Author
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Topic: Cancer-man chaos - help please!!
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saguitarius Newflake Posts: 21 From: Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 24, 2013 02:23 PM
Hello guys, I have been lurking for a little while here in this beautiful form but now it’s time for me to open up and get some advice hopefully So here’s my story: I am a Sagittarius girl and I am crazily in love with a cancer guy. I got to know him a few months ago through friends and there was this immediate attraction between us - or at least from my part. From the first moment we connected and started hanging out more and more often. He initiated most of the contact. I liked him very much from the beginning but I knew that he was in a long-distance relationship and thus kept my feelings secret and just appreciated his company and having a good friend. Two months ago, however, he broke up with his girlfriend and since then he started behaving differently towards me. He flirted, looked me deeply into my eyes, called me “Baby” and “Darling”,… As I got pretty much involved in his circle of friends because we have hung out with each other a lot, I got to know his friends very well as well. A couple of weeks later, we were at a party and a little drunk, his best friend told me that the cancer-guy likes me very much and that I should have noticed that, as he calls me “Babe” and stuff, and that he is just a very shy guy and has a hard time opening up to girls. A few days afterwards, the cancer-guy himself told me a story about him having his first girl-friend when he was a young boy and how shy he was to open up and that he in general was a “***** ” concerning his feelings and talking about them. I asked him then, if he is still like this and he answered with yes. He started becoming more obvious and made a lot of allusions that he likes me or finds me attractive as “every man feels attracted to me” (haha! his words) So, I know that he likes me very much, as he told his friends about me and I could see that he was struggling very much to open up. In the last two weeks, he was very often in a bad mood because he told me he has to move on with his life and is somehow not able to move and played songs which he told me were “the songs of the week” with the lyrics that he kept singing “stop messing around, better think of your future, time you straighten right out” or “you can get it if you really want it” haha. So, now comes the part which caused me some trouble. It was just so painfully obvious that we are both in love with each other, you could literally feel it in the air, that I just could not take it any longer and wrote him a message going like this: “I think I know what you have been trying to tell me the last days. Let us just don’t be so shy anymore and let us just go with the flow. I wish you good luck for your work and I kiss you” I know now that this was waaaaaaaaay too much and way too direct for a shy cancer guy. I pushed and he pulled away, as he responded two hours later “I have not been trying to tell you anything at all, absolutely nothing”. I responded that I am sorry that I have freaked him out and if we could turn back time, he responded that we should just forget about it and that it’s fine. So yeah, he wrote that it’s fine. But will everything be fine?! He is out of town until next Wednesday or Thursday, so I will not see him before. I am just so scared of how it will be now between us. Could it be that I have ruined everything? Could it be that he is retreating into his shell for a long time? What do you think of all this and how could he react possibly when we see each other again? And how should I behave now? I am so overwhelmed and would really be glad for some comments. Thank you very much.
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beckylee Knowflake Posts: 186 From: japan Registered: Jun 2012
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posted November 24, 2013 03:29 PM
ask one of his friends whether he really likes you.IP: Logged |
charlie Knowflake Posts: 1222 From: los angeles, ca, USA Registered: Jun 2012
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posted November 24, 2013 04:08 PM
Typical game. I have done that too. A more mature Cancer would have told you if he liked you or not but this one chose to not be mature and in my experience and based on what you said "your" Cancer boy has been playing with your mind. Leave him alone and if he likes you at all he'll come crawling..IP: Logged |
acousticbob Knowflake Posts: 125 From: UK Registered: Aug 2010
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posted November 24, 2013 04:48 PM
He may also be confused after coming out of his long term relationship and the idea of getting with you may be enough for now. As a pose to actually getting together. Give him time. Act normal and see what happens.IP: Logged |
ScandinavianCrab Newflake Posts: 6 From: Scandinavia Registered: Aug 2013
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posted November 24, 2013 05:49 PM
As Charlie said. Hes playing games and if he truly like you he will come back.
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Canadiangirl Knowflake Posts: 169 From: Kingston, On, Canada Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 24, 2013 06:06 PM
I agree, give him space and see if he returns. Don't call him, wait for him to call you! I can't emphasize that enough with cancer men. I just finished dating a cancer man (I'm cancer too) and he is totally hot/cold. Frankly, you deserve better than having to deal with gamesIP: Logged |
hannaramaa Knowflake Posts: 6220 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted November 24, 2013 06:31 PM
quote: Originally posted by acousticbob: He may also be confused after coming out of his long term relationship and the idea of getting with you may be enough for now. As a pose to actually getting together. Give him time. Act normal and see what happens.
Exactly. Cancer does like consistency even when they're being immature. IP: Logged |
Randall Webmaster Posts: 34918 From: Saturn next to Charmainec Registered: Apr 2009
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posted November 24, 2013 07:02 PM
Welcome!IP: Logged |
saguitarius Newflake Posts: 21 From: Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 24, 2013 07:20 PM
Thank you sooo much for taking your time! I am very grateful.Well, the thing I did not mention was that we even got flat mates since the beginning of November. I was looking for a room urgently (from Nov. until Febuary only) and he got me into the flat he's living in (with 3 other people). We have seen each other literally nearly every day this month... That is also why it got so painfully obvious because he just treats me completely different than the other 3 flat mates (all girls!). So, basically, I will see him anyway and don't have to contact him at all when he returns. That is also what makes it so difficult now... The fact that we have to see each other. What I also could mention is that he started to talk about marriage a lot lately and he asked me how I would like to call my children one day. I have a cancer ex-boyfriend and he did the same at the beginning of our relationship. Like making plans for the future with me and talking about having children and stuff. Do you think this could be a sure sign that he is being serious about us? Thank you for your advice. I will just act normal and see what happens. I'll keep you posted if I may IP: Logged |
saguitarius Newflake Posts: 21 From: Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 24, 2013 07:20 PM
Thank you Randall !IP: Logged |
charlie Knowflake Posts: 1222 From: los angeles, ca, USA Registered: Jun 2012
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posted November 24, 2013 07:23 PM
quote: Originally posted by saguitarius: Thank you sooo much for taking your time! I am very grateful.Well, the thing I did not mention was that we even got flat mates since the beginning of November. I was looking for a room urgently (from Nov. until Febuary only) and he got me into the flat he's living in (with 3 other people). We have seen each other literally nearly every day this month... That is also why it got so painfully obvious because he just treats me completely different than the other 3 flat mates (all girls!). So, basically, I will see him anyway and don't have to contact him at all when he returns. That is also what makes it so difficult now... The fact that we have to see each other. What I also could mention is that he started to talk about marriage a lot lately and he asked me how I would like to call my children one day. I have a cancer ex-boyfriend and he did the same at the beginning of our relationship. Like making plans for the future with me and talking about having children and stuff. Do you think this could be a sure sign that he is being serious about us? Thank you for your advice. I will just act normal and see what happens. I'll keep you posted if I may
Cancer IS a Cardinal sign and will START a lot of little "projects". They begin with the games and sidestepping when they have second thoughts or are unsure in general so sit back and observe Push them too much and it will send them reeling into a cave. I am mega-cardinal though plus I have my mars conj ascendant so if I don't hunt you down I am not interested and never will be. I have also chased someone only to be completely turned off mid-stride but like I said, this is only me IP: Logged |
saguitarius Newflake Posts: 21 From: Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 24, 2013 07:36 PM
Thank you.Can I ask you what it was that made you being completey turned off after having chased someone? IP: Logged |
charlie Knowflake Posts: 1222 From: los angeles, ca, USA Registered: Jun 2012
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posted November 24, 2013 10:28 PM
quote: Originally posted by saguitarius: Thank you.Can I ask you what it was that made you being completey turned off after having chased someone?
Ummm can be anything quite frankly but that may or may not be the Virgo in me Trust me though! Cancers 99% of the time come back if feelings exist IP: Logged |
FireMoon Knowflake Posts: 994 From: Minnesota Registered: Mar 2012
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posted November 25, 2013 03:16 AM
quote: Originally posted by saguitarius: So, now comes the part which caused me some trouble. It was just so painfully obvious that we are both in love with each other, you could literally feel it in the air, that I just could not take it any longer and wrote him a message going like this: “I think I know what you have been trying to tell me the last days. Let us just don’t be so shy anymore and let us just go with the flow. I wish you good luck for your work and I kiss you” I know now that this was waaaaaaaaay too much and way too direct for a shy cancer guy. I pushed and he pulled away, as he responded two hours later “I have not been trying to tell you anything at all, absolutely nothing”. I responded that I am sorry that I have freaked him out and if we could turn back time, he responded that we should just forget about it and that it’s fine. So yeah, he wrote that it’s fine. But will everything be fine?!
Lol I can sympathize as a Sag moon/mercury who has had similar experiences with Cancers... I think the Sag bluntness can be a turn off for them.. They want to be the pursuers and only open up on their time frame when they feel comfortable. Otherwise they'll be on the defensive and act like you've ruined the moment or offended them in some way. Then come the harsh comments... "Yes a month ago I asked if you wanted to get married some day, but sorry no, you mean absolutely nothing to me" lol When Cancers talk about marriage and kids, often they are "feeling you out". It's another way of catching you off guard and testing how serious you are about them, even if it's just for the temporary reassurance. Sags and Cancers can be similar in that they both need their space, but then it can turn into a running game where the timing never seems to match up... The Cancer won't give Sag answers when they need it, so the Sag will stick around at a distance, but after enough times of being shut out will be afraid to get close again when the Cancer actually wants it. It's not an easy pairing but of course it depends on the rest of the synastry too. Do you know the rest of his signs (moon, venus, etc.)? IP: Logged |
LucieLemonade Knowflake Posts: 117 From: Registered: Sep 2013
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posted November 25, 2013 09:44 AM
quote: Originally posted by FireMoon: Lol I can sympathize as a Sag moon/mercury who has had similar experiences with Cancers... I think the Sag bluntness can be a turn off for them.. They want to be the pursuers and only open up on their time frame when they feel comfortable. Otherwise they'll be on the defensive and act like you've ruined the moment or offended them in some way. Then come the harsh comments... "Yes a month ago I asked if you wanted to get married some day, but sorry no, you mean absolutely nothing to me" lolWhen Cancers talk about marriage and kids, often they are "feeling you out". It's another way of catching you off guard and testing how serious you are about them, even if it's just for the temporary reassurance. Sags and Cancers can be similar in that they both need their space, but then it can turn into a running game where the timing never seems to match up... The Cancer won't give Sag answers when they need it, so the Sag will stick around at a distance, but after enough times of being shut out will be afraid to get close again when the Cancer actually wants it. It's not an easy pairing but of course it depends on the rest of the synastry too. Do you know the rest of his signs (moon, venus, etc.)?
Never mind what turns off Cancer..... The back and forth, playing games, moodiness of a Cancer is a turn off to Sagittarius. I agree with you Sag & Cancer are a very difficult combination. As a Sag, I avoid getting involved with them as much as I can. As you say, though, the rest of the chart/synastry is important to look at.
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ail221 Moderator Posts: 3888 From: Hanging Gardens of Babylon Registered: Feb 2012
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posted November 25, 2013 09:47 AM
quote: Originally posted by FireMoon: Lol I can sympathize as a Sag moon/mercury who has had similar experiences with Cancers... I think the Sag bluntness can be a turn off for them.. They want to be the pursuers and only open up on their time frame when they feel comfortable. Otherwise they'll be on the defensive and act like you've ruined the moment or offended them in some way. Then come the harsh comments... "Yes a month ago I asked if you wanted to get married some day, but sorry no, you mean absolutely nothing to me" lolWhen Cancers talk about marriage and kids, often they are "feeling you out". It's another way of catching you off guard and testing how serious you are about them, even if it's just for the temporary reassurance. Sags and Cancers can be similar in that they both need their space, but then it can turn into a running game where the timing never seems to match up... The Cancer won't give Sag answers when they need it, so the Sag will stick around at a distance, but after enough times of being shut out will be afraid to get close again when the Cancer actually wants it. It's not an easy pairing but of course it depends on the rest of the synastry too. Do you know the rest of his signs (moon, venus, etc.)?
Lmfao this sounds like my current scenario.
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saguitarius Newflake Posts: 21 From: Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 25, 2013 10:01 AM
quote: Originally posted by LucieLemonade: Never mind what turns off Cancer..... The back and forth, playing games, moodiness of a Cancer is a turn off to Sagittarius.I agree with you Sag & Cancer are a very difficult combination. As a Sag, I avoid getting involved with them as much as I can. As you say, though, the rest of the chart/synastry is important to look at.
Well yeah, it could definitely be a turn off for me. But... I don't know what it is with me and these Cancer-men (maybe it is my Scorpio-ascendent?) but I am constantly attracted to these guys. Most of the guys I got to know and to like were cancers... with one I had a very happy relationship after we had troubles getting together in the beginning haha. So, I know a little bit about astrology but I am not so very well informed. I don't know his ascendant but he has moon in Aries and Venus in Leo. What else is important? And what do his moon and venus tell ? IP: Logged |
saguitarius Newflake Posts: 21 From: Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 25, 2013 10:06 AM
I have an Aquarius moon and a Capricorn Venus by the way... IP: Logged |
saguitarius Newflake Posts: 21 From: Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 25, 2013 10:51 AM
quote: Originally posted by FireMoon: Lol I can sympathize as a Sag moon/mercury who has had similar experiences with Cancers... I think the Sag bluntness can be a turn off for them.. They want to be the pursuers and only open up on their time frame when they feel comfortable. Otherwise they'll be on the defensive and act like you've ruined the moment or offended them in some way. Then come the harsh comments... "Yes a month ago I asked if you wanted to get married some day, but sorry no, you mean absolutely nothing to me" lolWhen Cancers talk about marriage and kids, often they are "feeling you out". It's another way of catching you off guard and testing how serious you are about them, even if it's just for the temporary reassurance. Sags and Cancers can be similar in that they both need their space, but then it can turn into a running game where the timing never seems to match up... The Cancer won't give Sag answers when they need it, so the Sag will stick around at a distance, but after enough times of being shut out will be afraid to get close again when the Cancer actually wants it. It's not an easy pairing but of course it depends on the rest of the synastry too. Do you know the rest of his signs (moon, venus, etc.)?
I agree but I have to say that I know some Sagitarrius-woman and Cancer-man couples that have been married for a long time. I think it can really work when the part of getting-together is done It was the same with my ex-boyfriend. He triggered off a situation to talk about my feelings for him and when I told him that I am in love with him, he told me he is not in love with me. Only to come crawling a few days afterwards and telling me that he was just not able to express his feelings in this particular situation. IP: Logged |
ail221 Moderator Posts: 3888 From: Hanging Gardens of Babylon Registered: Feb 2012
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posted November 25, 2013 10:53 AM
His mars sign is fairly important.IP: Logged |
saguitarius Newflake Posts: 21 From: Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 25, 2013 11:04 AM
quote: Originally posted by ail221: His mars sign is fairly important.
His Mars is in Capricorn. IP: Logged |
Rosalind Knowflake Posts: 2303 From: Registered: Mar 2011
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posted November 25, 2013 11:14 AM
Sweetheart, unless you wanna post the synastry and composite of you and your cancer guy to see if the relationship or potential relationship can work, everybody will tell you basically the same. You are not compatible. You crave freedom as a Sag and travel a lot. Cancers ( unless he has a 9th house Sun) are clingy and homebodies. Two people with Suns in square can have a relationship if the synastry and composite support them but if you take the general road of the Sun Signs compatibility, you won't achieve much.IP: Logged |
saguitarius Newflake Posts: 21 From: Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 25, 2013 11:33 AM
quote: Originally posted by Rosalind: Sweetheart, unless you wanna post the synastry and composite of you and your cancer guy to see if the relationship or potential relationship can work, everybody will tell you basically the same. You are not compatible. You crave freedom as a Sag and travel a lot. Cancers ( unless he has a 9th house Sun) are clingy and homebodies. Two people with Suns in square can have a relationship if the synastry and composite support them but if you take the general road of the Sun Signs compatibility, you won't achieve much.
Well, he is not a typical cancer then or his Sun is really in the ninth house because he loves to travel. He is constantly travelling because he even chose a job with which you travel all the time. He said that this id exactly what he loves about his job - to travel. He has his days when he only wants to stay at home but he's more often away... Thank you very much though. IP: Logged |
FireMoon Knowflake Posts: 994 From: Minnesota Registered: Mar 2012
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posted November 25, 2013 03:23 PM
quote: Originally posted by saguitarius: I agree but I have to say that I know some Sagitarrius-woman and Cancer-man couples that have been married for a long time. I think it can really work when the part of getting-together is done It was the same with my ex-boyfriend. He triggered off a situation to talk about my feelings for him and when I told him that I am in love with him, he told me he is not in love with me. Only to come crawling a few days afterwards and telling me that he was just not able to express his feelings in this particular situation.
Yeah sorry for the personal rant lol, if anything I was just trying to say you shouldn't feel embarrassed or too worried... You put your feelings out there and that's all you can do really, as others have said just give him some time and space and I'm sure he'll come around. I think Cancer guys are huge sweethearts and totally worth the wait when they are affectionate, it's just hard to be patient sometimes.. But as an Aries moon and Leo Venus, he should at least be pretty open and assertive most of the time once you're past that shell... (although maybe also a bit prideful which could have something to do with it if he feels like his ego was bruised by his recent break up and is just holding back for a bit now) Anyway good luck! IP: Logged |
saguitarius Newflake Posts: 21 From: Registered: Nov 2013
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posted November 26, 2013 09:20 AM
quote: Originally posted by FireMoon: Yeah sorry for the personal rant lol, if anything I was just trying to say you shouldn't feel embarrassed or too worried... You put your feelings out there and that's all you can do really, as others have said just give him some time and space and I'm sure he'll come around. I think Cancer guys are huge sweethearts and totally worth the wait when they are affectionate, it's just hard to be patient sometimes.. But as an Aries moon and Leo Venus, he should at least be pretty open and assertive most of the time once you're past that shell... (although maybe also a bit prideful which could have something to do with it if he feels like his ego was bruised by his recent break up and is just holding back for a bit now) Anyway good luck!
Thank you for your kinds words I like him so much that I having patience would be worth it. And yes, he is indeed pretty open otherwise and assertive as well. He is not as shy as the last cancer guy Maybe because he has more fire in his chart. Thank you all guys for your help and your comments. Tomorrow or on Thursday he will return... I'll keep you posted IP: Logged |