posted July 07, 2013 04:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
By the way, you're having your Saturn return right now, which can be very painful and problematic for some people - it's a time when you're questioning yourself, your life, your achievements, your future plans, and so on.

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My life has always felt like that, as long as I can remember... back to when I was in high school, anyway. It didn't start last October, at the beginning of my Saturn Return; and those negative feelings didn't really seem to intensify or get any worse. That's just what life feels like, every day, all the time. That's normal.

I guess this is because of the Saturn aspects in my chart. That's who I am. I'm a living, walking Saturn Return, 24/7/365. Yay.

posted July 07, 2013 04:23 PM            

ETA: I mean I know you said it's the negative thinking and passive behaviour, but why do you think it's that way for you?

Maybe it has to do with some repressed energy that makes you feel apathetic.

posted July 07, 2013 05:12 PM            

I don't know who I am. Being able to define oneself seems to be a prerequisite for all kinds of things in life; especially having relationships with other people. I don't know how to define myself. I may already have everything I need, and I may already be everything that I need to be, but I do not know what those things are. I don't know what to say. "Who are you?" I don't know. I can tell you my name, and my job, my plans for the future, my bank account balance, my hobbies and interests (which are few), my relationships (also few, and generally weak/poor), my values (vague)... do those things define me?

I don't know what I want. There have been very few things in my life that I really wanted, things that I hoped for and dreamed about for years and years. But when I finally had the opportunity to have those things or experience those things, I was disappointed, discouraged, let down. In retrospect, I've asked myself, why did I put so much faith in those things? Why did I want them so much? They did not satisfy me or make me feel fulfilled. I feel like I wasted or lost a large, valuable chunk of my life waiting for things that turned out to be pointless and empty. I feel empty.

My wants and desires are few, and weak; my sense of responsibility and my worries about long-term survival constantly smother my wants. I barely know what I want. I rarely feel anything for anyone or other people. I am lonely, but I don't really know if I want a relationship or not. I want to have fun and enjoy life, but I don't know what that means; I don't know how to have fun. Nothing is fun. There is no joy in my life. Life is a chore, a burden to be carried, a task to be completed. I fear for my own survival, for my ability to survive in the future economy, and this has made me greedy and selfish. I am terrified of being poor, so I hoard money. I rarely allow myself to buy anything. I don't want to travel, because traveling is expensive.

I feel guilty that I am not doing something more purposeful with my life, something more humanitarian. (That's my stellium in the 9th house talking.) I could go back to school, study science or medicine and research cures for cancer and AIDS. I could join the armed forces or the FBI or local law enforcement to protect people. I could dive further into the field I am already in -- computers and information technology -- and push for some kind of new developments there. I'm not really interested in any of those things, but maybe my level of interest doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I hate the field or not. There are things that just need to be done.

This is the crap that goes through my mind when I read personal ads and job postings. On some lower semi-conscious level, this is the crap that I'm always dealing with.

That's who I am: a man struggling with some very powerful fears, and some very vague, weak desires. An empty man who is afraid of life.

The only way I know to define myself is through my negativity and my shortcomings.

posted July 07, 2013 05:38 PM            

You know, I could say the same thing about myself.
It may not help you much, but I have similar placements to yours and I can relate, a lot.

I don't know myself, either, and I don't know what I want from life.

It does get frustrating, and sometimes even sad.
Because it feels like life is passing by, and yet nothing seems to change - the emptiness remains.

I think you need to find something that will make you feel like you matter.
Like you are needed, indispensable even.

The Venus/Mars conjunction in Virgo, the Saturn and Cap, and the Scorpio, all point to a need for feeling needed.

Like you make a difference.
It doesn't even matter if it's just a small thing.

Have you tried to practice random acts of kindness?
You should definitely try that out.

Just do stuff for people, help them in little ways, as much as you can.

To see a smile on someone's face, to see gratitude in their eyes, or to even imagine those things, is priceless and can make you feel so much better about yourself.

You need to instigate some kind of change, positive change.

You're a catalyst - Scorpios always are.

So, at first, get rid of the negative thoughts and instead, try a practical / focused approach on how to make your life better / more enjoyable.

Don't overthink! Ever.
Don't ever, ever think too much.
It's not worth it, you'll only fall back into the same old pattern.

Make a sort of plan - decide to change.
Set the intention first, mentally.
You have to feel ready for this, so don't force yourself, but push yourself a little if needed.

Realize that your life is in your hands, and you don't have to experience all those negative things.

Read more about spirituality - practice forgiveness of yourself and others.

Practice gratitude, and change your mindset.

It may feel fake at first but eventually, you'll get used to it little by little.
Takes time and perseverance.

Compliment yourself whenever you can, and compliment others, even in your head.

Stop all judgement and criticizing, including of your life and yourself.

And most importantly - keep the faith!
You can change, you can have fun, you can feel happy.

Read about how to become more spiritually enlightened / conscious, if you can - keep an open mind!

Okay?

posted July 07, 2013 05:58 PM              

quote:

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Originally posted by Blackbird:
I understand this, but what is the solution? How does one stop being self-critical and build their self-confidence, given the context of these negative astrology placements and aspects?

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Honestly? I wish I could tell you but I have no idea how someone goes about that. I just know that if you depend on outside sources to tell you what you are and whether or not you have any value, that's the worst thing you can do because then you're pretty much at their mercy and your sense of those things is entirely hinged on what other people think of you. And people are fickle. If they leave you one day or wake up one morning and decide that you just aren't that great to them after all, and then tell you so, and your sense of self-worth is entirely based on their opinions, then what?

I have some leo placements, which is probably why I can't answer this question because honestly I came out of the womb with a strong sense of who I am and what I'm worth. And I've seen firsthand people whose self-esteem isn't that great, and the extent they go to to try and feel whole - entirely dependent on having a group of people around them, desperate for their approval and praise. If you hate yourself when you're alone or no one likes you or when someone isn't complementing you every five minutes, you're in trouble.

My best guess is just to go out and try to live your life and do as much on your own as you can, because that way, you feel a sense of accomplishment when you initiate things and follow-through and succeed on your own, and that builds self-esteem too like, "Hey, I did this, and I did it all by myself". And along the way as you experience things, you start to realize what you believe and don't believe, and what you want and don't want and from there you get a real sense of who you are.

And that's a way more positive and healthier way than going for the quick-fix like a lot of people with negative thinking and no self-esteem do - making it other people's problem by going around trying to make other people feel bad because then in that moment you feel powerful and good. Yeah sure it works but not for long, it's a temporary fix because then you feel like crap again so you get on this hamster wheel of going around trying to make everybody else feel bad to try and keep your own self-esteem at a functioning level. I've seen people who do that also, and they're never really happy for long, ten minutes later they're pumping someone for compliments, or attacking the girl who just came in the room that makes them feel insecure because they feel that girl has something they don't. It's like trying to put a band-aid over a gaping black hole.

posted July 07, 2013 08:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Blackbird:
Feeling depressed, lacking in self-confidence, self-critical thinking --> passive behavior.

Discuss. Are these things universally undesirable? What are some possible astrology indicators?

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I'm not so sure that's true. Maybe you meant to specify the kinds of insecurity that can cause passivity, but it looks to me like you're saying all insecure people are passive. And it doesn't, as can be seen on LL where some with a positive attitude shrugs a lot of things off (even insults & barbs) as they know it doesn't matter and the rain will give way to sun, whereas those very insecure are constantly "counter attacking" believing everything is a snub (I've even been accused of "hating" when I was actually supporting their point), that if someone doesn't answer them (even right away) that they're being deliberately ignored and express offense, and so on.

And IRL I've seen positive people with an easy come & go attitude, even Taoist serenity, just letting life gently roll over them (so can come off as passive) while extremely negative people are constantly avenging wrongs, trying to "hide" the part of them they think people wouldn't like, and worse, even attacking others to feel better about themselves and/or to appear better (in their own minds) to other people. Some of them become real overachievers to compensate for what they feel is bad about themselves.

posted September 16, 2013 04:41 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Blackbird:
I am not living. I am merely subsisting. I go to work and I come home. Sometimes I eat and sometimes I sleep. I recognize this about myself and my life, and it makes me feel bad. But I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

I don't know who I am. Being able to define oneself seems to be a prerequisite for all kinds of things in life; especially having relationships with other people. I don't know how to define myself. I may already have everything I need, and I may already be everything that I need to be, but I do not know what those things are. I don't know what to say. "Who are you?" I don't know. I can tell you my name, and my job, my plans for the future, my bank account balance, my hobbies and interests (which are few), my relationships (also few, and generally weak/poor), my values (vague)... do those things define me?

I don't know what I want. There have been very few things in my life that I really wanted, things that I hoped for and dreamed about for years and years. But when I finally had the opportunity to have those things or experience those things, I was disappointed, discouraged, let down. In retrospect, I've asked myself, why did I put so much faith in those things? Why did I want them so much? They did not satisfy me or make me feel fulfilled. I feel like I wasted or lost a large, valuable chunk of my life waiting for things that turned out to be pointless and empty. I feel empty.

My wants and desires are few, and weak; my sense of responsibility and my worries about long-term survival constantly smother my wants. I barely know what I want. I rarely feel anything for anyone or other people. I am lonely, but I don't really know if I want a relationship or not. I want to have fun and enjoy life, but I don't know what that means; I don't know how to have fun. Nothing is fun. There is no joy in my life. Life is a chore, a burden to be carried, a task to be completed. I fear for my own survival, for my ability to survive in the future economy, and this has made me greedy and selfish. I am terrified of being poor, so I hoard money. I rarely allow myself to buy anything. I don't want to travel, because traveling is expensive.

I feel guilty that I am not doing something more purposeful with my life, something more humanitarian. (That's my stellium in the 9th house talking.) I could go back to school, study science or medicine and research cures for cancer and AIDS. I could join the armed forces or the FBI or local law enforcement to protect people. I could dive further into the field I am already in -- computers and information technology -- and push for some kind of new developments there. I'm not really interested in any of those things, but maybe my level of interest doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I hate the field or not. There are things that just need to be done.

This is the crap that goes through my mind when I read personal ads and job postings. On some lower semi-conscious level, this is the crap that I'm always dealing with.

That's who I am: a man struggling with some very powerful fears, and some very vague, weak desires. An empty man who is afraid of life.

The only way I know to define myself is through my negativity and my shortcomings.

---

I'm not sure where you live, but you might try looking at your astrocartography map on astro.com. It sounds as if you're living on a negative Saturn, neptune, or Mercury line. Like maybe you're hiding in a cupboard in a room of mirrors or something.

You said in your post that you don't like travel, but if you've ever traveled far away from where you're at now, how did you feel, during that time you were away?

At the risk of sounding cliche, you only live once. However weak the urge is, do something that makes YOU happy, then do something that makes you feel unselfish. Perhaps just start small and keep going, keep doing things that make yourself happy. According to the mountains of self-help books my mother has read, it is literally possible to change the style in which you think from negative to positive about yourself.

I saw this thread exploring Lindaland and read through it because I wanted to see if I have any indicators for negative thinking and passive behavior. I have Libra ascendant, a total, total lack of fire, and an afflicted Chiron and I find it very hard to maintain depression, or anger, or hold hold a grudge (may have something to do with Mars in Aquarius). However, the lack of self-esteem thing is true. I get worried that's not normal, so I exhaust myself trying to stay sad/angry. And then even that doesn't really work because I get distracted.

Anyway, the point is, you might try writing a list of 1., things you like doing (not things you think you should like doing), 2., things that are good about you (Things that you think are good, not that you think should be good about you). From physical to personality. Keep adding to the lists over time.

Now I've gone off on a bolstering tangent when I just planned on mentioning astrocartographies. Hope I haven't offended.