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Author
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Topic: I have been dating someone new, need opinions
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Jkitty
Knowflake Posts: 856
From: an oasis in the desert
Registered: Mar 2013
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posted August 13, 2013 12:25 AM
  
quote:
Originally posted by StarlightSmileSupreme:
Jkitty^_^This reminds me of my friend who always wanted me to go to concerts I had no interest in and expected me to buy my own ticket and then she hardly ever returned the favor even though she did once or twice. Haha. I told my other friend about it, she said, "I can't believe you bought your own ticket for that. The only way I would have gone is if she paid for my ticket." I felt really weird, like I had been conned or something. After that, never again.
Hmmm. You got me thinking. I have different friends for different things so it hasn't been that much of an issue since we're doing something each is interested in. Then we all buy our own tickets and one drives, another pays for gas, another pays for parking, like that. But we talk about it in advance. Something like, ____ is playing at the ____________. Want to go? Who's driving? I'll pay for parking. Are you going to cover the gas? And we're honest with each other. If one of us can't afford it, we say so. Or if the best we can do is the "nose bleed" section and a fast-food restaurant, we let each other know and we accommodate. We've all been in that place where money is tight. No shame in admitting it. I guess those I CAN talk with honestly are the ones that stay friends. It's the times that I assumed something that I was disappointed. So I drove 180 miles round trip to see you while you're in California visiting your family and you can't even pay for my lunch? My bad. Shouldn't have assumed!
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Venusincap89
Knowflake Posts: 72
From:
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 13, 2013 12:53 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Jkitty:
It's the times that I assumed something that I was disappointed.
mmm..... your statement gives me a lot to think about... IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 3332
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted August 13, 2013 12:58 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Venusincap89:
mmm..... your statement gives me a lot to think about...
Do you find yourself doing this often, VenusinCap? IP: Logged |
crabbypatty
Knowflake Posts: 754
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 13, 2013 07:16 AM
By the way, OP, the deal breaker is you asking me to pay, not you allowing me to pay. I am a scorpio with Aquarius rising and rather progressive, often offering to pay for meals and outings. I also have Venus conjunct Jupiter and I am regarded as generous. But my Venus in Libra would get turned off by a man bringing up the topic of money like you did. It would mean that you've been thinking about it enough to actually bring it up in conversation and that would make me think that if I permanently hooked up with you, you'd always be watching expenditures to ensure "fairness". I would run from that. I think that what the other poster suggested would have been a better test of this woman... Take her somewhere cheap and see if she is still in good spirits because it is the company she appreciates, as opposed to lavish wining and dining.IP: Logged |
its_aqua
Knowflake Posts: 622
From: Mars
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted August 13, 2013 07:34 AM
You asked her to pay for a date? How old are you? I would feel very akward if someone asked me that.
I think you should have waited to see if she would offer to do so by herself. Do you know anything about her finances? Maybe she's having a rough time so she pretended that she forgot if she didnt have the money?IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5669
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted August 13, 2013 08:41 AM
It's only money. Pay for the dates and be done with it. I paid for everything all the time during my time, and a whole lot more than just dates. If you think this is expensive, wait till you get married lolI paid for my gf's apartment, her regular expenses and bought her a new car. How's that? It's just money. You can't pin a price tag on love. I'm also very heavy Capricorn. IP: Logged |
Lyrica
Knowflake Posts: 46
From: USA
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 13, 2013 09:51 AM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
It's only money. Pay for the dates and be done with it. I paid for everything all the time during my time, and a whole lot more than just dates. If you think this is expensive, wait till you get married lolI paid for my gf's apartment, her regular expenses and bought her a new car. How's that? It's just money. You can't pin a price tag on love. I'm also very heavy Capricorn.
I agree with this-don't base your relationship on money-talk to her. I have Venus in Cap so I hear ya-money influences most things in today's society unfortunately.
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Sun Pisces
Scorpio Rising
Taurus Moon
Venus in Capricorn
Mars In Leo "Can't run from myself-there's nowhere to hide"
"That's who I am, 1000% illusion" IP: Logged |
AriesKat
Knowflake Posts: 749
From: Brooklyn, NY USA
Registered: May 2011
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posted August 13, 2013 08:41 PM
WTF you asked a girl to pay? because you payed for 10 dates and you wanted to see if she was caring? sounds like a bunch of bull to me. IP: Logged |
ail221
Moderator Posts: 3659
From: Hanging Gardens of Babylon
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted August 13, 2013 08:50 PM
It depends on who extended the invitation to who for the date to begin with, was there further notice i.e. Did you ask her to pay before the date began or towards the end? and whether your officially in a relationship i.e. boyfriend & girlfriend'. If your officially in a relationship then sure I guess its fine.IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 3332
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted August 13, 2013 08:52 PM
Well, everyone has a different opinion on who should pay for dates. Generally, if you really like the girl and want to keep seeing her, you can expect to pay for the dates. If you don't mind risking losing her or care what she thinks, you ask her to pay her way. Asking her to pay for both her and you is kinda pushing it, lol. It's not generally accepted in the dating world. However, you don't have to date. You can just do things that don't require spending money, like renting movies and watching them at home. You might have to spend a little bit of money on renting them, but it's not a lot. If a girl really loves you, she won't require you to keep spending and spending every time. Seriously. It's about love, not money. Or, it should be, ideally. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5669
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted August 13, 2013 09:20 PM
Is there an equation?[(Number of Dates Per Annum * Average Cost Per Date) - Funds Received From Date ] = Net Expenditure Per Annum --> multiplied by Love Quotient * Probability of Relationship Success * Chance of getting lucky = Expected Annual Average Return on Investment. ??? It's love. Not math. Money doesn't fit into the equation. It's only money. Money cannot buy love. Capricorn Sun, Mars and Mercury. Aries Jupiter. Gemini Moon. Aquarius Venus. IP: Logged |
Kerosene
Knowflake Posts: 4154
From: Mercury
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted August 13, 2013 09:47 PM
I've been wooed with gifts and to be honest that never did anything for me...
It makes me feel sleazy like Im some kinda of item that can be bought.IP: Logged |
Venusincap89
Knowflake Posts: 72
From:
Registered: Jul 2013
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posted August 14, 2013 02:08 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
I've been wooed with gifts and to be honest that never did anything for me...
It makes me feel sleazy like Im some kinda of item that can be bought.
By far the most honest thing I heard xD IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5669
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted August 14, 2013 02:17 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Kerosene:
I've been wooed with gifts and to be honest that never did anything for me...
It makes me feel sleazy like Im some kinda of item that can be bought.
Yo. Nobody's wooing anybody with gifts or whatever. You eat. The check comes. Somebody has to pay. Who pays shouldn't be an issue. Its just a bill. The guy freaking pays. That's the end of it. No need to debate endlessly about who ought to pay when. If both sides are too freaking broke, there's an easy solution. The 99 cent menu at McDonalds, or just stay home and cook. IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 3332
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted August 14, 2013 02:23 PM
quote:
Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
If both sides are too freaking broke, there's an easy solution. The 99 cent menu at McDonalds, or just stay home and cook.
I totally and completely agree with this. If two people are happy in each other's company, feel affection for one another, an expensive tab need NOT be in the equation and if one of them always thinks it does, it's not true love. Love is not about money. Love is about the way two people feel when they are together, getting through the rough times with that mutual feeling. IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 5669
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted August 14, 2013 02:25 PM
And when a man gives something to his girlfriend/fiance/wife, it isn't to woo. It should be completely out of love. Until you are married, it shouldn't matter if the gift is $10 or $10,000. Give what you can afford and give only out of love, not out of an ulterior motive or in exchange for something else. And after you get married, the jewelry gets progressively more expensive as she gets older lol IP: Logged |
Zander916
Knowflake Posts: 143
From:
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted August 14, 2013 02:39 PM
I'm not gearing up to get in an arugement with anyone so if what I say you have a problem with. I'm not going down that road. I realize my opinions are often not very popular, and it is after all, just single man's opinion. Just do whatever you want. As far as the original issue posted. That's pretty shady. I don't care if it's a man or a woman, sister, brother, cousin, neighbor. If you say you will do something, do it. That's why I'm not always keen to make promises unless I'm sure. The whole idea of guys paying, if you think about it, was born in a time when men were the breadwinners and women didn't really work, or much. We don't live there any more. There's a buttload of women at my work alone that make TONS more than I do and I don't do too bad.
I don't mind paying and often will pay because I tilt on the side of the guy paying. I will call up female or male friends sometimes and just say, "Lets go eat. I'll pay". I don't mind at all.
But if she's going to let that bother her if she pays and it's that big of a deal. She can find another date next time. It just comes across as shallow to me. Who cares? I'm interested in the company sitting in front of me. I know this won't be popular but boo hoo.  IP: Logged |
Lindaland
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