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Author
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Topic: I think I'm understanding h12 synastry
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Lioness
Knowflake Posts: 6340
From:
Registered: Mar 2010
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posted October 09, 2013 11:19 PM
  
But if course, I could be totally wrong  . The thing with h12, is it's confusing and can play out differently for different people/ different relationships... It's kinda you just never know type if thing.... One if the biggies for h12 is misunderstandings..
Boy have I realized how much this has taken effect with out being aware of a misunderstanding... I was talking to fishy today, clearing the air so to speak..
Back story of an example
Six months ago, I had minor surgery...
I told him, I was taking some time off from work cuz I have to have surgery..
I said I was a little nervous..
He said... Ooooo.... Ok..... It will be ok, then just sort of changed the subject. Or something... But he never once asked why, what happen, what's wrong, what's going on..
Since he didn't ask me, I didn't tell him...
I took it like why are you telling me this...
I felt like he didn't care enough to ask... I kept thinking who the flip doesn't ask!!!!!!! Geez... So today he said, you never explain anything, you just tell me and leave me hanging wondering..
I said I don't tell you cuz, you don't ask... You just say cool and move forward, so I figured you didn't care to know, so I don't tell you... He said I don't ask, because I figured if you wanted me to know you would just say I'm having surgery on blah blah, you didn't so I didn't ask to respect your boundaries.
I said I told you cuz, I wanted someone to talk to, and you just dismissed me..
He said I thought you were being mysterious... Or secretive. So I didn't want to push you into telling me..
So I've been here wondering for 6 months what the flip was wrong...
He said, yeah I should have caught on, with the fact that you brought it up.. He said you earned the right to call me a diiiiick ... So I'm starting to realize all of our issues have been some misunderstanding...
Some sort of confusion going on...
Neither of us clearing the air... Or speaking to directly.. So here's the funny part...
He finally asked me, so why did you have surgery..I said well that was 6. Months ago, don't you think it's JUST too late to ask????
Lol...
He got annoyed, but ohh well..
I feel like, why even bother asking me 6. Months later..
What's the point..
The issue is gone, and he wasn't there for me when I needed him to be... Am I wrong here??
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DialecticLady
Knowflake Posts: 189
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted October 10, 2013 01:25 AM
I think that when you understood the whole situation, you should had told about the surgery even if it was 6 months ago, because he told you that he wanted to know and was wondering about this but didn't ask before because of the boundaries, so it wasn't his fault neither yours, just a 12th house misunderstanding. I passed by this too...the guy had venus and mercury in my 12th...LOT of misconceptions like this.IP: Logged |
Zander916
Knowflake Posts: 1041
From: I visit a lot of planets, but the Sun is my home.
Registered: Aug 2013
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posted October 10, 2013 10:17 AM
I would have just told him. No need to make it any bigger. But, if I continually have those kind of annoying little misunderstandings with someone I tend to keep my distance. It's just like a short circuit that you can't fix and it's like the most annoying thing in the world to me.
You'll probably have more of these with this person. IP: Logged |
jjj
Knowflake Posts: 187
From:
Registered: Aug 2009
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posted October 10, 2013 10:39 AM
Composite or synastric mercury (or other planets) in hard aspect to Neptune can also play out like this. Cookbooks say that it is deception, but I have realised that it might be misunderstandings... it is difficult to avoid these though. 2 people just seem to approach things differently. They may even want to be direct with one another, but somehow one doesnt seem to get what the other says or interprets it completely differently. Argggghhhh!IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 4683
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 10, 2013 10:47 AM
I can understand why he didn't ask. I do the same thing. I have a similar situation. It's a little different because you know Fishy and this happened with an acquaintance. I was at Buffalo Wild Wings with some friends and my mother and the waitress, who I see whenever I go, told us to pardon her mistakes she has a chronic health condition and it was flaring up. I assumed it might have been Lupis but I don't know for certain. My first instinct was to ask blatantly, "What is it you have?" but I stayed silent instead. When I left the restaurant, my mom and I talked about the waitress, hoping she'd be all right since she's always so sweet and usually very prompt with a good memory, although she had been slipping up as of late. I told my mom I wanted to ask her what it was she had and my mom became mortified and said, "no no no don't ever ask that's rude and intrusive," blah blah blah and I was shocked because, to me, it wouldn't have seemed that way since she brought it up, maybe she wanted us to ask? I told this to my mom who said, no, that isn't the case, if someone wants to tell something personal, they will go ahead and say it without any prompting from anyone else and if they don't prompt,then don't bother asking them straight out. I am kinda glad I am naturally quiet and often don't say what I am thinking because I would have upset my mom if I had. Anyway that's just a little anecdote about a similar situation. Some people are brought up to consider it bad manners to ask someone about personal stuff unless they tell on their own. IP: Logged |
its_aqua
Knowflake Posts: 804
From: Mars
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 10, 2013 10:56 AM
Thanks for sharing this Lioness.. If you dont mind how is 12h involved in your synastry? Who is the planet and who the houser?I have to agree with you on this, I was the house he was the Venus-tons of bad communication. IP: Logged |
Gabby
Knowflake Posts: 1531
From:
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted October 10, 2013 11:39 AM
I have an unaspected 12th house moon, closely conjunct Dejanira, Child and Juno....ive had to spend my whole life wandering around in my 12th so i could finally feel my emotions without hurting and it was a relationship with a person who had pluto conjunct my moon that really helped me break through my pain. What ive learned from my 12th house synastry relationships is to stop expecting them to read my mind and heart, they may seem to always know what i need, but they are not one with me even though it feels like it at times!
I believe the confusion stems from this, because it feels like they know me and are inside me at times, the times they arent i feel let down and hurt. If i chose to see that they arent actually inside me it allows me to give them credit, love, respect and appreciation for the times they do get me so quickly and i can instantly forgive them for the times they dont, this negates the confusion! If I dont do that and i just chose to expect him to always know, i'm asking WAY to much of them!
If you want him to ask and feel like he cares about what your going through and he doesnt ask or seem to care, dont take it personally...just realize sometimes he will be distracted, forget or just be insensitive. All of which is OKAY!
We are all like that at times, if you need him to know then tell him...no need for this to hurt you, hes just being human. You already know if he realized how much it meant to you he would ask....if he doesnt, its your opportunity to open up to him and let him know so he can be there for you. Give room for them to be insensitive, distracted or unaware at times...know they love you and want to be there, let yourself be the one that opens up about your needs if they dont immediately see it. Doing it without frustration or hurt is a gift you can give them for the many times they know your needs before even you recognize them. IP: Logged |
Lioness
Knowflake Posts: 6340
From:
Registered: Mar 2010
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posted October 10, 2013 12:36 PM
I understand what you guys mean... But he's not an a stranger, I agree I wouldn't have asked the waitress, but if someone your seeing says I'm going to have surgery, you ask what's wrong.. He just said oo cool..l Now 6 months later he's dying to know "after" we are n longer seeing each other... Seriously what's the point... The issue is dead on gone for me...
What is he going to do, send me a get well card, and wish me luck...
He wasn't there for me during that time, but now he wants the info...
No... I'm not going to tell him... It's over with... IP: Logged |
Lioness
Knowflake Posts: 6340
From:
Registered: Mar 2010
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posted October 10, 2013 12:37 PM
His sun, mars, mercury are in my h12Composite has sun,mercury in h12 IP: Logged |
StarlightSmileSupreme
Knowflake Posts: 4683
From: neptune
Registered: Nov 2012
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posted October 10, 2013 12:49 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Lioness:
I understand what you guys mean... But he's not an a stranger, I agree I wouldn't have asked the waitress, but if someone your seeing says I'm going to have surgery, you ask what's wrong.. He just said oo cool..l Now 6 months later he's dying to know "after" we are n longer seeing each other... Seriously what's the point... The issue is dead on gone for me...
What is he going to do, send me a get well card, and wish me luck...
He wasn't there for me during that time, but now he wants the info...
No... I'm not going to tell him... It's over with...
That is strange, I agree. Who knows why he acts the way he does? Maybe he feels guilty about his lack of concern at the time, so he's trying to make up for it now? It does sound twelfthish. I do similar things, not on purpose. It's a matter of a thought appearing in my mind then I say it out loud without thinking. I try not to do that because it does aggravate people. I have Mercury in twelve, Pluto and the south node, too. I guess it can go either way. Sometimes I just can't win with twelve, no matter what I do. If I don't say anything, people will get aggravated, if I ask, that aggravates them, too. If someone asked me why I bother to ask now when I didn't seem to care before, I would think of something to argue back, something like, "be glad I asked at all," and that wouldn't help. Twelfth house can complicate matters.
The proper thing to do would be to just apologize. If you bring it up and he apologizes, that's a good sign.
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DialecticLady
Knowflake Posts: 189
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted October 10, 2013 02:52 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Gabby:
What ive learned from my 12th house synastry relationships is to stop expecting them to read my mind and heart, they may seem to always know what i need, but they are not one with me even though it feels like it at times!
VERY spot on! After a lot of misunderstandings I perceived exactly what you are saying now. IP: Logged |
Gabby
Knowflake Posts: 1531
From:
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted October 10, 2013 06:25 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Lioness:
I understand what you guys mean... But he's not an a stranger, I agree I wouldn't have asked the waitress, but if someone your seeing says I'm going to have surgery, you ask what's wrong.. He just said oo cool..l Now 6 months later he's dying to know "after" we are n longer seeing each other... Seriously what's the point... The issue is dead on gone for me...
What is he going to do, send me a get well card, and wish me luck...
He wasn't there for me during that time, but now he wants the info...
No... I'm not going to tell him... It's over with...
He made a mistake....he was insensitive, he had something else on his mind and your words didnt sink in. Thats all that happened!
It hurt your feeling and now its hurting your pride....but whats more important being happy or being stubborn?
What makes you happy, feeling he doesnt care and refusing to believe anything else or feeling he just momentarily acted in way that doesnt show his genuine care and concern for you?
Maybe if you opened up and allowed him have a redo this time, it would be something that would make him more aware of your words next time, but in a kind way instead of feeling some sort of resentment because you refused to accept that he wanted to be there for you but dropped the ball and didnt realize it until a lot later!
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Gabby
Knowflake Posts: 1531
From:
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted October 10, 2013 07:05 PM
quote:
Originally posted by DialecticLady:
VERY spot on! After a lot of misunderstandings I perceived exactly what you are saying now.
I love the 12th house but im really starting to believe its main function is to teach the only way to move forward is to let go of the ego which is navigated by the minds perceptions of whats right and whats wrong. But reality is, everything is a perception, so whats wrong or right is only wrong or right if you make it that way. Lioness...im not pointing this at you like i think your wrong!! You arent wrong, im saying in general our unconscious perceptions are what hurt us, and 12th house is trying to get you to see that and change them!! It helps you see their are many ways to see things, not just one! Many times the way we were taught to see is very destructive and if we opened up to new ways we could find peace and let go of the ego's walls! 12th house teaches, if your hurt, your hurt because you chose to see it in a way that brought about hurt. You can chose to see it another way, a way that brings peace through compassion for anothers behaviors. Subconscious patterns that they meant nothing by they just acted them out without thinking. It means nothing about the way they feel about you, it means more about their environment as a child and how their brain processed that environment. ...the only way to navigate the 12th house is to feel your way through through love, understanding and compassion, you must let go of the ego!! Love is what opens us up, our mind and its fears are what close us down and get the ego demanding its way or no way! If you chose to forgive, let go, and strive for peace in the 12th house you will win the battle...if not the battle will go on forever! Fear is what makes anyone refuse a kindness or an apology, the fear that deep down the person doesnt really care and they are trying to appease you...but internal peace would counteract that. If the person can find the peace inside themselves to know they are loved by the person, and not let the fear that they arent get the better of them they can act in way that creates a bond instead of a gap. To me this is the 12th house lesson!!!
Anyone with 12th house synastry has a karmic tie to learn this together! Once you get it, the love is so deep, the bond is so tight that the only thing you fight about is who gets to give more, because giving to the other person is what makes the love between vibrate so brightly and keeps the relationship tender and strong!
This is just my opinion after 37 years living with an unaspected moon in my 12th house, its the house of realizing the ego serves no purpose except to hurt you because it separates us and builds our walls ... IP: Logged |
Lioness
Knowflake Posts: 6340
From:
Registered: Mar 2010
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posted October 10, 2013 07:30 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Gabby:
I love the 12th house but im really starting to believe its main function is to teach the only way to move forward is to let go of the ego which is navigated by the minds perceptions of whats right and whats wrong. But reality is, everything is a perception, so whats wrong or right is only wrong or right if you make it that way. Lioness...im not pointing this at you like i think your wrong!! You arent wrong, im saying in general our unconscious perceptions are what hurt us, and 12th house is trying to get you to see that and change them!! It helps you see their are many ways to see things, not just one! Many times the way we were taught to see is very destructive and if we opened up to new ways we could find peace and let go of the ego's walls! 12th house teaches, if your hurt, your hurt because you chose to see it in a way that brought about hurt. You can chose to see it another way, a way that brings peace through compassion for anothers behaviors. Subconscious patterns that they meant nothing by they just acted them out without thinking. It means nothing about the way they feel about you, it means more about their environment as a child and how their brain processed that environment. ...the only way to navigate the 12th house is to feel your way through through love, understanding and compassion, you must let go of the ego!! Love is what opens us up, our mind and its fears are what close us down and get the ego demanding its way or no way! If you chose to forgive, let go, and strive for peace in the 12th house you will win the battle...if not the battle will go on forever! Fear is what makes anyone refuse a kindness or an apology, the fear that deep down the person doesnt really care and they are trying to appease you...but internal peace would counteract that. If the person can find the peace inside themselves to know they are loved by the person, and not let the fear that they arent get the better of them they can act in way that creates a bond instead of a gap. To me this is the 12th house lesson!!!
Anyone with 12th house synastry has a karmic tie to learn this together! Once you get it, the love is so deep, the bond is so tight that the only thing you fight about is who gets to give more, because giving to the other person is what makes the love between vibrate so brightly and keeps the relationship tender and strong!
This is just my opinion after 37 years living with an unaspected moon in my 12th house, its the house of realizing the ego serves no purpose except to hurt you because it separates us and builds our walls ...
Ahhh that was just beautiful... I loved every word. IP: Logged |
Lioness
Knowflake Posts: 6340
From:
Registered: Mar 2010
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posted October 10, 2013 07:43 PM
You guys wre right... My ego stepped in and went into overdrive thinking why even bother now..
But no matter what I wasn't going to tell him at this point.. But today he called me, he said lioness I've been worried all this time, can you please tell me why you needed surgery.. I said can I ask u something first... He said yes..
I said I don't understand why you felt asking me would be crossing boundaries. Before when I had a smaller issue you told me to keep you updated, tell you everything.. I did.. I had no problem with that...
So why was this so different.. He said our relationship has been so rocky lately, and I seem to always say the wrong thing to you.. I have really been watching what I say around you, cuz you go off on me.. I didn't want t ask, because I don't want to cross any lines, It was killing me that you didn't tell me. ( what a Leo, with mood swings
A lioness never goes off.  ).
I've never heard of any Leo doing such a thing
Shocking isn't it!! I felt his explanation was sincere and made since..
(I may be a lil tiny whinny bit difficult) lol So I told him the details and why I needed surgery.. He said I'm so relieved, I've been stressing over it... Then I said what a liar!! Stressing 6 months later...
He said, why you calling me a liar, I'm serious...
I said ok.. I'm sorry..
I said you know what even if we are having a Rocky time, that we can still talk to each other about a problem..
You have the right to ask me about any health issues..
He said ok... Thank you. Noted!! Got it!!! Then I said, ok I don't want nothing to do wit yo azz now...
He laughed... End of mis understanding.... Hahaha..
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Gabby
Knowflake Posts: 1531
From:
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted October 10, 2013 08:08 PM
Thats awesome!!! So happy for you!! IP: Logged |
DialecticLady
Knowflake Posts: 189
From:
Registered: Sep 2013
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posted October 10, 2013 08:44 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Gabby:
I love the 12th house but im really starting to believe its main function is to teach the only way to move forward is to let go of the ego which is navigated by the minds perceptions of whats right and whats wrong. But reality is, everything is a perception, so whats wrong or right is only wrong or right if you make it that way. Lioness...im not pointing this at you like i think your wrong!! You arent wrong, im saying in general our unconscious perceptions are what hurt us, and 12th house is trying to get you to see that and change them!! It helps you see their are many ways to see things, not just one! Many times the way we were taught to see is very destructive and if we opened up to new ways we could find peace and let go of the ego's walls! 12th house teaches, if your hurt, your hurt because you chose to see it in a way that brought about hurt. You can chose to see it another way, a way that brings peace through compassion for anothers behaviors. Subconscious patterns that they meant nothing by they just acted them out without thinking. It means nothing about the way they feel about you, it means more about their environment as a child and how their brain processed that environment. ...the only way to navigate the 12th house is to feel your way through through love, understanding and compassion, you must let go of the ego!! Love is what opens us up, our mind and its fears are what close us down and get the ego demanding its way or no way! If you chose to forgive, let go, and strive for peace in the 12th house you will win the battle...if not the battle will go on forever! Fear is what makes anyone refuse a kindness or an apology, the fear that deep down the person doesnt really care and they are trying to appease you...but internal peace would counteract that. If the person can find the peace inside themselves to know they are loved by the person, and not let the fear that they arent get the better of them they can act in way that creates a bond instead of a gap. To me this is the 12th house lesson!!!
Anyone with 12th house synastry has a karmic tie to learn this together! Once you get it, the love is so deep, the bond is so tight that the only thing you fight about is who gets to give more, because giving to the other person is what makes the love between vibrate so brightly and keeps the relationship tender and strong!
This is just my opinion after 37 years living with an unaspected moon in my 12th house, its the house of realizing the ego serves no purpose except to hurt you because it separates us and builds our walls ...
Perfect Gabby!!! @Lioness: as I said before,I don't think you're wrong ok? I understand your reasons I'm a Leo too and already went through this situations  IP: Logged |
Lioness
Knowflake Posts: 6340
From:
Registered: Mar 2010
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posted October 10, 2013 09:09 PM
quote:
Originally posted by DialecticLady:
Perfect Gabby!!!@Lioness: as I said before,I don't think you're wrong ok? I understand your reasons I'm a Leo too and already went through this situations
No worriess.. I didn't take it like that...
His crossing boundaries thing didn't make sense, because supoosly I'm not just a one to him, and I matter and he cares, but he couldn't ask why I was having surgery..
But now that he explained it better, especially about us going through rocky times, and the rest it made much more sense to me...
Now I can see his pov of why he didn't...
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Lioness
Knowflake Posts: 6340
From:
Registered: Mar 2010
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posted October 10, 2013 10:07 PM
Now getting back to the h12 stuff. Honestly I had no clue he's been worried about me, and that it's been bothering him this whole time... He had no clue that my feelings were hurt over it, and I figured he just didn't care... In short we were both just oblivious to what the other was going through....
Neither of us spoke up about it, we just went with our own thoughts, assuming we were doing the right thing for the other... Lesson learned... IP: Logged |
ash20
Knowflake Posts: 125
From:
Registered: Mar 2013
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posted October 10, 2013 11:19 PM
This guys mercury and mars falls in my 12th. I feel like he thinks he knows me and what im up too, when actually he doesn't. He is always always always suspicious of me over the smallest things!
I also don't trust him but only because he is so mistrustful of me.IP: Logged |
aquaguy91
Moderator Posts: 7581
From: tennessee
Registered: Jan 2012
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posted October 10, 2013 11:25 PM
You say you are over fishy yet you keep bringing him. up. just saying.....IP: Logged |
Lioness
Knowflake Posts: 6340
From:
Registered: Mar 2010
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posted October 10, 2013 11:26 PM
quote:
Originally posted by ash20:
This guys mercury and mars falls in my 12th. I feel like he thinks he knows me and what im up too, when actually he doesn't. He is always always always suspicious of me over the smallest things!
I also don't trust him but only because he is so mistrustful of me.
Most likely it's some sort of understanding between the both of you...
Neither are being to clear for the other, even though you know your clear.
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Gabby
Knowflake Posts: 1531
From:
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted October 11, 2013 05:53 AM
quote:
Originally posted by ash20:
This guys mercury and mars falls in my 12th. I feel like he thinks he knows me and what im up too, when actually he doesn't. He is always always always suspicious of me over the smallest things!
I also don't trust him but only because he is so mistrustful of me.
He is a mirror for you, and you are a mirror for him! Hes suspicious of you? Do you trust yourself to do things in a way that makes you proud or do you feel you wish you could do better but dont know why you dont follow through? Its you that doesnt trust yourself....hes expressing it for you! 12th house is smoke and mirrors, nothing is as it seems and everything is showing you something about yourself...if you dont like what you see, then look inside yourself for the fix! Nobody else is the real issue in the 12th house, its never about anyone but you!
What you see expressed isnt someone elses issues, they are your issues! Its always about the things that are hidden in you that your higher self is asking you to examine and correct, if you chose to accept that...you starting to win the battle, if not, the battle will continue! 12th house synastry requires nothing is left unsaid!! Dont mistrust until there is a reason to mistrust, dont assume anything and always ask questions, even if they are hard questions to ask! Nothing is ever as it appears in the 12th house....once youve found a partnership in the 12th you have fallen in the rabbits hole....the only thing thats real is the reality you chose! The 12th house forces you to see that!
Think carefully about what you chose to believe....in the 12th house what you believe becomes real! If you believe they dont care, you will manifest that...but if you believe they do care, you will manifest that!
Your thoughts and beliefs create your feelings and these feelings become your reality...the 12th house will force you to come into contact with your beliefs! Personally i feel if you have planets or relationships that keep falling here then you must have beliefs that are creating pain and need your attention! IP: Logged |
Gabby
Knowflake Posts: 1531
From:
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted October 11, 2013 06:08 AM
dpIP: Logged |
Gabby
Knowflake Posts: 1531
From:
Registered: Sep 2012
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posted October 11, 2013 06:13 AM
quote:
Originally posted by aquaguy91:
You say you are over fishy yet you keep bringing him. up. just saying.....
12th house relationships never really go away...you can ignore them for years at a time, then they pop back up like they never ended....because they never leave your heart and mind, even if you wish they would!! Sadly both people are usually equally affected, so its a life long bond for better or for worse...they will be the person you think about when you feel alone because they made you feel like you were not alone! IP: Logged | |
Lindaland
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