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Author
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Topic: Equality in relationships
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Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2856
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 04:03 AM
  
I'm really weird about this, even to the point of gender roles.I don't mind if people are sexually dominant or submissive, I'm flexible.
The dynamics of the relationships need to be equal for it to work. I don't want to be the provider or be provided for.. I honestly think I should start dating Gemini's, because maybe it our ideology about this is the same? Is this a Gemini trait? I think the problem is I date people who either want to be dominant or submissive in every aspect of the relationship.
Usually aries and pisces lmaoo. Usually fire and water..
While I am attracted to them I'm not that happy in relationships. Who else is like this? What are your placements? 7th house/ruler
Venus
Mars
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somethingexcellent
Knowflake Posts: 1514
From: walking with my head in the clouds!
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 04:12 AM
I'm sort of the same. I'm flexible and gel-like, but I also am afraid of loss of opportunity...I don't want to provide, and I don't want someone to become dependent on me. It's not about balance for me - since I'm impulsive, pushy, and have an A type temperament any ways - it's about not feeling trapped or tied down. My heart is too lofty for all that.IP: Logged |
starrystratosphere
Knowflake Posts: 109
From:
Registered: May 2013
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posted July 04, 2013 04:12 AM
omg I  you for making this thread.
EQUALITY. BALANCE.
TOTALLY. (and yes, you are smart because you are a Gemini.)  IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2856
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 04:17 AM
LOL I love gems!!!I have matured thou, at least recently. I have mars in aries, so I was always driven by passion when it comes to relationships, and not logic. So I would always be in relationships that would just fail because there was no staying power...
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Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2856
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 04:24 AM
quote:
Originally posted by somethingexcellent:
I'm sort of the same. I'm flexible and gel-like, but I also am afraid of loss of opportunity...I don't want to provide, and I don't want someone to become dependent on me. It's not about balance for me - since I'm impulsive, pushy, and have an A type temperament any ways - it's about not feeling trapped or tied down. My heart is too lofty for all that.
Yeah well I think we're programmed a certain way..
Some people have to dominant and others need to serve.
Those relationships work out for them, it is balanced. For people like us, we can mold into whatever is desired, because we like that person.
The thing is we're always the ones that will be unhappy.
I kinda have that same mentally, about losing a missed opportunity.
Like I said before if someone is not happy, the relationship will crumble. IP: Logged |
jellyfishtry
Knowflake Posts: 559
From: LaLa land
Registered: Apr 2013
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posted July 04, 2013 04:30 AM
I don't know if it has to do with signs or a person's culture background. The only people that i had been with that were like that were Scandinavians. One was a Leo, and the other was a Libra. Both were from the same country 'up there', neither did they put me on a pedestal, neither did they look down on me, and it was perfect while it lasted lol. However i do agree, most Gemeni's are 'thinkers'. IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2856
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 04:34 AM
Maybe?My parents switched their gender roles. My grandmother is swedish, apparently she told my grandfather she would marry him if we could cook dinner every other night Lmaaoo.
I guess she didn't know Italian men love cooking.
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starrystratosphere
Knowflake Posts: 109
From:
Registered: May 2013
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posted July 04, 2013 04:39 AM
quote:
Originally posted by jellyfishtry:
I don't know if it has to do with signs or a person's culture background. The only people that i had been with that were like that were Scandinavians. One was a Leo, and the other was a Libra. Both were from the same country 'up there', neither did they put me on a pedestal, neither did they look down on me, and it was perfect while it lasted lol. However i do agree, most Gemeni's are 'thinkers'.
A healthy relationship requires good understanding and good understanding comes from an equal input of communication & emotions. You can only keep a healthy flow going when there is mental and emotional equilibrium. Whether it is "thinking" or "feeling" giving equally to each other shows true care. I dont think it has that much to do with where your from. A persons mentality and emotions can definitely be changed over a fixed set of ways. IP: Logged |
Astro keen
Knowflake Posts: 731
From: UK
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 04:40 AM
Inequality in relationships concerns me a lot and I've struggled to make sense of it. How does one mesh unconditional love (always assuming this is the great ideal) with independence/autonomy? I found good clarification in a co-dependency article."CO-DEPENDENT couples usually are out of balance. Frequently, there are struggles for power and control. There may be an imbalance of power or one partner may have taken on responsibility for the other. They’re often anxious and resentful and feel guilty and responsible for their partner’s feelings and moods." In contrast there is INTERDEPENDENCY. "What makes interconnections healthy is interdependency, not codependency. Paradoxically, interdependency requires two people capable of autonomy (the ability to function independently). When couples love each other, it’s normal to feel attached, to desire closeness, to be concerned for each another, and to depend upon each other. Their lives are intertwined, and they’re affected by and need each other. However, they share power equally and take responsibility for their own feelings, actions, and contributions to the relationship. Because they have self-esteem, they can manage their thoughts and feelings on their own and don’t have to control someone else to feel okay. They can allow for each other’s differences and honor each another’s separateness. "
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/codependency-vs-interdependency/ IP: Logged |
jellyfishtry
Knowflake Posts: 559
From: LaLa land
Registered: Apr 2013
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posted July 04, 2013 04:41 AM
oh hahahaha tell me about it, one of my relatives was with an Italian for the longest time...and all my memories about him, are either us at his place eating what he had cooked...or him lecturing about how bad it is that today's female doesn't cook well, and so why he will take things over.....or how the tomato sauce in the supermarket is not real or good...he also went bizarrely competitive and crazy whenever anyone else cooked or had a dinner gathering, insanely inviting everyone there whether he knew them or not to try the food at his place next O_othis one was an Aries in more than one way lol. PS(though i have to admit his food was REAL GOOD) IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2856
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 04:53 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Astro keen:
Inequality in relationships concerns me a lot and I've struggled to make sense of it. How does one mesh unconditional love (always assuming this is the great ideal) with independence/autonomy? I found good clarification in a co-dependency article."CO-DEPENDENT couples usually are out of balance. Frequently, there are struggles for power and control. There may be an imbalance of power or one partner may have taken on responsibility for the other. They’re often anxious and resentful and feel guilty and responsible for their partner’s feelings and moods." In contrast there is INTERDEPENDENCY. "What makes interconnections healthy is interdependency, not codependency. Paradoxically, interdependency requires two people capable of autonomy (the ability to function independently). When couples love each other, it’s normal to feel attached, to desire closeness, to be concerned for each another, and to depend upon each other. Their lives are intertwined, and they’re affected by and need each other. However, they share power equally and take responsibility for their own feelings, actions, and contributions to the relationship. Because they have self-esteem, they can manage their thoughts and feelings on their own and don’t have to control someone else to feel okay. They can allow for each other’s differences and honor each another’s separateness. "
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/codependency-vs-interdependency/
I agree being co dependent on someone is not in the best postion to be in, the person you're dependent on will lose respect for you. That person isn't a parent, there is no unconditional love.
You shouldn't ever project those ideals on a lover, either they will gain control over you or they will runaway. I think this is the reason why people are in so many abusive relationships. Some people become monsters when they have control.
I think interdependency is the only healthy alternative, yet still having control over your life. IP: Logged |
starrystratosphere
Knowflake Posts: 109
From:
Registered: May 2013
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posted July 04, 2013 04:54 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
LOL I love gems!!!I have matured thou, at least recently. I have mars in aries, so I was always driven by passion when it comes to relationships, and not logic. So I would always be in relationships that would just fail because there was no staying power...
mee too. (hi five!) ouu mars in aries! It is okay to be driven by passion. Passion is important. I think what you have to remember though is that it is all a part of your emotions and mind. And that is exactly it, when you are seeking for a more wholesome union, there is a want for better understanding. IP: Logged |
12muddy
Knowflake Posts: 437
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted July 04, 2013 04:56 AM
I like it to be equal. Don't want a dominant or submissive partner. I Want a balanced, well-adjusted partner. We have to talk and discuss things, listen to each other's ideas. Our opinions have to be equally important. Don't want power and control over someone. Don't want anyone who tries to control me.I don't want a parent-child kind of relationship, or a relationship where I feel like I have to "save" or "fix" someone. Leo jupiter and cancer chiron in the 7th IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2856
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 05:26 AM
Also some people far too emotionally dependent on a partner. Thats unhealthy too.They need a man or woman to be happy, relationships are nice but these people end up dating complete scumbags because they jump after someone who shows them attention. IP: Logged |
hikoro
Knowflake Posts: 885
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted July 04, 2013 05:40 AM
not sure...what you mean, maybe?
because, there are people who do find equality in dom/sub relationships, either sexual or emotional...it is just different dynamicsbut, i will say this, and perchance, this does relate to your op?
i would like to find someone who i dont need to worry or take care of...too much
how do i explain it?
most of the relationships with men have been of that type where they were not as independent and mature and with me, they grew up
modesty apart, im very self accomplished...
it would be nice, for a change; to meet a guy who has all of his ducks on a road...or, however that expression goes
especially...if i ever have children
the guy i can leave with the children and, he will know what to do instead of freaking out... but, unfortunately, it seems many men are still looking for mommy in relationships
they're just too babyesque...
dont know what's going on here
moms need to start cutting that umbilical cord, seriously or, im a magnet for boys instead of men IP: Logged |
12muddy
Knowflake Posts: 437
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted July 04, 2013 05:40 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
Also some people tare too emotionally emotionally dependent on a partner. Thats unhealthy too.
Which is why I prefer an adult instead of a needy wounded child who expect me to validate their worth or to fill him with love. I was in a relationship with an extremely needy person. He kept telling me that it was because he "loved" me and that was how he showed his "affection". I was like er, hell no dude, you're suffocating me and draining me to fill your own void, that's extreme selfishness, not love. IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2856
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 05:44 AM
DON'T QUOTE MY TYPOS LMAOO ahahaha
Jk..
Im on my phone right now lol.You said you had Chiron in the 7th house?
Yeah that would probably attract partners who are like wounded birds that need your healing love :P. You obviously have the option of not dating those guys, so it's nothing to worry about. IP: Logged |
12muddy
Knowflake Posts: 437
From:
Registered: Feb 2013
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posted July 04, 2013 06:07 AM
Lol I didn't even notice.No joke. I went through quite a few “relationships” which were a bit like that.
I’m more relaxed when it comes to friendships. My friends can be demanding, clingy, bossy, moody...whatever as long as they don’t intentionally harm me.
IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2856
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 06:13 AM
yeaaah Me too, I have venus sextile Chiron.
I didn't mind because I wanted to help...
The relationships ended but at least I got them out of that crap they were in..Idk i felt like a social worker that was making out with my charges, it was kinda weird. IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 2097
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 06:20 AM
quote:
I'm really weird about this, even to the point of gender roles.
I don't mind if people are sexually dominant or submissive, I'm flexible.
The dynamics of the relationships need to be equal for it to work.I don't want to be the provider or be provided for.. I honestly think I should start dating Gemini's, because maybe it our ideology about this is the same? Is this a Gemini trait? I think the problem is I date people who either want to be dominant or submissive in every aspect of the relationship.
Usually aries and pisces lmaoo. Usually fire and water..
While I am attracted to them I'm not that happy in relationships. Who else is like this? What are your placements? 7th house/ruler
Venus
Mars
I feel the same way. I lack air in my chart - although all my personal planets are in air houses.
There is a chance my AC is at 29 Gemini.. but I think it's more likely that it's in early Cancer.
My Chiron is in Gemini as well.. But that's it!
& I'm an Aries... so not all Aries want to be extra dominant  IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 2856
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 06:25 AM
^
If you're an air void you express that energy in excess.
Since you're psychologically making up for the lack of balance in your chart.
IP: Logged |
7thGuardian
Knowflake Posts: 976
From: Transylvania
Registered: May 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 07:34 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
I'm really weird about this, even to the point of gender roles.I don't mind if people are sexually dominant or submissive, I'm flexible.
The dynamics of the relationships need to be equal for it to work. I don't want to be the provider or be provided for..
I feel the same. Being playful, it's like my second nature - i can purr like a kitten or roar like I lion, but sticking to one role... that's just not me. ^^ IP: Logged |
charlie
Knowflake Posts: 841
From: los angeles, ca, USA
Registered: Jun 2012
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posted July 04, 2013 09:17 AM
quote:
Originally posted by jellyfishtry:
I don't know if it has to do with signs or a person's culture background. The only people that i had been with that were like that were Scandinavians. One was a Leo, and the other was a Libra. Both were from the same country 'up there', neither did they put me on a pedestal, neither did they look down on me, and it was perfect while it lasted lol. However i do agree, most Gemeni's are 'thinkers'.
I will take this as a compliment
No, I'm not a Gemini..
IP: Logged |
jellyfishtry
Knowflake Posts: 559
From: LaLa land
Registered: Apr 2013
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posted July 04, 2013 09:46 AM
quote:
Originally posted by charlie:
I will take this as a compliment
No, I'm not a Gemini..
lol that is a compliment 
IP: Logged |
CatMote
Knowflake Posts: 261
From: New Britain, CT, United States
Registered: Apr 2013
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posted July 04, 2013 09:55 AM
i like a good amount of equality in relationships, but i prefer i was the "dominant" one on the sexual level, but in basic relationship terms id like to be the one that can also cook and clean, and id like my future wife to be outside in the yard helping me. thatd be fun
i think i always want to be the "strong one" because i just want my women to think they are queens. ------------------
Sun Aries Moon Pisces
Mars Pisces Venus Pisces
Mercury Aries Jupiter in Virgo
Saturn in Aquarius Pluto in Scorpio
Neptune and Uranus in Capricorn
Ascendant Libra IP: Logged |
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