she did actually say it I didn't feel anything because it was like saying "The sky is blue", to me. Then for a few seconds after that we kinda talked on awkwardly because we weren't used to talking about stuff like that.

In general I think people don't focus on the right things. They get way too hung up on words and should focus more on actions. So yeah it's weird to me that you didn't think your mom loved you and that your mind is blown because she said it, when all the years she took care of you should've answered the question for you right then and there.

Then again my feelings/reaction to this might be colored a bit by my own chart, where I have Venus in Virgo so to me love is shown through service to/taking care of others anyway. Someone with Venus in a sign like Gemini probably needs to actually hear the words; someone with Venus in Cancer probably needs to actually be hugged, and all that...

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I think this is a classic example of someone who has adjusted to "going without" and coping by trying to convince themselves of their parents love, whether it exists or not.

Chirp - it's natural for ALL children to be loved by their parents, no matter how old we are. It's a biological imperative, actually, and goes against our wiring if our parents are not demonstrative.

Charlie - you are not wrong or out of line to have wanted these things. My Mother is a straight up narcissist, and although I've come to accept who she is, that doesn't change the fact I feel cheated by not getting what I needed emotionally.

posted May 07, 2013 06:44 PM            

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Originally posted by GiggityGirl:

I think this is a classic example of someone who has adjusted to "going without" and coping by trying to convince themselves of their parents love, whether it exists or not

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Isn't this actually agreeing with Chirp that it's not necessary to say it? If one is going to be convinced of it anyway then why would it become necessary to say it when you show it and when it's going to be believed regardless?

posted May 07, 2013 06:46 PM            

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Originally posted by charlie:
Is it bad that I feel like celebrating with a drink or three??

I turn 37 this year btw.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted May 07, 2013 07:13 PM            

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Originally posted by charlie:

PS. For those that don't know: I have A LOT of Virgo and Mercury in my chart so I'm including myself in the "bashing".

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posted May 09, 2013 10:01 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Isn't this actually agreeing with Chirp that it's not necessary to say it? If one is going to be convinced of it anyway then why would it become necessary to say it when you show it and when it's going to be believed regardless?

My guess would be the love Chirp felt is real or otherwise it wouldn't be said as Chirp was leaving the nest. I admit I find it strange, but doesn't sound as though Chirp was deprived or abused to me.

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No, not at all. And I'm not making any comment on Chirp's emotional health - I don't know her at all to comment on that intelligently. I'm just saying that her comment was a lot of rationalization, but that's what people do to cope with any kind of loss. It's normal to do that, and we all do that when we haven't, or aren't, getting what we need.

Children require verbal affirmation, much as they crave discipline. At 3 years old, while your emotional self is forming and you're learning how to love and be loved, you're not thinking, "gee, Mommy doesn't tell me she loves me, but she makes me lunch, so she must love me". No, a child is learning to live with and process the lack of a basic human emotional need.

posted May 09, 2013 10:27 PM            

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
OMG
<3

Thats a breakthrough thou!
At least she realizes she was cold towards you!
Everyone needs parental love, regardless of your age.

A lot of you in this thread are icy.. Ignore them op and feel the love!!

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posted May 09, 2013 10:42 PM            

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Originally posted by GiggityGirl:

No, not at all. And I'm not making any comment on Chirp's emotional health - I don't know her at all to comment on that intelligently. I'm just saying that her comment was a lot of rationalization, but that's what people do to cope with any kind of loss. It's normal to do that, and we all do that when we haven't, or aren't, getting what we need.

Children require verbal affirmation, much as they crave discipline. At 3 years old, while your emotional self is forming and you're learning how to love and be loved, you're not thinking, "gee, Mommy doesn't tell me she loves me, but she makes me lunch, so she must love me". No, a child is learning to live with and process the lack of a basic human emotional need.

It's similar to how someone would excuse never being hugged or touched affectionately as a child. Sure, they can say it wasn't necessary, because they weren't afforded any other options. Doesn't change the fact that it's a biological, hard-wired need.

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posted May 11, 2013 02:52 AM            

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Originally posted by virgolotus:
YESSSSS
My mom never heard 'I love you' from her mom or ever got a hug nor a kiss from her while growing up. (Old times) But you know mother's have that unconditional love towards their children even if it isn't expressed or said in traditional ways.

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Trueeee!!!!
but the phrase I love you is in every language and culture!
Its just important to tell your children that you love them and will always be there for them!

posted May 11, 2013 08:51 AM            

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Originally posted by charlie:
Is it bad that I feel like celebrating with a drink or three??

I turn 37 this year btw.

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This sounds really intense...I'm sure you are going through mixed emotions right now. Was the way she said it and the nature of the declaration genuine?

I read you have IC-Uranus and a Hades' Moon and this all sounds classic to the combo... I'm sorry you had a rough childhood with a difficult mom and family. It's obviously not normal for her to have never told you that she loved you - and I don't care what anyone says. I'm more of a sensitive type even though I have my Moon in Virgo, I still am very hurt if people do not tell me at least once in a while that they love me, and I know it would hurt them if I didn't say it to them. Open love and affection is essential to good family relationships. So I can see how you would be a little numb and unsure of how to handle something so out of the blue when you adjusted to years of abnormal family ties.

I feel that the best options for you would be to remain emotionally guarded but still open to whatever is going on... maybe somehow she does see the error of her past ways and there could be a break through. I am praying for you. I've had issues with my parents my whole life and it hurts to the core feeling unloved by them. But you will pull through it.